Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

NICO

M ost people think falling in love is about holding on and never letting go, but it isn't. It's about hands gripping the edge of the world and letting go one finger at a time. And if you're lucky, when there are no more fingers left, the eventual fall leads you right back where you started—right where you belong.

But if you're not, you might end up tumbling into the abyss instead. Alone. I've spent most of my life alone, and my only respite was those years I spent with Aurora. It took me too long to realize she was always going to be the missing part of my soul. And when I couldn't stand it anymore, I knew I had to get her back. I also knew that I needed to be smart about it.

"Nico, you asshole!" Lucia yells in my ear. "How could you manipulate her into marrying you?"

The corners of my lips tug up at the sound of her voice. I haven't heard it in so long. But that doesn't mean we haven't kept in touch over the past decade. Lucia and I text once in a while behind her sister's back. Aurora would kill us if she knew that. Unlike her sister, Lucia actually thinks fondly of me. Or at least she did.

After one last look at Aurora, whose eyes are shut as she lies on the couch, I walk away, heading up the stairs.

"I didn't manipulate her," I say once out of earshot. "I merely coerced her into a deal that may or may not be beneficial to both of us."

Lucia groans. "You're such a snake. How long have you been planning this?"

That's a loaded question. For months after they disappeared, all I could feel was betrayal and anger that she would leave me like that. And then, I gravitated toward acceptance and understanding. I thought I could let things go, and for a while, I did. But I couldn't stop thinking about her. It didn't take me too long before I found them again. And then from there, I decided to bide my time and wait for an opening to get to her again.

"It doesn't matter."

"This is a bad idea, and it'll blow up in your face. You and I both know that if you push her too hard, she'll push back."

"I know, which is why I'm going down this route and trying to ease her into things."

It's not like I showed up in front of her apartment and confessed my undying love to her or anything like that. That would have made her run for the hills without a doubt. Instead, I convinced her to marry me, at least for four months, during which time I could strive to convince her that the connection we both have, never disappeared. While also getting her to face everything that happened ten years ago.

"Maybe she's better off on her own," her sister murmurs.

"Do you really think that?" I ask, genuinely curious.

Because if there's even a slight chance that I upended any happiness she's managed to find, then I'll put it all back and walk away.

"No," Lucia says with a sigh. "She likes to pretend she's okay, but I know she needs more. I've always known there was something missing. And she knows it too."

"I just want to figure out why she's so insistent on pulling away from me," I say, allowing myself to feel all the frustration that's plagued me for the past ten years.

One moment, we were fine, and I almost had her, and the next, she was just gone. I drove myself crazy trying to figure it out. And I need answers.

"She doesn't talk about it, Nico. Actually, she pretends that night never happened. Aurora's great at repressing her emotions until she herself starts to believe they don't exist. She's happier that way," her sister says.

"Yes, but she can't keep living in denial. It's not fair to any of us."

"I know," Lucia says softly. "I still think your plan is crazy."

"Brilliantly crazy," I correct.

"No, just crazy. You're not as smart as you think you are, Nico."

"Hey, I'm a fucking genius ,and you know it," I say teasingly.

"Humble too," she retorts dryly. Her tone sobers up in the next breath. "Just be careful, okay? And if you hurt her, I'll murder you."

"You and I both know she's more likely to hurt me. Plus, I would never hurt her."

Lucia laughs softly at that. "She said something similar to me a couple of weeks ago. I think you're right. Both of you need to face this. You both deserve the closure. And while I'll deny it if Aurora ever asks me, I'm rooting for you, Nico."

"Thanks, Lucia."

I'm glad I at least have her on my side. Lucia's like the little sister I never had.

"I'm coming back soon. I've been away for far too long."

"Let me know before you come back so I can make arrangements to keep you safe."

"Okay. Bye, Nicky," she says, calling me the nickname she used when she was younger.

She hangs up, and I stand there in silence for a while to gather my thoughts before heading back to the living room to face the woman who probably has a lot of things on her mind at the moment. When I return, she's still seated on the sofa, arms crossed and jaw clenched.

