17. Grace

Chapter 17

Grace

I woke up two days later feeling well-rested and like I could conquer Everest. And then I moved to the table, had breakfast, and afterward felt like I could maybe conquer a tv show before my nap. Needless to say, healing was happening very slowly.

I honestly didn't have any idea why Sebastian hadn't thrown me off the ship. Literally. He had the patience of a saint. He'd stayed with me 24/7, taking care of me. He showered when I slept, which was often, but otherwise ate when I ate, and worked when I slept. He didn't need as many hours of sleep as I did, so he had a lot of time to work on ship business, which he mainly handled from my sick den.

Even Kazi had tired of the suite and had taken off earlier for his private level and some sunshine.

I really wanted sunshine. And not the balcony's sunshine. I wanted the full sun beating down on my skin, maybe from a hot tub, watching a movie on the jumbo screen, with a sweet drink in my hand.

I sat up with effort and looked across the room to where Sebastian sat at a desk, typing away on his laptop.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes?"

"I need sunshine. My cavern of darkness is depressing me now. I look wan and pale. It's not an attractive look for me."

"You're stunningly beautiful," he said, without looking at me, and without stopping to think for even half a second.

I blinked, surprised that he thought so. I knew he found me attractive, but not beautiful.

And now? Right now?

I held my sweatshirt away from my body in disgust. I hadn't showered in three days, my hair was snarled, I had sleep creases in my face and no makeup, and I was in my warmest and holiest pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt.

I sat there for a moment, just enjoying that thought. That a woman could be beautiful in some of her worst moments and on some of her sickest days.

"Thank you, Sebastian," I said softly.

He turned to me and smiled.

I shook my head and sat up a little taller. "Can I please go outside now?"

Sebastian came to sit by me. "You're still contagious."

I slumped. "Okay."

He squeezed my hand. "I can clear Kazi's deck for you if you stay in just one area, to make it easier for my staff to clean after you've come back to get a nap."

"Does Kazi's deck have a hot tub?" I asked, perking up a bit.

Sebastian nodded. "I use it often. The only thing up there, other than Kazi's area, is The Starlight Lounge, and that's only open certain evenings."

"Okay. I'd love some ice water as well."

He ran a gentle hand down my arm. "Are you sure? You still seem cold. You've got goosebumps on your arms."

Little did he know the goosebumps were from his touch. I avoided saying so, though. "My fever went away. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to go in because I'd overheat, so yes, ice water sounds good."

"Alright. Want some company? Or do you want some time alone."

"Company sounds good. Let me call Mama and make sure she knows I'm feeling a bit better."

Sebastian left me to my phone call.

After assuring Mama I wasn't dying, I changed into a suit. It took me ten minutes, but I did it. I came out of the bathroom breathing heavily and probably completely ashen. I felt like I was swaying a little. It was either me or the ship, I couldn't tell which.

Sebastian was waiting with a wheelchair.

"I don't need a wheelchair."

His eyes lit up with silent laughter. "Walk from there to here without swaying."

I walked. And I swayed. And Sebastian made me get into the dumb wheelchair. I was trying not to pout as I got wheeled out of the room and down to the elevator. Sebastian kept up an easy conversation, carrying the bulk of it because conversing quickly exhausted me.

We found Kazi lounging on his private deck. He got up to say hello when Sebastian wheeled me close enough to the hot tub that I didn't have to walk but a few steps in order to get in. Other employees brought out ice water and towels, and Sebastian left to quickly change so he could get in with me.

I thought I'd read somewhere that hot tubs were good when you were sick. The heat helped with the aches and pains, and the steam helped with congestion. I just had to be careful, as too much would be bad and would make me light-headed quickly. I decided that every ten minutes or so, I'd get out and sit in a chair until I cooled off. I was just happy being out in the full sun.

Kazi laid down beside the spa and chilled with me until Sebastian came back in board shorts and a long-sleeved swim shirt. I'd seen him without a shirt, but today he was fully covered. Probably because the sun was scorching today and more painful for a vampire.

I was enjoying the blistering sun and blinding brightness. Three days in my cavern of darkness had cured me of any and all troll-like behaviors. My hair up in a bun let the sun beat down on the back of my neck. I laid my head back against the hot tub ledge and felt its rays on my cheeks and forehead, my closed eyelids, and my shoulders, and it felt heavenly. And the jets and heat in the hot tub were perfect for my achy muscles.

I sighed a big sigh and then just drifted in bliss, cuddled with Sebastian until I had to get out and cool off.

Since I'd been in quarantine, Sebastian and I had had a lot of time to talk. Well, for the first day, he'd talked, and I'd babbled all of my thoughts all over the place. I still had no idea what I'd said, but Sebastian found humor in it still , three days later, and would chuckle randomly about it, so I was calling it a win.

During my illness, we'd grown closer. We'd had hours to talk as he opened up and shared his life with me. I would talk when I had the energy, but I had been mostly happy to listen to Sebastian share his heart. He'd led a long life. A complex, at times heartbreaking, life. But he'd lived a good life. He'd told me more than once that he'd tried to make every moment count.

