CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

After the funeral, and after the repast that was held at Jenay's hotel ballroom, they all gathered at Big Daddy's house. All of the young people, except for Carly and Ashley, were in the back game room. But everybody else were right there. And although the huge room was filled with family, you could hear a pin drop.

When Mick sat on one of the two sofas in the living room, Roz sat on one side of him with her arm interlocked with his arm, Jackie sat on the other side of him with her head on his shoulder, and Duke sat on the floor between his legs with both of his arms around both of Mick's legs. They were clinging to him. They all knew that Jenay had been in and out of hospitals for a long time, and was therefore ill, but nobody expected her end to come this way. It was jarring.

Especially for her only biological daughter Bonita Sinatra. Big Daddy was especially concerned about his youngest child and as he sat on the second sofa in the room, she sat beside him. He had his arm around her and around Carly, his adopted daughter and the second youngest in the family, as she sat on the other side of their father. Amelia Sinatra, Mick and Big Daddy's African-American half-sister, sat on the arm of the sofa beside her big brother while her husband, Hamilton "Hammer" Reese, the former head of the CIA and the current head of all special ops for the entire U.S. government, was seated at the bar in the back of the room reviewing text messages.

Monk Paletti sat in one of the four chairs in the room while Ashley, his wife and Carly's older sister, sat on his lap. Brent Sinatra, Big Daddy's oldest son, sat on the arm of the second chair while his wife Makayla sat in the chair itself. Bobby Sinatra, the town's mayor, and his older brother Tony Sinatra, the only psychologist in the family, sat in the other two chairs. Their significant others were in the game room with the younger members of the families and were helping to oversee the children from the various households. But Donald Sinatra, the moodiest of all of Big Daddy's seven children, stood off from everybody else in a corner. Even inside the house he wore shades. He and Jenay were especially close.

Reno and Trina Gabrini, Sal and Gemma Gabrini, Tommy and Grace Gabrini, Billionaire Industrialist Alex Drakos and his wife Kari, and everybody else sat in chairs brought in from the dining hall. But they all could see the same thing: Charles Sinatra was so devastated that he didn't look like himself anymore. He spoke like himself. Tried to continue to carry on the way he always did. But he was destroyed by what happened to his beloved wife.

"Why isn't your fiancé here?" Big Daddy asked Bonita. "My wife's death isn't important enough for him to show up?"

"He did show up, Daddy," a confused Bonita said to her father. "He's here, remember? He's outside on the phone taking care of some business."

Big Daddy had forgotten he'd arrived. He ran his hands across his face. "All she asked me to do was let her go," he said to no one and everyone. "She said she was tired and she needed me to let her go. But I couldn't even do that. Then she saved my life. Mine!"

Charles leaned forward. Everybody in the room could feel his pain, and they were in pain too.

"They never could come up with a clear diagnosis for her illness," Big Daddy continued talking. "They kept saying it was Lupus, then it wasn't Lupus, then it was a rare form of something like Lupus. A lot of bullshit."

Mick was staring especially hard at his brother. It was taking all Mick had within him not to cry. The strongest man he'd ever known reduced to this kind of pain infuriated him. And he knew without them ever discussing it that Charles wanted revenge, and would have it.

"She told me it'll be a shame to die and not know what you died from," Big Daddy continued talking. "At least now she knows what she died from," he said as his voice cracked and he couldn't bear it any longer. He quickly got up and hurried out of the room.

Bonita, Carly, and Ashley, along with Bobby and Tony all stood up and attempted to follow him, but their oldest brother Brent stopped them. "He'll be okay," he said. "Give him some space."

To the girls, Brent was like a second father to them. They all sat back down.

But stubborn Bobby looked to his older brother Tony, who as a clinical psychologist would know about these things. But Tony agreed with Brent. "He's right," Tony said as he sat down too. "He needs his space right now."

It was only then did Bobby sit back down.

But Amelia wasn't under Brent's orders, nor Tony's. She got up and left the room.

She found Big Daddy upstairs in his bedroom. He was seated in the middle of his king-sized bed with his back against the high headboard. One of his fingers were picking at an apparent hair on his chin as he seemed to be looking into nothingness. Just staring straight ahead. Amelia walked in, got on the bed, and sat beside him with her back against the headboard too.

No words for the longest time. Then Big Daddy spoke. "I never liked this bed."

Amelia found that such an odd thing to say that she smiled. "No?"

"Hated it. It makes me feel like I'm sleeping in a carriage."

Amelia laughed. "Then why did you keep it?"

"Jenay wanted it. She thought it was so pretty. I said I'm a man, what the fuck I care about pretty? But I gave in. I always gave in to her." Then he scrunched up his face. "Except when she needed me, when she begged me to let her go."

Amelia placed her arm around his arm.

"I'm not ready to let her go, Millie."

Amelia laid her head on his shoulder. "You was never going to be, Charlie. She knew that. That's why she kept asking."

"I miss her already."

"You always will. It won't get any better."

"Well damn." Big Daddy looked at his younger half-sibling. "You're a ray of sunshine, aren't you?"

Amelia had to laugh at that. "Just keeping it real," she said. Then her smile diminished. "You've got to eventually move on, Charlie."

Big Daddy nodded. "I know."

"She's gone and she's not coming back."

Big Daddy frowned. "I know that too. I'm not God. I can't bring her back. The master's plan will not be altered. I understand that."

"Do you have a plan for your life without Jenay?"

Big Daddy exhaled. "One day at a time," he said. "One day at a time."

"I saw where you had a lot of flowers from the various single ladies around town. Including many of the ladies from your country club."

But Big Daddy shook his head. "They're wasting their time. I'm not thinking about those women."

"But they're thinking about you. You're rich. You're great looking. You're strong. They want you, brother. They want you bad."

Big Daddy ran his hands across his face. "That's ridiculous. My wife just died. I don't give a fuck about any of them."

"Not now you don't. That's understandable. But Jenay also told you she didn't want you alone. She wants you to fall in love again."

But Big Daddy was already shaking his head. "No way. I'm not going through this pain again. I'll never fall in love again."

"You say that now, Charles."

"And I'll say it tomorrow."

"So a still-extremely virile man like yourself is never going to be with a woman again?"

"Oh I'll be with plenty women. Whenever I need bed action, I'll be with a woman. But I'll never fall in love with one again. In lust? All the time. In love? Never."

"You were the same way when your first wife left you and broke your heart."

"That's right."

"You would have never met Jenay if you kept that attitude."

"I met her. She's gone. And that's that in my life. I'm not going through this kind of pain ever again. My heart can't take it," he said, his voice cracking, and Amelia pulled him into her arms.

Less than fifteen minutes later, all of Big Daddy's children made their way upstairs, got on the bed, and surrounded him. Even Mick came up. And although he sat in a chair away from the bed, he was there too. And it seemed right to him. Because in many ways, Big Daddy was as much Mick and Amelia's father as he was his own children's. They always relied on him. It was time for him to rely on them.

The children fell asleep on their father's bed. Amelia fell asleep on that bed too. Mick fell asleep in the chair.

But Big Daddy, still stunned by his new reality, was wide awake.