28

Cyrus stared at Greyson in wonder. Greyson loves me. He couldn't believe it. Absurdly, he felt jealous of the him that he couldn't remember. That person had stolen his firsts with Greyson. Yet at the same time, he was ridiculously grateful. Never had Cyrus been able to break through the wall Greyson enclosed himself in, but now, he had, somehow.

He had never spoken of his attraction, subsequent crush, and ultimately falling in love with Greyson. His uncle would have never approved because of who Greyson was. During the war, Cyrus had to work very hard to bury his emotions and follow his orders. To this day, he could clearly remember that first battle.

Greyson had been wiping out his soldiers with powerful spells, so they coordinated an attack to simply kill him. Cyrus had hardened his heart to prepare himself for what actions he would have to take. But when Greyson was before him, Cyrus couldn't do it, he faltered, pulling back at the same time Greyson did and slicing through his eye with the tip of his sword. He remembered with perfect clarity the sick sensation that pooled in his stomach as the blood dripped off his blade. He'd let him go, not chasing Greyson as he and his people retreated.

Cyrus had hoped after the war he would be able to find some way to tell Greyson how he felt and convince him to give them a chance, but it didn't work out that way. He argued with his uncle, fighting for the people of the Griseo Mountains as a way to prove he cared for Greyson and because it was the right thing to do. Then in recompense for the changes, his uncle demanded Greyson's head. Cyrus never thought Greyson would give himself up, but he did. For the next five months, he argued and fought with his uncle to spare Greyson's life, but his uncle wouldn't be swayed.

Every night he would go to the dungeons and check on Greyson after he'd fallen asleep, crying each time he saw him. One night, unbeknownst to him, his aunt followed him. She figured out how Cyrus felt about Greyson and promptly told Jade. Together, the two of them worked on the emperor. In the end, his aunt blatantly told the emperor Cyrus was in love with Greyson, and he let Greyson go, exiling him, though he placed a sizable bounty on his head to keep Greyson in the mountains.

Cyrus had escorted Greyson to the Griseo Mountains. The whole trip, he tried to rally his courage and tell him how he felt, but he couldn't get the words out. On the last night, it snowed. Together, they silently watched it. That was the closest he ever came.

"Stop."

"What?" Cyrus asked, starting.

"Stop thinking about whatever you're thinking about. It's upsetting you."

"How can you tell?"

Greyson scowled. Cyrus didn't know why, but he loved that expression. Probably because that was the only one he was used to. Greyson grabbed his hand and answered, "You"re muttering under your breath, and your face did that scrunched-up thing it does when you're thinking too hard."

Chuckling, he said, "You know me more than I thought." Though as soon as the words left his mouth, jealousy stabbed him squarely in the heart. He should've been the one to get to know Greyson.

"Okay, I don't know this expression," Greyson said. When Cyrus didn't say anything, he continued, "Talk to me, love."

The endearment burned him, making his pulse thunder in his ears. He'd waited a long time to hear Greyson say that word. Cyrus said, breathlessly, "I like that."

"You like me calling you ‘love?'"

"Yes."

"Then I will if you tell me what's going on in your head."

Cyrus could have never guessed that he'd be lying in bed with Greyson and having him demand to know his thoughts. He'd dreamed about being in bed with Greyson many times but not something as simple as this.

Running his fingers over Greyson's palm, he stated, "I'm jealous."

"Of who?"

"Me, I suppose."

Greyson tugged on his hand, and Cyrus looked at him. "I don't understand."

"This other me got all my firsts with you. He broke through your walls, and you fell in love with him. Me," he said, gesturing to himself, "you might not even like."

Greyson gave him a patient look. "I fell in love with you. There is only one of you."

"How do you know?"

"Because you annoy me in the exact same way."

He wanted to laugh but couldn't manage it. "What if you don't actually like me?"

"Cyrus, I have the same fear. What if I don't live up to whatever ideal you've built up in your head? Honestly, I know I'm in love with you and that's not going to change."

Pulling Greyson's hand onto his chest, Cyrus said, "I love you too, and that's not going to change."

"Good," Greyson said. "Now, we get to know each other."

He scoffed. "It's more like I get to know you while you retell me everything about yourself. Interesting for me, boring for you."

A small smile quirked at the corner of Greyson's lips.

"What?"

"You said something very similar to me not long after you lost your memory."

"Another first he's stolen," Cyrus muttered darkly.

"Not all our firsts are taken."

"Well, we've kissed already, clearly. I assume we…" Cyrus trailed off as he studied Greyson. "Have we had sex?"

"Not yet."

Heat swamped him, scorching Cyrus. "We didn't?"

"No."

