Chapter 4

Tajah: Chapter 4

I couldn't concentrate on writing today. I tried, and I did get some words down, but it wasn't flowing like it usually did. I hated it when this happened. The only times I struggled this way was when I was upset or there was a lot of outside stuff going on. To say the altercation last night with Dominus the Douche had been a jolt was true, but there was a bigger issue that had me feeling off-kilter and scattered. It was my meeting with Mikhail Ivanova and how that not only went but how he impacted me.

In my preliminary research into the House of Lustz, I hadn't thought to dig into the man behind it all at the beginning. I knew his name from Carver. I admit that when I found out he wasn't around when I joined, I was disappointed. I wanted to meet the man behind it all and see if he would be willing to let me question him about his motive for starting the club. Well, I guess that was never happening. The man didn't want me in his club, and he was too arrogant or maybe just too rude to listen to me so I could explain what I wanted to do and why. Once he heard what I did for a living, he dismissed me like I was nothing.

Being treated that way pissed me off, but it also hurt. I'd been treated like that before, and it had been one of the worst times in my life. I never wanted to experience it again, although there was no way to prevent it. I wouldn't have taken it so personally if I hadn't been stunned by him. When he came to my rescue, I'd been too caught up in Dominus to pay much attention other than to be thankful someone had helped me get away. I vaguely knew he was attractive, but so what.

However, when he entered his office later and dismissed Leon, I was calmer and his aura, his whole presence, struck me. He was a large, imposing man who stood several inches over six feet. His shoulders and chest were wide and he filled out the suit he'd been wearing to perfection. I knew he had to have them custom made to fit his frame. He was deeply tanned and had dark hair, which had a sprinkling of silver mixed in. A thick five-o'clock shadow covered his square jaw. In contrast to all that and the dark brows and lashes, he had light gray eyes that stood out against his skin and hair. He was a devastatingly sexy and handsome man. One who made me want to beg him to touch me, which was crazy. I wasn't there to find a man, and I certainly didn't go around having an instant desire for someone. However, his attitude had cooled my ardor. I wish it had killed it, but no such luck.

When I got home last night, I had to vent to someone, so I called Cady. Thank God she kept late hours. She answered and let me vent and then I listened to her rant. She was all for me going back and giving Mr. Ivanova a piece of my mind. When I said no, she said she'd go. I had to talk her off the ledge. I made her promise not to do it and not to say anything to Carver. I needed to be the one to tell him but I had to figure out what I would say. After all the begging I did to get him to sponsor me, I was embarrassed I'd been kicked out. I hoped it didn't come back on him. That was my worst fear.

As for Dominus the Douche, I prayed they would see him for what he was and kick his ass out, but I wasn't holding my breath. In my experience, most men stuck together even if they knew one of them was wrong. Carver was one of the rare exceptions. Why I couldn't fall for him, I didn't know. The thought made me queasy. We'd grown up as siblings. I could never imagine us together. In the past, when others suggested it, we laughed ourselves silly and told them not in a million years, just as I did last night with Mikhail Ivanova.

Jesus, get out of my head, why don't you?I yelled at his mental image. Yeah, I was nuts. Authors tended to have full-blown conversations in their heads. Most of the time, it was with our characters or between characters. I liked to equate it to having multiple personality disorder where I could get rid of a personality by writing his or her story, but they kept being replaced with new voices. It was an unending cycle.

I needed to get up off this couch and call Carver before he was called into Lustz. I should've done it first thing this morning, but I didn't want to disturb his work. Or at least that's the excuse I made. In reality, I was avoiding the tongue-lashing that I knew was coming. Plus, I'd been trying to figure out where to turn to get answers for my research. Ugh. I thought I was set and now this.

A knock at the front door made me jump. It was loud. I uncurled my legs to get up, but I didn't make it off the couch before there was another one and it was followed by a loud voice. "Taj, I know you're in there. Open the damn door. We need to talk," Carver called gruffly.

Oh shit, he knew. I could tell by his tone. I scurried to the door and undid the locks. When I opened it, he was standing there with his arms crossed and an upset look on his face. I didn't say anything. All I did was move back so he could step inside, and then I locked the door. He stomped over to the couch and plopped down. He watched me through narrowed eyes. I hated when he did that.

"Hello, Carver, make yourself comfortable," I said with a touch of sarcasm.

"Don't give me any crap, Taj. Tell me why the hell I had to find out there was a problem at Lustz last night and you were not only accosted but banned? Why didn't you call me right away?" he barked.

"Because I knew how you'd react. I was just about to call you when you pounded on my door and shouted so my neighbors could hear you. Jeez, give a girl a damn break. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours."

