Chapter 12

CHAPTER

TWELVE

Oliver

I’ve been awake for hours. To be honest, I’m not sure I even slept. Not because I wasn’t comfortable, but because I couldn’t shut my mind off. I should have let her go home. It would have been easy to wake her, but I couldn’t do it. I wanted this chance to hold her while she slept. It’s been four long years since I’ve had any kind of intimacy with a woman, and this woman in particular makes it hard for me to not break that streak.

I don’t know how she’s going to react once she wakes up, but even if she’s pissed and rushes out of here like her ass is on fire, I don’t regret it. I’ve tossed this around in my mind repeatedly, and for the life of me, I don’t know why she’s different. All I can say for certain is that she is. I think about her constantly, and if she would have insisted on going home last night, I would have driven her myself. I feel protective of her. Maybe it’s our age difference. She’s ten years younger than me, but it’s an age gap that I don’t notice. All I see is this beautiful woman who is full of life and alluring.

She starts to stir and stretches, which pushes her ass into my cock. She laughs and looks over her shoulder. “Morning,” she says, her voice laced with sleep.

“Good morning.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“A while.”

“I’m sorry. You should have woken me up.” She tries to climb off the couch, but I keep my arm locked tightly around her waist.

“I wasn’t ready to get up,” I tell her honestly.

“Yeah,” she says, no longer trying to climb out of my arms and off the couch. In this moment, she feels like she’s mine, but my heart knows better. It’s been broken beyond repair and isn’t available for more heartbreak.

“Her name was Hannah.” I’ve spoken the words before I can think better of it, but now that they’re out there, I know this is the right thing to do. Blakely is incredible, and I don’t want her wasting her time and hope on me. We’ll never be what I know she wants. The husband, the house, the kids, and the white picket fence. I don’t have it in me to be that man. Not anymore.

“Hannah. That’s a pretty name.”

That’s it? No questions? No prying into what I’m trying to say? Damn, this woman. I pull her a little closer, not wanting to leave even an inch of space between our bodies.

“I used to think so.”

“Not anymore?” she asks, her voice soft.

I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but here goes nothing. “We met my sophomore year of undergrad.” I pause, giving her time to comment, but she stays silent. “We dated all through undergrad, through medical school, and my residency.”

“That’s a long time.”

“It was a long time.” I hate reliving my past, but she needs to know. I can’t let her think that this, whatever is growing between us, will be here forever. I’m just not capable.

“Growing up, our next-door neighbors were a huge part of my life. They were my parents’ best friends, and their son, Josh, was mine. We were inseparable. We went to the same college. He’s an accountant, while I went on to medical school and then residency. He spent a lot of time with Hannah and me, and we all got along great. Too great, in fact.”

“Oh no. I don’t think I like where this is going.”

Her words have me burying my face in her neck. I breathe in her sweet scent and wish for the first time in four years that I was capable of being what this incredible woman deserves. I kiss her neck, and she shivers. I need to keep going before I let myself take any more from her. She needs to understand what she’s getting into.

“Four years ago this Christmas, I was going to propose. I had the ring, and I knew that I wanted our families to be there when I did it. My mom… man, does she love Christmas. Like someone else I know. Anyway, Hannah’s family was invited every year, and they became close friends of my parents. It was perfect. We all got along so well. We just fit, you know?”

“Family is important.”

“I agree. So, I had the ring. Everyone was there, and I was a nervous wreck. It’s a big damn deal to ask someone to spend forever with you. We’d talked about the next steps. I had six months of my residency left. We wanted to get married before I started my job at Atlanta General.”

“Wait. You worked at Atlanta General?”

“No. I was supposed to, but I backed out of the position and took my current role at Willow River General.”

She places her hand over mine that’s resting on her belly and gives it a soft squeeze. “I’m glad.”

Does she know that when she’s all chill and sweet like this, it makes it almost impossible not to kiss the air from her lungs?

“Yeah, so I was nervous, but I was ready, you know? I was ready for us to start the next step. I looked around the room, and I couldn’t find her. I asked around, and her mom told me she saw her heading upstairs. Only me, my parents, Hannah, and Josh ever went upstairs during these events. My parents’ house is massive, and there are plenty of restrooms on the first floor. Anyway, I thought maybe she was using the restroom up there. There’s a landing that overlooks the living area, which is where the party was being held. My head was spinning. I could ask for everyone’s attention and drop to one knee up there. We could have a semblance of privacy, but everyone important to us would also be there. It was perfect.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Blake says sweetly.

“I do.” My voice is gruff, but I push forward. I need to get this out. “So, I took the stairs two at a time. I was jazzed and ready. I’d had the ring for months. I called out for her, but she didn’t reply. I checked the bathrooms, and they were empty. I checked my old room, thinking maybe she was lying down or something.”

“Ollie? Did you find her?” Blakely’s question is hesitant. I’m pretty sure she knows what’s coming. Her body is tense as she waits for my answer.

