45. Valentina

Chapter 45

Valentina

M y old apartment looks sad, lonely, and tiny after having lived with Ronan for a while now.

I fill boxes with my personal items. Old pictures, notebooks, clothes I left behind, hair products and makeup. Anything I don’t really need gets left behind. Ronan said he’d keep paying rent for a while on this place, at least until we’re ready to let it go.

It’s a nice offer and I took him up on it, but I’m ready to start moving on with my life.

“I forgot how depressing this place is,” I say as I come back into the living room with the last box of stuff. Ronan’s sitting on my couch, frowning at his phone. He’s been doing that a lot lately, especially since the ambush at the warehouse. When he told me about that, I nearly lost my mind—he’d been inches from getting killed.

But he survived, and he seems in better spirits than he was before.

“I didn’t,” he says, making a face. “When I saw the way you were living, I knew I had to do something about it.”

I make a face at him. “You’re so full of shit. You were just trying to manipulate me to get what you wanted.”

“You’re what I wanted.”

“Oh, wow, how romantic.”

He grins huge. “Come here, love.”

I throw an old stuffed elephant at him. He easily bats it away.

“No, thanks, I’ll keep my distance.” I start going through the kitchen, but I don’t need plates or knives. I take a few mugs I’ve had for a while and feel some kind of sentimental attachment to, but mostly it’s all staying behind. “Are you sure about all this? I mean, you don’t really want my stuff cluttering up your house, do you?”

“That’s exactly what I want.” He watches me as I brush hair from my face and bend down to look in a lower cabinet. “Seriously, love, we don’t have to keep going over this. I want you to move in for real.”

“I know you say that now but think about what it means—” When I stand up straight, he’s right there, a few feet from me. I laugh and hold up my hand as he comes closer. “I’ll be there in the morning. I’ll be there at night. No more privacy. No more quiet afternoons.”

“And no more quiet sleep, considering how loudly you snore.”

“Asshole, I do not?—”

He darts forward and grabs my waist. I yelp, try to wriggle away, but he pins me back against the counter and buries my mouth with his. I whimper into that kiss despite myself, and the moment his tongue brushes against mine, a big part of me relaxes.

“I want this,” he says softly after he breaks off the kiss. I crave him still and my heart’s racing in my chest. “You’re mine and I’m yours. We can make a new life together, and if you don’t like my current house, we can get something new and make it both of ours.”

“Seriously? You’re willing to move for me?”

“Within reason.” He frowns and narrows his eyes. “I’m not going to some weird Italian neighborhood.”

I slap his arm and laugh. “I wouldn’t dare.”

“Then relax. I want this.”

“I do too.” I lean against him and let myself relax. “I’ve just been on edge since the ambush, you know? My stupid head keeps telling me that I’m only trouble, that if you get hurt it’ll be all my fault, that our family is suffering because of me.”

“None of that is true.”

“I know. I mean, I’m trying to know.”

“One of these days, you’re going to wake up in bed next to me and realize you haven’t had any self-deprecating thoughts in a long time.” He tilts my chin up so we’re looking into each other’s eyes. “You’re going to look back at this and wonder why you ever hesitated. You’re going to wonder why you didn’t throw yourself into my arms and stay there for as long as you could.”

“Sounds pretty arrogant to me.”

His lopsided grin makes my heart melt. “And yet it’s true.”

He kisses me again. I return that kiss, wondering if maybe he’s right, if I’ll look back on this as the beginning of something better than I ever imagined. I feel myself on the cusp, and all I need to do is take one more step. Ronan’s family is being kind to me. Life with Ronan himself is incredible. I’m happy with him. I feel more fulfilled than I ever would’ve guessed.

My demons still nag at me. I’m still worried I’m cursed and I’ll somehow destroy his family from the inside simply by being a part of it. But when he’s kissing me, that stupid voice in my head trying to make me feel bad about myself goes quiet, and that should be the biggest sign that I’m right where I need to be.