"Why wait? I bet you came home and called Cady right away, didn't you?"

Since I was guilty as charged, I didn't answer him.

"I knew it. Neither of you thought I should know this? I vouched for you. I could've been banned along with you for something that wasn't my fault."

"I'm sorry, but I told him you had nothing to do with it and not to hold it against you. I know you vouched for me, and I appreciate it so much, but I didn't do anything wrong. That man wouldn't take no for an answer."

"You did do wrong. You didn't tell anyone he'd been harassing you. Why? This could've been prevented."

"You don't know that. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause trouble and have them decide to kick me out. He said he had been a member for a long time, was a lead Dom, and he was friends with the owner. I was trying to fly under the radar," I snapped back.

"Well, that didn't happen, did it? Fuck, I had to go see Mikhail, and I walked in having no idea what happened. I looked like a goddamn idiot!" he shouted.

"Oh, now we get to the real issue. You don't give a shit if Dominus scared or hurt me, just that your precious reputation wasn't smeared by associating with me. You don't want High and Mighty Ivanova to think less of you. Well, you both can kiss my ass! I'm done with Lustz, so problem solved. Now that you've gotten that off your chest, you can leave." I stood up and marched back to my door. This was my home. I didn't have to put up with being yelled at.

"Goddamn it, come back and sit down! We aren't done talking."

"Yes, we are. This is my home, and I don't have to put up with you yelling at me. Don't worry. I won't ask you for any more help. I'll find my answers some other way."

He got up and stomped to the door. He was shaking his head. "I'm sorry for yelling. Please, we need to talk. I need to be sure you won't go to any of those other clubs. You know they're not safe and have questionable practices. Promise me you won't go." I heard the worry in his tone.

I was hesitant to go to any of the others, but I could only do so much research online, and I'd asked him a ton of questions already. He gave me a good overview and could talk about his kinks, although he had been hesitant to tell me. I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone, not even Cady. There was so much more he didn't know, and the whole reason I went to Lustz in the first place. He'd warned me about the other clubs. However, the one thing I wouldn't do was lie to him.

"Carver, I can't promise that. I need to find sources somewhere, and those are the logical places. I can promise you I'll be super careful, and if anyone even looks at me weird, I'll go straight to their floor managers or security. I know the thing with Dominus makes it seem like I can't take care of myself, but you know I can."

He sighed and gripped my elbows gently. He stared hard into my eyes. "I know you can, but even you can be outnumbered. Don't go. If you decide you must, then you have to take me. I'll find a way to get us in, although I did ask Mikhail to reconsider banning you. He might change his mind. Just wait and see if he does."

I snorted. "Yeah, when hell freezes over. I don't see that man changing his mind. Forget it. Lustz is a dead end."

"I don't think it is, but we'll see. And another thing, I do care about you and not just my reputation. Did Dominus hurt you? Mikhail said you might have been hurt. Let me see." His voice had gentled.

He ran his hands down to my wrists. I had a loose sweater on since the air conditioning had made me cold. He tried to push up my sleeves, but I grabbed his hand. I didn't want to set him off again after he'd begun to settle. If he saw the bruises, he'd be livid. He gave me a stern frown.

"Taj, show me. I'm not leaving until you do. I can stay here all night."

Knowing he could be stubborn, I rolled my eyes then I shrugged off my sweater. I tossed it on the table by the door then I rolled up the quarter sleeves I had on. Dark bruises, five of them on each shoulder, stood out on my pale skin. You couldn't mistake what caused them. They were fingerprints and they looked worse than they were. Sure, there was tenderness, but against my skin, they appeared horrible. He inhaled loudly and a hiss came out of him.

"He fucking did that? I'm gonna kill him. Let me take pictures."

"You're not killing him. You can't. You'll go to jail and jail for a lawyer is no bueno. You'll be disbarred or killed or both. It looks worse than it is. There's no need to take pictures. Why would you need them?"

"You let me worry about why. Stand still."

I didn't have a choice. He whipped out his phone before I could move and snapped several shots. When he was done, he gave me a hug. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, honey. You know I'll never let anyone hurt you."

I hugged him back. "I know, but I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. Now, promise me you won't go after him."

"I promise I won't go after him," he said quickly, which stunned me.

"Good. Tell me, did you have dinner yet?"

"Nope. I went straight to Lustz after work then here. Why? Are you offering to cook?" he asked with a grin.

"I have leftovers if you're not too good for them."

"Lead me to the food. If you made it, I know it has to be good, no matter what it is."

That's how our fight changed to us having dinner and laughing. Like a family, we fought but then we made up. We hugged each other tightly before he left. He had work in the morning and I was struck with inspiration. I needed to get it down before I forgot.