I spit the words, “She was lying down, but not alone. Josh was hovering over top of her as he fucked her.” My heart rate kicks up, but not because I still love her or care about my former best friend. It’s the betrayal that still kills me. They were my people. My lifelong best friend and the woman I wanted to make my wife. They betrayed me, and that’s something I’ll never get over.

“They broke my trust. They destroyed the holidays for me, and my heart, well, my heart will never be the same.”

Blakely rolls over in my arms and rests her hand on my cheek. “I like this,” she says, running her fingers over my stubble.

That’s… not the response I was expecting. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t her ignoring what I just told her.

“I was home alone yesterday, so I didn’t shave.”

“I like seeing you this way. Not so poised and put together.” She lifts that same hand and runs her fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“That’s true, but my heart still hurts for you and for how you were treated.” Her hand moves back to my cheek, and her eyes lock onto mine. “Thank you for trusting me with your story.”

“I needed you to know.” I push her hair back out of her eyes. “I can’t give you that life, Blake. I’m just not cut out for it. She broke me. They broke me.”

“I never asked you to.”

“I know, but I enjoy spending time with you. You’re all I’ve been able to think about since that first meeting, and having you here, in my home, in my arms… I like it a whole hell of a lot, Blakely Kincaid.”

“That’s why you didn’t wake me up last night,” she teases.

I crack a smile. “Guilty.” I have zero regrets.

“So, what now? You want to date? Spend time together? What’s going on in that big old head of yours, Dr. Thompson?”

“I don’t date. I mean, I haven’t since Hannah. No dates. No kisses. No intimacy at all.” I watch her eyes as my words sink in.

“You want all of that with me?”

“Yes.” I don’t have to think about my answer. “But this can’t go anywhere. It will be two consenting adults spending time together, doing… whatever we please, and when that time is over, it’s over.”

“So, you want a fling?”

It sounds incorrect in relation to her, but she’s not wrong. I wish I could get a read on her, but her face is neutral as she waits for me to answer. “I guess, but can we just call it… us? Can we just be us?”

“Can I add something to this… agreement?”

“What?”

“You have to let me help you see that it’s not Christmas’s fault. You can’t let Hannah and Josh take away the joy of a holiday. They’re nothing to you, to me, to us. You have to let me show you that you can love the holidays again.”

“They’re married.”

“What?” I can hear the outrage in her voice.

“Yeah, she ended up pregnant, and they’re married.”

“Are they happily married?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“Good answer.” She grins at me. “If you ask me, you dodged a bullet. Cheating is a hard limit. There’s no reason for it. You can break up, sure; that’s hard and full of emotions, but if you want to stray, that’s your sign that the relationship isn’t working.”

“I agree with you. Hannah tried to say it was because I was always at the hospital.”

“You were in your residency!” Blakely exclaims, and it makes me smile. “What’s that smile for? How could she blame this on you?” She’s raging mad on my behalf, and my hardened heart softens just a smidge for her. Because of her.

“I was home most every night. There were some late-night and overnight shifts, but for the most part, I saw her every day. We shared meals and slept in the same bed. It was an excuse. She knew it, I knew it, and Josh knew it. Hell, even our parents knew it.”

“Are your parents still friends with hers? Oh, and his? Wait, are they still neighbors?” she fires off questions.

“They are still friends, but I don’t think they are as close as they once were. Hannah’s parents stopped responding to invites. I’m sure they’re embarrassed by the actions of their daughter.”

“Hold up. Do you have to see them at the party every year?” From the sour look on her face, she’s appalled for me.

“I don’t go.”

“What do you mean, you don’t go?”

“I don’t go. I told you. I don’t do Christmas.”

“Oliver! That’s your family. You can’t just not go. Vote them off the island. Pull rank and whatnot,” she says with fire in her eyes.

“Let’s talk about this.” I press my palm to the middle of her back and pull her closer. “About us,” I say, my voice dropping.

“Agree to let me show you Christmas isn’t the problem. It’s those cheating scoundrels.”

“Scoundrels?”

“It’s where my brain went in the moment. Leave me be,” she says, swatting at my bare chest.

“Within reason, I agree to your terms.”

“Wait. Hold up. What do you mean ‘within reason’?”

“No parties.”

“What about the gala?”

I groan. “Fine. The gala, but no other holiday parties. I’m not going to change who I am.”

“Why not? You let their actions change who you are.” Besides, I already bought two extra tickets because I wanted the event to be a success for her. It could have also been because somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew she’d convince me to go with her. I can’t say no to her, apparently.

I open my mouth to dispute her words, but they’re true. “Take it or leave it, Kincaid.”

“Fine. The gala and no other parties. Should we shake on it?”

“Nah, I have a better idea.” I slide my hand beneath her hair and grip the nape of her neck. “I think we should kiss on it.”

She places her hand over her mouth, and her eyes grow wide. “Morning breath.”

“I don’t care.”

“I care, and I have to pee.”

“Just a peck, then we can pee and brush your teeth.”

“I don’t have a toothbrush.”

“I have extras the dentist gives me.”

“Fine.”

