Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

VIOLET

E mbarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel right now. Zane will soon know even more about me and it’s not all that great. I’m not sure there even is anything good about me. I’m trying so hard not to go down that road but knowing the conversation ahead doesn’t help. What if Zane decides it’s too much and walks away?

Zane told me to just walk in once I got to his place, so I do. I find him in the kitchen. Whatever he’s cooking smells absolutely heavenly.

“So, you actually learn how to cook from the Food Network?” I tease.

Zane laughs. “Maybe. Day go okay?”

“Yeah.” Is he going to make me talk now or later? My stomach has hurt all day knowing what is to come. Maybe now is when the other shoe will drop. The veil will fall revealing what’s not-so-great about Zane and he’ll leave because putting up with me won’t be part of his great traits. “You?” I ask.

“Good. You bring something to stay the night?”

“You didn’t say I should,” I point out.

He looks at me from over his shoulder. “Do you want to?”

I shrug because I’m not sure how our conversation will go.

“For future reference, if you want to stay, just pack a bag.”

Well, he seems optimistic that whatever it is we have going on isn’t about to fall apart completely. Zane walks over to me, grabs my hand, and leads me over to the stove. He grabs my hips and lifts me onto the counter.

“Tell me about your parents. What happened? How did they die?”

My lungs bottom out. Okay, he’s going for the jugular right off the bat. I wring my hands together. Courage. Where is my courage and strength? Zane squeezes my thighs in reassurance before focusing back on the pots on the stove. For some reason, it helps that he isn’t watching me.

“They…they aren’t dead.”

Zane snaps his wide gaze over to me. “But I thought…”

“I didn’t mean to imply that.”

“You said they were gone and that all the people who loved you were dead.”

“I meant my grandma.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, so they aren’t dead. What happened to them then? Where are they?” He still sounds curious and clearly understanding.

I stare down at my hands, unable to look at him. Once I say this, it may change things for the worse. “They are in prison. I was nine and Graham was five when they were sentenced. Apparently, my parents dealt drugs and of course, people died from overdoses. I don’t even know when they are supposed to get out. Once they went away, we went to stay with my grandma.

“I honestly don’t think I want to know, so I’ve never looked it up. I’m not sure if Graham knows. My grandma was so upset with them she refused to let us visit. Whenever we asked about them, she shut us down and reminded us as gently as possible that they were gone and weren’t coming back. At some point, we just stopped bringing them up because it upset Grandma.

“She raised us and took good care of us. She was the best thing to ever happen to us. She died after having a stroke when I was nineteen; Graham was fifteen.” My grandma was an amazing woman. I’ll forever be grateful that she took over and raised us.

“I’m sorry, Violet,” Zane says with so much sincerity, it’s almost too much. I shrug and he thankfully moves on. “And Graham? Why do you still take care of him?”

“He’s my brother,” I state simply.

Zane shakes his head and looks at me for a moment. “Why doesn’t he have a job?” he clarifies.

I sigh. “After high school, he didn’t know what he wanted to do and I told him to take some time to figure it out. Lord knows we don’t need to waste money on him going to college and continuously changing his major. Anyway, he’s still working on figuring that out, I guess.”

“That doesn’t explain why he doesn’t work, Violet,” he gently points out.

“Zane, I don’t know!” I reply, exasperated, and throw my hands up in the air. “I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s just so…so mean. Losing my grandma was like the final straw for him and hell if I know what I’m doing. If he needs to live with me and have me pay his way, it’s the least I can do.”

Zane puts the utensil down and moves until he steps between my knees. He cups my face. “I say this with the best of intentions, babe. You catering to him is not doing him any good. He needs to get a job or go to school or both. He could join the military. Anything would be better than what he’s currently doing because he needs to pull his weight. There’s no need for you to pay his bills while he does whatever the fuck he wants when he’s fully capable of doing his part. And I can tell you right now, if you don’t say something to him, I will. I don’t know much, but what I’ve seen so far, he’s a prick who needs his ass handed to him.”

“I’ll think about it,” I tell him quietly. Just the thought of confronting Graham causes my stomach to sour. It’ll be such a fucking argument and lacking the energy to fight him is why I haven’t said anything to him at this point. Ass or not, he’s the only family I have left. I don’t want to push him away.