"Aurora," I call to draw her attention.

She doesn't look toward me.

"You lied to me," she says, her voice cold.

I let out a soft sigh. "I didn't lie to you."

"You said you'd let me go."

My heart aches at the expression on her face.

"I will, if you want me to, Aurora."

She finally looks toward me, brown eyes filled with anger. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I take a seat on one of the sofas facing her.

"I want you to give me a chance. To give us a chance. And if in four months, we're still incapable of making things work, if in four months you're still insistent on leaving, then sure, I'll let you go and that'll be it. You'll never have to see me again, you'll never have to think about me again. I'll let you erase me, Aurora. And we'll be over for good."

The pain that sears through my heart at the thought of that happening is unlike anything I've ever felt before. She has no idea how easy it would be for her to destroy me.

"You know this is my problem with you. You always have to have everything figured out. Everyone's just a piece on the board to you. A chess piece to move around. A side of your fucking Rubik's Cube to solve. Sometimes it's like you don't really feel anything. It's not normal to think of people like that, Nico."

I'll admit I have a tendency to act like that, but I don't have a choice. It's how I'm wired.

"I'm trying to give us a chance here, Aurora," I tell her.

"No, you're trying to fix us. Have you ever considered that I don't want you to? You just made this decision on your own without a care about how I feel?"

"Of course I care about how you feel. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't."

She gets to her feet, running a hand through her brown hair.

"What do you think is going to happen? That in the next four months, we'll ingest some magic potion, and then all our problems will go away? All the pain, the anger, the betrayal—everything just disappears? It doesn't work like that, Nicolas. Sometimes two people just aren't good for each other. And you need to accept that. I thought you accepted that ten years ago."

My eyes narrow. "Like you gave me a choice back then. You ran away. And allow me to point out that you're being a hypocrite, Aurora. You made that decision to leave for both of us ten years ago. You chose to disappear on your own. And I chose to bring you back. It's as simple as that," I say easily.

She groans. "You are so infuriating!"

"And you're impossibly stubborn!"

She glares at me and before I can react, she's grabbing one of the small pillows on the sofa and launching it at me. It hits me squarely in the face, catching me completely off guard. For a split second, all I can do is blink in shock.

"Oh shit, sorry," she says, her eyes widening before a laugh bubbles up from her chest.

The sound of her laughter warms my heart and for a second all I do is stare at her, then I remember what she did and my eyes narrow.

"You might want to run," I say, my jaw clenched.

She squeals and takes off, darting around the living room. I begin to chase her, the argument forgotten in an instant. We weave through the house, her laughter echoing off the walls as I gain on her. She's quick, but I'm determined. I round the corner into the kitchen just in time to see her slip past the island, and I sprint after her, my heart pounding with a mix of adrenaline and amusement.

She makes a break for the living room again, but I'm right behind her. With a burst of speed, I catch up and grab her around the waist, lifting her off the ground as she shrieks with laughter.

"Got you, sweetheart," I say against her hair, relishing in her closeness.

She wriggles in my arms, still giggling. "Okay, okay, you win!"

I carry her over to the couch and collapse onto it, pulling her down with me. We land in a heap, both of us breathless and laughing. She's lying on top of me, her face inches from mine, and for a moment, all I can do is stare into her eyes, the remnants of our argument dissipating into the air.

"I'm sorry I called you unfeeling," she says softly, meeting my gaze.

"And I shouldn't have manipulated you into marrying me," I return with a soft sigh.

She sniffs. "I'm actually more upset that I fell for it."

I brush a strand of hair away from her face, my hand lingering on her cheek. "What are we going to do now?"

Her expression softens, and she leans into my touch for a second before her eyes shutter and she climbs off me. The lack of her warmth is like a shock to my system. I sit up as well, watching as she takes a couple of steps back.

"I understand why you did what you did, Nico. But I also need you to understand that I left the outfit because I didn't think I belonged there."

"You do," I say assuredly.

She shakes her head. "No, you don't understand."

