20. Eden

TWENTY

eden

I blink against the pain that feels like a marching band is practicing inside my skull.

I put a hand to my head, and my fingertips brush against what feels like a bandage on my forehead.

"Good morning."

I open my eyes and warily lift my head.

When it seems like I can sit all the way up without losing the contents of my stomach, I look around the dimly lit room. "Chase?"

"I'm here."

"Where am I? What's going on?"

He sits next to me, his weight shifting the bed and making my stomach momentarily lurch. "You're in my bed. You've been out for a while. Want some water?"

When nodding my head proves to be painful, I croak out a yes.

After he gives me water, his eyes search my face as though looking for something. "Do you remember the car accident?"

I think back to the last thing I can remember before now. " Um, I remember going to help Stewie. Then we were headed back here…"

That's when everything goes fuzzy, and I'm unable to remember much after that.

Though it seems like there is a memory of screaming and a jolt to my body that's just beyond my reach of remembering.

But there's something pushing at my memory.

Something that's important, that I need to remember, but I can't reach it. "That's all I can remember."

"We were hit by a car that ran a stop sign. The driver had a heart attack and lost control of his car. You suffered a concussion, a gash just above the ankle that needed stitches, and some bruising."

That's why my body feels like I've been beaten like a steak being tenderized with a meat hammer. "Wow. Okay. Well, no wonder I hurt all over. And why my foot hurts so much."

"Yeah, it was trapped in between some metal that had caved in. No broken bones though, which is nothing short of a miracle, to be honest."

I rub my bandaged temple. "That's good at least. How's the other driver?"

Chase's mouth presses together in a firm line. "They stabilized him long enough to get him to the hospital, but he died on the operating table."

"Oh my God. Did you know him?"

He nods. "Yeah, he owned the bait store in town."

"I'm so sorry, Chase."

"Shitty all the way around."

"Yeah." I sigh and look around the room. "What time is it? It's so dark in here."

"It's about eleven."

"In the morning?"

"Yeah. "

"Well, I guess that's one way to get some extra sleep. I haven't slept for ten hours or so in…well, I can't remember how long."

"Um, Eden. You've been out for two days."

My mouth drops open. "What? I slept for two days?"

He nods. "You don't remember waking up a few times when I helped you to the bathroom?"

In my shocked haze, I dimly recall Chase walking me to the bathroom, but I thought it was a dream. "I thought I was dreaming."

"No, it really happened."

He pulls my phone out of his pocket. "You should be able to look at a screen now without too much of a headache. A woman named Katie is blowing up your phone, so I answered it yesterday and let her know what's going on. She said to call her when you could and that she had everything covered."

"Thank you."

I reach out gingerly and take the phone from him.

He's careful not to touch me. In fact, I just realized that he sat next to me, but only close enough to give me the water. He's careful not to touch me or get too close.

I study his posture, and for the first time since I woke up, I notice his body is tense and he looks ready to bolt.

What's happened the last two days while I was out cold?

"Chase, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

What do I mean?

I can't really put it into words.

All I know is that the Chase I spent time with before the accident is not the same man in front of me now.

This is the Chase I saw when I first arrived on the island a few days ago.

Has it only been a few days ago? A helluva lot has changed in such a short period of time.

When I don't say anything more, he stands, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I've got some things to do. If you need me, just shoot me a text."

"Chase, wait a minute." I swing my legs over to the side of the bed, and when the room stops moving, I stand and face him. "What's going on with you?"

He crosses his arms over his chest. "There's nothing going on with me."

His flat, unemotional tone matches the stony mask on his face.

It's like I don't know him at all.

I stare into his eyes, searching for something, anything, that would show me the real Chase.

The Chase I know, the Chase that I know without a doubt I'm still in love with all these years later.

"Why are you shutting me out?"

He sighs and looks away. "I'm not shutting you out, Eden. I'm just doing what I should have done since you got here."

"And what's that?"

"Not get too close to you."

"Chase, we have history. I'm not sure we could have avoided it if we tried."

"Yeah, well, I should have tried harder. Things would have been different if I hadn't let you in again."

I rub at my forehead, where I clash with the fabric reminder of the accident. The pain makes me wince involuntarily.

His eyes narrow on the action, and he frowns. He waves a hand toward me. "See what I mean?"

"No, I don't follow you at all."

