Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Corey

Hours after everyone left,my phone flashed with Atticus’s name. I kept my voice low as I answered. “Hey, boss. Any news?”

Ashley was asleep on my lap. He’d nodded off nearly an hour before after we watched some random comedy I’d thrown on for background noise.

“We don’t have much to go on. The hotels around won’t give us any information, and no one was able to locate him anywhere. We’re on our way back now. It’s too late and too dark to get any further tonight. I guess we’ll figure the rest out tomorrow.”

“It’s going to be ok, Atticus. We’ll find him.”

He sighed. “I know we will. It’s just… I feel responsible because of my pops. They were close. Closer than any of us knew. And now that he’s gotten help, I want to be sure he gets to live his life as authentically as he wants. It’s the one thing my dad screwed up in his life, and I want to do my best to make it right.”

Damn man and his guilt. He’d been a mess after Gerald’s breakdown. We all saw how hard it affected him to know his father had created this shell of a man. It was never intentional, of course. Clancy had no clue he’d get sick. He probably planned to find a way to come out to everyone at some point, but time wasn’t his friend.

It wasn’t a friend to any of us really.

I knew firsthand after waiting so long for Ashley to come home. Letter after letter, I’d send up a prayer to the universe to keep him safe so he could one day be mine. Now that I had him, I was going to hold on with both hands.

“You’re not the only person on this ranch. We’re all here to help, and we will. Everyone needs some rest first. Then tomorrow we can split tasks up so a few people can go look for Gerald. Ashley will provide some extra hands to get it all done. Plus, the days after market day are usually a little slower anyway.”

“I never thought I’d see the day Corey Morrison was speaking sense into me,” he said with a deep laugh. “If it weren’t so dark out, I’d be looking for pigs flying.”

I had to force myself to let the comment roll off my back. Atticus was only saying that because of the picture I’d given him. That version of me would not have the confidence to speak how I had. He’d have made a joke or something instead.

“Like throws curveballs at us. We both know this. Get back to the ranch and we’ll figure the rest out.”

“See you soon.” He ended the call, which left me alone again to ponder the situation we were in.

Gerald was missing. He’d checked himself out of rehab and essentially dropped off the face of the earth. As far as I knew, we were the only people he had to depend on. While I couldn’t say he was the most talkative man after we lost Clancy, I could admit that even before then, he seemed to avoid the topic of family.

If it were me in his position, where would I go? Why would I give up the only family I’ve known to wander on my own?

The answer eluded me. I had a feeling no matter what I thought up, Gerald would do something different. He’d changed so much in the last several months that I doubt I really knew him anymore at all.

Since the guys were headed back, I knew I had to wake Ashley up to get him down to the bunkhouse. Part of me truly hated the idea of doing so, while the rest was eager to see if I could convince my boy to climb into my bed tonight.

“Baby,” I called out softly as I shook his shoulder gently. “We’ve got to get down to the bunkhouse.”

He shot up, his body moving from asleep to awake in an instant. Wide eyes met mine in a panicked state.

I held my hands out to show I meant no harm. “It’s just me. There’s no danger here. We’re all alone still. You’re on the ranch.”

At the last sentence, his body went loose. He dropped back onto the couch as his head landed in his hands. I called his name to get his attention, but he didn’t move.

It was something I’d taken notice of since he arrived. First with all the times he’d been staring at my mouth and then when he had me repeat myself in the opposite ear when I was talking to him in the kitchen. There were other times too where I’d picked up that he couldn’t quite hear me unless we were looking at one another.

My baby was struggling to hear.

He was also dealing with some other stuff, likely from his close calls overseas. Neither of them deterred me from wanting to be with him. If anything, I felt more inclined to be his Daddy.

Ashley needed me. He needed my love and support. I would take care of him, making sure he got the help he needed. And when we weren’t around others, I’d take care of him in more intimate ways.

