Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

VIOLET

T he pulsing pain in my head worsens the longer I stare at the empty doorway after Zane left. I’m so fucking confused. He was so angry and apparently I’m a gold-digging whore. As my migraine returns full force, I fall back onto my bed.

Clearly, Zane knows Luke was here, but I don’t understand why he thinks I cheated on him. I was at the restaurant, waiting for Zane to show up after having arrived early when one of the worst migraines I’ve ever had swept over me.

Luukas happened to be there, realized who I was when he checked on me, and offered to take me home. I was going downhill fast and I wasn’t sure I could wait for Zane. Every little sound from the restaurant was a sharp pierce in my skull. At some point, I threw up over the both of us. All I could do once I was in my room was shed my clothes and crawl beneath my sheets. The pill I took at the restaurant worked fast…to knock me out, at least.

How in the world did Zane get that I cheated on him from that? I’m assuming Luke would’ve told him what happened. Is he upset because I abandoned all care in the world and undressed before climbing into bed? I don’t think Luke even stayed that long. He was in my doorway literally long enough to see me fall into bed.

I try to call Zane, but he doesn’t answer his phone. Needing a second opinion, and support if I’m honest, I call Cassie.

“Hey, Vi. What’s up?”

“Zane walked out on me.”

Silence sucks all the air in the room for a moment before she screeches, “He what ?” When I repeat my statement, she says, “Tell me exactly what happened. I’m already on my way.”

I recount the events and by the time Cassie finds me in my room, she crawls into bed next to me with the declaration, “Zane is a dumbass. Sounds like he jumped to assumptions and didn’t care to hear the truth.”

“We just finished moving him in here, Cass. I don’t even know where he’d go unless it was to Sydney’s. I tried calling, but he didn’t answer.”

“Did you try to call Sydney?”

When I shake my head, she urges me to call Sydney. So I do.

“Hey, Violet,” she chirps happily.

“Hey. I, uh, I was wondering if Zane is at your house?”

There’s another freaking pause and her tone softens as she replies, “No, he isn’t. What happened?”

With a sigh, I explain the entire sordid tale all over again. Sydney lets loose a string of curses.

“I’m sorry, Violet. Do you need anything from me other than to tell Zane to get his head out of his ass?”

“Thanks, Sydney, but I’m good. Cassie is hanging out with me. Can you just ask him to call? I don’t want him to be upset with Luke when he was just helping.”

“Oh, don’t you worry. It will be made abundantly clear that Zane is the ass.”

Her support is overwhelming. I didn’t think that by my calling her, she’d choose a side. And never in a million years would I have thought the side she would choose would be mine .

“Why do you believe me?” I can’t help but ask.

“Because I’ve seen you two together. There’s no way you would cheat on Zane. He’s just being a major dumbass. Let me talk to Ian and see if he can figure out where Zane went. Do you want me to update you?”

I hesitated. “I appreciate your support, but you don’t have to do that. Thanks, Sydney.”

“If you need anything,” she starts.

“I’ll call,” I promise. When I hang up and find Cassie smiling at me, I ask, “What?”

“Look at you finally growing up and sharing the weight of the world on your shoulders with someone else. I’m so proud of you.”

I snort. “Yeah, well, I’m tired of being alone because of fear.” But fear snakes up my spine and squeezes. “He’ll come back and ask me to explain, right? He’ll believe me when I tell him the truth?”

“If he doesn’t, his loss, Vi. In the meantime, we’re roomies. How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted, hurt, and like my migraine is about to surge up again.”

Cassie encourages me to get some rest while she finds something to watch on TV with the subtitles on. Zane will be back. He won’t stay away long.

But I had no idea just how long Zane would stay away.

Hours later, my migraine is finally subsiding when my doorbell sounds throughout the house. Cassie goes to answer it for me, but a moment later, I hear, “Uh, Vi. Can you come here?”