Most vampires that reached master level, he'd explained one evening, lost their joy for living. They'd done most of the things they were interested in and had enough time to rise to the top or best those things. They'd even done some things they didn't care about at all, just for the novelty. But Sebastian, even though he'd risen to the age of master vampire, still managed to find joy in his life, and it showed in everything he did. It was a quiet joy, but a joy nonetheless.

I'd been certain before, but I was more certain now. I'd taken this time with Sebastian to see if his life would suit me, if I could see myself living this life with him, and I was now certain that I could. I'd been pretty sure before when I'd told him I wanted to try, but now I was solid on my decision. I wanted this life. I wanted Sebastian in my life. I...loved him. It had happened quickly, and I hadn't told him yet, but I loved him. I should probably get on telling him soon. I just had to find the right moment.

I lounged on a sun chaise, reclined all the way back while I cooled off from the hot tub. Kazi got into his pool and swam for a bit. Sebastian jumped in and they played shark for a while, Sebastian chasing Kazi until he was tuckered out.

The afternoon passed like this in utter bliss. Sebastian and I would chat about things, sometimes heavier topics, but most of the time they were just stories from our lives. I'd read somewhere in a magazine once that you had to ask the uncomfortable questions, and I thought it seemed like great advice, so I did so with a certain amount of enthusiasm.

When I asked him how many kids he wanted, his eyes got big. When I asked him what he thought was an equitable way to split chores and essential household tasks, he laughed and hugged me.

I folded my arms, giving him my best evil-eyed stare until he got serious.

"Grace, I don't have household chores. I don't have a household. My ships are my houses, and my staff does everything, except for the things I need to handle personally, like finances for the company."

"Not everyone lives that idyllically," I reminded him. "If you didn't have the ships, and had one household, answer the question based upon those parameters."

He chuckled. "You wield language like a master composer, and yet you speak fluent science geek. I love that about you."

I felt my cheeks flush. "Thank you."

He nodded and leaned back against the lip of the hot tub. "I think it's difficult for others to understand, but those of us who usually only get one mate that's our other perfect half, when we finally find them, we would do just about anything for them. We tend to go a little overboard. So, to answer your question about what's equitable for our theoretical household? I do eighty percent, you do twenty."

"That's not fair to you," I said with a frown. "Equitable means that we each work as a team. If you're doing the majority of the work all the time, then I'd be taking advantage of you."

He thought for a moment. "I'd be willing to go seventy/thirty."

I laughed, shaking my head. He was completely serious, I could tell. We'd have to work that out when we got to it. At least he wasn't the type to think I was supposed to do everything.

"Kids? You never answered that one."

He looked sorrowful. "We'd be lucky to have even one. It's difficult for cross species to have children together. It happens; it's just more rare than humans having children with other humans."

I was suddenly sad too. I hadn't thought about it, as it was still early days in our relationship, but I'd always wanted children.

I reached out and gripped his hand. "That's okay. Adoption is a good option too."

He squeezed my hand back, and we sat in quiet and peace for a bit, thinking, enjoying, and dreaming.

After a couple of hours, I fell asleep in the sun lounger and woke up as the door closed behind us in Sebastian's suite. I'd missed the whole wheelchair ride.

"You'd probably better at least change so you'll be comfortable," Sebastian said, helping me to the bathroom after I'd grabbed some pajamas and under things. "Let me know if you need help," he said with a wolfish smile.

"If I need help, I'll call Mama," I said wryly, shaking my head at him.

Later that evening, Sebastian cuddled me close to him. We were facing each other on the bed. I think he was asleep because he was breathing evenly with his eyes closed. I watched him like a creeper for a few moments, thinking of everything that had happened since I'd come aboard the Kamaria . Since I'd met Sebastian.

And all I could think was, I haven't told him yet.

"Sebastian?" I said softly.

"Hmm?" His beautiful dark green eyes opened and focused on me.

"I―I just… I love you."

Smooth, Grace. Real smooth.

He sucked in a breath, his eyes searching my face. Then he smiled his beautiful smile. "I know."

I gaped at him, and was contemplating punching him, when, before I could even blink, he was hovering above me, and I was lying underneath him. His eyes grew solemn. "I know only because your face is so expressive. You are my other half," he whispered. "I love you more than life itself." He kissed my nose, my cheek, my forehead, my closed eyelids. "I love you when you're grumpy." He kissed my neck, making me gasp. "I love you when you're happy." He kissed my chin. "I love all of you," he whispered hoarsely. Holding my gaze, he finally kissed my mouth, tenderly, lovingly. When I clutched him tighter to me, he groaned and deepened the kiss.

I could see the flare of emotions flood his eyes, and I was sure he could see their reflection in my own. It nearly brought me to tears, the depth of that kiss. It was like we were twin souls, fusing together. It was heady and made my head spin. By the time I realized my head was also spinning because of lack of oxygen, Sebastian had already pulled away and was gently kissing my eyelids again. "Sleep, Grace," he whispered. "And heal."

Sleep and heal, two of the most beautiful words in the English language.

I drifted off to sleep feeling the most peaceful and the most safe I'd ever felt in my life.