God, my head throbs. At this point, I'm not sure if it's my concussion or his train of thought. I'm trying to follow his line of reasoning, but it makes no sense to me.

He sighs and walks closer to me. "Eden, all I know how to do is hurt people. Everything I touch turns to shit."

I shake my head slowly. "That's not true, Chase. You were one of major league baseball's best pitchers. You've gone into history books. Your name will be known for years to come. Little boys want to grow up to be like you."

"Fuck that." He runs a hand through his hair. "Fine, when it comes to baseball, I was the Golden Boy. But when it comes to relationships? I always fuck it up somehow."

He paces the floor like a caged tiger on the prowl. "It's like I used up all my luck on the diamond. You know this, Eden."

With a pause, he looks at me, his eyes full of anguish. "It's why you should be running the other way. Not standing here trying to convince me I'm something I'm not."

"I'm standing here trying to convince you because that's not what I see."

He laughs without humor. "Are you kidding me right now? How do you not see me for what I am? You're one of the people I've hurt the most, Eden. I was too selfish to be there for you when you needed me. I chose my baseball career over you."

"But I told you to go! It was my decision and my choice to stay with my mother."

He stops and looks over at me, shaking his head. "Eden, we both know you had no choice in that matter."

"There's always a choice. I stayed because my mother would have haunted me to the day I died if I'd left her while she was sick."

Something in my chest twists and I go to stand in front of him. "Did I want you to go? No, but that was the choice that I made. Can't you see that what I did to you was the same thing? I put my needs ahead of yours. You're not to blame for all that, Chase."

His jaw bunches and his cheek tics. "It isn't the same thing. You stayed because you needed to take care of your mother. That's what kids do. It's admirable. It was selfless because that's who you are."

His face softens as he reaches out and cups my cheek. "You're one of the best people I know, Eden. Smart, ambitious, beautiful, and selfless. Is it any wonder that I've loved you since I met you in English lit?"

My heart stops. "You never told me that."

He nods, but the look in his eyes is sad, resigned. "I realized it soon after we met. I thought it was just lust, you know? But after we slept together that first time, I knew without a doubt that I was stupid in love with you."

Dropping his hand from my face, he looks away. "I tried to convince myself over the years after we broke up that it was just a college thing. We were young. It would have never worked once we graduated."

He starts to pace again, running a hand through his hair. All I can do is stand and watch him, my heart aching.

"But no matter where I was, what I did, you never left me. You were always on my mind. No matter who I met, no matter how many women I had. It was just a temporary respite from thoughts of you. Even with Heather, I knew it wouldn't last. I knew better and I still did it."

He stalks over to me and holds my shoulders. "Can't you see it, Eden? I chose me every time. I did it with my mother, I did it with you, and I did it with Heather. You deserve so much better than what I can give you, than what I'll eventually do to you. We both know it."

I cup his face with my hands. "Chase, I'm willing to try this again. With you. I want us to be together. You deserve love too, Chase."

He steps back and looks at me with cold eyes again. "No. I don't deserve it. I never have. My father was right. What kind of person deserves love when all they think about is what they want in life? If I hadn't defied my parents' rules, my mother would still be alive. If I hadn't married Heather knowing I didn't really love her, we never would have been in that car and she'd still be alive. Her family would still have her. If I didn't have such a need for you, you wouldn't have a concussion right now."

His voice breaks on the last word.

But his eyes are steady on mine, and what I see there shatters my heart. He really does think he's a hopeless case.

The one thing that will help him is the one thing he won't do.

"Chase, those things weren't your fault." I step toward him. "Don't give up on us."

He stares at me for several seconds, his hands jammed on his hips.

Those green eyes hold shadows and secrets that I can only guess at right now. But after a few moments, they harden and turn cold.

Without an answer, he goes over to the windows and opens the room-darkening shades.

It isn't a sunny day, but the storm clouds are gone, and the wind has died down to a mere sea breeze.

He turns back to me.

"You can go home now, Eden. The bridge is open, and Katie has your new flight scheduled for tomorrow."

I open and close my mouth in shock. Then his words register fully. "You called Katie? You want me out of here that bad? "

"You can get back to New York and your business."

"That's not fair, Chase."

His eyes narrow on me. "So, you're telling me that you came here to reconcile with me? To tell me why you ran out and didn't speak to me for four years? Didn't return my calls?"