With a sigh, I shuffle my feet until I stand next to Cassie. And when I see the pair on the other side, my stomach drops. I’ve never thought much about the moment I’d see my parents again. I wasn’t even sure if I would. Grandma refused to let us visit them and at some point, as I realized why they were in prison, I didn’t want to see them. Childhood wasn’t that easy with my parents. Grandma gave us a much better life.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“We’re out! Isn’t that great news?” my mother exclaims. “Aren’t you going to invite us in?”

“When…when did you get out?”

“Last month,” my father answers.

They look...different. Older, obviously. But worn down by life too. The last thing I want to deal with while Zane is ignoring me is my parents. A flood of my childhood memories rushes back. Nights where Graham and I went hungry because they were too high or not even home to bother feeding us. Nights when we’d hear them arguing and fighting. Nights where we’d cuddle together in my bed because the house was full of scary people.

I absolutely do not want them in my house. And as much as it pains me, I don’t understand why they are here.

“I’m not really up for visitors,” I start, causing the expressions to harden on both of their faces for a split second.

“Maybe leave a number and Vi can reach out when she’s feeling better?” Cassie says. She turns to me. “Go lie back down. I’ll see to this.”

Normally, I wouldn’t dare to leave my best friend to fight my battles for me, but I’m supposed to lean on others for support. She wants to help. I won’t deny her the opportunity.

I just wish I knew why my parents were here. It can’t be as simple as wanting to see me, can it? I don’t even know if I want anything to do with them. It’s been so long and they are practically strangers. I should feel elated to see them, but instead, I just have a pit in my stomach.

As I crawl back into bed, all I can think is how I wish Zane were here.

Each day that passes where Zane doesn’t return my texts and sends my calls straight to voicemail, the more my heart hardens. How could he accuse me of such a thing and then not even give me an opportunity to explain? How can he say he loves me if he’s so easily swayed by a partial picture and so willing to walk away?

Cassie keeps me company, but it’s Christmas Day and I know she has festivities with her family.

“You should come with me,” she says. “This is the first Christmas in years you’ve even let me see your face and I’ll be damned if you spend it alone.”

“I’m okay.”

“Vi—” she starts.

“I still don’t feel well.” The past few days I’ve felt off. My period must be coming soon because it’s like a dose of PMS on steroids and I’ve been miserable.

Cassie sighs.

“I’ll be okay. Just come back when you’re done and we’ll watch movies.”

She perks up since I’m allowing her to come back to my house. She’s not left since I called her to tell her what happened with Zane. It’s been nice to finally let her in more and have that support. I was an idiot for not doing it sooner.

“Okay, but if you change your mind or need anything, I’ll come back. You know how my family is.” She rolls her eyes as if they are the most annoying bunch.

Reassured that I won’t fall apart since I’ve yet to do so, Cassie goes on to get ready and leaves. I laze in bed, watching TV while she’s gone. I try calling Zane and text him, but no response again .

His mom texts me, though.

Ellen Landry

Merry Christmas, Violet. I wish you were here with us.

Violet

Merry Christmas. So do I.

Ellen Landry

Please tell me you aren’t spending Christmas alone. I can’t bear the thought, especially knowing you were supposed to be here with us.

Violet

My friend Cassie is with me.

That’s not exactly a lie. She has been and she will be. My anger swells. This was going to be the first Christmas in years I didn’t spend alone. That I would spend with my new family, and Zane took that away without hesitation.

Over what he mistakenly believes.

What an asshole.

Does his mom know why I’m not there? Maybe he came up with some excuse considering she texted me. I just wish I was there. My phone vibrates with another text.

Ellen Landry

Hey, it’s me. Zane. My phone is fucked up again. Mom’s been chewing me out the whole time I’ve been home and guilt has been eating me alive since. I’m sorry for going off like that on you without first asking what happened. I was drowning in my past. Can we talk when I get back?

I’m both relieved to hear from him and hurt he decided to text me instead of calling and actually talking to me. I’d hash out what happened right now, even if it did have to take place over the phone instead of face-to-face. At least we could clear the air. I guess he’s not ready for that, though. Not trusting my words, I simply respond with a thumbs-up.

