4. Gideon

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I never thought I’d meet my mate only to have him be carrying another man’s baby. It wasn’t a game changer. My mate was my mate, and I could and would love the baby growing inside him as my own. But my mate and I weren’t the only ones in the picture, and I had no idea what to do with that.

There was also the small matter of him fleeing from me and… oh yeah, the fact that he was famous. I’d heard he moved to town after his show was canceled. I followed the gossip posts as much as the next guy. But I wasn’t one of those die-hard fans, the ones who wore his sweatshirts and knew his favorite candy. He was only an actor.

Who cared if I found a connection with his character? They were make-believe, right? Sure, I found him charming on-screen and had my share of nocturnal fantasies about him. But I could tell the difference between real life and fantasy.

Only now that I met him, I couldn’t. I was mixing up the person he played on TV with the person I just met, the one whose scent was still wrapped around me, calling to my beast and begging me to come find him. Mixed with that scent was a tinge of fear, though. And that was the reason my feet stayed fully planted on the train car floor instead of chasing after him as he rushed onto the platform.

I got off the train just as they announced the doors were about to close and took a seat on the bench. I stayed there for hours. I kept hoping he’d realize who I was and have second thoughts about dashing away and that he’d come back. But he never did, and I could see security starting to worry about why my ass wasn’t going anywhere.

When I finally did head home, I dragged my feet. It was as if walking through my door would mean I officially gave up. I wasn’t giving up, though. I just didn’t know what to do next. Sure, kissing him and telling him he was mine popped into my head time and time again, but that wouldn’t end well.

Kai had someone in his life, someone he cared enough about to get pregnant by. Me going up to him and kissing him breathless had a better probability of getting me slapped in the face than earning his devotion. There had to be a better way.

I opted to take the bus home, hoping that I’d see him along the way or catch his scent again. It was foolish. What if I did? It wasn’t like it would change anything. He wanted to be away from me, and I had to let him do that.

And it sucked.

Double sucked.

Triple sucked.

How much sucking was there? Because it sucked that much and more.

My bear wanted out. He wanted to run and swim and catch some prey, and then he wanted to find Kai and present our hunting victory before him. Unlike me, he didn’t understand the complexities of this situation. To him, mate meant mate. Done. There was nothing more to it.

I sort of wished that I could look at it so simply. How much easier that would make all of this for me. Only it wouldn’t be easier for Kai.

“Fate, why are you doing this to me?” I scented the air one last time as the bus pulled up to the stop. He hadn’t been here, at least not in the recent past. I climbed on board and found my seat.

I took out my phone. I tried to tell myself that I just wanted to see him. I wasn’t going to be creepy and look for him or anything.

Probably.

No. I wasn’t. He deserved better than a mate who stalked him.

A few taps got me to one of his many fan pages. I should’ve known better than to head in there. The amount of fiction written about him blew my mind. But what shocked me more was how jealousy grew in my belly at seeing person after person’s wet dream on the internet for all to see. Sure, some were just silly little stories about customers he’d met and their interactions, but most of it had either the word erection or cock in the first few paragraphs.

It was my own fault. I shouldn’t have read any of them.

“Oh, have you read the one by KaiLover529Z?” The man behind me nearly made me drop my phone.

I turned my phone over, clenching my jaw as anger bubbled inside me. How dare he read about my mate, even if it was a fictional account.

“No.” I stood as the bus slowed. It wasn’t even my stop. I didn’t care. I needed to get off the stupid thing and away from the man who I was irrationally angry at. “You really shouldn’t read things like that.” As if I hadn’t just been doing the same thing. Maybe not for the same reason, but that didn’t change anything.

I stomped off the bus like a teen who was pissed at their parents, not even listening to his rebuttal. I didn’t care what he had to say. The thinking part of me understood that he did absolutely nothing wrong.

Once outside, I changed my plans. Going home and being stuck inside wasn’t going to lead anywhere good because I’d spend every second on the phone looking for information about Kai, or worse, in my head spiraling.

Let’s go run and swim. My bear loved taking his fur, and it would get his mind off Kai.

Mate.

Find.

This is your time outdoors to do as you wish.

And to be sure my bear wouldn’t get the wrong idea, I took us two hours outside the city to our favorite place before letting him loose. The mountains were our sanctuary. When the noise of the city became too much, we always ended up here. It was the calm we needed.

Maybe that was why I was struggling so much with figuring out this mate stuff. It had been too long since I let my fur out. I knew better. Lesson learned.

I left my clothes in the car and jogged into the clearing where I called forth my bear and ran to our favorite lake.