Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Brynn

P ierce and I head back to our villa after watching Four Christmases .

“I quite enjoyed that movie,” he says.

I press in the code for the door and step inside, admiring our tree. I left it plugged in when we left earlier, so the lights on it fill the room with a warm glow.

“Tomorrow we have to be on our game. I’m pretty sure it’s gingerbread house night because my mom will want to display them, then everyone will pick them apart to eat before Christmas.”

“Want to sketch out some ideas?” he asks, walking past me toward the couch.

“You’d want to do that?”

“One thing I’ve figured out about you is how much you love to win, so if us winning the gingerbread house competition makes you happy, I’ll grab my notebook.”

I watch him reach into his bag next to the couch and bring a notebook to his lap. I sit down next to him and turn on the television. “Want to watch a movie while we do it?”

He looks at me, and his gaze falls to my lips. “Please don’t get my hopes up like that.”

“What?” I ask, and his gaze floats back up to meet mine.

“While we do it?” He smirks.

I push his shoulder, and he pretends to lose his balance, laughing. “Dirty mind.”

“Only when it comes to you.”

I’m not sure what to say, so I say nothing. After he told us this morning that he lost his parents so young and went to a boarding school, I had the urge to soothe any leftover pain, but when I hugged him, I got no reciprocation, so I took that as a sign it’s still a sensitive matter.

“Thanks for helping my mom so much in the kitchen,” I say, scrolling through the streaming channel to find a good holiday movie that Pierce might enjoy too.

“I like to cook. Clears my head.” He opens the notebook. His legs are stretched out to rest his feet on the coffee table, his ankles crossed. “What are you thinking?”

I click on Surviving Christmas because it’s one of my favorites, but I turn my body to face Pierce. “In the past, it’s not really been about the houses but the stuff around the house.”

“Like a front porch swing?” He glances up from the corner of his eye.

“What?” My head tilts.

Without responding to me, he sketches out a gingerbread house with a front porch that wraps around it and points the tip of his pen to where he thinks we could put the porch swing. “Here?”

“Pierce.” My tone is questioning. Is he doing what I think he’s doing?

He draws it in place. “I think this is a good spot. And a fence around the front of the yard, right? You wanted that too.” He continues to draw a small picket fence with a swinging gate that opens from the sidewalk to a brick path up to the front door.

My heart rate picks up speed. “Pierce.”

He pays me no attention and continues drawing the dream house I described to him our last night in bed together. It was so easy to tell him what I wanted in my life.

“A simple life, right? A marriage like your parents. A house with a front porch swing and fence in the front so you can watch your kids play? Oh wait.” He presses the pen back to the paper. “A dog.”

“Pierce…” My voice is a hoarse whisper now. I can’t believe he remembered everything I told him.

“Is this about right?” he asks, holding it out to me as if he’s an architect.

I have no words because it’s perfect. “Yeah,” I say, turning around and facing the television.

“Did you think I’d forget?” he asks, voice serious.

“Hoped maybe.” I stare at my lap, my fingers fidgeting until I stuff my hands under my thighs.

“Why? I’ve thought about that conversation so many times. Wondered about the parents whose marriage you put high on a pedestal. Wondered if I could have had you think as highly of me as you thought of your dad. Most of all, could I have been the man who was lucky enough to give you that life?”

I stand, unsure where to go, but unable to sit here any longer. “You…” I take a deep breath. “You can’t just say things like that.”

“What am I doing? Recounting the time we had together.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You told me nothing. All this does is confirm that I bared myself to you, and you told me nothing about yourself. The connection I’ve been chasing with every guy after you… it was all a fraud because you never even told me about your parents’ death or that you went to boarding school or anything about your life now that I think about it.”

He stands but doesn’t approach me. “Because I didn’t want that pitying look. Not from you. I didn’t want that to factor into what you felt for me. You want to know what I figured out that first night we met?”

“Not really.” I shake my head.

“That you had a huge heart, and you were one of those people who takes other people in. And now that I’ve met your family, I see it’s been ingrained in you from birth. They’re all welcoming and trying to help me be comfortable. So, let’s say that on the first night I dumped my shitty past in your lap—it would have been the only thing you saw about me.”

