18. FORETHOUGHT

eighteen

FORETHOUGHT

O liver wanted to say a lot of things. He took bolstering breaths—then failed to speak up. He was too light-headed with the way Tau had pulled him down into the grass, now a deliriously beautiful shadow cast over him. Tau ground their hips together, his cock persistent in the way it snaked across Oliver's, neither elegant robes or denim a match for its blatancy.

Tau clawed at the straps of the overalls. Still so clumsy. Faint ripping had Oliver hurrying to undo the knots himself, squawking in amused shock at the way the article was yanked off, leaving them tangled around an ankle, and him face down. Apparently too impatient for either of them to contend with buttons, Tau shoved his shirt up, exposing the expanse of Oliver's back to tepid air.

A Horror scuttled overhead, dragging with it the stink of discarded rot and sending the grass into a hissing frenzy. Something large clattered to the ground nearby. This probably wasn't the best place to polish each other's pickaxes, and he really wanted to address Tau's overeagerness to sacrifice himself. Again . He'd done the same in Malimoure, Oliver knew.

His boyfriend's name fell from his lips as that hard cock thrust between his bare thighs, just below the cleft of his arse, nudging past his balls and sliding against the underside of his own erection. Tau moaned into the back of Oliver's neck, the sound sweeter than a lullaby, and grasped his ribcage with a piercing grip.

Maybe talking could wait.

Oliver palmed the ground for leverage to raise his hips into slickening friction. He fisted the grass, grey blades dragging across the skin, ready to cut. Powerful hands moved lower and shoved his legs closer together as Tau lunged forward with all the control of a starved animal.

Where Tau had learned that , Oliver was afraid to ask. Not that he could muster the words anyway, too distracted by the slippery cockhead nudging against his puckered entrance, before sliding past, then back to nudge and tease.

Shivers of delight rocked through his arched back. He grit his teeth in an attempt to forestall the inevitable—then came with several snarled curses. Dashes of simmering-cold fluid dousing his arse and thighs told him that at the very least, Tau had as much trouble holding on.

With each gasp for air, grass fluttered into his mouth, and Oliver didn't even care. Not when Tau curled over him to envelop his body entirely. A smooth face nuzzled his nape, sharp fingertips eased off his skin to stroke up and down his hips. And that cock, still hard, continued to glide between his legs.

Tau was, apparently, far from finished with him.

In a whirl, Oliver found himself blinking up at the pink sky. He startled at the way Tau raised to his knees, barely giving him a chance to squeeze his eyes shut in an effort not to see what he shouldn't.

Maybe this was Tau's way of giving him permission to look, or maybe he was getting too trusting. Whatever the case, until Tau explicitly told him he could look, Oliver wouldn't.

Poleyn shuffled across earth, downlike fabric swept up his body. A weight settled atop his chest, and heavy, erect flesh smacked him across the face. Ridges nudged his cheek, impatiently, and Oliver snorted with laughter.

He opened his mouth to drag his tongue across the upper length of Tau's cock, lapping at remnants of his climax, rich in his mouth. The responding moan ignited fire anew, deep inside Oliver's belly. He pulled his arm out from where it had been tucked between his side and Tau's leg, and set to work.

Maybe the sky was more orange than pink.

The longer Oliver stared up at it while recovering from his third orgasm, the less certain he felt about its colour. Not that it mattered. He was just putting off a talk that, while important, wouldn't be easy. Not least of all because Tau didn't seem inclined to talk much.

Tau, who kept hold of him at all times, as if letting go terrified him, arm heavy across Oliver's stomach.

"I'm not like Maji," Oliver said, his voice mostly drowned out by the surrounding racket. An inquisitive, not-quite-a-hum reverberating against his temple prompted him to continue, "Maji's optimistic." Always seeing sunlight even through the darkest clouds.

"Explain?"

"I can't… I can't promise nothing bad will happen to me." He couldn't say all would be okay and ever fully believe it. Too many things in his life had gone awry. And he certainly wasn't starry-eyed enough to think everything would miraculously resolve itself, or that even with Tau at his side, he wouldn't trip into an early grave.

Arms twined more securely around him and squeezed. "Won't allow."

