17. Chase

SEVENTEEN

chase

A long, low rumble of thunder wakes me up.

The warmth of Eden wakes my lower half up as well.

I check the time on my phone to find it's nearly eight in the morning.

Outside, beyond the sliding glass doors of my bedroom, the storm continues to rage but with much less intensity than yesterday.

I stare at the ceiling and wonder if the mess of debris outside is as bad as the mess inside my head.

Eden and I spent the night seeing how sturdy my furniture is, pushing past limits and breaking down barriers between us.

When we finally made it to the bed, we talked until we couldn't keep our eyes open.

It was the best night of my life with anyone, and yet I lie here with a cloud of doubt trying to rain on my parade.

Eden's warmth surrounds me and makes me feel all sorts of things I decided I'd never feel for her again.

It has to be just sex.

It has to be.

She deserves better than a man who does nothing but hurt the ones he loves. I'm a wrecking ball when it comes to emotions.

My own father had told me that enough times, hadn't he?

After my mother died from complications of the flu, the doctors said it was a rare situation with her lungs, and the pneumonia was just too much for her.

That didn't deter my father from telling me it was my fault since she'd gotten the virus from me.

And the man had a field day when the media dug up the past and paid him a visit.

No problem taking money from the vultures to go on record and call his son a selfish bastard who only thought of himself. And two women were dead because of it.

Until the day he died a couple of years ago, my father called me a killer.

Never mind that I'd lost my mom and my wife.

After my mom died, I worked my ass off with my grades and playing baseball to get a scholarship to anywhere that would take me away from the hell my home life had become.

But in college, I let loose. Partied a little too hard on a couple of occasions.

Then my coach sat me down and chewed my ass out. Made me realize I was about to lose my scholarship and my place on the team.

That would mean going back home.

And that wasn't happening.

That same day, I'd met Eden.

As soon as I met her, I knew she'd change my life.

And she did, for better or worse.

I still celebrated victories with the guys, but they were much tamer versions because I always brought my girl with me. We'd been inseparable.

Until I'd done what I always do and fucked it up .

She needed me when her mother had fallen ill after we'd graduated.

I tried to convince her to come with me, but she said regardless of how shitty her mom could be, she was still her mom.

And what had I done?

I wish I could say I'd understood, but the pain of losing my own mom was still too fresh I guess.

Nope, that's not what I did.

I'd thought of only myself first, just like my father always said I did, and went to Los Angeles without her.

But the truth is, all I've ever wanted is to be wherever Eden was.

I'd close my eyes and imagine I was somewhere with her.

The beach, her tiny off-campus apartment, baseball games, driving around singing to the radio.

And yet I'd walked away. It hadn't mattered that she'd agreed and said I should go. She'd wanted me to have that shot.

It was selfless of her. Just like what she's trying to do now with her business.

And here I am—the bastard still too selfish to help her.

All because I'd married a woman I never should have—but it would be great PR for me, so I did.

And not only had someone gotten hurt, but someone died.

Just like my mother.

I run a finger down the soft skin of her arm, pain heavy in my chest.

There's no way I can start anything with Eden again. Ever.

She makes me feel things I don't deserve.

To get involved with her again would be a disaster.

Just like everything else good in my life.

Dramatic much, Hanover?

I sigh and run a hand down my face .

Eden stirs, her fingers trailing across my stomach, nails lightly scratching across my skin. "Good morning, handsome."

Her voice is husky with sleep, and with her hand inching its way down south, I push away thoughts of anything other than right now.

With the way our past has played out, I can't think about our future.

"Morning, Sunshine."

Her nickname rolls off my tongue, and it feels right, especially when I feel her smile against my chest.

I look down at the top of her head, fascinated by the different colors of blonde swirled through her hair. "How did you sleep?"

She perches her chin on my chest. "Better than I have in a long time. You?"

"Like a baby."

And it's true.

I'm hit with the realization it both comforts me and scares the shit out of me to know I actually slept so soundly.

