Chapter 15 Gemma

Dinner, wine, and Antonio’s hands stroking my feet has me ready to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. The slight pressure of his fingertips against my skin lulls me into a space of pure relaxation. It sends my mind reeling into the depths of questions I have for Antonio.

I willfully ignore him bringing up the kiss from the night of my graduation dinner. I don’t want to dig into my emotions, my crush, my attraction to Antonio. If I think about it, it’s only going to remind me that love and relationships aren’t useful. I don’t want to think about what comes after we stop pretending to be engaged.

“You’re so good at everything.” I moan as he massages my feet.

The adolescent fantasies of my juvenile crush on Antonio will not sway me into falling madly in love because he’s my savior during this time of turmoil. I want him to want me because he wants me, not because he’s mandated by my brother to look after me while Bash seemingly fixes my mess.

Once everything is said and done, I know Antonio’s going to bury himself in his work with the hope of getting his job back. He should have never quit because of his situation with me, but I don’t know everything that led to his resignation. With him focused on his career, I can get back to my life where I don’t depend on my brothers for their help.

I crave independence in a way that isn’t linked to what my family does, legally or not. It’s one of the things Natalie and I have in common. We want freedom, because once you’re beholden to someone in La Familia, your life belongs to them.

My brothers had me under their thumb because they kept me safe in New York. Out here, across the country, I thought I could start new. It never fails that when you try to get out of this life, something happens to drag you back in.

“What made you decide to become a doctor?” I ask Antonio, desperate to get my mind out of the spiral of questions regarding my future; or our future together.

“I know the perfect answer is to say my father got sick, and I wanted to figure out a way to cure his illness. But the reality is someone got stabbed coming to my defense.”

“Oh my god, what happened?” I ask him, my pulse racing at whatever he may admit next.

“It was my first week inside and someone didn’t believe I was protected. I was attacked and was losing, badly. Someone your family paid found me and stopped it from going any further, but they were stabbed in the process. I helped pack their wound and stabilize them until they were able to get to the infirmary.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry Antonio.”

“It’s par for the course. I committed a crime and went to prison. Getting hurt or getting into a fight was inevitable. Especially with how young I was.”

I pull my feet out of his hands to sit up and ask, “How did your case get kicked out of juvenile court?”

He reaches for his glass and takes a sip from his wine glass. Antonio’s gaze shifts to the TV, playing silently, and avoids locking eyes with me as he speaks. “The place we burnt belonged to another family. They used their juice to get me charged as an adult. Your father used his juice to make sure I was protected as much as possible while I was inside. I’m actually grateful I got moved. Your family doesn’t have much juice in juvie.”

“That’s because our kids aren’t supposed to get locked up. Anyone that’s in La Familia is supposed to be protected.”

He scoffs. “I’m not a part of La Familia, Gem. I’m a kid your folks looked after because I’m their oldest son’s best friend. I showed loyalty to Bash, and kept my mouth shut at trial. They did everything they possibly could for a kid not a part of La Familia.”

I lean into him, rubbing his thigh, and my voice barely above a whisper. “You deserve so much more.”

Antonio puts his glass on the table and turns slightly to face me. The strength of his hand sends shivers of desire down my body as he tugs me even closer to him. The hair from his goatee tickles my face as he whispers on my lips.

“ La Familia owes me nothing now that I have you.”

My eyes close just as he cements his words with a kiss. We fall into an easy rhythm of passion. The softness of his tongue sliding between my lips sends goosebumps trailing down my arms. The pleasure pooling between my thighs has me spreading my legs to give him room.

Antonio shifts his body over mine, grinding his hips against me as our kiss pushes us deeper into ecstasy. I can’t stop my hands from moving over his shoulders and to his back. The raised scar is uneven as I graze it with my nails. He sucks in a breath through clenching teeth as he stops our kiss.

In a matter of seconds, Antonio is on his feet, leading me up to his bedroom. Clothes seem to melt away in a flurry of sexual anticipation. It doesn’t take long to slide back into our moment of passion and even less time for Antonio to slide his cock inside of me. Neither of us have a care in the world as we lose ourselves in the bliss of each other’s touch.

Being with Antonio lets me forget about everything as he takes so much pleasure in making sure I come all over him. He’s attentive and leaves imprints of his masterful touch, ruining me for whoever comes after this. The idea of not being with Antonio is just as jarring as believing in the future we could have after this ruse is up.

