1. Milo

Chapter 1

Milo

Chocolate now, stress later. I saw that on a Dove candy once and right now I stuff piece after piece of dark chocolate into my mouth. The shiny red wrappers crinkle and fall to the countertop in front of me. Patrons of the bookstore bustle around looking for the perfect gifts for the holiday season. They don’t see me.

I didn’t get in. Not the art gala, not the holiday craft fair at the old courthouse, not the craft fair at any of the high schools. I didn’t get in.

My heart pounds. I took a chance and failed on all fronts. What’s wrong with me? My hands tremble and I stuff another chocolate in my mouth and keep the building tears away by sheer willpower.

“Milo?” Rory, my brother’s fiancé, says my name as he walks to the checkout counter. “Are you okay?” He leans in to whisper.

“No.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

I swallow and smooth out a few of the candy wrappers to make perfect squares. “Yeah?”

“Hey, Logan,” Rory calls to his nephew. The high schooler runs over.

“Yeah, RaRa.”

“Can you take over? Milo needs a break, so I’m sending him upstairs for a little bit.”

“Sounds good to me.” The blond grins down at me. Everyone, even Rory, has to look down at me. It makes me feel so small and vulnerable. Logan looks me over and in two seconds, his face shifts to concern. “Are you okay?”

“Nope,” I whisper.

He reaches out to squeeze my shoulder. “Take your time.”

“Thanks.” I follow Rory up the stairs in the back of the bookstore.

My brother and Rory live in the small apartment. As soon as Rory has the door open, he ushers me to the big plush couch on the far side.

“Sit. What would you like to drink? Did you eat lunch?”

I chew on my thumbnail and shake my head. “Too nervous to eat, now I’m too upset.”

Instead of letting me go hungry, Rory, sweet Rory, brings me a bottle of water and a granola bar.

“Eat and tell me what has you upset.”

I take a sip of the water and rip open the granola bar, contemplating how to tell Rory what has me all in my feels today. Bits of oats tumble down my shirt and I trap them before they can fall to the hardwood floor.

Rory waits patiently. He’s always patient, just like my brother. The stairs to the apartment creak and my brother barges in.

“Are you okay?” Jacob asks. He’s so tall and covered in tattoos I not only designed, but put on his body myself. He’s a walking advertisement for my art.

“Milo, are you okay?” Jacob asks again. I’d zoned out.

“No. Like usual, I’m unworthy of anything.”

Jacob and Rory’s brows both scrunch and the pair look at each other, then back at me.

“What?” Jacob says as he kneels in front of me.

I pull my phone from my pocket to open my emails. Once the rejections come up, I pass my phone over to him. “Because I’m not the brightest bulb, I signed up for a new dating site, this one for local singles, and no one responds to my messages. Not one. I submitted to the Southern Indiana Winter Art Gala and got rejected. The email was nice. Apparently I was considered, but the spot went to a local. If someone drops out, they’ll reconsider me. Then finally, I can’t even get a spot in a craft fair to sell prints. Not even at a high school. Everyone gets in to the high school craft fairs! There’s something wrong with me.”

Rory’s shoulders drop. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re so fucking talented, so don’t let any of this cause you to stop making art.”

I shake my head. “I’ll never stop creating.” Just the thought makes me want to quit breathing.

“Good,” Jacob says. He clamps his big hands on my shoulders. “You’re talented, monkey. This is a different market.”

“I never got accepted back home either,” I mumble.

“I didn’t know you applied.”

I nod, letting my shoulders slump.

Rory taps the bottom of the water bottle. “Drink some more water. The thing is, your art exploded when you started sharing it online. People from all over the country come to you for illustrated book covers and character art. People love your art.”

I barely keep from squeezing the open water bottle. “I know , which is why it’s so irritating that this bothers me so much. It shouldn’t matter, but it does.”

“I’m sorry, monkey.” Jacob’s big brown eyes seem to stare deep into my soul. He looks devastated that he can’t fix this for me.

“No. No. I’m thirty-four and a half. I need to get over this shit. Not everyone gets into the gala and I knew that. I don’t know why I’m acting like it’s the end of everything. I have clients from all over the world. I have thousands of followers online. I have the job, well jobs, I’ve dreamed about since I was a kid. Who cares that I didn’t get into the gala? Or any of the craft fairs?” I chug down more of the water and choke when it goes down wrong. That’s what cracks me open. Tears spill over as I cough up the water. “But… what’s wrong with me ?”

Anytime I’ve tried to date, nothing ever goes anywhere. I get stood up. I get dumped before the first date. The only reason I’m not still a virgin is because of a half drunken seven minutes in heaven when I was just out of high school . I didn’t exactly feel great about myself the next day, but we both enthusiastically consented. Not that I recommend fumbling in a dark closet with a guy you just met. Or going to a party half-starved because you went with the intention of getting fucked and wanted to be prepared. I do recommend being prepared with your own condoms. That’s never bad advice.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, monkey. You’re perfect the way?—”

“Stop with the Daddy voice,” I bite out harsher than intended.

