Chapter 18

CHAPTER

EIGHTEEN

Oliver

I’ve been staring at the message Blakely sent me for the last ten minutes. Her hair is down and in loose curls, and she’s wearing this red dress with long sleeves, and she’s absolutely breathtaking.

Me: My beautiful girl.

I hit Send and curse myself. I shouldn’t be calling her mine, but the bigger issue is that she feels like mine. The issue that catapults above that is the fact I want her to be. The more time we spend together, the more that feeling grows. It scares me, but what’s even scarier is thinking about the day when she’s no longer in my life. I quickly save the image to my photos. This is yet another image of her to add to my growing collection.

Blakely: Thank you.

Me: What are you doing tonight? You said plans, but you didn’t say what. Another Kincaid celebration?

Blakely: Dave and Theresa Thompson’s holiday party.

My heart stalls in my chest. No. She can’t go there. She can’t. Josh’s parents will be there, and even though they’ve yet to attend since the party four years ago, I know that Josh and Hannah have open invitations. My mother claims it’s the right thing to do, to show them I’ve moved on. They never show, and neither do I. But what if they do? I don’t want Josh anywhere near Blakely.

Me: No.

Blakely: What do you mean, no? I was invited.

Me: We declined.

Blakely: No, you declined. When your mom called me at work this week, I accepted.

My mother is going to be hearing from me. She knows how I feel about this damn party. About the entire fucking holiday. How could she go behind my back and call Blakely and invite her, knowing I won’t be there?

Me: No. You’re not going.

Blakely: I’m going.

Fuck. I dial her number, and she sends me to voicemail.

Me: Answer your phone, baby.

I try her again. This time she answers. “I’m going.”

“No. You’re not going. Not there.” My voice shakes with anger.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not.” There is a finality in my tone that I’m hoping she heeds.

“I’m already in the car on my way.”

“Turn the fuck around,” I say, harsher than I intended. “Please turn around. Come to me, baby. Just come to me.” I’m pleading because the thought of her being there, at that party, the same place where my life fell apart four years ago, makes me sick. I’m just starting to feel like me again, thanks to her, and… no she can’t be there. Not during this fucking party. “I want to see you,” I try again, softening my tone.

“If you want to see me, you know where I’ll be.”

“Blake.” My voice cracks. Fuck, why can’t she understand that she’s the best fucking part of my world, and I don’t want her anywhere near the worst part?

“If I don’t see you at the party, I’ll call you when I leave. If it’s not too late, maybe you can come see me, or I can stop by your place.”

“Please come home. I’ll come to you. Just turn the car around and go back to your place.”

“I’m going to the party, Oliver.”

“Dammit, Blake. You can’t do this.”

“It’s just a Christmas party, Ollie. I’ll go say hi to your parents, mingle a little, and then I’ll come home. Okay?”

“No. Not okay, Blakely. Not okay.” My heart is racing, my mind is spinning, and my world feels like it’s about to unravel all over again.

“I’ll see you soon,” she says and ends the call.

“MOTHER FUCK!” I scream out into the room.

My hands tremble as I dial my mother. As soon as the call picks up, I’m giving her hell. “How dare you? How dare you call my Blake and invite her to that party? You know how I feel about it. How could you, Mother?”

“Oliver, sweetheart, it’s not the party you're upset with. It’s the two people you trusted. They are not the party. It’s your father and I. We enjoyed meeting Blakely and wanted to make sure that, even if you didn’t attend, she was still invited. I want to get to know the woman who my son is enamored with.”

“No. She can’t be there. Stop butting into my life, Mother.”

“Oliver, I love you, but you can’t keep living like this. You can’t keep letting the past control your future.”

“Turn her away.”

“I’m sorry, son, I can’t do that. We hope to see you tonight. If not, your father and I will see you for lunch tomorrow at noon.” She ends the call, and this time I toss my phone across the room. It bounces off the couch and onto the floor, and I don’t have it in me to care to check to see if the screen is demolished.

“I have to stop her,” I mumble to myself. I’ll go to the party and convince her to leave with me. Yes. Once I’m there in front of her, I’ll convince her to leave with me. Decision made, I rush to my room to change. I shouldn’t give a fuck what I’m wearing, but I refuse to let Hannah and Josh think they have some kind of hold on me—no matter how much it might be true. Another truth I don’t want to dissect right now.

Right now, I need to get to Blakely.

My eyes scan the room, looking for Blakely. I’ve been stopped no less than ten times by people telling me “Merry Christmas” and how happy they are to see that my work schedule freed me up to attend this year. I guess I know what excuse my parents have been making for me for the last four years.

When my eyes finally land on her, I take my first full breath since she told me this was what her plans were for the evening. I push through the crowd, not stopping for anyone else. I have a singular focus.

Blakely Kincaid.

Her eyes light up when she spots me. She’s talking to my dad’s partner in his cardiology practice and his wife, Sheila.

