Chapter 23

Van

I was totally fucking pumped and trying really hard not to look it.

Half the reason why our team went to training was because it was an excuse to drink beer on a school night, but I just clung to my ice-cold can, only taking a sip when I had to. I didn’t want a fucking beer, I wanted Kendall. As if sensing that, Finn came sidling up.

“You know it’s not gonna be as easy as just declaring your fee fees to my sister.”

His words and my worst fears were having really ugly anxiety babies inside my head.

“I know.”

Fuck, I was trying to put on a good front right now and failing utterly. Finn smirked, the prick always able to tell when there was blood in the water.

“I haven’t seen her stick to a bloke for longer than a month or two, ever.”

“Yeah?” That was supposed to put me off, but it didn’t. Instead, I searched my mate’s face, looking for confirmation.

“Yeah.” He shook his head slowly, then drank down a long mouthful of beer. “It’s always ‘the vibes are off,’ or ‘he snores too much,’ or ‘he wants to sleep with my best friend.’ Women.” He snorted, making it clear he was just joking. “Speaking of which, have you seen that friend of hers—?”

“Nope.” I blinked. “I mean, yeah, because that’s how we found Kendall. Barbie rang about the ad for a housemate and brought Ken around. She seems nice—”

“She’s a fucking underwear model, Van.”

His brows creased as he stared at me.

“I don’t give a fuck what she does,” I shot back. “She’s not Kendall. That’s what you don’t understand. Since the moment I started growing hair on my balls, it’s always been her.”

“Seems like you spent a lot of times balls deep in other women if she was the only one for you.”

His words hit hard because he was right. I had. I tried to smile, tried to think of something sarcastic or smart to say and failed. There was no escaping that fact.

“I know.” I wrenched my gaze away from him and gazed out over the darkening field, feeling the chill of the night air on my sweaty skin. “But all I ever saw was her. I called out Kendall’s name one night with Cindy Matthews.”

“You fucking what?” I thought he’d be pissed, but his lips just twisted into a vicious smile. “She said you couldn’t get it up. Told everyone at school you had a little dick.”

“Better that than the truth.” I couldn’t smile, joke, or reminisce about old times with Finn, so instead I just stared, willing him to understand. “That it didn’t make a shred of difference who I was with, because all I wanted was Kendall.”

He didn’t want to accept this, that I knew, but he reached out and slapped my shoulder.

“Well, best of luck, mate, because you’re gonna need it.”

“We need to get flowers,”I said as we piled into the van, ready to drive home. “Chocolates too.”

“She always liked those ones in the purple box,” Gage added.

“Flowers, chocolates, a ten-piece band playing that song by Tracy Chapman. The one with the lyrics about saying sorry.” Connor gripped the steering wheel of the van tight, the plastic creaking in protest. “Fuck, we shouldn’t have gone to footy tonight. Our time would’ve been better spent working this out, working out how to convince her to forgive us.”

“But we didn’t.” Gage shrugged. “We will.” He glanced at me then Connor. “Whatever it takes, but we have to start with the truth.”

“And some flowers.” The two of them stared at me, but I just grinned. “Woolies is always selling bunches of them, and they have plenty of chocolate on the shelves, so…”

Connor let out a little bark of a laugh.

“Woolies it is, then home.”

The three ofus stood at our front door, shifting restlessly, smiles forming and fading. The plastic wrap around the flowers crackled in my palm, and Gage was juggling the biggest box of chocolates we could find like it was a football ready to be kicked. Even Connor had gotten into the act, finding a little teddy bear in the kids’ aisle and grabbing that, his cheeks burning bright red when the cashier asked if it was for his kid. He held the bear cradled in one arm as he shoved the key in the lock and turned it.

“Guess we better get inside.”

I dunno what the others were thinking, but in my mind Kendall would be chilling on the couch, watching some rom com or something. She’d look up as we walked in the door, and then she’d see it. The flowers, and the chocolate, and the goddamn bear, but also this. Our masks were down, our arses were hanging in the wind because we were completely and utterly vulnerable right now, ready to confess exactly how we felt.

Only to find the house quiet, still, and dark.

I blinked, surging forward to turn the lights on in the hall, the lounge room, then the kitchen, but I caught no sight of her.

“Not in the bathroom either,” Gage announced. “Maybe she’s outside.”

“Or maybe she’s asleep.”

Connor stared at her closed door, and that drew the lot of us closer. Each one of us stared at the surface, then the doorknob. No sound came from within, just the steady whirr of the ceiling van.

Fuck.

My grip on the flowers slipped, but I recovered, holding them way too tight.

“She works at a bakery, so she has to get to bed early.” I knew that tight tone. It was the same one Connor used with difficult clients, but right now he was managing himself, not someone who wanted non-tarnishing copper fittings in their bathroom. “We’ll talk to her in the morning.”

“I’ll set my alarm earlier,” Gage rumbled, taking a reluctant step backwards.

“We all will.”

I felt… deflated. I’d lost enough games to know what this was. You went rushing out onto the field, full of piss and vinegar, and sometimes you just got beat.

Despite your best efforts.