Knowing he was probably beating himself up for his reaction, I kneeled in front of where he’d bowed his head to get his attention. When he looked up, I felt like tearing the fucking world apart.

He was hurting. My baby was hurting, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

With his eyes on me, I spoke where he could see. “I’m not upset, baby. I’m a little worried, sure, but I’m not scared or anything. I startled you. Next time I’ll know better. You don’t need to fret over it.”

“I could have hurt you though. I’ve heard stories of other guys losing their cool. It wasn’t supposed to be me though. I was supposed to come here and be fine. Everything was going to be ok if I just made it to the ranch.”

His words broke at the end as he tucked his head to his chest. I scooted forward, wrapping my arms around his big frame as best I could.

Leaning to meet the ear he’d directed me to before, I whispered softly, “It’s going to be ok. Daddy is here, and I’m going to take care of everything. You’re going to have everything you’ve ever wanted, Ashley. I can promise you that. Don’t let one small moment make you lose hope.”

I kept speaking as his shoulders lost some of their tightness. Inch by inch, his body became less of a ticking time bomb and more like the man who’d nervously approached me earlier in the day.

“There we go,” I said once he pulled back. “We need to head down to the bunkhouse to get more sleep. The guys are on their way —“

The sound of trucks pulling up outside told me the guys were already back. Ashley pulled back and stood quickly at the noise. He faced me with a question in his eyes.

I knew what he wanted to know. Could we tell them about us yet? What he didn’t understand was that they’d likely already put it together. Hell, I’m sure they gossiped about us while they were gone when they didn’t want to wallow over Gerald anymore.

“They know we’re together but not the rest. How could they when we only just decided?” I teased another blush from him.

“Do we tell them, or do you not want to?” Ashley asked, as if he already knew the answer.

Truth of the matter was that he probably did. I’d consistently said the guys wouldn’t believe me to be a Daddy in the letters I sent him. It was a fact I’d perpetuated with my goofy personality.

But I didn’t know if I could keep the ruse up anymore with my boy around. I had already slipped on the phone with Atticus. He’d noticed right away. It was only a matter of time before the others picked up on it.

The guys were so wornout that they didn’t question the way Ashley clung to me. Atticus and Sean went into the main house to rest while the rest of us split up to head to our own beds.

In the bunkhouse, I walked my boy right into my room. I tucked his bag into the chair in the corner, then I went about getting us ready for bed.

Whether it was exhaustion or his docile mood, Ashley didn’t fight me one bit as I undressed him. I kept his underwear in place since I needed his explicit permission to go further, and my sweet baby wasn’t up to the task. He’d gone into some type of safe place to protect himself. I wouldn’t be getting any answers from him until he’d rested.

“Come on, baby. Climb in bed. We need to get some sleep.” I tapped his bottom to urge him forward.

He moved robotically, his arms and legs operating on autopilot as he shifted under the blanket I had raised. Once he was curled up on his side, I laid the blanket down and moved to turn off the light.

The minute I flicked the switch, the room fell into darkness. I heard what sounded like a whimper come from where I’d left Ashley. With quick thinking movements, I went over to the nightstand and turned on the lamp I had there.

As the light flickered on, I saw the bewildered expression on my boy’s face. He was nearing panic again in just those few seconds.

How long had he been suffering through this fear? Had it been there with him in the military, or was this only new in his civilian life?

I would have to wait for my answers another time. My baby needed me to reassure him instead of playing interrogator.

“Shhh. I’ve got you. The light stays on from here on out,” I said as I rubbed my hand along his back.

He didn’t acknowledge me outside of scooting closer on the bed. I was thankful to have a queen at this point. My boy barely fit with how large he was, but we’d make do. At least for now. If he wanted to continue this long term like I’d hoped, then we’d make a plan to go bigger so the two of us could sleep comfortably every night.

I stayed awake watching him for longer than I should have. It was hard to allow myself to fall asleep. I didn’t want to wake up to find him gone. It would be the most realistic dream I’d had yet if I found myself alone in the morning.