A rueful smile drew across Oliver's lips. "I know. I'm just saying… Sometimes, stuff happens and there's nothing we can do about it. But other times, like when you said you'd try and transport that big ugly lump, that's something you choose, right?"

Sentinels orbs, he was shit at this. Was he even making any sense? Based on Tau's silence, maybe not.

"What I mean is, if you throw yourself into something on purpose and it ends up killing you… I don't think I could survive that, Sunshine."

Embarrassment cinched his neck, face ballooning with heat. He sounded so dramatic, but Oliver knew he wouldn't be able to bear losing Tau a fourth time.

"So, I need—" He swallowed against the croak in his voice. "I need you to not go sacrificing yourself, okay?"

"Understand."

An exhale quivered past his lips. "Good. Then, we should probably come up with a plan or something, right?"

"Yes."

Oliver waited for Tau to contribute, but his silence was persistent. Expectant, even. A sudden realisation crept up on him then, Marcy's question of why it was up to them chewing its way into his head.

"Why does it have to be up to us—up to you?"

There was no denying Tau would be the one doing the heavy lifting. Oliver made a mental note to remind Benjamin of that, whenever he got the man's attention long enough to do so.

Again, his boyfriend's silence said more than words could. Or maybe he'd just gotten very good at reading Tau. Whatever the case, Oliver sat up and looked down at his Sentinel.

"You don't have to do anything about it, you know. Why should you? Other Sentinels aren't."

"May be unaware." Tau curled his arms around Oliver's hips and reeled him back in. Tucked fingers into his hair too, the repetition of stroking seeming to soothe Tau as much as Oliver, now resting with his side against a rock-hard stomach and staring back up at the odd sky.

"I guess that's fair." He wondered what the other Sentinels would do if they learned about what they helped create. "We should tell them. Then maybe they'll help. I don't know how transporting things works but is it something you can do with the others?"

"Cooperate?"

"Yeah. Team up and magic Emergence into that place together. Would that work without you dying?"

"Mm."

Was that confirmation, or was Tau still thinking? "Or we can just leave it."

An option that didn't strike him as particularly virtuous, but if he had to choose between pretending Malimoure didn't exist or Tau getting himself killed, Oliver would gladly bury all memory of the landfill.

"No," murmured Tau at length. "Culpable."

Oliver pursed his lips. "I don't know what that means."

"May work."

"If we tell the other Sentinels?"

"Yes."

"And you won't die that way?" He had to make sure—and didn't much care for Tau's hesitation. Oliver squirmed around to look into abyssal eyes. "Sunshine?"

"Unsure." A reluctant admittance, Tau's voice subdued. "Unlikely."

"Then we're not doing it."

"Oliver."

"Unless you can promise me you won't die, I don't want you doing it."

A decision not at all his to make, Oliver knew that. Tau felt responsible and needed to mend things that were broken through no true fault of his own. Proving, once again, that Tau was the opposite of everything Benjamin was so determined to believe. Tau was a better man than Benjamin, for his endless forgiveness, and better than Oliver, who would have been able to move on and forget about Malimoure for the sake of keeping Tau safe.

Cool-warm fingertips lightly stroked his cheek, moving up to toy with his hair, while Tau gazed at him in a loud silence. "Unable to promise. Unable to ignore."

Oliver's eyes fluttered closed at the carving pain in his chest. He drew in a breath burdened by fear and dread. A pointless attempt to steady himself. He wanted to beg Tau not to do it. Knowing he couldn't, all he said was, "I know."

"Beholden," said Tau. "What Oliver wants, will do."

Oliver's breathing slammed to a stop, the words, "Then just pretend you don't know any better," ready to tumble out of his mouth, but trapped themselves behind his teeth instead.

"It's not up to me," he strained. "Whatever you do, I won't leave your side. Not for a second."

"Favourable."

Although he wanted to, Oliver couldn't muster a smile. Could only squeeze his eyes shut against a wave of hollowness. That same emptiness that had haunted him during Tau's absences. Sensing his distress, Tau stroked an open palm across his exposed hip and held him close.