"Then make me understand," I retort, getting to my feet and crossing over to her. "I used to be the only person you could talk to, Aurora. When you were fourteen, and you found out Valerio was seeing another woman, you talked to me. You told me exactly how you felt about it and how guilty you were for being angry, because at the end of the day, he had a right to move on as well."

Her expression tightens at that, and I hate that I have to bring up her father, but I need her to understand where I'm coming from.

"When you had that crush on that guy in your science class, who listened to you talk about him for hours on end? I mean it drove me fucking crazy, but I listened," I continue.

She shoots me a disbelieving look. "You threatened to go to my school and beat him up if I didn't stop talking about him."

"That was after you had driven me damn near to the brink. I hated hearing you talk about another guy like that."

"It was nothing. I don't even remember him anymore," she reassures me.

I nod. "Good. But that's not the point. I was right by your side when you wanted to sneak off to that dumb concert when you were sixteen, late at night. If we had been caught, your father would have killed me. I didn't even like that boy band, but I did it for you. Also, you might not know this, but that night was the first time I realized I had feelings for you. You looked so beautiful singing all those cheesy love songs with this wide smile on your face. I'd never seen you that relaxed before, free. It was the night I realized how utterly screwed I was."

Her brown eyes soften, the green in them becoming more pronounced as she looks at me.

"That was the first time you called me, mi vida ," she says gently.

"Because I realized that the only reason I was standing there was because of you. You didn't just save me, you healed me, Aurora. You were everything to me. My life."

"You never said any of this to me."

"You're right. Maybe I should have. I should have held on to you that day and made you mine. Instead, I ran away like a coward. But I'm done doing that, Aurora," I say heatedly, moving even closer and taking her hand in mine. "Before I met you, life was only about making it to the next day. I had already given up on doing that and then you barreled into my life and consumed me. You made me want to live again."

"You made my life worth living too," she says with tears in her eyes.

"I know there's a lot of things buried beneath the surface. A lot of anger and pain and betrayal. We both have secrets and we both have things we're afraid of. But I need you to just put all that aside for one second, sweetheart. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing for me."

She shuts her eyes briefly before opening them. They're still glassy, and she's so fucking beautiful in this moment that it hurts.

"You know I can't do that."

"Tell me you hate me," I prompt. "Do you have any idea how much it killed me for you to look me in the eye and say that you hate me?"

"I didn't mean it," she says, sniffing softly. "I wanted to believe it so badly, but I could never hate you, Nico. It was all a lie. I never meant to hurt you like that."

"I know. So I need you to just let it all fall away for a second. Pretend that the past ten years never happened. Pretend we're still together in my room like we were that night. Remember how it felt," I breathe, placing my hand on her chin and tilting her head up. "Remember how it felt to stop fighting what we were feeling? And then tell me what you want me to do."

The air between us simmers with tension and heat.

She lets out a shaky breath before finally confessing. "I want you to kiss me, Nico."

"That's all you've ever had to say, sweetheart."

When my lips meet hers, it's like a homecoming. She trembles in my hold and tears cascade down her cheeks as I pull her closer. Sparks break out across my skin as our lips touch, liquid heat spreading through my veins.

Kissing her is addictive, thrilling, and has me questioning why I haven't been doing this all my life.

Because she left you.

I nip at her bottom lip to distract myself from the thought. Aurora gasps, and I swallow the sound. My kiss turns more punishing, and she seems to respond well to my desperation. She moans softly, her hands gripping the front of my shirt.

"Nico, you have to promise me," she says suddenly, breaking the kiss.

"What?" I ask in confusion, pulling away slightly to look at her.

"If in four months we still can't figure it out. If in four months my need to leave is still greater than my feelings for you, then you have to promise to let me go."

I swallow hard, unwilling to make that promise, but knowing I have to if I want to have a chance with her. I hold her even closer, my hands trailing over her face. My heart pounds as I look into those brown eyes that always unmoor me.

Sometimes, you have to let people go so they can come back to you.

"I promise," I whisper.

She lets out a soft breath before winding her arms around my neck.

"Good," she says softly before pressing her lips to mine and kissing me again.