23. Eden

TWENTY-THREE

eden

The ballroom of the hotel resembles an anthill.

People from the catering company, hotel staff, and my company staff move all over the place setting up the last-minute touches.

I wear a headset, listening in on various conversations that are happening between different groups setting up.

Only a few minor blips have occurred so far, but they've been easy to fix. So far, everyone who needs to be here is here or en route.

Except Chase and that has my stomach in knots.

I'm still stunned by the turn of events over the last few days.

Just days after I left Cape Sands, Liz called me to let me know that Chase would be the speaker if I still needed one.

At that point, I'd been desperate, not knowing how I was going to explain to my clients that I still had no keynote speaker.

So, in spite of the fact that I'm still raw emotionally, I agreed to whatever his terms were, which had been surprisingly few.

Eden the professional is doing the happy dance and wishes Chase would hurry up and arrive .

But Eden the woman is riddled with nerves and isn't ready to see him.

I'm not sure I ever will be.

I lay a hand on my stomach, hoping to loosen the knots that are so tight in my gut it's painful.

"DJ is two minutes out," Katie's voice comes through the headset.

"Copy that," I respond.

I blow out a breath and focus back on my job. I haven't come this far to screw it all up now.

With a tablet in hand, I click off a couple of boxes on my checklist and scan the room.

I find one of the waitstaff putting out the wrong silverware and rush to correct it.

I'm walking away to check sound when my cell phone rings and Liz's name pops up.

My gut clenches seeing her name across my screen.

If Chase has changed his mind last minute on being the speaker, I am so screwed.

And so is he because I'll kill him with my bare hands in his fancy-ass house.

Swiping at the screen, I plaster a smile on my face even if she can't see me. "Hey, Liz. How is everything?"

"Hey, Eden. It's fine."

"Good. I haven't seen Chase yet. Is he here?"

"He's on his way, but before he gets here, I need to speak to you in private. Can you meet me in the Presidential suite?"

"Now?"

My incredulous tone must make its way into my voice because she says, "Please. I know you have a million things to do before the start of the event, but I just need a minute of your time. "

I rub a hand across my forehead, almost knocking myself out with the tablet.

Maybe that's what I need. To be knocked out. Just wake me up when it's all over.

I sigh and my voice is tight when I speak. "Yes, that's fine. I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. I wouldn't ask if it weren't important."

"Right. I'll see you in a few."

I look around and spot Katie coming into the ballroom, waving her down.

"Hey." She blows a piece of hair out of her face before looking me up and down. "I haven't seen you since you changed. You look amazing. That dress is banging."

I roll my eyes and chuckle. "Thanks."

"What's up?"

With a heavy sigh, I pull off my headset and give it and the tablet to her. "Liz called me. I need to go see her for a few minutes upstairs. Can you hang on to that for me, please? I'll be back as soon as I can. Also, can you find someone to check the sound? That needs to be done ASAP."

"I'm on it."

We rush off our separate ways, and I quickly make my way out into the lobby.

Rubbing my temples, I pace the small hallway area outside the elevators, doing my best to tamp down the worry that makes my blood run cold.

I pray that Chase isn't going to screw me over.

We didn't exactly part ways on the best of terms.

That seems like our MO.

This time around though, things had gone so well. We'd opened up to each other. He talked like he'd wanted me, wanted us .

But apparently, I'd lost my ability to read the man.

What am I saying? I've never been able to read Chase Hanover.

It's the whole reason he broke my heart in the first damn place. Not once, but twice.

God, I'm such a fool.

A muted ding signals the elevator, and thankfully the car is empty and no one joins me. I press the button to the top floor where the Presidential suite is located and lean against the wall.

I want to close my eyes, but if I do, I'll probably fall asleep standing. Insomnia has ruled my world since returning to New York.

Instead, I scrutinize my appearance in the mirrored walls of the elevator.

I might be working, but since I'll be presenting the speaker to the crowd, I have to dress the part.

The dress is an oldie but a goodie and makes me feel sexy. The deep emerald-green strapless dress brings out the green in my eyes, stops just above the knee, and the wraparound style of it hugs my curves and creates new ones in all the right places.

I put my hair up on top of my head in an elegantly messy bun to show off the diamond-and-emerald teardrop earrings that were once my mother's.

They're the nicest thing she ever gave me, and she had to die for that to happen.

I'm not blind to the looks I've received from the men in the room. And after the last week or so since I left Cape Sands, I need something to make me feel like a woman again.

Katie's right—my dress is banging.

It's the only thing banging in my world lately.

The red digital numbers on the elevator climb higher while my vision blurs .

I still have no idea how I'm going to face Chase tonight. I haven't spoken to him since the day I left the island.

