33

I unleashed everything I had; expelling the malice and freeing my soul.

But the damage was done. Pain became as familiar as breath ing. There was no end to it. Fissures appeared beneath my feet from earthly tremors. Heat like fire left every cell of my body. I couldn’t stop what I’d started. The world swallowed me whole.

I blinked dirt from my eyes. The whispers and tearing of my insides had gone still. I dared not imagine myself in pieces, even if it could be the truth. Remnants of my chaos cloud twinkled into oblivion; a phantom of its former glory. The clothes I’d gotten from Aiden? Burned. Wounds? Open. Bleeding.

My hands were empty. Clay’s knife had gone without a trace.

Funny. I didn’t feel anything. With the blade broken, my worries seemed to wash away. Was this Death? His face appeared to me, like I’d summoned him with my mind. I could recognize Guy’s skeleton, or maybe it was that he wore his silly gray hoodie. My face couldn’t move but I imagined giving him a smile.

I’m happy it’s you. I wanted to say.

Tiny shapes, like pixels, reconstructed his human face. He looked terrible and beautiful at the same time. And so sad. I wished I could feel the coolness of his hand behind my head, but only noticed myself being lifted toward him.

Why was a reaper so sad?

The dark brows below his forehead kept shifting. Wavering breaths left his parted lips. I still couldn’t feel him. What was he waiting for? I was already gone, wasn’t I? My soul was his to take. I waited behind the prison of my eyes, watching as he refused to break me out with his scythe.

His eyes that always looked like they’d captured a storm flickered with lightning. Guy smoothed the hair from my eyes and held my face like a precious object.

And then, the kiss of Death.

I couldn’t see much after he closed the small space between our noses. His eyelids scrunched closed before relaxing, like he’d fallen asleep.

My spirit gave a jolt. I could feel something, like I was recon necting with the nerves in my body. It was my lips. They were cold. Cold and soft. No, wait. His lips were cold and soft. I only felt them because they were on mine.

There was something tender in his delivery. No possessive force. No race to satiate hunger. It was as if he wanted that kiss to be just for me. A sweet parting gift—

Crack.

Air expanded my lungs and pushed my broken ribs. I smelled blood. Tasted blood. Tears wet my face as I screamed. Guy kept a steady hand behind my head while I writhed. “Hang in there, Jess.”

No! I wanted peace from before. Why had it left me to suffer? More cries rang in the air, but I noticed my volume fading. Every broken bone found its home. The sense of gravity returned, making everything feel heavier than I remembered. I felt alive again. And it sucked.

“Why?” I glared up at my reaper. Was I actually upset he’d saved me? No, but at the same time, I felt robbed of something. Maybe I didn’t want the responsibility of harboring chaos any more. Not once in all my life had I ever wanted to die, though.

Death’s door had been that seductive.

Guy slumped over into a pile of dust and broken rock, looking notably more pale and drowsy than normal. I made a note of each vertebrae as I sat up. My hands shook uncontrollably but I crawled toward Guy anyway. “Guy. What’ve you done?”

“You’re talking again,” he said, gruffly before laying com pletely flat on his back. His eyes closed and I felt a pang in my chest. There was no way he could die. He was Death!

I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. “ Guy. ”

His tired face pulled down into a frown but he still hadn’t opened his eyes. “Let me rest, woman,” he mumbled out of his pouting lips. I hadn’t noticed their fullness as much before.

“Not if resting means leaving me— here ,” I added quickly, feeling a blush prickle and spread across my cheeks, “You brought me back to life. Take some responsibility.”

“You have the strangest way of showing appreciation.” Guy’s lip twitched. “I am sorry I kissed you without permission.”

Kind of him to be considerate, however, that was the least of our worries. We were in a crater about the size of a small pool. I attempted to sit up and winced. Yup, still sore. My muscles were still tying themselves together, thread by thread. We’d only gotten a few feet deep but it looked like a mountain from where I sat.

“Did I do this?” I asked.

Guy grunted. He hadn’t shown signs of discomfort other than exhaustion, so maybe he was fine. We both looked like survivors of an explosion. My blood mixed with Ghoul blood covered every inch of his clothes.