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“No, I am.” I lean into Jacob’s shoulder and he pulls me closer. Jacob has always been my protector, even from myself. “I love you, you know, right?” The words come out muffled against his shirt.

“I know, monkey. And I love you so much. I wish I could help you with this.”

Rory hugs me from the side. “I love you, too, MyMy. And Rowan does also. And Logan. And mom and dad and?—”

I laugh cry and wipe at my tears before launching myself at Rory. “I love you, too. I love you all. But…”

“I get it,” Rory gives me the softest smile. The look he gives my brother is one of pure love. “I really get it.” He leans in and presses his forehead to mine. “You’ll find someone. I just know it. Maybe you’ll get home and your perfect Daddy will be waiting for you.”

I snort and we giggle as we lean away from each other.

“You never ever ever ever know. You have an empty apartment across from you. Maybe you’ll have some sexy Daddy bear move in.” Rory wiggles his brows, drawing more laughs from me.

I sigh and let my imagination run away with me. “Wouldn’t it be ridiculous if flower Daddy ended up being my new neighbor? He’s moving to southern Indiana. I just don’t know where. No one knows where.”

“Flower Daddy?” Jacob asks.

I’m sure I’m red as Rory pulls out his phone. “FlowerClayton. Everyone calls him flower Daddy. He’s this really built guy that does amazing flower arrangements. He’s been in New York city for years, but he’s moving according to his insta.” Rory hands over his phone and Jacob frowns down at it as he swipes through the pics. “Wants a quieter life. Probably a more affordable life, too. New York is expensive.”

“Flower Daddy,” Jacob mumbles. He plays a video and Clayton’s deep calming voice fills the room.

“Hello my beautiful petals.”

I must have turned brighter because Jacob cocks a brow as he lets the video play.

Clayton’s auburn hair has a lovely wave to it. There are a few sprigs of white blended in, but not much. He’s got a belly, and so many muscles. His arms are probably bigger than both of my tiny thighs put together and doubled. I don’t even want to think about his thighs. He always wears leather pants and a leather jacket. Unless it’s warm outside. Then it’s leather pants and… I swallow at the memory of him shirtless in a garden.

“Earth to Milo,” Rory says as he bumps my shoulder with his.

“How old is this guy?” Jacob asks.

Rory legit cackles, holds his stomach and everything. The pair have a twenty-year gap if I remember correctly.

“Not that I care,” Jacob says.

I rub my finger over the couch cushion. “He’s about your age, so ten years older than me. And and I don’t go to his page every day or anything. I follow him, yeah. But it’s not creepy. I don’t think? Oh god.” I bury my face in my hands. “Is it creepy? I don’t actually fantasize about him. It’s weird to me. Fantasizing about real people. I just can’t. I just?—”

“It’s okay, monkey.” Jacob laughs and hands Rory back his phone. “Do you ever DM the guy?”

“Once or twice?” I mumble. “Not a lot. I don’t want to creep him out. But he has so many tattoos and one time he did a video on the condensed history of tattooing and did an arrangement with reds and yellows and blacks and it was beautiful and how could I not message him about it?” Some days I ache to get back into tattoos, but others I’m content with my current artsy mediums not containing flesh and working at the bookshop. There’s never enough thanks in the world for Rory’s family taking Jacob and me in as if we were a part of them. Never enough thanks for them giving me the dream job of a lifetime, working with books.

“Chin up. I’m sure someday you’ll find your Daddy,” Jacob says. It’s still so weird for him to say shit like that. I remember the day we accidentally discovered each other’s kinks and I’m still deeply embarrassed about the conversation we had afterwards. Like yes, I totally want to talk about my kinks with my older brother the morning after he sees me wearing footie pajamas, clinging to a stuffed dragon, and sucking my thumb. Totally normal thing for siblings to do. He’s a Daddy. I’m a little. Nothing wrong with either. I just don’t want to talk about it with my brother. The man that raised me.

Rory hugs me again. “Speaking of Daddy. Have you had Little time lately? You’ve been more stressed than usual and that usually helps you some, doesn’t it?”

I nibble my bottom lip. “I may have neglected Little Milo the last month or so. I’ve been meaning to take the time to let him out, but I just haven’t.”

“Oh!” Rory shouts, and jumps to his feet. “Let’s go shopping for something fun for Little Milo, so you’ll want to play.”

“But I have the rest of my shift to finish out.”

Rory waves his hand around. “I’m the boss, well, one of the bosses. Don’t worry about anything, and I’ll give Logan three free hours later to balance things out. It’ll all be fine. You need this, MyMy.”

“Maybe you’re right.” I square my shoulders and push to my feet. “Okay, let’s go shopping for fun stuff.”

Before we can skip out the door, Jacob stops me. “You’re okay?”

“Better than before.” I grin up at him. He’s damn near seven feet tall and I barely push the five feet five inches mark.

“Alrighty, have fun, you two.”

“Will do.” Rory grabs my hand and we’re out the door, trying not to trip down the stairs together.