All of our correspondence in dealing with the speaking engagement has gone through Liz. He's never called or texted me once.

I have to face the fact that the man who owns my heart doesn't want it.

He doesn't want me.

He'd rather hide in his misery and in the past than have a future with me. There's nothing I can say or do to change that.

I just wish my head and my heart could land on the same page.

I finally make it to the top floor, and before the doors open, I dab under my eyes to clear any evidence of tears and not smear the makeup I worked so hard on.

Shoulders back, head up. You can do this, Eden.

At the rate things are going, I won't see Chase until absolutely necessary.

My stride is purposeful and confident as I walk to the double doors at the end of the hallway.

When they both open, my heart meets my heels.

Chase stands on the other side, looking better than any man has a right to in a charcoal-gray suit. The stark white of the button-down shirt and the bright red tie offset his tan skin.

I pray I'm not drooling.

And I don't want to think about what we'd been doing the last time I saw that tie.

His smile turns my insides to liquid. "Eden. Come in."

He stands off to the side, and in a daze, I cross the threshold.

But with each step I take into the suite, my courage strengthens. The doors click shut behind us, and I turn around to face him .

With one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing his chin, he walks toward me, his green eyes shining.

I lift my chin as he gets closer, not wanting him to see how he affects me, even though my heart races, and I can barely catch my breath.

Chase stops in front of me, and his gaze travels from the top of my bun to the tips of my heels.

Heat blooms in my belly, and it's all I can do to keep my knees from buckling when he's so close to me.

I can smell his cologne and the scent that's just…Chase.

How does one explain pheromones?

"Eden, my God. You look…" He blows out a breath. "You take my breath away."

My eyes flick away from his for a moment. "Thank you."

I clear my throat, trying to gain some footing. I don't know what the hell to do with my hands, so I clasp them in front of me. "What are you doing here? I'm supposed to meet Liz."

He looks at me from under his lashes, his thumb rubbing his lower lip. A tiny smile plays on those lips that make me remember too many things I'd rather forget. "Yeah, that was me."

I jerk my head back. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I wasn't sure you'd talk to me after the way I treated you."

I scoff. "Of course I would have talked to you. We have a business arrangement."

"I don't mean professionally. You're the consummate professional. You wouldn't have shut me out there." He pauses, his intense emerald-green gaze on me. "I meant just you and me."

The way he says "you and me" makes a million tiny wildfires ignite in my blood.

But I can't say he's wrong.

If he'd contacted me, I may have told him to fuck off and hung up.

He broke my heart—worse this time because it isn't just young love—and I miss the hell out of him, but I'm not going to let him walk all over me.

"I don't have time for this, Chase." I start toward the door and almost make it, but he's quick.

He steps between me and the door, his back against it. "I'm sorry I brought you up here under false pretenses, but I need to talk to you. And I didn't know any other way." He sighs. "Look, give me five minutes. Just five. After that, you can walk out that door and never give me another thought if that's how you feel. Please?"

There's no playful tone or dancing eyes to his plea, as if he's saying it just to get to me.

No, the only thing I see in his eyes is hope.

Damn it, it'd be easier to tell him to shove it if he were joking around. But that hopeful look tugs at my delicate heartstrings.

Not to mention, he's just too damn close to me.

I step back. "Fine. Five minutes. Say what you need to say."

"I love you."

My eyes narrow. "Oh, really? But love isn't enough. Isn't that what you told me?"

"Yeah, but I was wrong."

I blink. "Come again?"

"I said I was wrong." He closes his eyes and thumps his head back on the door. "Blurting out ‘I love you' isn't the first thing I wanted to say, but as usual I can't seem to think straight when you're so close to me."

Join the club, buddy .

He opens his eyes and looks down at me. "The first thing I wanted to say was I'm sorry. I acted like a total asshole the day you left. And while it doesn't excuse my behavior, I need you to know why I acted that way."

I cross my arms over my chest and lift a brow. "Go on."

His gaze wanders down my body, all the way to my toes, before snapping back to my stare. "God, you're just so…stunning. I can't think."

He runs a hand through his hair, and I have to steel myself against any more compliments until he says his piece.

"I was scared. Plain and simple. Relationships with people I love have never gone well. And whenever I fall for someone, or even get the notion that I'm falling for someone, I hear my father's voice in my head telling me I'm going to hurt them just like I did my mother. It's why I didn't fight for you, for us, all those years ago. I thought that since I'd eventually hurt you somehow anyway, I was going to let you go before that happened."

He blows out a breath and looks out over my head. "And with everything that happened with Heather…it just reinforced what I'd been told since I was fourteen years old." His gaze comes back to me. "That I was a selfish bastard that didn't deserve to be loved."

My heart breaks for the young boy who not only lost his mother he'd adored, but then was blamed for her death by his father.