Cassie returns before I know it. She has leftovers from her family’s meal and we nibble while bingeing Christmas movies. I’ve had a hard time keeping food down. Sometimes, the simple smell overwhelms me and sends me vomiting.

The next morning, Cassie eyes me and says, “Have you been taking your pills?”

“Uh.”

“Violet!”

I wave her off and return to my room to find my pills. It’s not that I’m purposely missing doses. It’s more like either I don’t think about it or I’m so tired and worn out that by the time I’m in bed, I don’t even want to roll over and find them.

I frown as I grab my packet of birth control, which I still haven’t stopped taking completely even though I think they trigger my migraines. Sporadic pockets are missing pills. When was my last period? I’m normally pretty regular, so keeping track isn’t something I bother with. I don’t think I’ve ever missed more than a day of my pills before, but by the looks of things, I’ve missed way more than that.

“Cassie!” I scream before I can think better of it. She rushes into my room and I wave my pills at her. “What if what I’m feeling isn’t PMS?”

Her eyes widen. “I’ll run to the store.”

It seems like an eternity before Cassie returns with the test and even longer for the test to pop that I’m pregnant. Cassie squeals with excitement and declares she’ll be an aunt. I sit on my bed, gripping my hands so hard with worry. Guilt already drowns me because all I could think was Please be negative. Please be negative. How can I wish such a thing when there are women every day who would relish a moment like this, waiting with bated breath hoping to see a positive?

Good lord.

I’m going to have a baby.

A tsunami-size wave of anxiety rises and crashes over me as I stand to pace. The only word I can manage is a string of repeated no s. This can’t happen. I’m gonna die and the baby will be left without a parent. Why the hell wasn’t I more careful? And Zane . He’s not even here! He walked out on me.

“Violet.”

I’ll have a baby who’ll have no family because Graham is gone, Zane is gone, and I’ll die at some point because that’s the exact kind of hand I’m sure to be dealt.

“Violet!” Cassie grabs my arm a bit roughly, forcing me to face her. “It’s okay.”

I’m so far from okay, it’s not even funny. I yank my arm out of her grasp and force myself to take steady breaths. This is all I’ve ever wanted and while the situation isn’t ideal, I still want this. I can do this. I manage to walk myself off the ledge and face Cassie.

The moment I look at her, tears well in my eyes.

“I’m calling Sydney,” she says. “I need reinforcements.”

“You have her number?”

She snorts. “I need someone to talk shit about you with when you’re being a pain in my ass.”

I laugh and listen as she explains the shit has hit the fan and I could really use another friend. Sydney doesn’t hesitate to invite us over. Before I can protest because I don’t want to intrude on her family time, Cassie has made me change and forces me out of the house.

I really wish I’d put my foot down when we get to Sydney’s and it’s clear her family is over. Well, Logan and Kayla are here. Kayla and Sydney usher me and Cassie to the kitchen.

“What’s going on? Did Zane call?” Sydney asks.

With a sigh, I recount everything that’s happened since we last spoke. Sydney’s fury on my behalf grows with every word. But then, I get to the reason that spurred us here.

“I’m pregnant,” I whisper. A sob that was lying in wait for the perfect moment to erupt bursts free. “He’s going to think I trapped him,” I cry, releasing the fear that was holding me captive since I saw the positive test. “Or worst, he’ll think it’s somehow Luke’s or someone else’s.”

The women crowd me and wrap me in a group hug.

“Fuck him,” Cassie snarls. “If he is stupid enough to accuse you of that or to walk away for good, then you’re better off.”

“I agree,” Sydney says, surprising me. “I love Zane, but I’m so disappointed in him right now.”

I wish I wasn’t, but so am I. Zane is like me. He wants someone to love and be with. I guess what happened with Deanna is still a bit of an open wound; why else would he snap to judgment like that? Even knowing that may be the case, the longer he lets this fester between us, the more I’m not sure I would even want him back if he was willing to hear the truth.

Zane brings a lot of comfort to my life, but look at how easily he ripped it away.