The kiss deepens, lengthens, and his hands move around to grab my ass, and my pulse races in my chest.

Someone knocks at the door.

Ronan pulls back. I’m breathless and aching for him to ignore it and keep kissing me.

“Does anyone know I’m here?” he asks.

“I don’t know. Who cares? It’s probably just—” I shrug, not sure who. Keep making out with me, idiot .

But Ronan turns away when there’s another knock. He stalks over to his jacket and lifts a gun from its folds. There’s another knock, more insistent, and he goes to answer with the gun at the ready, aimed at whoever’s standing outside.

“Who’s there?” he calls at the door.

I hold myself back, tense and worried.

“It’s Seamus.” The voice is muffled and soft, but unmistakable.

Ronan looks back at me. He’s obviously surprised. I’m about to tell him not to open the door, but he unlocks the bolt and steps aside.

Seamus looks tired. He hangs out in the doorway, rubbing his hands together nervously. There’s nobody else with him—Ronan checks the hall—and he doesn’t complain when Ronan refrains from lowering his gun.

“I guess you didn’t expect to see me here.” Seamus glances at me and seems—chagrined? Sad? Angry with himself? I feel totally lost in this moment as Ronan closes the door and moves Seamus deeper into my apartment.

“What are you doing here?” Ronan asks. “And how’d you find us?”

“I followed you,” he admits. “I’ve been waiting for a good time, and I just?—”

“You thought it was now?” Ronan’s voice is soft with menace. “When my girl is here?”

“We’re safe here. Cormac’s not going to think to check this place, you know?” Seamus glances around, clearly nervous. “I just want to talk, that’s all.”

“Then talk.” Ronan leans back against a table, half-sitting, gun still trained on his cousin’s chest. “The only reason I’m not hurting you right now is because you didn’t pull the trigger before.”

“I know.” Seamus lets out a long breath. “I fucked up, Ronan. I fucked up big time. I never should’ve gone with Cormac.”

Ronan lets that sink in. I can tell Seamus really means it, and although Ronan’s pretty pissed off that so many of the cousins decided to betray him, I also know that he’s trying to find a way to bring them all back into the fold. Real contrition like this is a very good first step toward mending the rift.

“All right. I believe you. But why are you here?”

“I want to make things right.” Seamus straightens up and meets Ronan’s eyes. “Cormac was saying all this stuff about bringing honor and glory back to the family and how you’re dragging us away from our core values, like you’re the one tearing the family apart. But that’s not remotely true, right? It’s Cormac who’s making the mess. He’s saying all this shit to the cousins and they believe him, but really all he wants is to sit behind your desk.”

Ronan grunts and I can tell he feels vindicated to hear that coming from Seamus. It must’ve been so hard for the poor guy to come here and admit all this, even knowing that Ronan tried to make him see the light already, and he still made the wrong choice. But now Seamus seems to get it, and that’s huge.

It means Ronan has an insider to help.

“What do you plan on doing about it then?” Ronan asks cautiously.

“I don’t know where Cormac’s keeping the drugs. Only Cormac and his inner circle know that.”

Ronan’s gaze sharpens. “Then how can you help?”

“I can tell you their next move, and if you’re fast and careful, you’ll be able to find out where Cormac’s hiding right now.”

“You don’t know?” Ronan glances at me, and I can tell he’s not buying this.

“Cormac’s smart, right? He’s keeping everyone separated. I think he doesn’t trust me, so I’m sort of on the outside looking in, but I know where they’re hitting next. I want to help, Ronan. I want to stop this madness. I want to do something right for the family for once.”

Slowly, Ronan lowers the gun. Seamus looks relieved, but he doesn’t move. Ronan doesn’t put the weapon down, but he’s not aiming it at his cousin’s chest anymore.

“You really want to help?” Ronan asks.

“Give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking.”

“All right.” Ronan cocks his head. “Tell me everything you can.”