The one person left that should have protected him.

I want to reach out and hug him and the man he's become. The good man he can't see he is.

My fingers tighten around my biceps to keep from throwing myself at him. Because I need more. But I also want to offer some comfort .

"Chase, you didn't kill your mother. Or Heather."

He nods and looks down. "I know. But I've lived with his voice in my head for so long, it's almost comforting in a weird-ass way."

His head lifts and he looks me in the eye. "But then you came to the island, and you knocked me to my knees. You were in that red skirt and heels, and I wanted you so badly, but at the same time, you reminded me of New York and all the reasons I'd left the city behind."

I tilt my head, and my brow furrows. "And yet, here you are. Why? What changed with the whole media thing?"

"I'm here for you. Because of you, Eden. I'm fighting for you this time. I'm fighting for us. I don't want the media to run my life anymore when they don't give a shit about me anyway. I don't want to live in that house all by myself anymore. And I don't want to go another day without waking up with you next to me."

My heart thunders in my chest. After being with Chase again, this time around isn't so easy to get over him.

For him to be here, saying these things…it's really all I've ever wanted when it comes to love.

He moves closer, and for the life of me, I can't move. I'm mesmerized by that deep baritone of his voice.

"I love you, Eden. I'm willing to do whatever I need to do to show you that. In fact,"—his lips curve in a smile—"I started going to therapy."

My eyes widen. "You did?"

"And I got a cat. Well, a kitten really."

"You have a cat?"

He nods once. "I do. And her name is Freyja."

"Why Freyja?"

He grins. "I wanted something strong and all I could think about was you. But I didn't want to name her Eden. Then I got to thinking about when we met in literature class and we were learning mythology. And when we learned about Freyja, all I could think about is you."

My heart skips a beat. "You never told me that."

"She was the Norse goddess of love, sex, beauty, fertility, magic. All the things you are, Eden."

Holy shit. I'm so stunned, I can't even speak.

He takes advantage of my speechlessness and continues. "Listen, I'm not fixed or totally healed. But I'm working on it. Because I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to be with you. You make me want to be a better man, Eden. The kind of man you deserve, though I'm not sure any man is good enough to deserve you. But I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be. If you'll let me."

Tears blur my vision, and I focus on the red tie. I run a hand down it, the warmth of his skin radiating through it, his heart beating fast underneath it.

"I'm scared too, Chase. I can't be hurt by you again. I won't survive it." I look up at him and find his stare full of love and hope. "How do I know you won't hurt me again?"

He lowers his forehead to mine and lifts his hands to my hips. "Love is full of ups and downs, hurt and happiness. I can't guarantee that I'll never do anything that will hurt you. But I can guarantee that I will love you for the rest of my life, and if I do hurt you, I'll do whatever I have to do to make it right. We'll work it out. There's no more running, no more pushing each other away."

I bite my lip to keep from bursting into tears. "That's all I've ever wanted from you, Chase. To have the chance to love each other through the good and the bad. Because I love you too."

He brings his hands up to cup my face. "Eden, it's always been you. I've been lost for the last decade without you. I don't want to be apart from you again."

"Then don't."

I yank on his tie, bringing his mouth to mine.

He spins me around, and my back hits the wall as his kiss turns those tiny wildfires into a blazing inferno. My hands roam over the fabric of his suit, searching for purchase.

He presses his hard body into mine, and I want him to take me right there up against the door.

As I start to unbutton his suit jacket to push it off his shoulders, his phone pings from his pocket.

We break apart, our chests heaving. "That's our cue," he says.

My head is foggy, and I just want more of him. "What?" My head clears and my eyes widen. "Oh my God, I don't have my phone. What time is it?"

He chuckles. "I told Katie to text me when it was time for us to head down."

"Katie knew you were here?"

He nods with a grin. "Yep. By the way,"—he points at my hair—"you need to check your hair before we head down. You look like a woman who was almost fucked against the door."

A hand flies to my hair and my eyes widen. I rush to the bathroom and survey the damage. "Damn it. I can't look like we just had sex!"

He leans against the doorjamb, looking none the worse for wear. "Well, we didn't."

I redo the bobby pins in my hair, smoothing out the flyaways. "How is it you look normal?"

"Oh sweetheart, I have the jacket to help me. Just don't laugh if I'm hobbling down the hall."

We laugh, and our eyes meet in the mirror. I turn to him and he pulls me close. "I love you, Eden. Heart and soul. "

"I love you too, Chase. Heart and soul."

Our kiss is sweet and tender but starts to edge toward hot. We pull away before we really do miss the event.

"Ready for this?" I ask.

His hand slides into mine, and he kisses the back of it. "I'm ready for anything with you next to me."