9. Man Friend

9

MAN FRIEND

LIVVIE

N ancy yawned shuffling into the kitchen, still in her bathrobe. A little worse for wear this morning by the looks of things. I chewed my cheek, jumping to conclusions. She promised she’d kicked her bad habits of drinking and gambling. It shouldn’t surprise me the temptations she faced here in Kentucky, given the abundance of race tracks within driving distance.

I’d need to tread carefully. Just because she gave us a place to live didn’t mean I couldn’t get kicked out if I pissed her off enough. We were close, but not mother and daughter close.

“Livvie, be a dear and take the trash out?” she asked, rubbing her back. For a woman in her late sixties, spry would be the perfect word to describe her, although at the moment she looked in need of a nap.

When her sister retired and moved away to Love Beach, South Carolina, to be with her “man friend,” as she called him, she asked if Nancy would want to live here. Considering she had no savings, thanks to gambling troubles in the past, the offer was better than she could have hoped for. The house was paid off, and all Nancy would need was enough to pay taxes, insurance, and upkeep. Quite a deal, so she retired from her job at the post office, after twenty years of service in St. Louis, and moved down here, getting by enough on her pension.

“River, breakfast is on the table,” I shouted down the hall first. “Oh, and Nancy, my car broke down last night?—”

“Yes. I know. Blake told me when I got in. He seems nice. We should have him over for dinner.” She winked, but I ignored it.

“Can I use your car for now until I can get mine fixed?”

“We’ll make do, like always,” she sighed.

All too glad to help out, I grabbed the trash bags. At this early hour, once I stepped outside, the noise from our neighbor out mowing his lawn besieged my ears, likely upsetting other neighbors as well. He cut the engine when he saw me at the waste bins, and waved me over.

The balding man pulled the cigar out of his mouth and blew out clouds of smoke. I hated the stench; it reminded me too much of the back room at Dad’s bar where a particular group of men would often play a high stakes game of poker.

“You must be Livvie? Your grandmother mentioned you’d be moving here. I’m Spence. We moved in about the same time, so I’ve been looking in on her now and then. She’s made me lunch a few times. That woman makes one helluva fried bologna sandwich. We sure had a great time last night.” He flashed a grin with perfect straight and white teeth, except for one gold tooth.

A man in his late fifties, if I had to guess, he wore a polo shirt and khaki shorts despite the autumn chill in the morning air. The white tube socks on his feet held ridiculous honor in a pair of athletic slides.

“Last night?” I grimaced at first, then it dawned on me, the way Nancy nursed her back in the kitchen minutes ago. “Uh. Nice to meet you, Spence.”

“Sure, honey. I like to do my part and make sure my neighbors are well taken care of.” He wiggled his brows and continued despite my attempted getaway. “She said you moved down from St. Louis?”

“Yep. Got out of the city. It’s a relief to be here in this small town. Well, I should head back in.”

“No problem, neighbor. Happy to help anytime you need it.” He stuck the cigar back in his mouth and continued mowing like he had a big secret and all too happy to keep it to himself. For some reason, he gave me the creeps. I envied Blake with all that acreage around him and not a neighbor in sight.

River could run wild and free, and be happy there. With a custody arrangement, he’d get the opportunity to do so. Heck he’d probably grow to want more time with Blake than me. I swallowed that hard pill down. And Blake—he’d have certain nights kid-free to chase other women like Julia, the tall redheaded ex who managed to look like a porn star in scrubs. Then again, I’d have some nights free to date other men. Neither prospect appealed to me, and we hadn’t even hashed out a custody or coparenting plan yet.

When I returned into the house, Nancy was at the table, sipping a cup of coffee, while River ate his toast with peanut butter and honey.

“Well, I just met our neighbor Spence. He sure seems to like you.” I gauged her reaction.

“Hm. Yes.” She gave the type of doe-eyed grin like a woman satisfied the morning after being with a man.

“Nancy…” I cocked my head at her.

“What? That obvious?” The glint in her eyes gave her away.

My eyes bulged over the brim of my coffee mug. “Good for you for having found a man friend, I think. Spence is…”

“Yeah. He is.” She winked.

“River, we need to go so you’ll be on time today. Run and put your jacket on and grab your backpack, please.” I didn’t want him to hear the next part of the conversation.

When he was safely out of earshot, I continued. “Nancy. Be careful, okay? I worry about you.”

“Don’t. It’s only sex. Besides, what about you? When I got home last night, there was Blake, watching over you like a protective hawk. He is one sexy man.”

“Sh.” I glanced down the hall. No sign of River. “It’s not exactly like that. I can’t get involved with him. You should see the way River is around him, ready to welcome him with open arms.”

“Why can’t you?”

“For about a million reasons. The main one being, it’s not only my heart, but River’s to consider, too. I can’t jump in so fast.”

“If I were you, Livvie, I’d jump overboard, hold onto him tight, and be happy for once. You deserve it. Haven’t you had enough bad come your way? I have a good feeling that right here in Kissing Springs is where your luck will turn around. It has mine. Trust me, honey, a little sex does a woman good.” She wigged her brows.

“Ugh, Nancy.”

“Oh, don’t look so surprised. Even at my age I can dance and fool around. You should try it.” She shimmied out of the kitchen, humming a song, like the woman got her groove back on. Wow. I had no words.

“Try what? Why is grandma dancing in her jammies?” River posed the questions, ready to leave like I instructed.

“She’s happy we’re here with her, sweetie. That’s all. Let’s get you to school.” I chuckled about this morning’s discovery, about her and Spence, off and on the entire way.

