Chapter 17: Still that night: Alone and Scared

CHAPTER 17

EILIDH

STILL THAT NIGHT – ALONE AND SCARED

A s the lift closed, I gave Miki a little wave and blew him a kiss. God, the man was gorgeous and just one glance from him had my pussy clenching in anticipation.

It was ridiculous how my body craved him. And not just my body, my mind, too. He really was the sexiest man I'd ever encountered, and my fingers had itched to touch him all night. How the heck I'd kept my hands to myself I'd never know. It was definitely a testament to a strength of will I hadn't realised I had.

When he'd asked me to stay the night, I'd almost agreed, but it was late. Jumping his bones would have been fantastic, but I forced myself to behave and leave. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done and that was annoying as hell and bloody ridiculous.

The man had me in the palm of his hand, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Despite all he told me, he was holding some very important information back. And that was the real problem. Until I knew everything about him, he couldn't be truly trusted.

Not only that, but when I found out the gory details of his life, some of which I already suspected, I didn't know how I would deal with it. As a police officer, if I learned about his criminal activities, I was duty bound to investigate them and bring him to justice. Or at the very least, report him to someone else. And yet, every bone in my body screamed against that. The very idea of asking Miki for help and then betraying him made me sick to the stomach.

As I walked to my car, I felt like I could cry.

Geez, get a grip, girl! I chided myself, feeling like a bloody fool.

Mr Sexy Lips was trouble; I needed to be careful about how far I took things and just how much of a hold he had on me. If I didn't watch out, he could very well break my heart.

Although, the way he'd looked at me tonight, I could tell he was struggling to keep his hands to himself as well. Perhaps he was having the same concerns as I was.

We came from two opposite worlds and although we might bridge the gap for a while; it wasn't something we could do permanently. Not unless one of us changed.

I'd tried to be businesslike tonight for that very reason, but my attempts at maintaining a distance between us weren't very successful.

Shit, I really shouldn't have let him kiss me and I definitely shouldn't have kissed him back, or flirted, or blew him a kiss, or any of that.

This was a dangerous game I was playing, but I needed help with my mission. Nevertheless, my heart or my career, or both, were at stake. It was a leap of faith to believe Miki was someone I could trust with the information I'd supplied tonight and the information I would send when I got home. My heart told me I was right to believe in him, but my head recommended caution.

One thing this evening had taught me was that keeping a professional distance from my Mr Sexy Lips was impossible. So, when we succumbed to our mutual attraction again, and I knew for a fact we would soon, and probably often, I would simply have to ensure that my heart remembered that it was only sex.

There couldn't be anything else.

A lump formed in my throat, and I choked back tears. It was upsetting and frustrating, but that was how it was.

In that moment, I decided that whatever I discovered about Miki during this investigation would be forgotten as soon as it was over, as payment for his help, and then I would walk away and never see the man again.

I'd tell him that the next time I saw him. That way, we'd both know where we stood and neither of us would need to be concerned about betrayal from the other.

Sadness filled me at the thought of having no actual future with him. However, I pushed it aside. We'd work together, fuck, and then part. It would rip me to pieces when that time came, but I'd eventually get over him.

For now, I would bloody well enjoy every second I could with him, make a lifetime of memories to warm my nights when he was no longer around, and indulge all of my fantasies while I could. Because I had a feeling that I would never again meet anyone else like my sexy Russian.

Another wave of sadness threatened to bring me to my knees, and I grabbed onto the car door for support. Oh lord, I was so screwed.

Tears pricked at my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. There was no way I would let future worries interfere with my current enjoyment. I was a grown woman who'd had temporary relationships before. I could handle this.

Mind made up, I took a deep breath, mentally pulled my big girl panties up so high I almost gave myself a wedgie, climbed into my car, blasted some tunes by Pink, and sung along all the way home.

By the time I got there, I was convinced that I was not only a sexy siren who could love them and leave them with ease, but I was a badass one, too.

However, when I stepped out of my car, I had that feeling of being watched again. It was likely just paranoia, but after overhearing that conversation between Martin and the mystery man, I wasn't taking any chances.

Grabbing the large metal torch I'd hidden under my front seat; I furtively scanned around me.

The air was still, as if holding its breath the way I was.

"Is someone there?" I whispered into the darkness, wondering what the hell I would do if someone appeared.

Brain him and run! The annoying voice in my head said, obviously thinking it was being helpful. It so wasn't!

What the hell was I doing? This was like the opening of a horror movie, and everyone knew how that worked out for the stupid lone female who challenged her creeper to come get her.

Realising the utter stupidity of my actions, I turned and ran to the front door. Hurrying inside, I closed it behind me and threw the switches on the lights before resetting the alarm.

My security system was state-of-the-art, but since Miki had got in, I didn't feel as sure of it anymore. In fact, here alone, I was bloody scared.

So, with torch gripped high in both hands ready to swing if necessary and heart thundering in my chest with nerves, I crept around the house, flicking on all the lights as I went and checking every possible hiding place.

When I was sure nobody was inside, I slumped against the kitchen counter and breathed a sigh of relief.

My hands shook and my stomach churned as I poured myself a shot of tequila. The burning liquid ran down my throat, its warmth soothing me and calming my nerves.

After another shot, I did as I'd said and made copies of my files and all the photographs I had taken. Then I emailed them to Miki.

We'd agreed to meet tomorrow night to discuss it all and anything else Marko found out in the meantime and make a plan about how best to move forward with things then.

After everything Miki had told me about Mathieson and his vendetta against Miki's family, I empathised with him. Especially over the death of his sister, Krissa. That was bloody awful.

No wonder he was determined to bring Mathieson to justice. Miki had as much reason as I did, perhaps even more. I wasn't sure we had the same thing in mind when we talked about justice though, but that was a problem to worry about another day.

Trudging upstairs, I changed into my pyjamas, and smiled at the memory of Miki thinking they were "cute."

Weariness tugged at my eyes, making them droop. It was time to get some rest. Tomorrow I had to endure another excruciating day at work and yet again I needed to have my game face on and my wits about me.

Huffing, I pulled the covers over me and prayed this would all be over soon because I really wasn't sure how much more of it I could take.