I lean in close and press my lips to hers. They’re just as soft as I imagined they would be. Unfortunately, I’m a man of my word, and I pull away before I get a good taste of her. “Go pee. The bottom drawer of the hall bathroom will have what you need.”

She scrambles from the couch, and I watch her go. Once she disappears into the bathroom, I head to my room to handle my business and brush my own teeth. I’m getting that kiss.

I’m standing outside the bathroom door when she steps out into the hallway. I offer her my hand, and she takes it. I want to guide her down the hall to my room and lead her to my bed, but we’re not there yet. We’ll start with my kiss.

We make it to the couch, and I sit. “Sit.” I pat my lap.

She surprises me when she straddles my lap instead, resting her hands on my shoulders. “Now you can kiss me, Dr. Thompson.”

“Oliver. I don’t want to be Dr. Thompson with you. I just want to be me. Me and you.”

“Kiss me, Ollie.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I cup her cheeks in my palms and guide her lips to mine. Fucking finally, after countless nights thinking of this very thing, it’s happening. I can’t give her the future she deserves, but I can give her pleasure. I’ve been out of the game, but with this woman in my lap, grinding on my cock as I nip at her bottom lip before sliding my tongue against hers, I know it’s just like riding a bike. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on or this hard just from a simple kiss. Sure, her pussy is riding over my cock as she rocks her hips, but I should still be able to control myself.

My cock has other plans.

I kiss her like my life depends on it, as if letting her come up for air would be the end for both of us, and Blakely, she meets me stroke for stroke, riding a wave of pleasure on my lap.

“Oliver,” she pants.

“Yes, beautiful?”

“I need—” Her voice cuts out as I nip at her bottom lip.

“What you need is to come. Don’t fight it.” I move my hands to her hips and guide her to rock over my covered cock. I could explode any moment, and I’m telling myself it’s because it’s been four long, lonely years for my cock, but I know the truth.

It’s her.

It’s Blakely.

Her chest rises and falls quickly. Her eyes are closed, and her face is flushed. I can’t wait to find out if that blush covers the other parts of her skin.

“Ol!” she screams before biting down on her bottom lip to hold in the rest as her body shakes with her release.

I want to scold her for not allowing herself to scream my name, but we’ll get there. This is the first time I’ve truly gotten to touch her, and already I’m a greedy bastard where she’s concerned. I want… everything.

It’s a scary thought, one that I push to the back of my mind and lock away in a box. It’s the heat of the moment. Of course, I want to hear my name from her soft, plump lips. I want to grip her hair in my fist as her ass bounces off my thighs and I’m balls deep inside her. I want so many things. That’s what I meant by everything.

“Give me a few, and I’ll return the favor,” she says, leaning on my chest, her head resting on my shoulder.

I rub my hands up and down her back. “This isn’t tit for tat, Blake.”

“It’s not fair, though.”

“We do what feels right in the moment. That’s how this is going to work. I wanted to see you riding my cock, even through my sweats. Trust me, baby, I got what I wanted.” I hold her a few more minutes until she sits up and climbs off my lap.

“I need a shower.” She wrinkles her nose.

“You can use mine.”

“I don’t have any clothes.”

“You can wear mine.” I place my hand on her thigh. I need to stay connected to her.

“I can’t go home in your clothes. Besides, there’s a Tree Lighting in town tonight. Isla and I are going. My family will all be there too. You should come. You can see the small-town side of Willow River. It’s a good time. I promise.”

“You said your family will be there?”

She smiles. “Don’t worry. They’re great. Besides, you’ve already met my mom.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a great idea, bringing family into this.” I stop there, because I don’t need to explain further.

“No, you’re right. Well, I already made plans, so I need to get going.”

“When can I see you again?” The words sound desperate even to my own ears, but just like everything else, I ignore it.

“I’ll be in the town square this afternoon and evening, taking in the festivities.”

“I thought women shopped the day after Thanksgiving?” I grumble.

“Oh no, grumpy Ollie is back. You sure you don’t want me to take care of this before I go?” She reaches over and grips my cock through my sweats. Even through the fabric, I’ve never felt anything like her touch. My cock throbs and twitches in her palm. She smirks when she feels it. Saying no to her is by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.

“I’m sure.” I want her to. I really want her to, but there’s plenty of time for that later.

“Well, thank you for letting me spend the night and for the cuddles and… the rest.”

“Thank you for dinner and the pie and letting me hold you.”

“Look at us, being all sweet and mature about this,” she teases.

“I want to see you again.”

“Text me, and we’ll figure something out.”

“Start your car.”

“Yes, sir.” She salutes me as she stands and grabs her purse, pulling out her keys and starting her car. She busies herself putting on her shoes and her coat.

I will time to slow, but it’s no use. She’s wrapping her arms around me in a hug, which I return. “Drive safe.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon.” She pops a kiss on my cheek and rushes out the door.

I move to the window and watch her leave before moving down the hall to my room. My cock needs some attention, and we’re both pissed I turned down her help, but baby steps. I might not be able to give her the future I know she wants, but I can treat her with respect while this—whatever this is—is happening.