Chapter 4 Antonio

I’m playing with fire. Falling for Gemma is out of the question. Yet, the desire for her to know how I feel overrules my logic at every turn.

Shades of crimson bloom over Gemma’s cheeks as she turns away just as the elevator doors open. Low lights flick on as we step into the living room area. The kitchen is directly to the right of the entryway with an island separating it from the rest of the first floor.

“I didn’t think you heard that,” she says shyly and steps into the open space.

The incredible view of the Golden Gate Bridge from large windows lining the wall draws her deeper into the room. I can see her in this space, coming home to me every night. I want her to stay, but I know love isn’t in the cards for either of us.

Instead of dwelling on what could be, I move into the kitchen, getting her a glass of water and bringing it to her by the window. As she takes small sips, I watch her, the doctor inside of me worrying about any lingering side effects of the drugs she ingested.

“How are you feeling, Gemma?” I ask her.

“I’m feeling like I can’t catch my breath,” she whispers with her gaze fixed outside of the window. The slight stammer in her voice tells me the weight of the night’s events are catching up with her. “I fled, Antonio. I ran from New York like a fucking coward—”

Her shoulders shake with a mild tremble. Without hesitation, I pull her in for a hug. It’s not sexual. There’s no desire inside of me but to make her feel safe. Again, she’s so small in my arms.

Flashes of her passing out wash over me and I scoop her into my arms.

“Antonio?—” My name stumbles off her lips.

I stop her, “You’re no fucking coward, Gem.”

“You don’t know what I did.”

“I don’t need to know,” I tell her, taking her up a single flight of stairs to my loft bedroom. I place her gently on the bed. But, before I can pull away, she wraps her arm around my neck.

“Antonio,” she inhales sharply, trying desperately to muffle the tears threatening to fall. “I killed someone.”

“So have I,” I tell her nonchalantly.

Gemma’s gorgeous gray eyes scan mine for more, but I shake my head and let my hand gently slide strands of hair out of her face. There’s no reason to hash all of that out tonight. We’ve both been through enough without dredging up memories that will douse the flames of desire she has in her eyes for me.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, Gemma. Whatever you did, whatever you had to do, I’m sure it was necessary. Everything that happened tonight has nothing to do with why you left New York.”

“How can you be so sure?” She sniffs back her tears. “What I did...”

Her voice trails off, but I have to reassure her. “It doesn’t matter what you did. I can look at you now; I know your brothers, your family, you wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t necessary. Get some rest, Gemma. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Alone in my thoughts, I walk into the bathroom. The dark slate tiles begin to heat up as soon as I flick on the lights and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s nearly two in the morning and I have a shift starting in a few hours.

A glance over my shoulder lets me look just beyond the bathroom door to see Gemma lying on my bed. She’s here, finally here, and it’s not right. This isn’t how it is supposed to happen.

I need to distract myself before I do something I’ll regret. A shower is exactly what I need. The hot water steams up the bathroom and it takes me seconds to strip out of my clothes to walk into the large shower.

The water is scalding as I wash the night off. When the glass door creaks open behind me. Gemma wafts in like a vision of beauty, floating on the steam as water trickles down her naked body. Blood courses through my veins, rushing to the most illogical part of my body.

“You don’t want to be in here,” I tell her, turning my back to the wall to hide the jagged scars scoring the skin down the right side of my back.

I wish I could say they were from one accident that changed my life forever. No. They’re a constant reminder of the credits and debits I’ve extended and spent with the Marzano crime family over the years.

“Aren’t we to be husband and wife?” she asks softly and reaching up to stroke the side of my face.

“You were drugged tonight, Gem.” I gently pull away from her touch. “You don’t want this to happen like this.”

“Don’t tell me what I want, Antonio.” Gemma licks her soft lips and lets her hand drop to my hardening cock. “I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember. You said it yourself. The woman you want thinks you don’t want her. I’m giving you the woman you want, Antonio.”