Lucetta, Maji, and Benjamin leaned against the hut's side, mostly hidden in the grass despite having flattened it in their immediate area. Oliver would have felt a twinge of regret at keeping them waiting for so long, but his attention fell to Benjamin's surly face, the way he twisted and wrapped grey blades around his fingers. And the way Maji leaned against him. It was her way of comforting, and an unfamiliar bitterness slithered into Oliver's heart at the sight.

Two sets of eyebrows rose as he drew closer. Wryly, Lucetta said, "Sort yourself out."

Oliver ran his fingers through his hair and flicked grass out of it. He left his shoes untied, and couldn't be bothered to fasten the straps of his overalls. At least he'd cleaned off all of Tau's gravy.

"You look pleased with yourself," Lucetta added, glancing past him.

Oliver looked over his shoulder at Tau. Something about the way he stood looked so much more relaxed, one leg further out than the other, and Oliver smiled even as he shushed her.

"We've come up with a plan." He flopped down beside Maji with a tired groan. After being wrung dry, all he wanted to do now was sleep .

"You had an opportunity for that, did you?" Lucetta teased.

"Somehow, yeah." Oliver grinned. "We're going to recruit the other Sentinels. If they find out what's been going on, they might try and help. Tau reckons that together, they'll be able to transport that gigantic arsehole with no one dying." If he said it loudly enough, maybe he could will it into reality. "Well, no one we care about, anyway."

"That sounds like a solid plan," said Lucetta. "See, Tau? You don't have to throw yourself in at the deep end."

"We're sure we want to do this, just let everyone be killed?" Benjamin shredded the grass in his large hands and let the broken blades flutter to the ground. "Sam said there are hundreds of people there. Are they all guilty?" Oliver didn't bother suppressing his frustrated groan. Before he could get a word in though, Benjamin ploughed on, "There have to be some innocent people. They were quick enough to pull us inside, wash us, and provide us with medical care."

Admittedly, Oliver hadn't given it much thought, and he didn't like that Benjamin had a point.

"Marcy made me think," said Maji, quietly. "We could tell others. Maybe the police will do something about it."

"I have a feeling they already know," said Lucetta. "Who prints all those papers about some supposed war? Why aren't they investigating why no one's ever returned from there? And how people keep disappearing into this mysterious forest?"

"Yeah." Oliver side-eyed Benjamin. "They know and they don't care. Even if the Proxies and Elders get the best or uh, the worst of what we discover, we still benefit from magic, right? Not a chance anyone would give that up."

"What do you think?" Maji asked Tau, who remained standing several feet away, silent as ever. "I'm sorry we keep excluding you from our conversations. We don't mean to."

Tau shrugged, which had Maji smiling. "You're so cute."

"Know only pain."

That smile dropped.

"All guilty."

"I hear you," said Benjamin, not quite looking at Tau. "But is there a chance you're not aware some of them are innocent? Shouldn't we at least check?"

"Sentinel's orbs," groused Oliver. "First you're all mad 'cause you think Tau won't help kill everyone, and now you're mad he wants to? Make up your mind!"

"I'm just trying to keep in mind what Sam said," Benjamin ground out, not meeting Oliver's gaze, either.

"Calm down," Lucetta warned. "If either of you start up again, so help me I'm going to box you both around the ears."

"Okay, I believe you will." Oliver sighed, leaning back against the hut. Old wood pinched his hair and silver moss crumbled down his neck. He grimaced. "Say there are innocent people. How do we check?"

"Sam," said Benjamin. "We can ask him to check for us."

Oliver sneered. "Brilliant, except he's gone . Come on, Sunshine. Sit next to me, this is going to take a while."

Tau did, swiftly pulling Oliver into the furrow of his crossed legs, allowing him to rest against Tau's firm chest. This really wasn't helping his need to sleep.

"We start with that then, right?" said Maji. "Sam can't have gotten far. We'll find him, he'll want to help. Does that sound okay to you, Tau?"

Oliver felt him shrug.

"Guilty. All."

That made it pretty cut and dried. Something told Oliver that his friends weren't about to just drop it, though.

"Beholden," said Tau then. "Oliver."

"Aw," Oliver crowed. "He means he'll do whatever I want."