I went to drop the flowers on the kitchen bench, no longer needing them, but as I stared at the red roses, I realised they needed to be put in water. We’d get up, make Kendall breakfast, and then give her the flowers, chocolates, and the goddamn bear and hope to god she didn’t kick us in the balls when we confessed our feelings.

Yeah, that.

I rummaged around in the cupboards because we didn’t have a vase of any sort, but the old glass jar we used to store pasta in would do the trick. The stems in water, I tweaked the plastic, flicking out the creases until I was satisfied, then nodded before jumping into the shower.

This was a familiar feeling.

Getting naked in the shower at the Kennedy house always had an edge to it. That Finn might bust in and flick my bare arse with a towel was one thing, but mostly it was her. When I stripped my clothes off, I couldn’t help but think of Kendall, sleeping down the hall then as now, and imagine what might happen.

Maybe she’d get up, sleepily shuffling down the hallway to get a drink of water, and she would lift her head, turning her eyes my way as she’d hear the water running. She’d fill her glass, feeling the water spilling over her fingers as she imagined this.

Me scrubbing the stink of work and football off my skin. All of the sweat and sawdust, dirt and grass, but more than that. The all-singing, all-dancing bullshit of my fucking life, the water stripping me bare in ways removing my clothes couldn’t achieve. The soap bar slid down, my hand lubricated by the foam finding my aching cock and giving it a tug, wondering what she’d do if she stepped inside.

Would she press kisses to the back of my neck, breathing in to catch my scent, as I longed to do to her? Would she slide her hands along my ribs, raking her nails to leave a red trail that declared what we both knew. That I was hers, utterly, my body, mind and soul, but most of all my soul—that ached just as fiercely as my dick. It’d been carrying around this bullshit all this time, and right when I was about to set that burden down… I gasped, my breath coming in rapid little pants as my balls erupted. Orgasm tore through me with claws that would leave a mark, with as much pleasure as there was pain, and that felt right. I ached and I ached, and that made me pull away from the wall, forcing the water to stream down my body, right as I wanted to storm down that hallway and wrench open the door to get to what was mine.

But I wouldn’t.

I wanted her to sleep long and deep, to get all of her rest in the hope she’d roll out of bed with that same sweet smile she used to wear when she was a little girl. My fingers would itch with the need to rumple her hair and pull her close, but before I did that, I’d hold out the flowers. Maybe she’d look pleased, surprised, or her eyes would meet mine and we’d both know. That it was time to stop pretending and fucking be together forever.

I switched off the taps, dashing water from my face as I grabbed a towel. The vigorous massage of the fabric wasn’t what I wanted, but I’d take it for now. Tomorrow, I promised myself, even if I had to turn up at her workplace and make an entire dick of myself declaring my love.

I went to flick the light on in my room, but the room remained resolutely dark. Fuck, the globe had gone again. I shook my head, vowing to get Connor to look at it tomorrow. He was the electrician, so he’d work out why the globes kept blowing, but right now exhaustion was hitting me like a tonne of bricks. I felt hollowed out, empty as I turned on the fan, then lurched over to my bed. Breeze caressed my skin, the sensation of it feeling a little weird, but I couldn’t interrogate that further. I was beyond exhausted and needed to sleep forever.

Or just until the morning.

The morning. I nestled into my pillow with a smile, able to see it now. It’d be perfect, I just knew it. Bacon not too crispy and bread that was lightly toasted, just the way she liked it, that’s what I’d do.

It wasn’twhat I did.

A sharp rap on the door had my head jerking off the pillow, and when I groaned then blinked furiously, I saw the grey light of dawn was sneaking past my curtains.

“What—?”

“Time to get up, dickhead,” came Gage’s grumpy reply.

Maybe it was his tone, maybe it was my brain frantically reminding me what was at stake this morning, but it had me moving, staggering out of my bed, jerking my feet free of the blankets. It was go time every instinct said, and so I yanked on my work clothes and my boots and then stumbled out into the hallway.

Only for two of my best friends to look at me and burst out laughing.

“What?” I paid them little mind, moving to the kitchen before pulling out fry pans and spatulas, bread, bacon, and eggs. This provoked only greater hilarity. Connor was actually wheezing, slapping a hand down on the counter to try to catch his breath. “What the fuck…?”

“Did you decide to dress up extra special for Kendall this morning?” Gage asked with a smirk.

“No, I didn’t think…”

I followed his finger as he pointed at my chest, and I saw myself clearly for the first time this morning. Every inch of my skin was covered in neon-pink glitter.

“What the…?” I caught the moment Kendall snuck out of her room, shooting us a guilty look, then her expression became a perfect echo of Connor’s. She fought back a smile, failed, and then burst out laughing, the musical sound of her giggle filling the house, right as she ran out the door. “Fuck.”

My girl had pranked me. I wanted to give her my heart, and she covered me in Barbie-pink glitter.

“I dunno why you’re laughing,” I said to Gage, who was going red with the effort of holding back chuckles. “She’s pranked me and Connor, so you’re next.”

His smile faded then, but it wasn’t replaced by anything negative. Instead, he looked around the kitchen thoughtfully, eyes finally settling on the flowers.

“Bring it on.”