Chapter 17 Miguel

When it was time to meet Bently, Miguel left his artwork in a neat pile on the kitchen table. Daddy Shamus assured him he would be right behind him. To avoid being late, Miguel left a little earlier, since the hotel was at the far end of the boardwalk.

The salty breeze whipped Miguel's hair across his face as he approached the lone figure sitting on the weathered bench. Seaside Heights, once a place of joyful memories with his family, now felt like a battlefield. He gripped the small velvet box in his pocket, its smooth surface a stark contrast to the churning in his gut.

Bently looked up, a hopeful smile blooming on his face. It faltered slightly as he saw Miguel but recovered quickly. "Miguel! You came!"

Miguel stopped a few feet away. The sun shone brightly, painting the sky in fiery hues of orange. The melancholic beauty did little to ease the tension coiling in his chest.

"I brought your things," Miguel said, his voice rough. He placed the box on the bench. Not paying close attention, it landed with a dull thud.

Bently's smile faltered again, confusion replacing the initial warmth. "My things?"

Miguel forced himself to meet Bently's blue eyes. "The rings. You left them in my hotel room."

A tense silence stretched between them, broken only by the rhythmic crash of the waves and the loud conversations of people cluttering the boardwalk. Miguel saw the hurt in Bently's gaze, a mirror image of the pain that had festered in him for months after Bently went away.

Bently cleared his throat. "Right. The rings." He reached for the box, his hand hovering hesitantly. "Look, Miguel, about what happened in California—"

"There's nothing to talk about," Miguel cut him off, his voice firm despite the tremor running through him. "Six months, Bently. Six months of radio silence while you were off gallivanting around California. And now you expect me to just…what? Pick up where we left off?"

A shameful red painted Bently's cheeks. "I messed up, okay? I was scared. But I came back. I came back for you, Miguel. We can get married, just like we planned."

Miguel scoffed, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "Married? You cheated on me so many times. What makes you think things would be different now?"

Bently stood up, towering over Miguel. "Things can be different. We can make them different. I'll do whatever you want, Miguel. We can move to Princeton, buy a house, have kids…or we can move to Brooklyn near your mother and sister."

"Why did you really move to California?" Miguel asked.

"Sit beside me and I'll tell you the truth."

Miguel, with a sigh, took a seat next to Bently, feeling the warmth of the bench against his back. The waves crashed against the shore, creating a soothing, rhythmic sound.

"Look at me when I'm talking, please."

Miguel faced Bently, his heart pounding with fear. What could he say to make him feel differently?

Bently's eyes were earnest, filled with a hope that seemed to have weathered much. "I've been very ill, Miguel," he said, his voice a soft tremor. "I didn't want to worry you." The words hung heavy between them, a testament to the gravity of what Bently had endured.

Miguel's heart ached with a complicated blend of emotions. Guilt gnawed at him, a relentless reminder of their shared past. Yet, as he searched Bently's pleading eyes, he knew his heart no longer lived there. He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand.

"I can't imagine what you've been through," Miguel began, his voice a gentle whisper of empathy, and tears filled his eyes. "But I've started a new chapter in my life."

Bently reached for Miguel's hand, but Miguel withdrew it. "I understand that I've been gone, and life doesn't pause," Bently said, a note of desperation creeping into his voice. "But I've realized you're the one I want to spend my life with. Marry me, Miguel."

The weight of the request settled on Miguel's shoulders like an unwelcome cloak. He could see the vulnerability etched into Bently's features, the raw edges of a man who had faced mortality. "You will always have a place in my memories and heart, Bently," Miguel replied, his words laced with a firm kindness. "But my future lies elsewhere. I'm with someone now who makes me happy."

Bently's face fell, the hope dimming like a sunset swallowed by the night. Miguel felt the sting of guilt once more, but he held on to the truth of his feelings. He had moved on, and though the past would always be a part of him, he couldn't let it dictate his future.

Each new promise felt like a twisted manipulation. Miguel shook his head, the setting sun casting his face in a harsh light. "It's too late, Bently. I'm not the same person who was waiting for you to call six months ago."

An unfamiliar emotion flickered in Bently's eyes: anger. "Is this about Shamus?" he spat.

Miguel swallowed, his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against his ribs. It got dark inside his heart; it seemed like at any second he could fall. The deafening pain spread rapidly across his body. Miguel thought he wouldn't be able to say goodbye. This pain and pity for Bently had to stop. He had to silence this pain and speak the truth. Relationships and love weren't based on pity. Miguel wouldn't want it and Bently deserved better.

"Yes," he confessed, the word catching in his throat. "And he wouldn't treat me the way you did before you left. You never made me feel like I was your number one. I always felt like I was your second option. With Daddy Shamus, I know I'm his number one. There are no others. Only me."

Bently's face crumpled, a mixture of hurt and disbelief. He opened his mouth to speak, but Miguel cut him off again.

"Please, Bently. Just take the rings and go. I'm sorry you went through what you did, but I want to be with Daddy Shamus now."

Bently picked up the velvet box. He stared at it for a long moment before turning away, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Bently rose and walked towards the boardwalk, leaving Miguel alone with the dying light and the roar of the ocean. A wave of relief mingled with guilt washed over Miguel. As they parted ways, Miguel felt the bittersweet tang of closure. He wished Bently health and happiness, but he also wished him the strength to find a new beginning, just as he had.

Within minutes, Daddy Shamus met him and took his hand. "Let's walk and find another bench and talk," Daddy Shamus suggested.

They walked shoulder to shoulder on the boardwalk and found a bench away from the ride area. They sat down beside each other.

"Tell me what happened."

"I gave him the rings back, and he tried to get back with me. He brought up marriage. Then I asked him why he went to California. He told me he was ill, and didn't want to worry me."

"Wow! That's heavy. How did you feel when he told you that?"

"I was upset he left without telling me or calling. I felt guilty about being selfish for not going back to him. But I told him I was a different person, and I wanted to be with you."

"That must have been rough on you."

"It was. Only because I didn't want to add more stress to him. I know he wouldn't want me if I took pity on him. He would see right through it. I told him the truth and I feel like shit."

Daddy Shamus put his arm around Miguel. "You're so strong, Miguel. You spoke your truth even though it was tough. Do you want to get lost on the roller coaster with me?"

"Yes. I really do."