Chapter 10

Aaron

Ice is beneath my skates and the turmoil inside me pushes my legs harder and faster as if I’m trying to escape the crushing weight of my responsibilities. Between balancing my shifts as a paramedic, chasing my dream of making it in pro hockey, and dealing with my father's health, I sometimes feel like I'm drowning. However, I've been taught that men don't complain or whine – we just get the work done.

"Wilson! Over here!" Coach Hawthorne calls out during practice.

I glide over to him, trying to mask my exhaustion. "Yes, Coach?"

"Take a breather, Ace," he commands, his blue eyes searching mine for an answer to questions I know he won't ask aloud. "You seem off today. You're pushing yourself too hard."

"Everything's fine, Coach," I insist, trying to catch my breath. I don't want him to see how close I am to breaking. "I can handle it."

"Listen," he says, leaning in closer and lowering his voice, "I know you're juggling a lot right now, with your job and your dad's stuff that’s going on. But you need to take care of yourself, too."

How did he know? I must not be hiding my shit as well as I thought.

"Look, there's no shame in admitting you're overwhelmed. Trust me, I've been there."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "Thank you," I whisper. "I'll… I'll try to keep that in mind."

"Good," he nods, clapping me on the shoulder. "Now get back out there and show me what you're made of."

Before I know it, practice is over as the whistle echoes through the ice rink. I watch as my teammates break away from their drills. Coach Hawthorne calls us together for a brief huddle before we head to the locker room.

"Listen up, everyone," he begins, his voice firm. "Life is like a game of hockey. Sometimes you need to play defense and protect what's important, and other times you need to go on offense and chase your dreams. Finding the right balance between these two is crucial."

His words resonate with me. I've been so focused on trying to juggle everything that I've forgotten the importance of my own life.

We break the huddle, but Coach calls me over again before I get too far.

"Wilson," he says. "I know someone who might be able to help you with this. Dr. Chance Hamilton, a former team doctor for the Florida Sharks. He now works as a youth sports trainer here in Kissing Springs. I think it'd be good for you to talk to him."

I nod slowly, considering his suggestion. The idea of reaching out to someone for guidance is not something I would normally do. A part of me still clings stubbornly to the belief that I should be able to handle everything on my own, but another part recognizes that a little help would be nice.

"Thanks, Coach," I say quietly. "I'll think about it."

"Good, no one can be strong all the time. It takes true strength to admit when you need help. Keep that in mind,” he says and walks off down the hall.

After practice, I let a busy week go by of work on the ambulance, practices and games, and the rest of my time is spent at the hospital with Dad. I’ve been sleeping up there so Mom can get some good time to be with him during the day.

This morning, the coffee in my hand is not nearly enough of the energy I need to make it through today. I sit on the bench outside the youth sports center, lost in thought. Dr. Chance Hamilton is inside, working with young athletes who are just starting their journey in the world of sports.

My coffee cup is empty, so I make my way inside to see a training class breaking up and notice a man off to the side talking to a young man on crutches. That must be him. I’ve heard about him around town, just haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him yet. Once he is finished with his conversation, his eyes rise, and he nods his head at me in acknowledgment. Soon he is strolling over to me.

"Hey," Dr. Hamilton approaches. "You must be Aaron. Coach Hawthorne mentioned you might swing by."

"Yes, I'm Aaron Wilson. It's nice to meet you, Dr. Hamilton."

"Chance, please. So, what can I help you with?" he asks.

I take a deep breath, hoping that this conversation will bring some comfort to my racing thoughts of how to accomplish it all. "Coach thought you might have some insight into managing stress. You know, trying to balance work and... well, everything else."

"Ah, sure," Chance nods with a slight chuckle. "The ever-elusive work-life balance. It's something we all struggle with, especially when we're passionate about our careers. Back in my days as a team doctor, it was a constant challenge to balance my professional responsibilities with the team, working at the hospital, and my personal life. Believe me, I screwed it up plenty of times. Especially with my personal life."

“Right.” I shake my head, already feeling like he understands perfectly.

“So, I know you play for the Yellowjackets and work as a paramedic. What else do you have going on? A girlfriend? Wife?”

“Yes, to work and hockey. No, not a relationship. Although, I recently met a girl, but there’s just no time for it in my life right now. So, we’ve just hung out and texted some. The personal stress is more so my dad’s pressure to solely go for my hockey career, and then he had a heart attack and is in the hospital. I guess, I’m also feeling guilty because I honestly love both hockey and being a paramedic, and don’t really want to give up either. Now, he’s sick and maybe I should give up my EMS job and just focus on hockey like he thinks I should.”

“I see. Well, for me, I learned that it's important to prioritize and set boundaries. As long as you’re comfortable with the workload you put yourself through. That’s for only you to decide. As for your dad, I hope he gets better. Remember though, it is your life. He’s raised you to be the tough man that you clearly are, and I’m sure he’d love you no matter if you did both jobs or just hockey,” he says.

“Yeah, he will. He’s a good man and only wants the best for me,” I confirm.

“It's also crucial to recognize when you need a break, and this girl… She might be the breath of fresh air that you’re looking for."

I appreciate his honesty, but I’m still somewhat skeptical. Setting boundaries and prioritizing sounds great in theory, but I’ve never been one to back down from the high standards I put on myself. Or are those mine or my dad’s standards? Ultimately, is the pressure coming from me or him?