Anger, lust, and primitive urgency shoot through me like a bullet. The emotions warring inside of me don’t stand a chance against Gemma’s lips moving in for a kiss I let happen. Soft pushes of her tongue against mine make me relax as her hands gingerly move down my muscular arms.

Her soft fingertips tickle as she runs them down my abs and to my cock, where suddenly nothing is funny. The grip around my shaft is tight enough for me to tip my head back onto the tiled wall with my eyes closing in sexual anticipation.

Gemma moans as she slides her hand up and down, ensuring my erection is as hard as it can possibly get. I can feel the blood pulsing behind my eyes. A sharp inhale stills me as Gemma drops to her knees. The warmth of her mouth covering every inch threatens to end this before it truly starts.

The way she moves back and forth, up and down, picking up speed between licks, slurps, and sucks ensures the run to a quick finish. The way her tongue follows the vein under my cock has me clenching my teeth trying to hold back my release.

When Gemma cups my balls and massages them as she sucks, I know I don’t stand a chance. I close my eyes and let my seed spill into her mouth and down her throat. She swallows, letting the tip of the head feel every gulp as it loses its steel.

When I open my eyes, Gemma’s gone, my cock is in my hand, and my seed is swirling down the drain. My pulse races as I try to catch my breath in the stifling heat of the shower which induced this cruel wet dream. It only takes me a few minutes to wash away the evidence of my fantasy and this long day.

Once I finish and turn off the water, I peek outside the bathroom door to see Gemma still fast asleep in my bed. My eyes can’t stop etching her petite frame into my mind like I’m never going to see her again. There are some bruises forming along her calves. Most likely from her tussling with Frankie in that back room.

My shoulder aches from busting the door down, but it was worth it to save her. Even with us pretending to be engaged, I don’t want her to be uncomfortable around me. It doesn’t matter we’re familiar with each other, I’m still a stranger. It’s been five years since we were in a room together and I don’t have any intentions of sharing a bed.

I grab a thin blanket from the linen closet and head down the stairs to stretch out on my sofa. It’s not the first time and it most likely won’t be the last. Many nights, this sofa’s the perfect bed between my shifts at the hospital. Sleep doesn’t wait long to find me.

By the time the sun peeks through the clouds of dawn, strong aromas of coffee and maple syrup pull me out of my sleep. My cock is fully awake too as it pitches a tent under the blanket. My body is too sore to even think about sex. But when I see Gemma walking toward me with coffee and breakfast in her hand, wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts, I’m more than happy to reconsider.

“How are you feeling?” I ask her, my voice a bit raspy from the few hours of sleep.

“Much better, thank you.” She offers me a shy smile as she sets the mug and plate of food onto the smokey gray glass coffee table. “I hope you don’t mind. I helped myself to a shower and some of your clothes.”

“And breakfast?” I grin and push myself to sit up, swaddling the blanket around my morning erection.

“What I want in my mouth isn’t in the kitchen.” She licks those gorgeous lips, leans over to give me a peek under the neckline to reveal her cleavage and runs her fingers through my hair. “Do you know you talk in your sleep, doc?”

“Yeah,” I groan, sipping the coffee. It’s strong, black, and could use some sugar, but I don’t say anything about it. I’m grateful not to have to make anything this morning. I glance at her as I make my way to the smaller bathroom beside the office that’s nestled under the loft space of my bedroom.

When I return to the living room, Gemma’s sitting on the couch, sipping a cup of coffee and scarfing down pancakes. I don’t hesitate to join her now that my cock is no longer rising to the occasion.

The food is delicious and we sit in silence until I can’t stop myself from asking her, “Did I say anything interesting?”

“Something about not going back into the fire.”

Her words jar me as my past blazes through my memories just like the fire I was likely referencing as I tossed and turned during the night.

“That’s not all that interesting,” I tell her.

“Were you talking about the fire you and Bash set?” she asks.