When sleep finally did claim me, I held onto Ashley so tightly, I knew there was no way he could extract himself without my knowing. That one bit of confidence gave me the peace needed to let go.

“Daddy,”a rumbling voice urgently whispered.

My eyes popped open at the sound. I found Ashley staring at me with wide eyes as he wiggled in my tight hold.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

He shifted even more on the bed. “Gotta use the restroom, Daddy. You wouldn’t let me go. I tried to ease out.”

“I didn’t want to wake up alone. You go take care of business while I check to see if any coffee is ready.” The second my arms loosened; he shot out of the bed to head to the toilet.

I couldn’t help the laugh that broke free at the sight. He was so cute shuffling away from me in that half waddle half run move.

Keeping to my promise, I rose from the bed and slipped on some pajama pants to check out the caffeine situation. In the small kitchen we had in the bunkhouse, I found the pot just starting to brew. That meant one of the other guys was already up and moving too. We often tried to start a pot down here for early risers, then there’d be more up at the main house.

After the search party from last night made it back so late, I didn’t think anyone would beat me out of bed. Turned out I was wrong. Wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. Proof of that came walking out of the bathroom as I leaned on the counter watching him check for the coast to be clear.

I knew it was probably because he didn’t want to be walking around in his underwear on his first morning at the ranch. It would definitely get the men to gossip if they saw, yet I didn’t feel bothered at the idea. They could talk all they wanted. We knew the truth of what was going on between us.

Ashley made his way back to our room with slow, steady steps. I made a show of making some noise, so he’d see me and not be startled.

At the loud bang of the stool, he whipped in my direction. That blush of his quickly rose over his skin. I took in the spread with a grin, noting how it was limited to his cheeks and neck. Such a pity. It would have been fun to see how far I could have made it spread.

“Why don’t you get dressed for the day so I can show you around? Yesterday wasn’t a good example of how things are here. I can do it right today.”

“Sure. I’m ready to jump in to help as I’m needed too,” he said confidently.

I leaned back on the counter as I watched him. I really wanted to tell him he had a lot to do before I’d let him work. Things like seeing a doctor about his hearing and then possibly finding a counselor to help him with the anxiety he’d presented.

Rather than say all that, I nodded to him so he could go get some clothes on. While I gave him some space to get his armor on, I pondered over who I should talk with about what was going on. Sean had a medical degree, though I didn’t know how much he knew about auditory issues.

And as for the therapist, Harlan and Griffin would know someone, though I didn’t know if that person worked with people outside of the prison system. Since that was how they’d met years ago, I knew they’d kept in touch with the people in the program. It didn’t mean they would have any suggestions.

More important than anything, though, was the fact that I needed to know Ashley’s perspective on it all. I could not and would not pursue anything without his input. His secrets were going to be safe with me for as long as he needed them to be.

Preferably sooner than later since I was worried about what him continuing down this path looked like. His hearing was going to be a challenge to overcome. And I feared that if he got spooked too strongly, he might find himself in a tough situation.

The only thing I knew to help in the short term was to keep as close an eye on him as possible. It was why I was having him get dressed first so he could then come out here and sit in such a way that no one could scare him.

When he reappeared a few minutes later, I explained to him that he should sit on the single stool against the wall. I told him that it was the best seat in the house and that it gave him a full view of the room.

I didn’t have to explain why he needed that specific seat. We both knew why.

Once he was settled with his cup, I planted a kiss on his cheek. “Be good for Daddy while I get ready. If anyone else pops out, just be your sweet, adorable self, ok? They’re not here to judge you. Remember how I told you this place was full of littles?”

He nodded slowly.

“Well, they’re going to love the idea of a new friend. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Gotta get cleaned up first.”

As I took off for my room, I wondered just how I’d ever lived without him around. His letters were one thing but having him in person was something else completely.