“You don’t know that. You didn’t give me a chance.”

He breezes by me, grabs his coat off the coat rack, and shrugs it on before leaning closer, his lips so close to my ear. “I do know because when you found out, you hugged me so tightly that for the first time in years, tears filled my eyes. It made me feel weak, and that’s not how I ever want you to see me.” He turns and opens the door, leaving.

Twenty minutes go by and still no sign of Pierce. When a knock lands on the door, I open the door, thinking maybe he forgot the code. But of course it isn’t him.

My mom stands in her pajamas, a coat wrapped around her. “I saw Pierce leave.” I rush into her arms, and she wraps them around me, running her hands down my back. “Are you finally ready to talk to me?”

I nod into her down coat, and she nudges me inside so she can shut the door.

“Want to start from the beginning?” She goes over to the coffee pot and places a hot cocoa pod into the machine.

As it brews, I tell her our story. Him picking me up from the pub, the walk around London, his apartment, and me spending the weekend with him.

“I’m just not sure I want to go there again,” I say.

She hands me a cup of cocoa and sits with her own on the couch. “Brynn, you’ve always had this fierceness about you. Smart-mouthed. Wanting to keep up with your brothers made you tough, and I never felt that I had to worry about you except for one thing.” She nods toward my heart. “Your heart was always open, and I had a feeling when you came back from London that someone had hurt you. You didn’t approach love as freely and with open arms like you had before. The longer you never brought anyone home, never talked about a man, it just cemented my assumption. Now that I’ve met the man who?—”

“He didn’t break my heart. I only knew him for a couple months, and it was over in one weekend.” I sip my cocoa.

My mom stares at me. “He broke something. Maybe it was your ability to sink into that hope at the beginning of a relationship. Maybe it made you afraid of being hurt again.” She sighs. “I blame your dad and me. We just showed you too good of a life.” She laughs.

“Mom.” I shake my head at her.

“I know. I know. But I think he was your first realization that life isn’t always easy. Pierce might not have broken your heart, but maybe he crushed your spirit. He was young himself, though. And now that I know about his past, that’s a lot of stuff to deal with for a young man.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Do you still like him? Those butterflies zooming?”

I nod.

“After London, did you survive?”

I nod, pressing my lips together.

“If this doesn’t work out, it will hurt, but you’ll get through it like you did last time. It’s never a mistake to love someone who’s worthy of it, should never be a regret to go all in. If it works out, there are no regrets, and the only way you’ll ever know is to go for it. What if your future is filled with love?”

I rock my head back. My mom always gives the best talks, and this is exactly why I didn’t want to go to her first. I knew she’d encourage me to give Pierce another chance. And it’s scary. Whether it should be or not, it is.

“From what I’ve seen, he’s mature and owns his past. He’s comfortable with the man he’s become. He’s confident and respectful and knows the mistakes he made with you.” She puts her cocoa on the table. “The way he looks at you, Brynn…”

I shake my head, wanting her to tell me but not at the same time.

“It’s what I’ve always wanted for you. Just like when Tre brought Tessa home. Carter.” She rocks her head back and forth. “We’ll see what the future brings him.”

We both laugh. I like Faith, but she gives in to him a lot.

“Thanks, Mom.”

She scoots closer and hugs me. “Always. Don’t waste time fighting it. Just see where it takes you. That’s the entire point of life.”

I nod as the door opens. Looking over my mom’s shoulder, I see Pierce in the doorway, staring at us.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” my mom whispers.

“Yeah.”

“You got this, and if it goes south, the whole family will support you until you can stand on your own again.” She draws back. “And your brothers will kick his ass.” Her eyes meet mine for a few seconds before I nod.

She stands. “Hello, Pierce.” Then she glances at the television. “Brynn’s favorite movie, Surviving Christmas . It’s a good one. See you all in the morning.” She puts her hand on Pierce’s upper arm as she passes him.

His gaze is fixed on mine. My mom is right—why not just take the chance and hope it pays off in the end?