“Why don’t we talk about how we’re going to pull off being an engaged couple instead? I’m not exactly a recluse who stays in the house. I’m good friends with Julian and Luca. People will have the same questions as Verducci.”

“And you can give them the same answer when they ask, it’s none of their business.” Her blonde hair flops to one side as she shuffles the rest of her food around her plate.

“This was your idea, Gemma. Bash wants us to lean into it until he handles the Frankie situation. I should have finished him off myself in that room.” I flex my fingers, making a fist and releasing it. My knuckles aren’t too bad, but I should apply something to minimize the swelling.

I bring our empty plates into the kitchen and take out a first aid kit from one of the cabinets. Gemma follows me, rummaging through the kit for me, and pulling out some gauze and antiseptic spray. She silently tends to my hands while we share fleeting glances as she focuses on my wounds.

“Thank you again, Antonio.”

“That’s the last time you say that about last night. There’s no way I would ever let anything happen to you, Gemma. When we’re in public, a couple isn’t as gracious to one another. You don’t need to thank me every time we have a conversation.”

“These scrapes aren’t too bad. They shouldn’t leave too bad of a scar. Is that going to stop you from working?” she asks, putting the items back inside the kit.

“No, I'm not a surgeon.” Although there have been times working for the Marzano family where I’ve had to do some patch work. I tell her, “I’m in the emergency room most days and work in the clinic on others. I have a shift at the hospital in a few hours. We should grab some stuff from your place and then you can come with me.”

Gemma shakes her head. “I have a life. We can’t just stop living the way we used to—”

I cut her off. “But we do. Our lives have to change if we want Verducci to believe we’re engaged. The word has to get around, so he doesn’t come after us before Bash has a chance to do whatever he’s doing about Frankie.”

“This was dumb. What was I thinking?” Gemma stammers. “No one’s going to believe us.”

“That just means we have to be so outlandishly in love it makes sense we got engaged on a whirlwind night where we crossed paths after years apart. We’ve always been in love, haven’t we?” I grin and lean onto my elbow beside her.

“Right.” She rolls her eyes.

“We can start by you coming into work with me. Once the gossips get wind I’m flaunting my fiancé around the hospital, word will spread across my circle. It will inevitably get back to Verducci. We’ll go on some public dates and take it from there.”

“When you say public, do you want us putting on the same show of affection as we did for Verducci and his men?”

“That’s up to you Gemma. Can you convince other people we’re together without kissing me?”

She blushes. “No. No woman in her right mind would be engaged to you and be able to keep her hands or lips off you.”

“Now that’s the kind of thing I hoped to be talking about in my sleep.”

“Oh? Were you dreaming about me, Antonio?”

“It was one of the wettest dreams I’ve had in a long time.” I admit with a smirk.

“Well, that’s not right. I’m the one who is supposed to be wet,” she replies with an equally seductive grin.

Gemma wraps her arms around my neck, gazing into my eyes, and waiting for me to do what we’re both yearning for. My lips capture hers in a kiss which ignites our passion. While it starts slowly, my mouth tastes hers and my heart desperately tries to flatten my hesitance.

She’s everything I want, but I know this can’t go anywhere beyond what we’re pretending it to be. However, since we’re pretending, I might as well make the spark between us as real as it feels to me.

Our kiss envelops us like we’re in a world all our own, without the threat of mobsters waiting for us beyond these walls. One swipe of her tongue around mine has my morning hardness returning with a vengeance.

I pull her in close, and Gemma takes the lead, reaching down to grab my rising erection. She moans and smiles with our kiss before dipping her hand beneath my waistband to touch me directly. The softness of her hands wrapping around my shaft has my heart beating a thousand miles a minute.

To pace myself, I hoist her onto the countertop. Our eyes meet and I know the end is near, just as it was last night in the shower. While that moment was a figment of my imagination, this moment right now is real. I lower myself with a seductive glance drifting from her eyes to the apex of her thighs.