7. Eurydice

7

EURYDICE

It only takes one look at Charon’s face to know the truth. “You did invite him here.” I can’t help the betrayal that seeps into my tone. We may have talked about this last night, and I may have admitted that I have some unresolved baggage when it comes to Orpheus, but for Charon to go over my head and invite him to the lower city…

He had no right to do that.

He had no right.

Orpheus turns to face us. I still haven’t quite processed that he’s here, let alone that he looks so different. His hair has grown out a lot in the last year, now hanging to his shoulders. He’s not dressed in his usual perfect style, his simple T-shirt and faded jeans the kind of thing he never would have been caught dead wearing in public. He also seems…tired. Worn down. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but it’s there all the same.

He caught me having sex with Charon.

I flush and then mentally curse myself for flushing. I have nothing to apologize for, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s beyond an embarrassing situation to be caught by your ex-boyfriend having sex with… I’m not even sure what Charon is to me at this point. We haven’t talked about labels. Does agreeing to give this a shot mean we’re dating? Are we friends with benefits? The latter doesn’t feel right, but I’m still aching from the feel of his cock and his hands on my body. I haven’t had a chance to deal with any of it.

First Orpheus. Then Charon.

Except it’s not that easy. Charon is the reason Orpheus is here, and he doesn’t look the least apologetic about it.

I rub my face. I’m sticky and achy and mostly naked. This is not the way I want to have whatever conversation this is, but asking Charon to go get my clothes out of his car will leave me alone with Orpheus, and… Actually, that’s a good idea. “I would like my clothes.”

Charon narrows his eyes. “You’re trying to get rid of me.”

My patience is nonexistent right now. I glare. “Or quite possibly, I don’t want to have a serious conversation with my ex while wearing your shirt with you dripping down my thighs.”

Orpheus clears his throat and turns back to the paintings on the wall. A year ago, he would have launched into a fight without hesitation over something like this. I don’t know what it means that he’s so subdued. I don’t like it, even if I’m marginally grateful for it.

Charon hesitates but finally gives a sharp nod. “Fine.”

I barely wait for him to close the front door behind him to turn to Orpheus. “Why are you here?”

“I came to apologize.” He turns back to me slowly. His gaze flows over me, from the crown of my head to my bare feet and back again. There’s something in his dark eyes that I can’t quite define, but he shields it from me before I can figure it out. “I know it’s far too little, too late, but I’m sorry that you were harmed because of my actions. I was a selfish little prick, and it never occurred to me that you might be in any danger when Zeus asked me for that favor.”

“Would it have made a difference?” It’s the question that’s lingered through all these months, that’s caused me to lose more sleep than I’ll ever admit. Orpheus is selfish and conceited and occasionally cruel, but he was never violent. Then again, he wasn’t the one who committed violence against me. Zeus’s man did. Would Orpheus condone that if he thought it would feed his ambition and get him closer to the most powerful person in Olympus?

His eyes fly to mine. “Of course it would have made a difference.” He sounds genuinely shocked I’m even asking. I don’t think he’s lying, but I can’t quite be sure. Orpheus scrubs a hand over his face. “This won’t earn me any points, but after your sister made a public fool of Zeus, I honestly thought all he wanted was to be photographed with you and use that to draw her back to the upper city.”

I blink. “Surely you can’t be that much a fool. You know where you told me to meet you.” I shake my head, my heart sinking. “And even if you thought Zeus was the one meeting me, you know how he was with women.” A monster. It’s common knowledge that he most likely murdered all three of his wives, and he committed violence against no small number of women less powerful than him.

In Olympus, everyone is less powerful than Zeus.

That man is gone, fallen to his death from the top of Dodona Tower, and his son seems to be cut of slightly different cloth. Still a monster, but not one who hurts those weaker than himself. At least not without cause.

I shake my head again, trying to focus. “Gods, Orpheus.”

“I know.” He sinks onto the couch and hangs his head. “I fucking know. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m not asking for it. I’m here to give you whatever closure you need. I just…I don’t know how to do it beyond apologizing.”

The front door opens before I can form a reply. Charon steps inside, his gaze flicking between me and Orpheus. He passes me my clothes. “Here.”

As much as I want to escape this situation, I don’t quite trust them to be alone together. I yank on my panties and jeans. That will have to do. I feel slightly more centered once I have pants on. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

I don’t know what I want to say.

Every time I look at him, it hurts, but that’s not the only thing I feel. Something strums in my chest, a feeling of rightness that only seems to come when we’re in the same room. It doesn’t matter how much he hurt me, because that damned connection is still there. I thought for certain it would be gone, that I would have exorcised it along with all the other parts of me I can no longer stand.

It’s not gone.

If anything, it’s stronger than before.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Orpheus pushes slowly to his feet. I’ve never seen him look so defeated. His shoulders are bowed and his head down. “Like I said, I’m not here to ask anything of you. I’ve said what I came here to say. If at some point you want or need more, all you have to do is ask. We can talk or you can yell at me or whatever you need.” He drags in a breath and glances at Charon. “More than that, I’m…I’m glad you’re happy, Eurydice. I really am. Even if it’s not with me.”

I don’t know what’s happening to my chest. There’s an awful fluttering, wrenching feeling that only gets worse as he starts for the door. If he walks through it now, this ends for good. That’s what I thought I wanted, but now that it’s happening, I’m panicking. “Wait.”

