Chapter 8

Van

Sitting in her parent’s car with Kendall was always fucking torture. Her mum had one of those big soccer mum vans, so she could fit us in, but one of us invariably ended up seated next to Finn’s sister. I could remember the press of her thigh against mine, the soft sigh of her breath, my own heart rate slowing to match hers; and while I remembered being boned up and burning for Kendall, it was nothing like this.

Her perfume had changed. I breathed in slowly, tentatively, drawing the scent into my nose. Before, she smelled sticky sweet and cherry scented, but now it was complex, woody, and floral with something green mixed in. I wanted to trail my nose down the side of her neck and just breathe it in until I worked out what every single note was. Instead, the van hit a bump in the road causing the whole cab to sway.

And Kendall along with it.

Her hands went wide, one grabbing the oh-shit handle, but the other? I watched it move through the air as if in slow motion, only for it to land on my thigh.

Thank fuck I’d worn shorts.

Her skin against mine, she seared me then, just like a farmer might burn his brand into young calves. When I was a teenager, my dick felt like this unpredictable beast that lived in my pants, rousing at the worst times, but never more than when I was near Kendall. To discover that nothing had changed drove the breath out of my lungs as my eyes snapped up to meet hers.

Her touching me, feeling her so damn close… Her lips were only a small lean in away, and the movement of the car felt like they drew them nearer with each bump. I stared into her eyes, seeing all the shades of brown, chocolate, deep mocha—depths I wanted to drop down into. Her brows creased, just a tiny little line my fingers itched to smooth away, but instead I smiled, hoping she would too.

“Are you going to stop staring?”

Nope, the frown was more pronounced now, getting deeper by the second.

“Didn’t realise I was.”

She snatched her hand away then, flexing her fingers as if they had been stung, and then shoved them between her thighs. Of course I had to compound the problem by staring at where it was wedged. At the sound of Connor’s snort, I forced my focus back on the road.

“Bottle shop over on Main Road, OK?” he asked Kendall without looking away from the traffic he was navigating.

“Yeah, sure.”

I wanted to say I learned my lesson, that I was keeping my eyes to myself, but when we pulled up outside the bottle shop and Kendall got out, it was obvious I hadn’t. She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, then went walking off into the shop. We trailed behind her at a discreet distance.

“How the fuck did she get more beautiful?”

Kendall was wearing an old pair of jean shorts and a shirt made from fabric that looked light enough to fly away. I wanted to tear it off and see how far it would float. We found her looking at the rows of alcohol bottles and just stared at her.

“Beautiful…?”

Connor always had something to say if the occasion warranted it, and if he was lost for words now, it meant something. I glanced at him, then her, then back again and saw it. His lips twitched, wanting to smile, but there was something haunted in his eyes that wouldn’t let him.

And I knew what.

Kendall was the girl that had slipped from my fingers and no amount of grabbing had brought her back, but right then, I knew Connor felt the same.

“Yeah, she’s even more beautiful.”

He said it in the same way he would describe an order of timber over the phone to a supplier, but I knew what that flat tone hid. He surged forward, taking the cheap bottle of tequila from her hand and putting it back firmly on the shelf. Right when she went to splutter, he picked up several bottles and held them close.

“I’m not buying top-shelf tequila for a lazy afternoon by the pool!” she hissed at him.

“No, you’re not.” He shot her one long look, wanting to say so much more, and I knew what. Not the words exactly, but the gist of it. What we thought about her, what he felt, what we’d always intended to do the night she left, but instead of vomiting that forth, he just nodded and strode over to the counter. “Just these, thanks, mate.”

“Not these, thanks, mate,” Kendall said, grabbing for the bottles, the poor bloke at the till looking at the two of them in confusion. “You’re not—”

“Buying you a housewarming present?” Connor did smile then, his eyes glittering in the same way they did when he faced down some fuckhead who was ready to fight him on a job site. But in this case, he did not want to hit Kendall. He only dared her to say a word, to make a scene in front of the guy who just wanted to ring up our purchases and move on to the next person. I watched closely, not sure how she’d react. Definitely didn’t expect her to take a small step backwards when he said this. “Yeah, I am.”