“Then the necromancy weapon?” I already knew it had disintegrated from my power, but I had to be sure. Guy coughed once, cleared his throat, and nodded.

“Faris?” My priorities thought of him last. When the dust in the air settled, I spotted something inside the crater with us.

It was no purifier.

The being before me appeared disfigured and quite large. It kept its head faced toward the earth. Pale hair cascaded over its brow. Pointed ears with several piercings jetted out from the dirtied strands. Remains of a black cloak lie in pieces beneath it.

“Clay?” I said stupidly. At the mention of his name, Guy finally stirred.

Clay muttered into the beaten dirt. His massive hands crossed over his chest and cupped both shoulders. My eyes traveled down his exposed back, counting every rib. His new figure had thicker bones but the meat, skin, and organs were vacuum sealed. How was he even holding himself up?

He lifted his face. Ridges covered his leathery skin; long scars took up so much of his backside that I thought it was a mere discoloration of the skin. His front wasn’t much better. A rather brutal and jagged scar started from his brow, fell over his eyelid. It was Clay, but not the one I recognized.

All eerie smiles had gone; only dry, snarling lips and point ed teeth remained. His eyes, once bright orange, dimmed to a light chestnut.

“Clay…” but I swallowed my words.

“Don’t.” Clay’s sharp gaze froze me further. “Don’t fucking pity me.”

Before, he had looked more human. The marks of abuse carved into his empty shell painted a sad story. Had a glamor spell cosmetically altered him before? Everything around us had gone quiet too; not a single zombie or Ghoul. Destroying the knife must have worked, and stopped all of his magic.

Clay popped his bulky shoulders, sounding like a roll of bubble wrap. He stood three heads taller than before and my stomach dropped into my pelvic bowl. A faint but cruel grin appeared on his sunken face. “Now, I’m really pissed, Jessebel.”

With great effort, I flipped onto my stomach, reaching for Guy to clamber us out of that hole, but Clay snatched me by the ankle. Guy’s bloodshot eyes were wide, awake but barely. I got even more nervous when I didn’t see his scythe appear. He lunged toward Clay but received a devastating backhand. The reaper dropped back into the dirt.

I didn’t even have time to scream before Clay dragged me back to him and closed a hand around my throat. He didn’t squeeze but kept an uncomfortable grip and lifted me closer to his height. “Why’d you have to do that, huh? You know what that weapon cost me?”

I wriggled his grip, knowing damn well it wouldn’t help. There was no malice to steal anymore. He was practically hollow. To my horror, crumbs of living shadow started collecting them selves from the rubble. They crawled up his legs, forming one dark mass that umbrellaed over us.

After all that, I’d done absolutely nothing at all.

“Yes… That’s true…” Clay said as if answering his own thoughts. The way his eyes lit up again, returning to their unnatural orange made my whole body shrink. “I expected too much too soon. You can’t possibly know real suffering. Just look at you. Soft. Pretty… Can’t even leave a mark.”

His spare hand gently traced the side of my face. I thrashed, feeling his nail, now sharp and claw-like, pierce below my cheekbone. Seconds of intense itching later and the slit sewed itself up.

“No one hates your face.” Clay’s own face deadened, lost in some trance he put himself under. “You’re … sheltered. It’s not your fault.”

His demeanor changed. A smile split his already dry lips. I couldn’t see them but I heard someone saying the same words as Clay, like he was an echo. A woman; her haunting, cunning voice traveled like the wind, passing too quickly. Had it come from the shadow?

My heart just about burst when I heard more movement outside of our hole. Clay’s head snapped in that direction as well, and a bright light blinded us for a second time.

Clay fell, dodging a second holy bolt. His weight almost crushed me, but he caught himself and caged his arms above me. The missed fire lodged into the earth, hissing and spitting.

Faris sat on his knees at the edge of the crater. The shock of his failure made the skin around his face tighten. Clay spotted the purifier and glowered. “You aren’t dead yet?”

Faris could’ve easily aimed that bolt at me. He wouldn’t have missed either, with me being slow and injured. Before Clay could move, I grasped his arm still pinned above my head..