It feels a lot like she's the reason why.

Her smile is shy. "Good, I'm glad to hear it."

The smile falters just a bit, and she runs a fingertip along my chest. "What's on your mind?"

The mix of green and blue in her eyes holds me captive.

God, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Inside and out.

On the outside, she's all traffic-stopping beauty.

On the inside, the woman is smart, compassionate, and giving.

She's always been that way, and it doesn't surprise me that she's had success in event management, bad judgment calls notwithstanding.

I personally know the guys that hired her to do their event don't hire just anybody to do something that's important to them.

They expect only the best.

Her rare combo of beauty and brains is enough to knock me to my knees.

I want to be her hero, be the man that I wasn't years ago.

But the hollow, sick feeling in my stomach roars back anytime I think of going back to NYC and the paparazzi following me again.

The constant dodging them, flashbulbs in my face, camping out in front of my building, and asking questions that were crude at best and downright hateful at worst.

They made my life hell for far too long. But fear weighs me down and keeps me broken.

It's best to remember what this is all about with Eden.

Because I can't go back to that hell. I can't be that hero for her.

We can just have some fun while we're stuck together.

Just sex.

It is just sex.

My hand slides down and cups her ass under the sheet. "You're the only thing on my mind." I squeeze, and she lets out a tiny squeak before it turns into a soft moan when my fingers drift down and close to where she's already wet.

"I like the way you think."

With that spark in her eye, she holds my gaze, dropping kisses across my chest.

Her long hair trails over my nipples as she drops kisses on my scar.

I close my eyes and swallow hard against the range of emotions that whip through me and end up lodging in my throat .

The few women I've been with since my surgery have made sure to steer clear of my shoulder scar, as though if they don't acknowledge it, the pink slash of puckered skin isn't there and I can be their flawless, hot athlete conquest.

The fact that Eden gives it more attention than the smooth skin around it soothes away those edges that make me forget I'm lucky to be alive.

She makes her way to one of my nipples, where she swirls her tongue around it. It hardens, and the feeling of it makes me grunt.

I squeeze her ass and pull her closer to me. With one leg already slung up over mine, it's easy for her to grind her wet heat against my thigh.

"Hmmm…" she murmurs as she moves to the other nipple and laps at it like her life depends on it.

Damn, she knows how to use that tongue to make me come unglued.

Unable to just lie there any longer, I flip her onto her back and settle between her legs.

Her lips curve into a smile that lights up her face in the shadowy room. "I like this position even better."

I kiss her hard once. "Want to do something with me?"

She chuckles. "If you don't know by now I'm saying yes, then I'm not very good at this."

"You're amazing at this. We're amazing at this. But that's not what I mean." I pause, knowing I need to ask but not sure if I want to even hear the answer. "Do you trust me?"

She bites her lip and searches my eyes for a moment before nodding slowly, silently.

"Okay, stay right here. Close your eyes."

There are a thousand questions in her eyes, but they slide closed after a second .

I climb off the bed and walk into my closet, on the hunt for what I want.

I come back out of the closet, then hurry out to the kitchen.

When I walk back into the bedroom, I find that Eden hasn't moved, her eyes still closed, hands crossed casually over her belly.

With the even motion of her chest, I wonder if she's fallen asleep on me.

Until she smiles.

"Going to just stand there and stare at me?"

The teasing lilt of her voice propels me into gear again. "Oh, I'm going to do a lot more than stare at you, babe."

"Am I going to need a safe word?"

I chuckle. "I don't think so. But just in case, say ‘red leather.'"

She cracks open a lid. "Red leather?"

"Yep. Do you still trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then close your eyes."

She closes her eye again, a small smile on her lips. "Hmmm…I'm intrigued."

"Keep your eyes closed, Eden."

"They are, Chase."

I smile and shake my head.

Such a smart mouth.

I toss a couple of my silk ties on the floor and sit with a bowl of ice at the end of the bed.

"What is that?" she asks, lifting her head slightly off the pillow.