Charon goes still. It’s the same almost predatory lack of movement as last night. He doesn’t contradict me though. He just looks at me and waits for whatever I’m about to say.

Orpheus is doing the same, but somehow it’s so much worse. He’s never been that good at hiding what he’s feeling, and right now there’s a blossoming hope in his eyes that only makes the feeling in my chest worse. I can’t give him my heart again. I can’t.

But I…don’t want him to walk out that door—or out of my life.

Apparently I really am a fool who never learns from her mistakes. It’s the only explanation, because this man may have brought me great joy, but he’s also brought me the greatest sorrow of my life. I should be happy to see the last of him.

Instead, I find myself repeating, “Wait.” I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what else I want, just that I can’t let him leave. Not yet. “Please.”

Orpheus turns more fully to face me. “Whatever you want, Eurydice.”

Whatever I want.

That’s the ridiculous part of this. I don’t know what I want. Once upon a time, I thought I did. I thought it would be him and me for the rest of our lives. Marriage. Children. Growing old together, surrounded by family. Riding the edges of the waves of power in this city without actively engaging with them.

I realize those were naive dreams. Orpheus had always had his sights set on something more than a mundane life. He wouldn’t have sacrificed me if that weren’t true.

But I can’t quite release those dreams. Even with our history. Even with Charon here, watching us with an unreadable expression on his face.

He’s the one who moves first. Of course he is. If left to our own devices, I have no doubt Orpheus and I would stand here all night, staring at each other and unable to say the words tangling up inside us. I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know what I need, but there’s a part of me that longs to lash out at him, to hurt him the way he hurt me. Just like there’s another part of me that doesn’t want him to ever leave.

Charon steps between us. “It’s late. Take the couch, Orpheus. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Orpheus opens his mouth, seeming about to argue, but finally nods. “Yeah. Sure. Okay.”

I don’t resist as Charon presses a hand to the small of my back and guides me down the hall to his room. I’ve been here dozens of times over the last couple months. He technically has a room in the main house, but he likes a little privacy at times, and he gave me an open invitation to stay here whenever I like. Whether he’s present or not.

He closes the bedroom door behind us. Once again, it strikes me that we haven’t had an opportunity to discuss what we did in the back seat. The intentions we declared with only the darkness as witness. My body flares with heat at the memory of how deliciously he stretched me. I shiver. “Charon—”

“Not yet, baby.” He catches my wrist and turns me to face him. He’s usually serious, but his expression is almost empty, it’s so stoic right now. “Before we talk about us, we need to talk about him.”

“What do you mean?” My voice squeaks a little.

He studies me. “You wanted closure, but things aren’t closed. Seeing him opened up some shit.”

He’s not wrong, but I kind of hate that he’s speaking the things I can barely admit to myself. I tug on my wrist, and he releases me. “I thought it would be gone.” I wrap my arms around myself. “There was always this connection between us, and I thought what he did would sever it, but it’s still there.” Stronger, even.

“I see.”

I hate how empty he sounds. I tighten my grip on myself. “We have a connection too, you know. It’s just different. I meant everything I said both last night and tonight. I love you. I want to be with you if you can accept a damaged heart. I just…I didn’t think I would feel like this if I saw him again.”

“I know.” Charon sighs, and all the tension leaks out of him. “This complicates things.”

“What do you mean?”

For a long moment, I think he won’t answer, but he leans back against the door with another sigh. “I meant what I said before too. The joy of being with you outweighs the potential pain of not having all of you. But now that he’s here? We can’t move on without dealing with him.” He shakes his head slowly. “Maybe we can’t move on without him.”

The awful feeling inside me grows thorns that tear into me. Between one blink and the next, I’m back on that dark street, my breath sawing through my lungs, my feet screaming in pain, the fear so overwhelming that I was certain my heart would burst. “I don’t see a future with him.”

“No lies between us, baby.” Charon pushes off the door and crosses to me. He moves slowly, carefully resting his hands on my hips. “You’re still hurt and furious, but all those feelings haven’t gone away.”

“I wish they would,” I whisper. I’m glad Orpheus felt the need to apologize, but that doesn’t change the pain he caused. It doesn’t take it away. “It would be so much easier.”

“Life doesn’t work like that.” Charon’s fingers pulse on my hips as if he can’t quite help himself, but he releases me and steps back. “Give him a chance to make it right.”

I jolt. “Excuse me?”

“If you send him away now, he’ll always be between us.” His blue eyes are so intense, I have to struggle to hold his gaze. “If he’s going to be between us, I’d rather him be between us. It’s easier to deal with the man himself than the memory.”

I can’t believe he’s saying this. “We just had sex, and you want my ex to stick around.”

“What I want is you.” He slices a hand through the air. “You, Eurydice. Whatever that means, whoever that includes. If that means he comes too, then so be it.”

“Just like that,” I whisper. “Surely it’s not that simple.”

“It is for me.” He finally lowers his gaze, releasing me. “He wants to pay penance, and you deserve to have penance paid. I don’t give a fuck what that looks like. Stick a collar around his neck and walk him like a dog if that will make you happy. Fuck him. Sleep with him. Do what you need to do.”

“But—”

He steps into me and catches my chin in a light, firm grip. “But make no mistake, none of that threatens us, baby. We crossed that bridge tonight, and there’s no going back. You and me, we’re endgame.”