“Excuse me,” I tell them. “I need to steal my girl.” I don’t wait for a reply. I lace my fingers with Blake’s and lead her down the hall to the kitchen and into the mudroom. “We need to go.”

She pulls her hand out of mine. “No. I’m having a wonderful time. Thank you for asking.”

“Dammit, Blakely, you can’t be here. Not here.” I run my fingers through my hair.

She reaches up and does the same. “Looks like you’ve done that a time or two today,” she comments as she presses her hand against my cheek. “Did you leave this for me?” she asks sweetly.

I place my hand over hers. “I can’t be here, Blake. We have to go.” I try to keep my tone soft.

“I’m staying. You can go. I’ll come by your place in a little while.”

I exhale and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’ll give you anything but this. Please, baby, let’s go home. I… I don’t know why you won’t come with me. I don’t know what you want. Why are you here when I need you at home with me?”

“I’m here because I was invited. I’m here because your parents love you and they miss you. They want you to be a part of this, their annual tradition. I’m here for you.” She pauses and steps closer. Her hands cradle my face as she peers up at me under long lashes. “As far as what I want? That’s easy, Oliver. I want you to be merry with me. I want you to be able to leave the past behind you and look toward the future… maybe even a future with me,” she says, and there is so much fucking hope in her voice, it’s heartbreaking. “If you can’t do that, Oliver, then I don’t know what we’re doing. I love spending time with you. No, it’s more than that. I’m in love with you. I’ve never said those words to someone who wasn’t family.”

“Baby….” My throat is thick as I try to swallow.

“I don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but I needed to tell you for me. I needed you to know that you’re not just some guy I’m dating, Oliver. You are the love of my life, and I want to share my life with you. I want to be merry with you, but we can’t do that if you don’t let the past go. Leave it in the rearview mirror where it belongs.”

“Blake—” I start, but she shakes her head, stopping me. She drops her hands from my face and offers me a sad smile.

“This is who I am, Oliver. I love all things Christmas. I enjoy spending time with my loud, sometimes crazy family and celebrating the smallest of events to the holidays. That’s who I am, and you despise that.”

“Not you.” My voice is like gravel. “I don’t despise you.”

“You despise what I love.”

“Blake, you know that’s not true.” She does, right? She has to know what she means to me.

“Then stay. Be merry with me. Forget her, release the pain, and let’s move forward together. You’re letting them control your life four years later, Oliver. Don’t let them.” She smiles, but it’s not my smile. It’s not the one I’m used to seeing from her. This smile is sad, and if I’m not mistaken, disappointed with a shimmering of unshed tears.

Then she turns and walks away, taking every piece of me with her.

I don’t want to be here, but I want her here without me even less. So, I follow her, keeping my distance but watching her intently. She smiles and laughs, and it seems as though everyone wants to talk to her. To my girl. I understand it, because if I could, I’d glue myself to her side every minute of every damn day.

Be merry with me.

Her words run through my mind. I want to give her everything. I just don’t know if I can. I think about all the time we’ve been together, and it’s been different than anything I’ve ever shared with another woman. Even Hannah.

With Blakely, there’s this… need that courses through my veins. If I go more than a night without her in my arms, I’m antsy. At first, I chalked it up to being new and that it’s been a long time since I’ve had a female companion in my life, but that’s not it.

That’s not it at all.

I never felt that way when I was with Hannah. I could go days and not see her during my residency, with our schedules not matching up, and it never bothered me. No way in hell could I do that with Blakely.

My need for her is too strong.

I feel someone approach me, and I turn to see Hannah, my ex, standing there. “Go away.” My tone is harsh.

“Good to see you too, Oliver.”

I ignore her. She’s not worth the waste of breath.

“You know, we never would have worked, right?”

I roll my eyes but don’t take them off Blakely, who is now talking to my parents. “Why is that?” I can’t help but ask.

“Because you never once looked at me the way you look at her. Merry Christmas, Oliver,” she whispers as she walks away.

My eyes betray me, and they watch as she makes her way to Josh, and he opens his arms for her. She smiles up at him, and he peers down at her like she’s his entire world.

She’s right. We never would have worked out. We might have tried to make it work, but there would have always been something missing. The passion and the need that I feel with Blakely was never there between us.

Because Blakely is my person.

She’s the one who was meant for me.

Everything I’ve been through, it happened for a reason, and that reason was Blakely. It wasn’t our time yet, but it is now. My eyes find her again, and she’s still talking and laughing with my parents as if she’s known them for years. Hannah never did that. She never really fit with us. Not like Blakely fits with us. It’s as if she was meant to be a part of this family.

I’m in love with you.

The most amazing woman I’ve ever met said those words to me, and I didn’t say them back. I let her walk away from me. I need to fix this. With one foot in front of the other, my feet carry me to where she’s standing with my parents. I wrap my arms around her from behind and bury my face in her neck, breathing her in.

When I lift away, she turns in my arms. “What are you doing?” She tilts her head to the side as if I’m a puzzle she can’t figure out.

