7. Melissa

Chapter seven

Melissa

T his can't be. After all these years, I never thought I'd hear that name again.

Dolson.

Just thinking it has me cringing, wanting to hide. But I can't.

I need to go to work today and plaster my badass, take no nonsense, face on.

But all I can think about is him. His voice. So many nights I laid awake wondering what it would sound like. Who he would grow up to be.

"Come on, Melissa, one more push and your sweet child will be here. You can do it." The nurse cheers me on, as tears stream down my face. The pain is almost unbearable, but not as much as what I know will come after.

"Ahh," I scream as the pain rips through me.

"Okay, Melissa, push," the doctor orders and I bear down with all I have. "Okay, one more push and we'll have your baby fully out. Just a little bit more, Melissa. Push." I take hold of my thighs and take a deep breath before pushing with all my might.

"It's a boy!" is announced loudly just as a faint cry rings out.

My baby.

I fall back on the bed, tears falling, wishing that it was the happy day it should be.

Turning my head, I see the nurses working on him. He's beautiful. Big. If he has hair, it's so light you can't see it and a set of lungs like no other.

"Want to hold him, Mama?" the nurse asks and I shake my head, unable to speak. I know once I have him in my arms, there's no way I'll ever be able to let him go. I've worked too hard to ensure his safety to screw up now.

I shake myself out of the past. There's nothing good that comes from dwelling there. I did that far too long with Earl and look where it got me. I made one little mistake, hoping he would see what I saw in Ashlynn. That once she confided in the boys about why she was running that they'd go to Earl and it would all come out.

But it didn't. And I became the villain of the story. He pushed me away again, my heart crumbling even more with his rejection. I can't go through it a third time. What happens when he finds out I have a son out there? One I gave away. He knows my story; it's why they helped me so many years ago. But, I didn't tell them everything. I still have secrets lingering in my past, pressing into my future, that I want to keep hidden.

When I pull up to the diner, I want nothing more than to turn around and go back home. I shut my phone off when I got home yesterday, afraid he might call back. And I didn't want Jaxton asking me any questions about how he found me. It's bad enough I know I'll be getting them today.

Taking a deep breath, I get out of my car and head inside. The morning rush should be over, and it's still a couple of hours before lunch. I can beeline straight to my office and hide there, doing paperwork until I'm needed.

I know Jax isn't in until later and if all goes well, I'll be in and out before he gets here.

AJ's busy behind the counter with the older man that Mack loves to sit and talk with at the counter, Dewey. He's a veteran and Mack has a soft spot for him, always paying for his meals. He never bothers anyone, coming in twice a day to eat, per Mack's request. When he came back from the war, he suffered from PTSD and couldn't acclimate back to normal life, so he lives on the street. He takes a shower at the garage every couple of days. When he finally passes, I don't know how Mack is going to handle it, especially since Dewey's health has been failing lately.

I give AJ a wave that she returns, but I can't help but notice the glint in her eyes as she gives me a knowing smile. Odd. But I don't question it. Maybe the gossips were hanging out at the fence talking about the state I left in yesterday. Or the fact that not one, but two men, were in my office for extended periods yesterday.

Shaking it off, I head on to the back and straight to my office. A quick glance in the kitchen confirms that Jax isn't here, but it's early. A small part of me had hoped that he might have been here, waiting to see me, especially after no contact from him last night.

Fuck, I'm a walking contradiction. I want him here; I don't want him here. My heart aches for Earl even if it breaks again, but I don't want to go through it. When did my love life get so complicated? I thought after Mary, I'd never be caught in a love triangle again, but here I am.

I blow out a breath, grip my door handle and twist it, quickly stepping inside my office to the solitude it provides. Quickly closing the door behind me, I rest my head against it as I allow my racing heart to calm.

A throat clears behind me, causing me to jump and scream as I look around in confusion. My heart skips a beat and it takes me a moment to process Earl sitting on the corner of my desk as if it belongs to him, staring at me.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Earl?" My words come out strained and harsh. I'm not in the mood for this shit today.

He just smirks, running the pad of his thumb along his bottom lip. I stare at him, a mixture of anger and lust swirling inside me. Fuck, the thought of kissing those lips, of having them on my body, has me pressing my thighs together to ease the ache building in my core.

He smiles, knowing the effect he has on me. I imagine he's taking great joy in it. Knowing that even though he's broken my heart twice, he still possesses the ability to make me melt for him.

"I came to talk to you. Seems I had a visitor last night."

He stands and I move across the room to my desk, being careful to maintain my distance from him. Reaching down, I pull open a drawer and place my purse in it, then take off my jacket, hanging it over the back of my chair and sit.

"And what does that have to do with me? Did the club whore not suck your cock good enough? Get another fucking one. You have enough of them running around the clubhouse."

"Aww baby, I love that you think that. But there ain't no whore in my clubhouse I want. There's only one woman's mouth I want on my cock and we both know that's you."

I roll my eyes, mostly because I don't know how to answer. Because fuck me, not only would I love to have his cock in my mouth, but buried deep inside of my pussy as well. It's all I've wanted for well over twenty years. But fate felt best to toy with my heart. I've not been able to date, nor did I think I could, until Jax walked through my door.

I sigh as a knot forms in my stomach. Wiping my palms on my jeans, there's a relentless buzzing in my head and I'm unable to focus. All I can think about is my son's voice and how equally overjoyed and terrified I was to hear it.

"Earl, can you please go? I'm not in the mood to deal with you today."

He comes around the desk and sits back down on the corner, angling his body so he's facing me, even though I'm trying desperately not to look at him.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why your fuckin' cook visited me at my daughter's house last night concerned about you."

My eyes go wide as my heart starts racing. "He did?" I choke out, my lips trembling.

"He did. Now ya want to tell me what's goin' on? Who was on the phone?"

Can I tell him? Doing so would spill a secret I've long kept buried, even when the Hellions helped me all those years ago.

"I can't." Two simple words, but they're still so hard to say.

"Is it about why you came here?" I'll give it to him; he's intuitive.

I don't say a word, just pick up my pencil and begin jotting down what produce I need to order. There's not a doubt in my mind that if I told Earl the whole story, he would rush to help me in any way I need. A knight in shining armor riding in on his chrome horse isn't what I need right now. What I do need is to come to grips with this myself.

But I have hope. I may not hear from him again. I haven't powered on my phone, so I'm not positive about that. When Earl leaves, I will. That way, I can break down in silence, away from all prying eyes. I make a mental note to lock the door when he leaves so no one can walk in on me.

He raps his knuckles on my desk before standing. "Fine. I'll let it go for now. But I'll be back and I want those answers, baby. If anyone's botherin' ya, I'm gonna take them out." Earl places his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze that has me turning to mush underneath his touch. He turns and heads for the door, leaving me alone in my office.

Opening the drawer, I pull out my purse, rifling through it until I find my cell phone. I power it on, softly praying there are no messages.

It seems like an eternity as I watch the screen transition from black to my screensaver; a picture of me and Earl, sitting on a bench in the park, his arm slung over my shoulders, me smiling at the camera while his focus is on me.

There aren't any missed calls, but there is a message from an unknown number

Unknown: I don't hate you or blame you. You gave me an amazing life. I just want to see you. To talk to you.

He doesn't hate me. But I can never contact him. If I did that, it could end in misery. There's no way I'd put his life in danger. But there's a chance it already is. He's found me; could he have found him too?