Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

VIOLET

T here is nothing quite like waking up next to Zane Landry. A delicious stretch helps wake me up. My body brushes against his, reminding me of the bliss from the night before. The arm he has lying across my waist tightens as if I may sneak out of bed too soon.

“I’m not letting you up to watch the news with your cup of coffee. Best I can do is let you watch the news in here.”

I chuckle. “I’m okay.”

“Go back to sleep then. Way too fucking early.” A kiss lands on my shoulder.

Problem is, I can’t sleep. Everything from yesterday hits me all over again. Graham got a girl pregnant. And he’s leaving me for the military. What am I supposed to do with that? Is that even the right choice for him? Was there something else I could’ve done to put him in a better position by this point in his life? Why do I feel as if I’ve failed him?

“Babe,” Zane’s voice grumbles from behind me. “Too early for you to worry too.”

“I didn’t even know he was seeing someone, Zane. I don’t know her name, if she’s good for him, how long they’ve been together. Nothing. And now there’s a baby.”

“Violet.” Zane’s tone is stern, yet somehow gentle. “He’s grown and he officially can take care of himself and the issues he creates. Just be supportive, but not to the point that you are still taking care of him.” Zane pauses and then asks, “Do you want kids one day?”

I sigh. “Honestly haven’t given it much thought. Why think of something when I’ve never even been in the position to make it happen and had no idea if I ever would be?” Zane may be around now, but I still haven’t thought too much on it.

So…maybe I don’t want kids? I don’t know. There’s always so much other shit on my plate, kids are the last thing on my mind. Deciding to give Zane a bit more honesty, I add, “Sometimes, when I have thought about it, I don’t like the idea. If I were to ever have kids and something were to happen to me…” My chest aches at the thought. “I couldn’t do that to them.” It’s bad enough I worry about it with Graham.

Zane holds me tighter against him. “Oh, Violet,” he whispers.

I wait for him to say something reassuring, but he doesn’t. “That’s it?” I can’t help but prompt.

“That’s it,” he confirms with regret. “I can’t reassure you that nothing like that will happen because I won’t promise something I have no control over. Do I think that should stop you? No. Letting your fears rule your way of living isn’t living at all. It breaks my heart that you even worry about something like that, but all I can do is tell you that pushing past your fear and really living is the best thing you could do. It will make it worth it.”

Maybe.

“Get some more rest before you go deal with Graham.”

I close my eyes, wiggle closer to Zane, and do my best to do as he asked. Sleeping next to him and being enveloped in his comfort isn’t enough to soothe the worry. All too soon, we part ways and I return home. To my surprise, Graham is home. He sits on the couch, staring at the Christmas tree when I walk in. All the attitude he normally has doesn’t seem present today.

I take a seat next to him and rest my head on his shoulder.

“Do you love her?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“A year.”

Good lord. A year? “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Graham sighs. “I don’t know, Vi. I’m still just so fucking pissed about Grandma and it doesn’t help that I don’t really remember Mom and Dad. It’s fucked up. You’re so fucking nice to me. You act like nothing is wrong, like what you did was right, and you carry on as if we didn’t lose everything. It’s infuriating.”

My body stiffens and I lift my head. “ Excuse me ? I can barely get out of bed sometimes. I struggle every single day. Just because you don’t see it or don’t pay attention to it doesn’t mean everything is hunky fucking dory, Graham. I can’t believe you! And then you’re pissed because I’m nice ?”

I take a deep breath and remind myself that I don’t want to argue with my brother with every conversation we have. “Can I please meet her? I know things have been rough, but there’s going to be a baby. We both need to get our shit together. I want to be there for you, for her, and for the baby. Aren’t you tired? Tired of being angry all the time? I know I am.”

His demeanor softens as if all the fight leaves him, allowing me to relax. “Yeah, Vi, I am. I’ll bring her over for dinner soon.”

My phone vibrates in my pocket with a text. I’m surprised to see it’s Sydney. She’s extending an offer to see a game once again. I take her up on it.

A little while later, I’m swarmed by spouses of Zane’s teammates. Sydney insisted since it’s my first official game as Zane’s wife, I wear the Rebels T-shirt with Zane’s name across the back that she brought me. Seeing the ice today hits different than the last time I was here. Not only have I been on that ice, but my husband is down there warming up. A feeling bubbles up inside me. Pride, maybe?

Sydney quietly points out folks I’ve met before to refresh me of their names. A group approaches me, Sylvia leading the way. She smiles brightly at me as she greets me, but her greeting is quickly followed by, “So, what are your intentions with our Zane?”