Why am I even telling him all of this? We’re married, but it wasn’t a careful decision we made. He’s still more of a stranger than a husband. But I’ll be damned if there’s not something about him that soothes my soul. That’s why I’m still hanging around.

“I’m sorry,” I say as he moves back in front of the stove.

“For what?”

What exactly am I sorry for? That he saw me like that? That he’s realizing he married a person incompetent at life? An apology simply felt necessary. When Zane realizes I don’t have an answer, he asks another question.

“What about the migraines? When did they start?”

They’ve been with me for so long, it takes a moment for me to really think about it.

“Six years ago, maybe?”

“And they don’t know why? Nothing new happened around that time? There’s nothing they can do to really help?” he asks as he moves to grab a set of plates.

For the first time in a long time, I think about my life six years ago. What was going on? I was living on my own. I just started my business. I met a guy who turned out to be a complete loser and unfortunately, I lost my virginity to him. Live and learn, I guess.

Wait.

“My birth control,” I whisper. Could that really be it? “I got on birth control shortly before they started. How did I never see that?” How did the doctors never see that?

“Come off and see what happens then,” Zane says as if we’re talking about the weather.

I raise an eyebrow. He’d have to wear a condom then. Is it bad that I’d almost rather not come off the birth control? I always thought guys were full of shit when they said condoms make things feel different. And then I experienced sex with no condom. Huge difference.

“Maybe,” I reply. I’d need to look into alternatives first, but I can’t deny that the thought of getting rid of my migraines is exciting.

“I’m here to help in whatever way I can, Violet. You’re not alone and you can rely on me.”

His words are sweet, but I can’t believe he’s saying them. The words leave my mouth before I can think twice.

“Why? I’m a burden, Zane. I lost my parents when I was a kid and then my grandma had to raise me and my brother. Then, she died. I had to take care of my brother, who acts as if I fuck everything up. I feel like I have issue after issue. Why would anyone want to put up with me? I’m honestly flabbergasted you haven’t gone running for the hills yet.”

“I’m not going anywhere, babe.” He says it so resolutely and with such surety, I am stunned silent. “You okay with that?”

I nod. If he wants to stick around, who am I to tell him he can’t? Even if I think he’s crazy for doing so.

After dinner, I decide to call Cassie. I don’t always let her in and maybe I should do better. She’s messaged me a few times over the last few days and I’ve ignored her. It’s weird to open up a little to her and answer her questions, but I do it. Two hours pass before I exit Zane’s bedroom and rejoin him in the living room.

“Good talk?” he asks, his brows rising as I straddle him.

“Yes. Sorry I was on the phone for so long.”

“You’re fine. You gonna meet my parents next week?”

Gee, I didn’t realize Thanksgiving was so close. As if realizing something, Zane frowns.

“What do you normally do for the holidays? Please don’t say nothing.”

When I don’t answer in order to obey and not say nothing, Zane groans.

“You’re killing me, Violet.”

“Can we focus on something else? Please?” I ask. “I kinda missed you.”

Zane grins that cute boyish grin. “What would you like to focus on?”

I lean down to kiss him. Maybe I didn’t make a bad decision when I drunkenly picked my husband. Zane has to be the sweetest person I’ve ever met. He’s strong and steadfast. Unwavering. He’s the rock I didn’t know existed. One I didn’t realize just how badly I needed.

Time seems to fly and way too soon, the holiday is upon us. Zane keeps telling me that things will be fine, that his parents will love me. I don’t believe him one bit. We’ll find out soon enough. With things growing ever more precarious with Graham, I didn’t bother inviting him. He goes to a friend’s house every year anyway.

“Zane, sweetie?” I freeze at the sound of a woman entering the house.

Zane flashes me a big smile and calls out, “In here, Mom.”

A moment later, his parents find us in the kitchen. They immediately hug Zane and turn to me. They’re smiling, so that’s a positive.

“You must be Violet. I wish I could say my son has told me plenty about you, but he hasn’t. He’s barely called lately.” His mom gathers me in a hug as well, causing me to freeze up again.

“Mom, I’ve been busy and I still call at least once a week.”

She rolls her eyes. “Let’s chat.”

“Mom,” Zane says, causing her to not yet cart me off. “Stop. Violet, this is my mom, Ellen, and my dad, Mack.”