So he sounded a little smug about that. More than he had any right to be. Tau felt responsible and wanted to make things right, even if there remained a chance it would kill him. There was nothing Oliver could say to convince him not to proceed. It wasn't his place to. He could, however, try and forestall it.

"I'm with Ben," he said. At Maji's surprise, he added, "You don't have to look so shocked!"

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"You are?" Finally, Benjamin's amber eyes met Oliver's, equally surprised.

"Lost an arm, gained a sense. Remember?" Oliver leaned sideways, out of Tau's tight grasp to look up at him. "We're going to give them what they deserve, but we should go about this the right way. Is that alright?"

Rather than a verbal confirmation, Tau cupped his face and pulled him up. Instinctively, Oliver moved to straddle his thighs and kissed him, his own hand drifting up to cradle the side of Tau's neck.

"Sh–Should we go and find Samuel?" bellowed Maji. "Where do we start?"

Lucetta visibly bristled when they all glanced at her. "How should I know? He's a runner, probably long gone by now. I guess we can start by going back to Marcy. She'll love that."

Marcy did not love that. She looked a mixture of aghast and annoyed when she caught sight of them coming in from the corridor by the back door. They couldn't have been gone long, but a great many people had found the inn. Word about a Sentinel gracing the taproom must have gone around and they had come flocking to see.

Well, they could, now.

Tau looked as adorable as ever, walking doubled over with his arms dangling as he made for the same barstool he'd sat on before. A stool occupied by someone nervously eyeballing him. Tau didn't glance up, swinging his claw into the man's jumper and slingshotting him into a nearby table.

Panicked shouts and a clamour of scooting chairs followed as patrons fled, sending glass and ceramics shattering across the floor. The front door squeaked shut with finality, and Oliver rubbed the bridge of his nose in an attempt to hide his mirth.

"Sunshine, that's not really how you're supposed to do it."

But it sure was effective.

Tau claimed the stool, unperturbed, and hunched over the bar.

"I'm going to have to start charging you for every customer lost," said Marcy in an exhausted growl, to which Tau responded by raising his hand.

Claws glinted in the low light directly before her terrified face. Considering his hand was the same size as her head, Oliver thought her terror justified. Marble-sized orbs sprang up from the palm, leaving glowing green trails in the air as they went flying at Marcy's chest.

Oliver bit his lip, but couldn't stop his laughter this time. Marcy looked as shocked as a gnome caught chewing on a new shirt, the marbles clattering to the floor to roll away.

"I think—I think it's a peace offering?" Oliver wheezed.

"We're sorry," said Maji, waging war against laughter of her own. "We only came to ask if you've seen Sam."

"Huh? Sam?" Marcy's shock turned onto Benjamin, whose expression immediately shifted into one of guilt. "You found him?"

"He found us," interjected Lucetta, crossing her arms. "Then he wandered off."

"I–I don't—I haven't seen him. I'm sorry."

Lucetta didn't look one bit surprised. "Shit."

"Maybe he's back in the mine?" said Maji.

"Doubt it, but we can look," said Lucetta.

"You go ahead," said Oliver, vibrating with a sudden idea. "Me and Tau will help tidy since… Well."

Lucetta gave him a discerning look, and for a moment he was convinced she could read his mind.

"Alright," she said and Oliver's heart stopped its descent into his stomach. "We'll be back later."

He watched them leave, and the moment the back door shut, he whirled on Marcy. "I want to make love with Tau but I don't know how."

Oliver's teeth clicked as his mouth shut, mortification igniting his face so much he thought he might die. It didn't help that Marcy was so flabbergasted, all she did was stutter.

"Sorry," Oliver mumbled. "I would've asked Ben but he's not exactly…" He flapped his hand around, unsure if saying, "My friend anymore," was accurate. "You're the only one I could think to ask. I hope—I just, I was wondering, is all. You don't have to tell me. Luce might—she might know."

Why hadn't he thought to ask Lucetta, instead? Sentinels, he was an idiot. And felt a bigger idiot still as Marcy's thin lips moved around a soundless response. It took her several tries to respond.

"Of course, I'll help. It just…caught me off guard."

Oliver's lips quirked upward, abashed. "Sorry."