My eyes widen. Thankfully, I’m saved from a response as a woman bursts into the room and shouts, “I’m pregnant!”

I wince as the room erupts in cheers and squeals. Everyone rushes to her.

“That’s Meredith Ramsey,” Sydney shares, staying close by. “She’s been a bit MIA and now we know why. She wasn’t getting pregnant right away and was discouraged, but seems like everything has worked out. You’re off the hook from Sylvia’s interrogations for the night.”

Thank goodness for that. “Is she always like that?” I ask.

“Yeah, but she means well. And if you tell her to leave you alone, she will. Zane was pretty upset after things went south with Deanna and he’s such a nice guy; no one wants to see him get his heart broken again.”

“I don’t think it’s him you have to worry about,” I mutter under my breath but from the corner of my eye, I see her glance over at me.

We contentedly watch the warm-ups in silence and once the puck drops, Sydney explains the game to me. But in the midst of doing that, she attempts to learn more about me, and it doesn’t escape my notice that some of the women eavesdrop on our conversation. Whatever. It doesn’t really matter.

“Do you have a lot of family nearby?” she asks.

“The only family I have is my younger brother and he’s enlisting in the military.” Graham and I really need to talk; I don’t even know which branch he’s interested in.

“I’m sorry,” she replies softly. “Kayla seems to enjoy working for you.”

I’m thankful for the topic change. “She’s great.” Glancing over, I realize Deanna sits nearby; she’s probably listening as well. For some reason, I find myself leaning forward and saying, “Zane said we’d probably hit it off.” The group of women falls silent as I address Deanna. “I design cross-stitch patterns. He was saying you owned a craft store?”

“Yeah, a fabric store. My focus is quilting,” she replies.

“That’s cool.”

The horn sounds, alerting of a goal. I smile as I watch a group of Rebels collide for a hug and pats of congratulations. My gaze lifts to the big screen hanging over the ice shows the replay. The announcer’s voice booms across the arena as he mentions Zane’s name in relation to the goal.

As the crowd roars for a second time, I understand even more what Zane was trying to convey when he brought me here. The atmosphere is amazing. No wonder he loves his job. As I look around and take in the group of spouses, I can also see why Zane considers them family.

“They are about to leave on a road trip,” Sydney says. “If you want to hang out or anything while he’s gone, just text me.”

“Thanks.” Maybe I’ll take her up on that.

After the game, Zane finds me and the grin he sends my way causes warmth to flood my body.

“I only have a few minutes; we’re leaving for our trip tonight,” he reminds me. Zane cups my face, the world falls away, and he kisses me as if his life depends on it. His mouth trails along my jaw until he reaches my ear. “When I get back, I want you in bed wearing my jersey.”

I grin. What is it with guys and jerseys? Zane kisses me once more and then he leaves. I’ll have to find a jersey before he returns because if his kiss was anything to go on, when he gets back, we’ll be in bed for a quite a while.

I’m reviewing resumes with the nightly news on in the background. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping since Zane left on his latest road trip, so I’ve been avoiding going to bed while wishing he was here. Sleep is always so sound when he’s around. Thirsty, I get up to fix myself a glass of water.

“This just in, the Carolina Rebels, who are in California for a stretch of games, were traveling on a bus when there was a crash. It is unknown at this time about any injuries or the cause of the accident. The Rebels…”

As the words register, my glass falls and shatters at my feet. An accident? Oh, god. It’s finally happened. Something is going wrong in the worst imaginable way. What if he’s hurt? Or dead? My chest hollows out.

As if on autopilot, I run to my room, for what I’m not sure yet.

“Vi,” Graham pokes his head in. “Jesus, what did you do? Vi. Violet!” He swings me around and plants me on the edge of my bed. “Don’t move. You’ve got cuts all on your feet.”

Zane. Dear god, what if I’ve lost him? Graham is joining the Marines and then I will truly be alone. Will anyone even tell me he’s hurt? Or worse? Inch by inch, my body seems to shut down. Graham taking care of my feet goes unnoticed. Why am I sitting here? I snatch my phone and bolt out of the house while Graham is in the bathroom.

Part of me wants to call Zane, but that’s silly. He likely won’t answer. I also don’t want to call and have someone else answer to give me dreaded news. But maybe…maybe he’ll actually answer. What kind of fresh hell have I entered now?

Before I make it to my car, I lose my footing. Of fucking course. The one time in the last twenty years that winter decides to actually show up in North Carolina. A sheen of ice covers my sidewalk. Unable to steady myself, I fall and scream as I land awkwardly on my wrist.

