17. Falling Apart at Black Rock

seventeen

Falling Apart at Black Rock

Z iggy had been gone awhile. I knew he was okay because he was with Joey Hayes and Drake was trailing them a good distance away along with Joey’s security detail as well. But I didn’t know what they were talking about or why. It made me nervous, but it wasn’t like I could put Ziggy in a glass jar to keep him safe. He was an adult, strong and capable, and I needed to have more faith in him. All I could do was be here for him and hope he would confide in me.

Wolf and Harrison left to go check out some of the other performances while Jinx and Miami were still on the bus. I suspected they were after alone time more than sleeping. So, I cleaned up quickly and pulled up a chair in front of the bus to wait. While I did that, I phoned my office and gave them Jackson Spivey’s information and asked them to set up a meeting for us. I wanted to help them and was in a good position to do it.

Finally, Ziggy came walking up alone. Well, never completely alone. Drake was a few feet back, hovering like he was supposed to. I sure as fuck wouldn’t want that job—guarding rockstars. “Hey, Zig.”

He pulled up a chair next to me with a huff. “We have to talk.”

“Everything okay?”

“No, not really. I, uh, fuck this is hard.” He covered his face with his long, nimble fingers.

I suspected it was going to be about the drugs. His back doctor had told him to stop, and he hadn’t listened. “What does Joey have to do with this? Maybe start there.”

“Do you know his story? He almost died. And that’s what it took for him to figure his shit out.”

“I heard about the accident, but what do you mean by figure his shit out?”

“He was, he’s in recovery.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t know if it was appropriate for Ziggy to share that with me. “You know I didn’t put him up to talking to you. I haven’t talked to him or anyone.”

Ziggy rubbed my arm, taking my hand. “I know.” We sat there like that for a few minutes. I wasn’t going to push him. But when we started hearing movement in the bus behind us, he started up again. “So, I’m, I, uh, I think I’m an addict. It’s not just self-medicating. It’s not just enjoying the lifestyle. Maybe it started out that way, but it’s a whole fucking lot more than that now.”

I wanted to pull him in my arms and maybe stuff him under that glass. He was so vulnerable and open. I squeezed his hand. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. But it will be. I hate to do this, but I can’t finish the tour. I need to go to rehab. Like now.” He squeezed my hand back. “Look at me.” I turned and gazed into his beautiful, deep blue eyes as if for the first time. “I love you.”

My heart fucking stopped. It was the first time he’d said it. Really said it. With meaning and feeling.

“And I want to feel that. I want everything with you. But if I have this issue hanging over me, I can’t. I’ve been numbing myself from everything. I don’t want to keep doing that. I want to enjoy being a rockstar. And their brother.” He jerked his head toward the buses. “And most importantly, I want to enjoy being your lover. Your partner. And I don’t really know how.” A tear beaded up in his eye and spilled down his cheek.

“Come here.” I stood and pulled him up to me. I needed to hold my rockstar tight. “I’ll cancel the rest of the shows. I’ll talk to the band. You need this, and it is way more important than any fucking show.”

Ziggy chuckled with his nose pressed into my throat. “You’ve been hanging out with us too fucking long, Cole.”

The band met up before going to watch Griffin Marsh and Chaser Lost. Everyone was there, including Marci and Kai and all the roadies, techs, and sound and light staff. I told them we were canceling the rest of their shows, but Ziggy stepped up to tell them why. I had never been prouder of him or anyone in my life.

He stood, bit his bottom lip and fidgeted with the edge of his shirt. “Uh, it’s my fault. And I hope none of you hate me or whatever, but I have to go to rehab. It’s not my back, well, not just my back that’s an issue. Fuck, you all know I have a drug problem. It’s not just ahh…Ziggy getting high again . It’s a problem. And I’m getting help before I fuck everything up.” He sat in one of the chairs and stared at the dusty ground.

Miami stood and went over to him. He pulled him up and into a hug. “You’re my brother in everything but blood, and probably that too by now.” Everyone chuckled at that. They’d been friends a long time. “And family sticks together. I love you, bro.”

The rest of the band joined in a group hug while the staff cheered. Other people passing by looked over at us, probably wondering what was going on, but no one felt like they had to explain, and we didn’t.

Jinx pulled out of the hug first. “I don’t think we need to reschedule those shows. It’s too hard. I mean, who knows when that would be even.”

“Yeah.” Wolf looked over at me. “This has been a rough tour on all of us. We should break until Ziggy gets out and meet up in Miami.”

“I actually have an interesting idea about that.” I held my hand up as if I was in school until I had everyone’s attention. “I scheduled a meeting with Jackson Spivey who manages Blacksmith Sugar. If we can work things out with them, I’d like to have them headline the rest of the tour with Bramble Punk still opening. That way, we can honor the original tickets sold to anyone who wants to go to that show. If they don’t, we give them a deadline to get a refund so we can resell the tickets to anyone who might want to go see Blacksmith who didn’t originally buy tickets for Hunt.”

“So…” One of the roadies for Bramble Punk stepped closer. “Some of us will still be able to work on those dates. The Bramble guys, anyway. Right?”

I nodded. “I think that’s the best I can do.”

“Well, it’s not a total wash,” the guy said. And if any of our own guys were upset, they didn’t voice it. “And still good for Bramble Punk.” The actual Bramble Punk band wasn’t in attendance at the meeting though.

“I’ll be letting them know, but this is contingent on working out a deal with Blacksmith Sugar.”

So, it seemed everything would work out. Except I didn’t want to go back to Denver alone. I didn’t know what to do about that or even how to voice my worry. But it turned out I didn’t have to.

Miami stood next to me and leaned into my side. “Dude. I think you should come with us to Florida. I have a guest room, so does my mom.”

“Oh!” Wolf jumped up. “You could stay with me. I have a guest room too.”

I was choked up by the outpouring. They wanted me there. Considered me family already. “This is why you’re my favorite band.”

“What the fuck?” Ziggy jumped up, looking outraged. “I thought I was the reason we were your favorite band.”

“That too.” I pulled Ziggy to me and hugged him. “Of course you are.” I kissed the side of his head. “I’m so proud of you, Zig, and I’m here for you. I will be with your family in Miami when you get back. But I’m not staying with you losers. I’ll get my own place. Fuck you very much.”

The guys cracked up, taking it for the teasing that it was. Wolf scoffed. “You’re ruining your vocabulary hanging out with us.” But they didn’t rib me too much. And it felt like family.

Now, I needed to make the arrangements.