Of course, the minute I arrived at Minnie’s for my shift, there was Blake at the counter, sitting and waiting for me. Like a flashing sign from above shouting Claim him …his smile warmed me. And terrified me all the same.

By Friday, our routines became the norm. Nancy cooked dinner each night, while at the dining table, I ran through the alphabet practice folder with River. As for making new friends at school, not a problem, but he struggled through the classwork.

Mrs. Witham had sent home the folder containing the alphabet along with a list of other things he could do to develop his fine motor skills. His tiny fingers always had a hard time grasping things and opening things. I would do anything with him to help get him caught up with his peers. His preschool in St. Louis could have done a better job of preparing him for kindergarten, in my opinion.

“Say, I forgot to mention that a big box came in for you. It’s out in the garage.” Nancy pointed her spatula that way. “Mac and cheese will be done in five.”

“River, go wash up.” He trotted down the hall, always such a good little guy doing what he’s told, while I took the moment to see about the box.

When I peeked inside of it, there were Chilly, Tilly, and Billy costumes. And only one man who could have sent them. They must have cost Blake a fortune this close to Halloween. But I couldn’t hide the smile from my lips at how he paid attention and knew exactly what to get. River would be thrilled.

I shut the garage door and pulled my phone out of my back pocket so I could text in private without Nancy or River being nosy.

Livvie: The box arrived. Perfect costumes. River will be happy.

Baby Daddy: Yeah? Show him yet?

Livvie: No.

Baby Daddy: I’m coming over. I want to see the look on his face. Besides I have news.

Shoot. My hand shot to my hair, in dire need of washing. I’d planned a bath tonight. Besides, I shouldn’t let Blake think he could come over any time. There had to be boundaries. We needed to share parenting, not date, no matter what Nancy said about sex.

The phone ringing in my hand shocked me. Baby Daddy popped up on the screen, the name I’d assigned his contact so others wouldn’t see.

“Hello?”

“For the record, you can call me anytime. I prefer to hear your voice, sweet pea,” he said in a deep, slightly southern drawl. I’d heard it occasionally, but only with certain words from him. I liked that about him. Some people around here had thicker accents, but Blake’s just tickled around the edges of some drawn out phrases here and there. On our night in St. Louis, the way his gravely voice in my ear said sexy things with that little accent drove me crazy in a very good way.

The phone to my ear caused the same instant reaction as he talked. I crossed my legs, reacting to it. Yes, I needed some well-deserved me time in the bathtub.

“You said in your text something about news?” I asked.

“I’ll tell you when I get there. I’ll be about fifteen minutes.”

“Blake, I’m tired. River, too. We’re eating dinner and getting to bed early. Can whatever it is wait?”

“Whatever it is? I got the paternity tests results back. Aren’t you curious?”

“Oh.” I’d forgotten about those. “I already know you’re the father.”

“But River doesn’t. I want to tell him.”

I sucked in a breath. When I woke up this morning, the last thing I expected to deal with was this. Nancy would love hearing the news. But River? His reaction was more important.

“Blake, he’s only five. We should take our time. Let him get to know you.”

“Oh. Okay.” The disappointment in his tone clear, how crappy for me to put him off. This was so confusing. I wanted him and River to have a good relationship, but I also needed to protect my son’s heart. I wish someone had protected mine. I was never a Daddy’s girl, more like I feared him. Mom wasn’t around long enough to protect me from him forever, a fact likely feeding directly into how I dealt with this.

“Look, I need to go, Blake. But I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll discuss it more. Promise.”

“Sure, Olivia. If you think this is best.”

“I do.” I shoved aside my regret for doing this to him and got off the phone quickly.

Back inside, River entertained us through dinner with stories about his day and some of his new friends. This was nice, just the three of us. Blake would undoubtedly make four, at some pint, demanding some of our time as we got deeper and deeper into this shared parenting thing.

As I looked around, though, I pinched myself; this really was my life now. It would take some getting used to, the calm of normalcy. For far too long, I lived with constant fear and anxiety.

I could have run away from Dad and my brothers and probably should have. But when you came from nothing and had nothing, it was hard to escape. Dad had at least the decency to let me and River stay in the apartment above the bar rent free. We ate food from the bar, too, and in return I was expected to work my ass off keeping the place as clean as possible. Hard to do with the rough crowd that frequented the place. Some of the disgusting things I’d seen…

“Would you two clean up? I’m going to bed early.” Nancy’s question broke into my thoughts.

“Sure.” I’d like to say this new life felt nice, but it was…unsettling for some reason.

After a quick bath, River fell asleep fast and early. These full kindergarten days at school took a lot out of him, compared to his preschool that had been in a local church basement. Getting him to bed earlier could help him wake up happier and get us to his school on time. And it would give me a break in the evenings, too.

Like tonight, I had piles of laundry to do ahead of me, and a nice, long opportunity to soak in the tub. I didn’t own fancy sex toys to play with, but I fully intended to think about Blake and touch myself. Despite my earlier conversation with Nancy regarding sex, yes, I’d thought about him pretty much every second since arriving in Kissing Springs.

When I had the water at the perfect temperature, I pinned my hair up, then undressed, only to catch the reflection of my back in the mirror. I gasped. The scar on my shoulder blade caught me off-guard, the scab only recently healing.

Easy to hide and forget about it under my layers of clothing until uncovered and glaring at me, it served as a constant reminder of my past. I could do everything in my power to leave it behind, but the scar would forever be there.