Connor turned to the bloke behind the counter and handed over his card, the rest of the transaction taking place silently, so when he put the bottles in a bag, we all heard the clink and the rustle as they were handed over to Connor.

“I make a perfectly good margarita with that tequila,” she said, eyeing him sideways as we walked back to the car.

“I’m sure you do.” There was a little something in Connor’s step, an extra spring. “But I make a better one with this stuff.”

“Better…”

Kendall’s mum told her that every time she reacted, it just egged us on. She was entirely right, but it didn’t stop Kendall from responding. I saw it now, a shadow of the girl she was, rising as her lips thinned and her fingers flexed, but to my disappointment, she took a long breath before letting it out slowly.

“Fine.”

“Fine?” I hadn’t meant to let that out, blinking when I realised what I’d said. It was worth it, though, because Kendall’s focus shifted to me, her eyes narrowing slightly before she forced herself to smile.

“It’s fine.” She shrugged nonchalantly, but I saw through that act. There was tension in her shoulders that I longed to massage out. “You want to buy me top-shelf tequila, move my stuff—”

“And put your furniture back together,” I said, unable to let that go. Connor might’ve bought her something to drink, but I was a dab hand at flatpack construction.

“Furniture…” Her eyes narrowed, and that wasn’t a happy expression, but if her eyes were on me, I didn’t care. “You want to put my bed together?” I nodded. She snorted as she looked at me and then Connor. “And give me somewhere to live? What, are you gonna put my granny panties away for me as well?”

“Ye—” I had that part of the way out before I even thought about what I was saying, falling face first into her trap, but Connor cut me off.

“Granny panties?” He looked her up and down slowly, something that had girls sidling closer when he shot them that look at the pub. “Only if you’ll model them for us first.”

“Shut up.” Her hand shot out and she shoved him, or at least she tried to. Right then I was jealous as fuck. I knew what that palm felt like against my skin, and by Connor’s look when he stared down at her hand, he was feeling just like I had. His feet planted hard against the car park asphalt, and he didn’t move an inch. She snatched her hand away, frowning at him right before both hands went to her hips. “You know I’m not going to go back to Finn and tell him you looked after his little sister.” Her frown deepened. “I can’t tell him about any of this.”

And there it was, the reason why we never said anything about what we felt back when we were kids and why we wouldn’t be saying anything now. Finn was her brother and our best mate, and a bloke didn’t strip another bloke’s sister bare and do all the things we’d been fantasising about. For the first time since Kendall walked in through our door, my heart sank.

“We know.” I smiled hastily as Connor just stared. “We won’t say anything either.” His gaze grew more intense, boring into mine and making it clear he needed me to shut the fuck up. “Finn would just about shit if he knew you were living with us.”

That seemed to do the trick. All expression smoothed away. Calm was regained, so why did something inside me break when I saw the light in her eyes die?

“Right, but this is just a temporary thing, so you won’t have to say anything to my brother.”

“Good fucking going…”Connor hissed at me as she strode off in front of us, back to the van.

“What?”

“Think before you start flapping your fucking gums,” he growled. “That’s all I ask. Just think for a second, because…” His focus shifted back to the van, his hand pressing on the fob to unlock the car when she tried the door. “We’re this close to getting what we’ve always wanted, so…” I nearly flinched when he jerked his eyes back to meet mine. “Do not fuck this up.”

I didn’t want to. Getting back in the van only to find Kendall sitting between us, it wasn’t hard to see it. Not her sitting uncomfortably on the bench seat, but on a much softer surface as we pushed that thin cotton top off her shoulders and— My train of thought was brought to an abrupt end as Connor turned the engine over and then eased the van back out onto the street.

Yeah, it turns out nothing changed. I was sitting beside the girl in a van, the fantasies my mind was determined to manufacture a fourth entity sitting there with us. I could almost feel their presence, forcing my heart to beat faster and my body to tense as I was hit with a startling realisation. I wanted Kendall just as much as I had when I was a dumb kid, the years not dulling the knife of desire but sharpening it. And me, I just leaned into the blade, bleeding everywhere but unable to pull away from its vicious kiss.

I was pretty sure Kendall wanted to punish the lot of us for what we’d put her through, but she didn’t understand that just being around her hurt more than any punishment she could possibly devise.