“I’m being merry with you, baby.”

Instantly, her eyes fill with tears. I cup her cheeks with my palms as I tilt her eyes up to me. “I love you too. I should have said it back right that minute. I promise you I’ll make up for it by telling you every day all day long for the rest of our lives.”

“That’s a long time.” She smiles as she battles with tears.

“Not long enough with you. I love you, Blake. I’m sorry. I was a grumpy asshole.”

“You’re my grumpy asshole,” she says, smiling bigger than I’ve ever seen.

Leaning down, I kiss her like this very well could be the last time I ever do. When I pull back, applause greets my ears. I pull Blakely into my chest as I scan the room and see everyone smiling at us.

“Welcome back, son,” my dad says. “We missed you.”

“You have my girl to thank for that.”

Blakely peers up at me under those long-ass lashes. “Nothing a little love and Christmas can’t fix. That’s what brought us together, after all.”

“Love and Christmas. I guess that’s what I have to look forward to?”

“Yep.” She grins.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I kiss her again, because she’s here, I’m here, and she’s mine. What other reason do I need?

We spend another hour at the party before I convince her it’s time for us to leave. As we’re walking out to the car, we pass Hannah and Josh. I stop when Josh says my name.

“Listen, Oliver—” he starts, but I raise my hand to stop him.

“Don’t. What’s done is done.” I glance down at Blakely, who is snuggled up to my chest. “I’d say things worked out exactly as they were supposed to.”

“I tried to stay away, Oliver. I promise you, man, I tried, but I just couldn’t.”

“We went about it wrong,” Hannah says. “I should have ended things long before we let anything happen. I’m sorry for that, but I think you’re right. Things worked out exactly as they were supposed to. You two have a good night. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Blakely replies, because my girl doesn’t have it in her heart to not say it back.

“Your place or mine?” I ask as I lead her to my SUV.

“Yours, but I need my car.”

“We’ll get it when we come to Christmas lunch tomorrow. Your family does dinner, right?”

“They do.”

“Perfect. Sounds like we have a busy day tomorrow.” I kiss her lips before opening the door for her and wait for her to get settled before closing the door and rushing around to my side to take us home.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask as soon as we’re in my house.

“Not tonight.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Not for food.”

That has my attention as I turn to face her. “What are you hungry for, baby?”

“Did you mean it? When you said you love me? Did you mean it?” Her voice is small, almost as if she expects me to take the words back.

That will never happen.

Walking to where she stands, I bend, grip the back of her thighs, and lift her. She wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. “I love you. I’m in love with you. You, Blakely Kincaid, are the love of my life. I thought I knew what that meant, but, baby, I was wrong. I didn’t really know what love was at all until you came into my life. Life has a funny way of working out, and I’ll be thanking my lucky stars from now until forever that you came into my life. I love you. You are the most important person in my world. One day, when you’re ready, I want you to be my wife.” I swallow back my emotions. “You know I tried that once before, and it didn’t go so well, but something tells me this time I have my forever in my arms, and everything is going to be okay. I believe that because it’s you, baby. You’re my forever. Here in my arms, you’re all I ever wanted and never imagined I’d find.”

Tears glisten in her eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“I’m right here.”

“Kiss me.”

I don’t need to be told twice. I fuse my lips to hers, trying to put everything I’m feeling into this kiss. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but she thawed my hardened heart. Day by day, she took another small piece, until tonight, when I was finally man enough to admit that she’s stolen all the tiny broken fragments and made me whole again.

I need her naked. I need to feel her skin against mine and her heartbeat beneath my palm. I just need her closer. I can never get close enough where she’s concerned. Moving toward the front door, balancing her in my arms, I flip the lock and turn off the lights. I make my way to my room in the dark, while Blakely peppers kisses across my neck and jaw.

In my room, I take her to the bed and place her down gently. The room is dark, with nothing but the light of the moon to guide us. That is until Blakely turns on the lamp on the bedside table.

“I want to see you. To remember this moment.”

“We’ll have lots of these moments, baby,” I assure her.

“Yeah, but this is our first time together. That’s different from all the others, and I want to remember it.”

“I’ll never forget a single moment of this night. I’ll never forget the way my heart raced when you told me you’re in love with me, or how I let you walk away from me. I swear to you, you will never walk away again, not without me chasing right behind you.”

“I won’t run,” she promises. “I just needed you to understand that you could have more. That we could have more, could have it all, if you put the heartache behind you.”

“My eyes are wide open, Blake. I see you, and I see our future.”

She nods. “Me too.”

Bending over, I press a kiss to her lips. “Now, get naked, baby.”

“I kinda like the bossy side of you right now.”

“Only in the bedroom, or if it comes to your safety.” I’ll boss the hell out of her for her pleasure, and mine, and to keep her safe. It’s the only way I know how to protect my heart. Blakely Kincaid—one-day-soon Thompson, if I have a say—is my heart.