“Violet! Damn it!” Graham’s voice softens as he kneels next to me. “Are you okay?”

With a shake of my head, I reply, “Hurt my wrist.” A sob rips through me. “Zane’s bus crashed. What if he’s gone, Graham?”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Graham’s words are sweet as he helps me stand. He carefully leads me to his car, orders me to wait, and then returns from inside the house with a pair of slippers for me and his car keys.

“I can’t lose you both,” I half-whisper, half-cry as Graham puts the slippers on my feet.

He sighs as he stands and wraps me in a hug. “You won’t lose either of us; I promise.”

As we ride to the hospital, the only thing I can think about is how Graham will easily make promises he can’t keep and Zane refused to do so. I’m not sure which I prefer.

A ringing wakes me up and I groggily answer my phone.

“Hello?”

“Violet?”

I sit upright at the sound of the female voice. “Mrs. Landry?”

“Call me Ellen, please. I just landed in Raleigh. What’s your address, sweetie?”

The gravity of his mom being in North Carolina after what happened sucker punches me.

“He’s not okay?” I whisper, afraid of the answer.

“He’s fine, Violet.” Why I don’t believe his own mother is beyond me. “I’m here for you .”

“Me?” I squeak.

“Yes, you. Zane’s told me a little about your family and I figured you saw the news. I want to give you some company while we wait for Zane to come home. There’s no need to worry. Now, what is your address?”

I give her what she needs and she promises to see me in a few. Graham pokes his head into my bedroom.

“How are you feeling?”

I shrug. We got home super late from the hospital; I apparently fractured my wrist and some of the cuts on my feet needed attention.

“Zane’s mom is on her way.” When his eyes widen, I add, “Apparently to provide me support until he gets home.”

“So he is okay?”

“I guess.” His mom didn’t explain what that meant. And until I can see Zane with my own eyes, the big, black ball of anxiety will rest in my belly.

“Is it okay if I head out?”

He’s asking? I’m so confused by this.

“Carrie’s freaking out a little about me enlisting and I want to see her.”

Carrie. That must be his girlfriend’s name. It warms my heart that he’s concerned about me, but even more so that he’s apparently a better man to his girlfriend than he’s been a brother.

“I’ll be okay. Thanks.”

Mrs. Landry arrives within five minutes of Graham leaving. She gathers me into a hug immediately.

“He’s okay,” she reassures me. Her hug is so warm, so motherly, that the moment she says he’s okay, I burst into tears.

“You’ve heard from him?” I hiccup.

“No, but the team reached out.” Her hands rub up and down my back.

“I can’t lose him,” I sob.

“He’s okay and you’ll see him soon.” She continues to hold me, giving me a similar sort of comfort like Zane does. It seems to take forever before I pull back.

“I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous, but?—”

“You are not being ridiculous. You’re scared and I understand that.” Her eyes widen, catching sight of my wrist in a cast as I reach up to wipe away my tears. “What happened?”

“I fell,” I answer simply. No need to tell her I was in such a panic over the news that I hurt myself, not once, but twice. Thank goodness the cuts on my feet are hidden by my slippers.

“Have you eaten today?” When I shake my head, she parks me on the couch and raids my kitchen.

It’s a little weird to have his mom here, fixing me a meal, but I’m relieved as well. She wouldn’t be here consoling my irrational fears if her son was badly injured or worse. Graham texted me that she could stay in his room, if she wasn’t going back to Zane’s house, as he is staying at Carrie’s tonight. The improvement in communication makes me so happy, but I can barely focus on it.

Where’s Zane? Why hasn’t he reached out? How is his mom so calm when she herself hasn’t even spoken to him yet? She tells me more stories from Zane’s childhood. She shares her distaste in Zane’s relationship with Deanna as they didn’t understand why he would want to be in a relationship like that. The fact he told them surprises me, especially since he didn’t tell them about me at first. She shares her concern over his behavior afterward. But she also shares her relief that he found me, while admitting that she didn’t feel that way until after Thanksgiving.

It probably helps that we exchanged numbers so I could answer her cross-stitch questions, even though Zane was adamant I didn’t need to do so. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I wanted his parents to like me, especially after catching the tail end of the conversation with his dad while they were cleaning up.

Mrs. Landry takes me up on my offer to stay here tonight. Apparently because she knows the first place Zane will go is wherever I am and she doesn’t plan to leave me until he’s back.

The support and love from his mom is something I never thought I’d experience again. It reminds me of how I’d feel with my own mom and grandma when they were comforting me. It puts me on edge in a way I wasn’t expecting.

Where the hell is Zane?