"You'll find out soon enough."

"You're going to make me wait?"

"Patience, my love. Patience."

She mumbles something under her breath and lays her head back down.

Taking one of the ties, I move to her head. "Lift up."

She lifts her head and I tie the fabric into a knot behind her head. "Is that too tight?"

Biting her lip, she shakes her head.

With another tie in hand, I kneel on the bed and run the back of my hand down the outside of her arm, caressing it along the way.

Goose bumps break out over her skin, making her gasp.

The breathy sound hits me right in the gut.

Just to hear it again, I repeat the motion on her other arm before lifting them both over her head and securing her wrists around the wooden post of the headboard.

I pull gently on the silk. "Is this okay?"

She nods, her breathing picking up slightly.

I've done little more than caress her soft, smooth skin and yet the air is so thick with sexual anticipation, I can barely breathe.

I move down to the end of the bed and pick up another tie.

With the narrow end of it, I use the silk to tease the inside of one thigh. A small moan escapes her, and her legs widen a bit.

I draw figure eights down her legs until I reach her ankle, which I tie to the post.

By the time I give her other leg the same teasing treatment and tie the other ankle, Eden's breaths are on the verge of pants.

"Last chance, baby. Do I stop or do I continue?"

"Don't you dare stop now, Chase Hanover. I'll kill you."

"That's my girl."

I back off the bed and grab a condom from the nightstand.

"Chase, lift the blindfold, please."

I frown. What had changed her mind ?

When I push the tie up her forehead, our eyes meet. "You okay?"

She nods and licks her lips. "I'm on the pill. And I haven't been with anyone since my last physical." A sexy smile curves her lips. "Until now, that is."

We haven't been together with nothing between us since…

But I've never forgotten how amazing she felt around me and how I once thought I could die inside her and be perfectly happy with it.

I have to swallow before I can speak. "I had my physical last month and all tests were negative."

She nods once with a smile that's seductive and full of sin. Dropping her head back to the pillow, she declares. "I'm ready now."

I toss the condom aside and lower the tie back over her eyes.

Moving to the end of the bed, I take a moment and look down at her.

I have the best vantage point.

Eden's beautiful, without doubt, but a completely naked, vulnerable Eden?

It nearly kills me.

All the flushed, smooth skin, her curves, the high, full breasts that rise and fall with her breaths.

By the looks of her skin, she's turned on—that beautiful pale pink shade that makes something inside me swell.

I'm no longer a betting man, but I'd bet my left nut that none of the other men she's been with had noticed that simple but sexy little detail about her.

Mine .

But she isn't mine, and someday, some guy is going to make sure he keeps her for his own.

I can't be that guy. But until she leaves?

She's mine, all mine .

I want to devour her. I'm going to give her everything she can handle and then some.

Sliding a piece of ice from the bowl, I touch her skin just above her ankle with it.

"Oh, shit! That's cold." Eden tries to jerk away, but the motion only serves to tighten the tie and hold her in place.

"Be still, Sunshine."

Her breathing speeds up as I drag the ice up each leg, leaving a wet line on her skin.

I lie on my belly between her legs, and when I come to her apex—my heaven—I put the ice in my mouth and lean forward.

When my cold tongue touches her clit, she practically shoots off the bed.

"Chase!" She pants as my tongue flicks up and down her slit. The heat of her pussy clashing with the freezing ice heightens everything.

The ice melts quickly, the cold water dribbling down my chin as I continue to lick her.

She's so wet, I can't be sure where the water ends and her sweet desire begins.

The little nub of nerves hardens under my ministrations, a sure sign that she's close to coming.

She arches her back and moans when I insert a finger into her. When I curve my finger and move it slowly deep inside her folds, she tugs hard on the ties that bind her to the bed.

Eden murmurs incoherently, and I look up at her.

Her flushed skin, her curves all on display, her mouth in a perfect O.

I've never seen anything more exquisite.

"Let go, babe. Come in my mouth."