“Clay…” My dry voice reached his ears and he turned his neck. No more. I couldn’t handle watching anyone else die by his hand. “You came here for me .”

He arched his brow. I achieved one thing at least; getting his attention. Pretty sure I hadn’t passed out yet purely out of spite, but I wavered as he leaned in closer.

“You are kind of stupid,” he said, and I couldn’t tell if his exhale was out of disappointment or the opposite. The dark matter on his back morphed and the tentacle shapes returned, but instead of being attached to Clay, they became their own entity.

A feminine, hourglass image matched the voice I’d heard earlier. Most of her had been made up of shadow, save for the single emerald eye in the middle of her blank face.

“All children must learn.” She sounded softer than a witch’s lullaby but every nerve and muscle in my body recognized her corrupted energy, like a trauma response. Clay’s magic came from her. I recognized the scent of her toxin.

The shadow woman draped her many arms over Clay’s shoul ders, each one waving slowly like we were under water. “She is infantile, compared to me,” she said, “Do not be dismayed, for she does not yet see.”

“Who the hell are you?” I squeaked out.

There was no mouth on the she-devil. Her whispers entered my mind instead. “The Queen of Desire. Mother of the Deprived. Forge to the Dark Materials. Goddess of Malice.”

Well, fuck.

She presented herself like a goddess worth knowing, but I had my doubts. Especially to leech off Clay. In a weird and creepy way, she seemed to comfort Clay. Almost like a guardian.

“S o much of your father. ” Her daydreamy comment made my guts twist into knots. The pressure from her presence made the back of my head throb.

I released a shuddering breath. “My father really is—”

“ Asmodai .”

The pit widened in my stomach. I’d heard that name; seen it in Jarmiel’s books, to be exact. My mind went blank. I already knew the truth, but hearing his name…

I cursed and banged my head back into the crater once. Clay and that woman were still above me but I didn’t care. Avidus, The Kingdom of Lust and its ruler, The Demon Lord, Asmodai. My dad .

Had Naomi known the entire time exactly who my father was? Is that why she never came back for me? Every small mem ory of my aunt and our life together played like a film reel that caught fire. How had no one else known about me until now?

No. Someone had.

I lifted my gaze back at Clay. Strands of his dull hair seemed to reach for my face. The shadow woman remained close but did nothing to interfere. I pegged her as the evil puppeteer pulling the strings but she showed too much patience.

For a moment, there was peace behind his fierce eyes. “That’s right. You can’t hide anymore. The angels can’t offer you anything. That reaper even less.”

A life of hell. Darkness eating me alive? Could I really deny that it had been the most powerful I’d ever felt? His energy, while disturbing beyond imagining, had worked like a tool in my hand. I’d almost been able to bend the chaos to my will.

Just as I felt the seeds of hell sprout in my heart, a star burned brightly behind Clay’s head. I mouthed the angel’s name it belonged to. Zak .

Zak appeared from above like a champion of white flame, escorting heaven’s fury. His sharpened, crystal gaze pierced through Clay and his mistress, finding me. At the same time, the wings of a much stonier angel flew over our heads. Jarmiel carried a white gold pistol that cast an ethereal glow. He aimed high at the one-eyed shadow lady.

“ Vileth .” Jarmiel addressed her with an authoritative ring.

She released a hiss that could have been conjured by an entire pit of snakes. Her tendrils beat rapidly, showing little concern for me or her pupil. I heard the gun go off, followed by a stream of brilliant light. Vialeth’s shrieks shattered the night.

Clay’s anger returned with a vengeance. His hand closed around my skull. I was hauled up into his chest, facing out to see the mayhem. His hunched posture encased me like a cocoon while his hand continued to crush my face.

“Fucking angels…” he spat, “Don’t get any closer.”

I pushed away from his scarred body but to no avail. Zak landed before us, casting a blinding light and searing the tips of my hair. Angels used to scare me but I just about peed myself at the righteous fury that scorched his entire being.

“Clayton.” Zak’s voice altered as if he held an amplifier. “Let her go.”

Was that Clay’s formal name? Had Zak finally figured out his real identity? But the way he said his name with such familiarity…

No. They knew each other.