Instead of letting myself overthink, I let Antonio’s strokes pull me back into the intimacy between us. His mouth moves from my neck to my breasts, tasting and teasing my nipple. The groans and low growls coming out of him draw me closer to him and when Antonio runs his fingers through my hair, he brings his mouth back up to mine.

Our kisses are in sync with our bodies. Our heads move in unison with every roll, push, and pull of sexual desire. The minute we both finish allows relief, relaxation, and exhaustion to consume us. Sleep finds us soon after.

When the sun comes up the following morning, it doesn’t feel like a Monday. I have a shift to work later, but I’m wary about heading down to the pier. I’m apprehensive for a moment, but the scent of warm cinnamon and nutmeg makes me forget about the day ahead.

I peek over the railing of the bedroom loft to see the living room is spotless and the kitchen is clean. Antonio comes out of his office and looks like he’s been awake for hours. After a quick shower, I see it’s barely after seven and join him downstairs.

Antonio slides a cup of coffee across the island countertop and pulls out cinnamon rolls from the oven.

“Did you make these?” I ask him as he pulls a gooey one away from the rest in the pan.

“I’m good at a lot of things, but baking is not one of them.” He laughs. “I couldn’t sleep and after I finished cleaning up, I figured you would want breakfast. There’s a bakery in one of the hotel lobbies a few blocks from here.”

“Is there anything else you’re bad at?” I ask him between bites. “Not being able to bake isn’t a crime, but I’m just trying to figure out why you’re still single.”

“I only sleep in four-hour increments. My hours at the hospital used to be impossible and non-negotiable for me. I also hate fires and avoid construction sites.”

“Those don’t sound like deal breakers to me,” I tell him with a slight shrug of my shoulders.

“Dealing with me for a few days, it’s not. But imagine a year or two from now and I’m cleaning in the middle of the night, or rearranging furniture because I can’t sleep normal hours. What time do you have to be at work?” he asks.

If Antonio wants to change the subject, I have no problem with that. I imagine his irregular hours stem from his time in prison. I don’t want to force him into explaining things about himself he’s not ready to talk about.

“The cleaning I can deal with. You’ve met Damian,” I add with a giggle to lighten the mood.

“I tried to keep it quiet, but I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“Antonio, I come from a house where my three older brothers would come and go at all hours of the night. When I got my own apartment, it was too quiet. I ended up trekking from the Upper West Side to Staten Island on a weekly basis just to hear Ma yell at Casper and Damian to stop tracking mud through the house.”

He chuckles. “Damian tracking mud?”

“Yeah, he was definitely busier back in New York; not much time to stress clean. So, that means if you want to take your living room apart and put it back together at two in the morning, I will not stop you. Hell, I might even join you.”

He moves around the counter and kisses me on the forehead. “Thank you. Maybe living with you, someone I can trust, will help me rest. It’s just hard with everything that’s going on and the nightmares that follow me.”

I sigh and cozy into him for a hug, wrapping my arms around his waist, we sit in silence for a moment. We both know what it feels like to not know what monsters are waiting for you on the other side of your front door. Still, my heart breaks for Antonio having to live with himself so alone and without anyone to assure him everything’s going to be okay.

He pulls away from me, tips his head down and kisses me gently. “Don’t worry about me, Gem. Come on, let me get you to work and you can take your mind off trying to fix me.”

“Why do you think I’m trying to fix you?” Curiosity gets the better of me with every question I ask in hopes of getting to know how his mind works.

“Because you’re just like your mom. I can feel the nurturer inside of you, especially after I told you I had no idea where my mother was. I know enough about myself to see what’s wrong, but it’s hard trying to break old habits.”

“Knowing is half the battle,” I tell him with a light rub to his back.

We decide to put a pin in working through his traumatic past to get me to work on time.

Antonio decides to park and walk with me to Booked and Boozy but seeing the scarred and shadowy figure from the other night is the last thing I expect. I stop walking, freezing in my tracks.

“What’s wrong?” Antonio asks.

I nudge my chin toward the guy leaning against the front door of the cafe. “That’s him. That’s the guy from the other night—”

Before I can explain further, Antonio’s on the move, storming toward him and punching him in the face.