11. Piper

11

PIPER

I watch Elio leave, my emotions a tumultuous mix of grief, confusion, anger. As soon as he's out of sight, I break down in tears. The pain I feel is overwhelming. Even after all these years, Elio still has the power to shake me to my core. Each time he begged me to let him help me, saying he'd treat me well, saying he loved me, all I wanted to do was let him. But I couldn't. Elio isn't my answer. His world isn't any safer. And I can't trust him.

As I work through all the emotions, anger rises to the top. I'm furious with him for showing up here thinking he can waltz back in and pick up where we left off. As if it's that simple? He'd abandoned me and Elysse once before. I'd be an idiot to give him the opportunity to do it again.

And yet, a part of me still yearns for him. The way he looks at me, like I'm the center of his world, almost makes me forget what he did. Oh, hell, I did forget yesterday and let myself succumb to his charm. I hate myself for giving in to that temptation, for betraying the vows I made to Gabriel.

I hope Elio got the message and will stay away. Even as I tell myself that, the thought of never seeing him again, of his walking out of my life for good, fills me with sadness. Why couldn't Elio have fought for me and Elysse eight years ago?

The memory of Elio's promise to me and the aftermath floods back. I was so young, so naive, believing that our love could conquer anything. Little did I know that it would all come crashing down a day later.

I remember sneaking back into the house. I made it only to the hallway bath before I felt sick and had to make use of the bathroom. The retching must have been loud enough to wake my parents because the next thing I knew, they were standing in the doorway, faces etched with concern and suspicion.

"Piper, what on earth is going on?" my mother asked in concern.

I tried to come up with some excuse for sneaking in, but what could I say?

"Have you been drinking?" my father demanded. "Is that why you're sick?"

I shook my head. "No… it just must be something I ate."

"Were you out with that boy again?" My father's voice was laced with disapproval.

Ultimately, I had to confess that I was Elio. At first, they hadn't been too concerned by my dating him, but over the last few months, after articles about potential crimes committed by his family and our growing infatuation, my parents wanted me to stay away from him.

My parents' expressions shifted from concern to outrage, and I braced myself for the inevitable lecture that was sure to come. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. They sent me to bed, and I thought all was well until the next morning when my mother handed me a pregnancy test she'd run out and bought first thing that morning. I told her she was being ridiculous, but I couldn't get out of taking the test.

My hands trembled as I stared at the little pink plus sign, the confirmation my parents suspected. I was pregnant.

My parents were disappointed but immediately took action. Hours later, Elio's parents showed up at our home to discuss the situation.

"Where's Elio?" I asked. I'd always been a strong young woman, but at that moment, I felt outnumbered. I needed him.

"Elio doesn't want to be a part of this," his father said, his expression and tone not hiding his disdain for me.

His words shook me to my core. Elio didn't want me. After all the promises he made, he turned his back on me, on us, on our child.

While I was present during their discussion, I wasn't included in the decisions. What I wanted didn't matter. By the time Elio's parents left, my father was holding a small fortune with which to move somewhere else and live in financial comfort. My parents chose England. I felt like I'd been sucked into a tornado, spinning, spinning, the world gone mad. Two days later, I was in a suburb of London.

My bitterness at Elio's abandonment isn't the only resentment I carry. I still haven't forgiven my parents. Sure, they made sure I was taken care of during my pregnancy. They helped me finish school and get a degree. They are loving grandparents to Elysse. But they forced me to leave Elio and my friends, the life I knew. They pushed me to marry Gabriel so that Elysse could have a father. When I told them about his anger issues and how I wanted to stay in England while he took a job in Chicago, they encouraged the move back to the United States with him, saying the move would reduce his stress and how we were a family. They were wrong.

I wonder what they'd think about Elio showing up and wanting to be a part of my life again. It's so odd that Elio acts like nothing happened. He looks at me like he's genuinely confused about my resistance toward him. I'm convinced that he was in on the plan, that he had agreed to let me go because he didn't want to be a father. Now, I wonder if I was wrong all along. Could it be possible that he had no idea that our parents arranged for my family to leave town?

No. I shake my head. There's no reason for him not to be at the meeting with my family since it involved him as well. The only reason he didn't come was as his father said. He didn't want to. Elio didn't fight for me, didn't come after me. And that's all that matters.

I realize I'm still standing at the door. I make my way to the kitchen for a glass of water, but the memories continue to torment me. It occurs to me that it was the moment I first started losing myself, when my life stopped being my own. My parents decided my fate without consulting me. Today, Gabriel does the same. The way Elio tries to bend me to his will suggests he's not much different.

I pour myself water and drink the glass, wishing the water could wash away all the pain, all the fear. That's the problem, I realize, wanting something, someone else to fix all that is wrong in my life. But there is no magic pill, no knight in shining armor. I have to save myself and Elysse. Despite the danger we're in, I'm determined to find another way forward. I won't let Gabriel's abuse and my past with Elio dictate my future any longer. It's time I take control of my own life, for Elysse's sake if not my own.

Filled with a renewed sense of strength, I consider my options. I can try to leave Gabriel again, but the memory of his violent reaction last time still haunts me. The bruise I carry today is a reminder of what he's capable of, and I can't bear the thought of Elysse being caught in the crossfire.

Perhaps I could reach out to the authorities, but I've heard horror stories about the limitations of law enforcement. A protective order isn't a guarantee that Gabriel won't come after me and Elysse.

And how would I support us? I haven't worked since I married Gabriel. While four years isn't that long, I imagine it's long enough that I'd have a difficult time finding a job that would pay enough for me to afford a new place to live.

Frustration eats at me that I can't find the solution. I'm left where I always am, doing my best to keep the peace through subservience. This time is no different as I head out of the kitchen to finish unpacking the house. But I let my mind ruminate over ideas to stop this madness.

That evening, Gabriel and Elysse arrive home. Everything is the same. Gabriel isn't jovial but he's not angry, either. Elysse shares her day at school and after school programming, her eyes wary as they track Gabriel for any potential outburst.

For me, there is a change. Deep down, I'm starting to feel my agency return. I don't have answers. I'm still stuck. But I'm building the confidence to know that a solution will come. I will save Elysse and myself.

"I'm going to Vegas this weekend," Gabriel informs me over dinner.

"Okay." I don't bother asking questions. I learned a long time ago that questions bother him when he's planning to gamble, drink, and sleep with other women. Besides, I'm glad he's going. A few days of respite are what Elysse and I need.

Gabriel glances at me, his eyes narrow with suspicion. I sit quietly, waiting for him to ask his question or demand something of me.

He pokes at his salad. "I'll leave you some money if you want to do something fun." It's his attempt to placate me.

I'll take it. "Thank you."

"But the house needs to be done by the time I get back. It's ridiculous how long it has taken you to unpack."

"It will be done." It's nearly done. He's just looking for reasons to remind me of what a loser I am.

When dinner is finished, he leaves again, heading to the bar. Elysse and I watch TV and then I tuck her into bed.

"How about you and I go out for a fancy dinner this weekend?" I say as I pull the blankets over her.

"Fancy?"

"Remember how we used to go for proper tea back in England? We can do something like that but for dinner. We'll dress up nice and go to an expensive restaurant. Maybe we'll have dessert for dinner."

Her eyes light up. I don't see that as often as I should.

"Can we go roller skating?"

I laugh. "Okay."

She's smiling as her eyes close, and she snuggles into bed. I watch her for a moment. She's my strength. My purpose. For her, I'll find a way to get away from Gabriel.