He grinned. Cyrus wanted to remember being with Greyson for the first time. Almost immediately, a needle of worry punctured the happy bubble in his chest. What if Greyson doesn't want to be with me like that? Clearing his throat, he asked, "Did you not want to?"

Rolling his eyes, Greyson said, "Of course, I want to. Have you seen yourself?"

"Then why didn't we?"

"First, it was because I didn't want to take advantage of you. You quickly convinced me that I wasn't. Second, it was because I didn't know if you were married or not."

"You didn't know if I was married?" he asked. "Honorable."

"You're the only person that calls me that. I'm a known poisoner. Even my own people wouldn't call me honorable."

"Then why did my possible marriage stop you?"

Greyson scowled at him, cheeks pink. "I wanted you to be mine alone."

Lifting Greyson's hand to his face, Cyrus kissed the calloused palm. "I am only yours."

"I'm glad," Greyson replied. "I don't think I would share you well."

"You're not married are you?"

"No."

"Never been?" Cyrus asked. He didn't know much of Greyson's romantic past, but he'd always been curious.

"No. I never cared much for romance in the past. I've courted like three women in my life and that's about it."

"No men?"

"No," Greyson said with a shake of his head. "You're the first man I've ever been attracted to. The first man I've kissed. And the first person I've fallen in love with."

Cyrus beamed, happy for some ridiculous reason. "So what else do you think you know about me?"

"You like anything sugary."

"Yep."

"You hate tea."

"Also true. You love it, though."

"What?" Greyson asked, eyebrows raising. "How do you know that?"

It had been an easy discovery. During every meeting, the emperor provided drinks. Greyson chose tea every time. His warm expression alerted Cyrus to his love.

"You always picked it. No matter what was offered."

"I did."

Cyrus kissed his rough palm again. "Didn't you wonder why there was always tea when you secluded yourself in the library?"

His brow furrowed. "No."

Cyrus had, somewhat, obsessively stalked Greyson. Whenever he retreated to the library in a dusty, abandoned corner, Cyrus would summon tea for Greyson.

Cheeks pinking, Greyson tightened his fingers around Cyrus' hand. "Thank you, love."

Cyrus leaned back against the pillow. "What else do you know about me?"

"You like the snow."

"Yep."

"And your favorite color is a stormy grayish blue."

Staring into Greyson's unscarred eye, almost exactly how he would describe the shade, Cyrus said, "Yes."

"There's a lot I don't know. Like your age."

"You don't know how old I am? I know how old you are and that your birthday is right at the beginning of spring," Cyrus said.

"How?" Greyson asked, chuckling.

He savored the sound like it was a fine meal. "I asked other mages and people about you. I think they figured it was a ‘get to know your enemy' thing, not an ‘I'm tragically in love with you' thing."

"So we've established you"re a bit obsessed with me," Greyson teased.

A laugh burst out of his lips. He'd always wanted this. He'd seen Greyson teasing others, but Cyrus had never been able to have that kind of relationship with him. "I'm twenty-five."

"So two years younger than me," Greyson said with a nod. "Birthday?"

"The middle of summer."

"That makes sense."

"Why?"

With a soft smile, Greyson said, "Because you remind me of summer with your golden hair, warm skin, and blue eyes."

Cyrus swallowed. He wanted to kiss Greyson, but he didn't want to hurt him.

"So you're gay?"

"Yes," Cyrus said. "I'm assuming you're not."

"I'm not entirely sure what I am at the moment. I definitely like women, but I definitely like you."

"So you're bi?"

"I guess. I've honestly never thought about it. Romance had never been important. I just didn't care."

"But you like and want sex?" Cyrus asked carefully.

"Yes, Cyrus. I do."

"That's nice." Cyrus lifted Greyson's hand again and kissed each of his long fingers. He liked this. Cyrus could never have pictured a scene like this, but now that he'd experienced it, he loved it.

"Come closer," Greyson said.

"Why?" he asked, already moving.

"I need to use you as leverage. I can't sleep on my back. I only sleep on my right side."

Not the most romantic reason, but Cyrus didn't mind assisting him. He slid closer, and Greyson held onto him, pulling. A grimace twisted Greyson's face. Cyrus helped him readjust, his shoulder and side throbbing while his head spun.

When Greyson settled on his side, Cyrus suggested, "What if I lay behind you, supporting you?"

"That could work," Greyson said, his breath coming out quickly while his face was shockingly pale.

He climbed behind Greyson, the wall at his back. Gently, he drew Greyson against him, then Cyrus pushed an arm under his neck. A sigh rushed out of Greyson after a second as his muscles relaxed.

"Better?" Cyrus asked.

"Better."