“Nice to meet you both.” His dad reaches out and shakes my hand.

“I still need her help,” Zane says. “Why don’t you two go freshen up and drop your things in the guest bedroom?”

“Oh, all right.”

I’m not sure I can do this, or that I want to. Really, this is his time with his family and I shouldn’t intrude on their precious time together.

“Come help me finish,” Zane says softly, snapping me out of my panic.

I’m floored that he’s cooked a feast all himself. He’s asked me to help here and there, but he’s done it all himself. It smells so good in here. I’m not sure if his mom imparted some cooking wisdom on him or if it’s the Food Network, or maybe both. He knows his way around a kitchen more than I do.

I’m also grateful he is giving me a few more moments to prepare myself to be around his parents. We gather the plates and utensils and Zane tells me what drinks to fix as well. All too soon, our dinner is ready, we’ve fixed our plates, and we’ve sat down to eat.

Zane, the sweet, sweet man, controls the conversation so far. He asks about their flight and if his dad is excited for the upcoming week as apparently he gets to travel with the team. The love and pride between them is clear.

Ellen jumps on the first tiny lull.

“So, Violet, let’s learn about you. I’m not happy my son went off and married a stranger, but I imagine your parents aren’t either.”

“Mom!” Zane exclaims.

It’s not her fault if she didn’t know. His mom looks completely confused. “My parents aren’t around; my grandma raised me, but she’s passed,” I explain. “But you’re right; she probably wouldn’t be happy either.”

“Oh, sweetie; I’m sorry.”

There’s an awkward pause until his father asks, “So what do you do for a living?”

When I explain what I do, his mom gasps.

“I have been cross-stitching for a few months! What’s the name of your shop?”

My cheeks flame. “Stitch and Bitch.”

“Oh my goodness! Hold still.” Ellen gets up from the table and disappears down the hallway. A moment later she reappears with a partially finished pattern and holds it up to me. “I love your work! I am so tickled! This is so cool. Do you think you can show me some tips sometime? I’ve been watching videos online, but some of those people aren’t very good instructors.”

“Mom, don’t ask her that. She’s busy and you will probably move on to another hobby in a few months.”

Ellen looks aghast at Zane’s remark. “I will not. Just because I’ve been experimenting with different things and giving up on them, doesn’t mean I will for this. I like this.” She focuses back on me. “Don’t feel like you have to say yes, but maybe that can be a new venture for your business.”

“Maybe,” I agree. “You can be a pattern tester for me if you’d like.” Upon seeing her confusion, I explain what it is and she excitedly agrees.

Conversation tilts back in Zane’s direction. His parents share stories of his childhood. Zane looks slightly embarrassed the entire time. It is clear they are close, love each other, and enjoy every moment together. All I can think about is the last Thanksgiving I spent with my grandma. We didn’t do anything crazy; something similar to the experience today.

A tsunami of emotions overwhelms me all of a sudden.

“Excuse me,” I squeak as tears threaten to spill over. As fast as I can, I escape to Zane’s bedroom. Deep breaths don’t seem all that helpful at the moment.

“Violet?” Zane turns me toward him and immediately wraps me in a hug. “What’s wrong?”

The moment I’m in his arms, the tears can’t be stopped. “I’m so sorry. I’m just overwhelmed and thinking about my grandma and all the holidays I’ve spent by myself and I just miss her.”

He holds me silently and lets me cry. I could honestly stand here forever. I always feel better in his arms. I didn’t know it was possible to truly relax and breathe easy. After all these years, I realize I’ve been tense, waiting for that other shoe to fall and somehow ruin my life further. Zane makes me forget about that at least for a little while.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize again as the tears slow. “I’ll be okay. I might head on home once I gather my wits about me again.”

His chin moves against the top of my head as he replies, “You don’t want to stay? I’d rather you did even if you hang out in here the rest of the night; my parents will understand. Stay, babe. Please.”

“Okay,” I find myself whispering. “Just give me a few minutes; I can go back out there.” After everything I’ve been through, there has to be some strength hidden deep down somewhere so I can get through the rest of the day.

“Take your time; we’ll go out there whenever you’re ready.”

Part of me wants to argue that he should at least return to his parents, but I’m so thankful and don’t want him to leave. My arms tighten around him as I realize just how much I don’t want to lose Zane.