"Oh God…"

I dip another finger into her wetness and keep up the steady rhythm, moving in and out of her body, alternating between sucking and flicking her clit.

I want to drive her crazy, push her to that high peak and let her fly.

Her fingers wrap around the ties, her knuckles turning white when she cries out my name.

"Chase, oh God! I'm going to come…I…"

She trails off into a long, high-pitched moan. The walls of her wet heat clench down on my fingers, and her clit hums under my tongue as the orgasm takes over.

I stay where I am, only slowing down my motions when she shudders and her body stops vibrating.

Standing, I stroke my rock-hard dick, watching her catch her breath and relish in her post-orgasmic glow.

"Chase?"

"Yeah?"

"Need you," she pants out.

An overwhelming desire to take everything she'll give me brings out an animalistic need to mate with her.

She can't move her legs, but lifts her hips, as though offering herself to me.

My heart pounds at the sight, and if my girl needs me, I'm here to provide.

Truth be told, I need her too.

I need that connection with her. To know this isn't some surreal fantasy and I'll wake up soon.

And if it is? Don't bother ever waking me up.

Moving between her legs, I stroke the tip against her wet slit, teasing us both.

She squirms and moans underneath me. "Chase, please…"

I line up, and with one hard thrust, I'm fully seated inside her.

The need to pull out and slam back into her is overwhelming, but I stay still because I want to feel her wrapped around me for just a minute longer.

Her cunt clenches around me and the feel and heat of it all is so intense, I can't think.

Biology takes over, and I brace my arms beside her head, then let loose.

The headboard slams into the wall, echoing the rhythm we find and mingling with our moans.

I reach back and untie her ankles so she can wrap her legs around my waist.

That change in angle has me even deeper in her heat, unraveling quickly.

I grab the headboard for better leverage, and my hips slam into her.

"Yes, Chase. Fuck me harder," Eden cries out.

Her wish is my command.

Our bodies slap together, and her tits bounce in an erotic symphony.

I shove the blindfold up her forehead so I can see her eyes. I need to see them—see that connection we have.

When I look into her blue-green depths, I see desire, hope, love, her soul.

All the things I've been missing since we've been apart.

My name is a chant on her lips that lets me know all she can see or feel is me.

When her nipples harden and her pussy starts to clamp down around me, the tingling in my spine becomes more like a buzz.

Her thighs clench around my waist as though she's trying to squeeze the life out of me.

I'd die a happy man.

She thrashes her head and chants my name as I explode, spilling everything I have into her .

I see motherfucking comets, and I'm pretty sure the earth just moved off its axis.

We're both gasping for air when I lay my forehead on hers.

After a moment, I untie her wrists. They're slightly pink from where the fabric bit into her skin.

I bring one to my mouth and kiss it. "Do they hurt?" I ask, rubbing with my thumb.

"No, they're fine," she whispers, looping her arms around my neck.

She pulls me down, and her lips meet mine in a soft kiss. "That was…I don't have any words that describe that."

"Earth-shattering? Mind-melting?"

She grins. "All of the above and then some."

Her grin becomes a shy smile, and with her finger, she traces my bottom lip before bringing her gaze up to mine. "I've missed you."

My heart swells, and for a moment I don't know if I can speak without saying all the things I want to say.

Like… I've never stopped loving you.

It was a mistake to ever let you go years ago.

I'm a broken man and I don't deserve you, but love me anyway.

But our little informal agreement doesn't include anything but sex.

And I am damaged goods.

I never should have looked in her eyes when I came inside her. But since I did, I have to remember I'm not fit for more than a good fuck.

I should say something that will take that look out of her eyes.

The look she used to give me back in college, just before she said those three little words that meant everything to me.

That still mean everything to me.

But that I no longer deserve .

I should say something like, "Yeah, my dick missed you too."

Or something equally as douchey. Something the asshole the world sees me as would say.

Instead, the words that come out of my mouth are…

"I missed you too. More than you'll ever know."