Chapter Nineteen

Laila pulled herself out of bed the next day. She had to get herself to eat more because she could feel herself getting weaker every day, and she needed to be strong for this baby. She showered and dressed and made her way down the stairs.

"Good morning, Betsy."

The older woman turned. "Good morning. Can you eat something?"

Although she didn't feel like it, she knew she had to. "Yes. May I have two scrambled eggs and toast?"

Betsy smiled. "Absolutely. Let me get you a glass of orange juice first. Have a seat at the counter."

The two talked about the weather and baking.

"I would love for you to help me bake sometime," Betsy said.

Laila almost said she had several weeks left until the baby was born, and it would give her something to look forward to. "I'd like that very much."

"Good. Here's your plate. I put cheese and chives in the eggs."

"They look wonderful. Thank you."

Laila made herself eat all of it. She learned that if she went slow and had her mind on other things, she could get the food down, and it wouldn't feel like it would come up.

"Go on outside and sit in the sun. Vitamin D will do you good," Betsy said.

"I think I will. Thank you for breakfast."

Laila was out in the garden for thirty minutes when she heard footsteps and turned to see Roland head her way. It amazed her that all she had to do was look at him, and it made her body hum. There were so many times she had wanted to walk into his arms or climb into their bed, but the thought of him rejecting her kept her away.

"Hey. Can you come with me?" Roland said and held out his hand.

The thought of being able to touch him made her body quiver. She stood and took his hand.

"Betsy said you ate a good breakfast," he said.

She nodded. "Yes. I know I must do better for the baby."

"And yourself, right?"

She felt startled. She never thought of herself. She didn't want to.

Before she could answer, they walked into his office. He closed the door, let go of her hand, and walked to sit on the edge of his desk.

She wrapped her arms around her waist. "W-what did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted you to meet someone."

"Oh?"

He tipped his head to the side. She hadn't realized a woman was standing there. She looked familiar, and then it hit her. She turned back to him and waited.

"I see you remember her."

Laila nodded slowly. "I thought you said she wasn't your mist … never mind." She turned back to the woman. "Do you love children?"

The woman looked startled. "Yes. Very much."

"And you care about Roland?"

"Yes."

Laila turned back to Roland, relaxed, and tried to smile. "She's very beautiful." She ignored the pain of losing him, but she guessed if he was introducing them, she never had him in the first place.

"Why does that make you happy?" Roland asked.

"Because I don't have to worry about the baby knowing the two of you will be in its life."

The other two looked confused.

"Well, it's nice to meet you. I'll leave you two alone." She didn't make it two steps when Roland wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Where the hell are you going?" Roland asked her.

"Oh, well, I thought the two of you would like your privacy."

He turned to her to face him. "You think I brought my mistress into this house to meet you?"

Laila felt confusion. "I … I thought it…"

"Do you not care about me at all?" Roland asked.

Her brows puckered together. "Yes. I've given you everything. You have my heart and soul."

"So why give in and not fight for me even a little?"

"Because I'm not going to be … I mean, it will be nice for you to have friends around after your … I mean, the baby is born."

She caught the look of concern on both their faces. "I'm sorry. What exactly do you want me to say?"

The woman got her attention as she walked to her with her hand out. "Hi, Laila. My name is Stacey. I'm an old friend of your husband's. And I am not his mistress. You couldn't pay me enough to kiss him."

Roland snorted.

Laila felt a little lightheaded as relief and fear filled her.

"That's a good thing, Love. Do you believe me now?"

"What are you talking about? I believed you the day we got home from the hospital," she said.

"But when I showed you the movie, you cried and acted like you didn't."

She shook her head. "No. I wanted to say I believed you, but I couldn't stop crying."

"Why were you crying, Honey?" Stacey asked.

"Because…"

Roland gripped her shoulders. "Why, Love?"

"Because I needed to apologize to you, and I felt … feel ashamed of myself."

"For God's sake, why?" he asked.

"Almost killing our child."

Roland pulled her against his chest. "Oh. God, Love. That was an accident."

She shook her head. "It was one I caused."

She tried to put some space between them, but he wouldn't let her.

"And do you think you're a bad person because of that?" Stacey asked.

"Oh, I'm not really bad. I'm just not fit to be Roland's wife and a mother to his child. They deserve a strong woman."

"Roland, can we sit?" Stacey asked.

Roland sat in one of the big chairs and pulled her onto his lap. From his tight grip, she knew she wouldn't be able to move off him until he released her. She and the other woman stared at each other.

"I want you to give me an honest answer. Can you do that?" Stacey asked her.

"I'll try."

"What will you do after the baby's born?"

Laila hadn't tried to think about it. "I'll go … away."

"Where?"

"I-I don't know what to tell you."

"Don't you think Roland would miss you?" Stacey asked.

She shook her head. "No."

"Why would you say that, Love?" Roland asked.

"Because you're ashamed of me, too."

He looked shocked. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"You moved me into another room. We never see each other. I go to the doctor by myself. When I wanted to ask if you wanted to go that first time, you snapped at me to leave you alone."

Laila saw the angry look on Stacey's face. "Please don't be mad at him. He has every right to resent me."

"What the hell do I do?" Roland asked Stacey in a desperate tone.

Laila looked back and forth. "Do about what?"

"You … us?"

"There's nothing for you to do. I'll do the best I can to nurture this baby until it's born, and then you can have the child you want."

"What would you say if I told you I want you? I never want to let you go. I love you."

She pressed a hand over his mouth. "Don't say things like that. It makes it hard for me to stay strong."

He cupped her face in his hands. "I love you, and I will never let you leave me."

She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Please stop."

"I'll never stop, Love. You're so much a part of me that if you left, I would never recover."

She started sobbing.

He pulled her against him and rubbed a hand up and down her back. "Shhh, it's going to be okay, Love."

She kept sobbing and couldn't seem to stop.

"Let her get it all out," Stacey said.

Laila cried for a few minutes before her energy gave out. She lay limply against him, trying to slow her breathing and gain back some semblance of strength.

Stacey cleared her throat. "I think you need to get her back into your room today. Right now, I'd take her upstairs, lay down with her, and hold her. Tell her how you feel over and over until she believes it."

"Yes. That's what we'll do," he said.

"If it's okay with her, I'd like to come back in a few days to talk to her privately."

Roland nodded. "Anytime. I just want her to feel better."

Stacey stood and patted his shoulder. "I know you do. I'll call later." She bent and pressed a kiss to the top of Laila's head. "If you need me at any time, Laila, call."

Laila sniffed and nodded. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Honey."

They sat for a while, just holding each other before he picked her up and took them up the stairs and into their room. He shut and locked the door before stripping both of them and getting them situated on the mattress with her head on his shoulder and plastered against his side, and it felt like Heaven. Like coming home.