Clay released a hoarse cackle. “ Me ? You’re the ones keep ing her.”

He dragged us a few steps back and out of the crater. Car rying me around was nothing. I felt like a doll in his grasp. Zak pursued, taking careful steps, assessing Clay’s outline, as if looking for an opening.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Zak said, his crystal eyes meeting mine.

“You angels and your false heroism make me sick…” Clay brought us even further, and I noticed Guy wasn’t in the crater anymore either. “I’m going to end you all.”

Another gunshot and burst of light hit just below my vision. Clay fell to his knees, giving me a chance to pull away. I looked up, expecting Jarmiel to descend on us. Instead, a purple blob wrapped itself around Clay’s face.

“Let her go, you ugly creep!” Tori’s shrill voice cried as she blinded him with her stuffing.

She really knew how to make an entrance.

A skeleton with black wings dove in next, like a vulture ready to pick a carcass. The scythe he carried cut through the air, missing me completely, but I heard it meet Clay’s neck. Smoke whipped around us, flinging Tori away. I caught her with one hand while the controlled storm knocked Clay completely over.

Clutching Tori, the smoke cradled around us both, and reeled us into Death’s cold embrace. I froze, face to face with the meatless figure until it revealed Guy to me once more. He kept one arm around my waist, scythe in the other.

A much deeper voice than anything Guy had unearthed before left his lips. “You won’t touch her again.”

Clay slumped. Jarmiel’s bullet had made it clean through his leg but the hole kept sizzling. The gash Guy made left a wide opening from his ear down to his chest, adding more line work to his already tortured flesh. When he moved, I thought his head would roll clean off.

I brought my hands around Guy’s shoulders for support, ig noring the gore coating his chest. Clay’s pointed teeth ground together as he watched, hatred boiling behind his eyes. Even with his vocal cords surely destroyed, it didn’t stop him from sputtering, “What threats do you have, reaper?”

“Stand down!” Jarmiel boomed from behind.

The angel’s fight came to us. Vileth’s shadow roamed the earth, clawing and tumbling over itself to reach where we stood. With Jarmiel closing in as well, Zak acted fast. He wielded his flashy sword made entirely out of light, sparkling with brilliant ferocity. It ate away Vileth’s inky malice, like watching the sun rise before night was through.

Cries that could only be born of Hell ripped through the tentacled monster’s throat. She’d taken another bullet from Jarmiel. Zak’s sword carved into her mass, creating waves of heat that even reached Guy, Tori, and me.

The battle seemed over, but I felt Clay’s gaze on us. On me. He did nothing to help Vialeth. He had to surrender. It was over but I continued to hold my breath. Part of me hoped he would give up and avoid the agony his mistress faced at the hands of the angels. Who had he been before to receive those scars?

I wanted to pity him but his past couldn’t justify everything he’d done; all the lives he’d stolen. Whatever happened to him next, he’d asked for it.

Another cry, and Vileth’s form reduced to a whirling vortex. She kept Clay protected inside her torrent. He stared at me a moment longer before turning his attention to the angels.

I couldn’t tell what happened next.

With the gesture of his middle finger, he disappeared completely into Vileth’s darkness. After she enveloped him, she shrank into a tiny sphere. A silver glow pulsed once before the ball swallowed itself up.

“ Clayton !” Zak’s eyes burned as brightly as his sword. He plunged the weapon down where they once were and pierced the ground. His efforts failed. They were gone.

If angels swore, it would have been an excellent time. Zak bit his lip so hard I thought he’d chew it clean off. Jarmiel landed beside his partner, wings switching off like a light. He shared in his partner’s disappointed silence by placing a hand on Zak’s shoulder.

Guy loosened his tight hold around me. In response, I leaned into him. I wasn’t ready to stand on my own just yet. His voice rumbled like a dark summons in my ear. “Sorry, I took so long.”

I flattened my forehead against his chest. Tori’s teddy bear did the same to me, although I could feel her fidgeting in a des perate need to unleash every thought and feeling she had. Guy hadn’t asked me to stop, so we stood like that for a long while.

Zak arrived, just like Guy said. It was over.

Clay was gone.