I open my mouth, but he holds up a hand. "Don't bother, Mitchell. Tit for tat. I left you, you left me. Now we're even. Right?"

Tears fill my eyes and my vision blurs. "No, I?—"

"You what, Eden?" He lifts his arms out to his side. "You only came here to get something from me. Am I wrong?"

I swallow, panic clawing at my throat. "No, you're not wrong. But all it took was spending time with you to remember what I was missing. And that's you, Chase."

He shakes his head and looks at the floor for a moment before looking back at me. "This was just sex, Eden. Remember? All we do is hurt each other. You deserve so much better than what I can give you."

My stomach drops to my feet, and my head is light. "But I love you."

"I love you too. I've never stopped loving you. But it isn't enough." He shakes his head. "It just isn't enough."

I wipe the tears rolling down my cheeks with a hard swipe. "Fine. You want me gone, I'll go."

Anger and desperation grabs hold of me and I poke him in the chest. "I know what this is, Chase, and you're wrong. Love is enough; you're just too scared to see it. Too blinded by fear and some misguided notion that your father planted in your head and poisoned you with when you were still a kid. And it makes me sad for you."

I straighten my shoulders. "I love you, but I won't wait for you. I won't keep putting myself out there for you. Yes, I ran four years ago because I didn't want you to hurt me. And yes, I came here with only one thing in mind—to secure you as a speaker."

Stepping back, I clear my throat. "There's something here between us that no matter what has happened, doesn't go away."

I pause, waiting to see if anything I've said has gotten through to him. He stares at me for a beat.

"Charley offered to give you a ride to Jacksonville whenever you're ready."

It's my turn to laugh without humor. "Well, you worked this all out while I slept, didn't you? Wow. You're right, Chase. You are a real bastard."

He lifts his arms out to his side. "I told you what I was, Eden. You're just finally seeing me for who I am."

I nod slowly and pick up my phone. "Yeah. Well, I'll get packed then."

He nods and leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him and effectively shutting down anything we'd ever had.

But if that's how he wants it, I'll go.

He may have just destroyed me, ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped it bloody, but I have my dignity, damn it.

It might be all I have but I have it.

The tears don't fall while I throw clothes in my carry-on bag.

I dress in my armor of a pencil skirt and button-down blouse—except for my heels given my injury—a teeny tiny amount of confidence warming me as I slide into my own clothes again.

But it isn't much.

Not enough for me to get back to where I was before.

I toss my toiletries into the bag and zip it all up.

No turning back now .

I call Charley to let her know I'm ready to get the fuck out of dodge.

On the end of the bed, I lay the T-shirt Chase gave me the morning after we'd had what, for me anyway, had been soul-defining sex.

I thought we had a real connection again. A stronger one than we'd ever had before.

But the joke's on me.

He says he loves me, even acts like it at times, but it has all been a ruse.

I run my fingertips over the soft fabric before pulling back. Burning it or ripping it at the seams crosses my mind.

But I'm Eden Mitchell. I don't do those sorts of things.

I have a business to run. A life to get back to in the greatest city in the world.

If Cape Sands has taught me anything, it's that I have all I need back in the city.

I don't need a man, and I don't need relaxation. I need the vibe of the city and I need my business.

When I'm finished packing, I head out to the living room, finding Chase in the foyer. He's leaning against the wall, his head down, but he looks up when I walk into the room.

He straightens to his full height and holds out his hand. My heart leaps in hope for a moment until he speaks.

"If you give me your keys, I'll take care of your rental for you."

"Oh gee, thanks." I dig through my purse, anger biting at me like an angry dog. "You know what? You're right."

When I find the keys, I toss them to him. He catches them against his chest, but doesn't say anything.

"You are totally fucked-up, Chase. And all I can say to that is good riddance. "

His expression is blank and he doesn't say a word to me as I open the front door and slam it behind me.

I'm closing the door on my past and leaving it here.

And maybe I'm leaving my heart and soul behind, but other than that, there's nothing else for me here.

Charley pulls up a few moments later, and after stowing my carry-on in the back seat of her SUV, I slide into the front seat and send her a smile. "Thanks for taking me. I appreciate it."

"It's no problem. I'm happy to help." She pulls away from the house, and I lean back against the seat.

Even driving away, Chase has a pull on me because I do the one thing I shouldn't have.

I look back.

Chase stands on the front porch, watching us drive away.

And I promptly burst into tears.