CHAPTER 25

nick

Ajay had fallen asleep a while ago after we'd thoroughly exhausted each other. He was lying on his stomach, one arm bent on his pillow, the other a gentle weight over my stomach. We'd lost the sheets at some point so my view of him was unobstructed as I eyed the smooth curves of his ass.

I was looking at the photo we'd taken earlier on the beach, the one of the two of us looking so cute and cosy and just like a normal couple. Ajay had his big, brown eyes on the camera and a soft smile on his face, his hands clasped around my arm like he owned me as he leant against my chest. He looked like a dream. Just as he always did.

Ajay had sent the photo to his mum. Just like that. It would have left her in no doubt about who I was to her son.

It was hitting me in ways I hadn't expected, the way he had so casually claimed me as his. I hadn't expected it of him, to be so open about who we were to each other. But then maybe I should have. Maybe it was right to expect that whoever I was with would not be ashamed to claim me right back.

Maybe I'd become accustomed to being someone's dirty little secret and that was why I was feeling such a tight squeeze to my chest right now with only the crickets keeping me company.

All I knew was that this thing with Ajay wasn't going anywhere. We weren't going to end just because he was going back to Sydney in a few days. Hell, he wanted me to meet his mum. That did not say summer fling to me.

Speaking of mothers, I happened to have one of my own who I suspected might enjoy the photo I was currently obsessing over. I had no idea what the time was where she was in the world but I suspected it was a more respectable hour than my late night ponderings.

Ishot her a text with our photo.

My phone pinged with her response less than five minutes later and I grinned as I read her reply.

Yes, he really was lovely. Perfectly lovely. Perfectly perfect really. Nope, I didn't think I'd be letting him go any time soon. At least if I had any say over it.

Dane rocking up out of nowhere had put a little dampener on my last few days with Ajay, the rest of the house suddenly out of bounds for the exploits we'd been enjoying of late. I wondered what Dane would think if he knew Ajay and I had had sex on that very spot he was currently sitting on as he swiped through his phone.

On the other hand, I had been kind of blown away when Dane had found me down on the beach last evening and offered an apology for the way he'd treated me. Like literally shocked.

Who knew it would be our brown eyed boy who finally managed to bridge the impassable gap between me and my younger brother.

It was getting late again and I'd decided to let off a bit of pent up energy in my home gym which I'd been neglecting of late in lieu of other far more enjoyable ways of letting off steam. But I knew Ajay liked the abs so I'd be damned if I let my usual work rate go.

I towelled down the sweat on the back of my neck as I stepped out of the boat shed. A nice sea breeze had moved in off the ocean and I stood in the fresh air for a moment as I listened to the soft crash of waves in the distance. The night sky was already full of stars and it felt nice even as I knew the days I had left with Ajay had almost run out.

I could see him through the windows in the living room, sitting alongside Dane as they laughed about something together. Shit. I was really going to miss him when he went home to Sydney.

I watched him a moment longer, heart full in my throat before I stepped up onto the deck. I felt Ajay's smile on me as I stepped past, felt those eyes too as they dipped down my sweaty torso. I sent him a wink as I made my way upstairs, storing up that faint flush on his cheeks that I'd remind him about later.

I took a quick shower and pulled on a pair of sleep shorts. I was about to go join the boys downstairs when I glimpsed the flash of red from the upstairs window. I peered out the front of the house, seeing Mateo's Alfa Romeo parked at the curb. An uneasy feeling settled at the bottom of my gut, telling me why.

I let out a deep breath of air and pulled on a t-shirt. Then I carefully padded down the stairs to the front door. I let myself out, not surprised to find Mateo sitting on my front porch steps, head in his hands.

"M?" I asked, taking a small step towards him. He glanced up at me, eyes glassy and red and full of the anguish I already knew he was feeling. I let out another breath before I closed the space and sat alongside him.

This conversation had been a long time coming.

"You okay?"

Mateo shook his head, a solitary tear escaping his eye. "I'll come out for you, Nick. I'll tell my parents, I'll tell them everything. About you, about me. About us. I'll run away with you if I have to, if they won't accept me. I'll do anything, Nick. Just ... please … don't leave me."

I sighed again, feeling his anguish deep inside me while I gathered my thoughts together. "You should tell your parents, Mateo," I agreed. "But you should tell them for you, not for me. I never expected that from you. They're your family, M. They need to know this really fundamental part of who you are."

"They'll kick me out of the family. They'll hate me," Mateo replied, the despair clear on his face.

"And if they do, you know I'll be here for you," I assured him, words I had told him a hundred times before. "And so will Rob. And so will my folks. And so will your aunty and uncle. And so will a whole heap of other people who love you."

"Don't leave me, Nick," Mateo pleaded, red rimmed eyes on me. "We used to be so good together. Me and you. It hasn't been the same since he arrived. Since he took all your attention off me. You don't look at me anymore. You don't see me anymore. You just see him. Like your whole face lights up when he walks into the room and you can't see anyone but him."

"Yeah," I conceded because I knew those words were true. I hadn't seen anyone else since my eyes had set upon Ajay.

"Do you love him?" Mateo asked, his words tinged with accusation.

"Yeah I do, Mateo," I admitted quietly. "I do love him."

Mateo said nothing but the few more tears that escaped down his cheeks said enough. I didn't stop him when he leant his head on my shoulder, his face hidden in my neck, and I wrapped an arm around his back. I knew this conversation had needed to happen but it didn't make it any easier.

"I always believed that we'd end up together," he said quietly. "That we'd get over this break up and work things out. I'm wrong, aren't I?"

"I'm sorry, Mateo," I replied. "I really, truly am. You know you'll always be my friend. Always. But that's all we are going to be. It's probably all we should have ever been."

He cried softly onto my shoulder at my words and I didn't stop him. There were more words that I needed to say too, something that probably should have been said months ago.

"You know, I think we were both so focused on saving our friendship, on making sure nothing changed between us that we didn't give each other the space we both needed to process and move on," I said.

Mateo hummed against my neck but said nothing in return.

"Maybe we need to do that now," I continued. "Give each other the space we both probably needed. You should focus on what you really want, M. Even if that doesn't involve telling your parents about you, you should tell Tate. She deserves to know."

"I know," he agreed, voice barely above a whisper.

"And I kind of need to just focus on Ajay right now," I told him, hard words to hear but something I needed to say. "It's new and it's early days but I don't think he's going anywhere and I need to see where this thing is going between us. I know this dynamic hasn't been the easiest for the three of us."

Mateo nodded his head as he sniffed and swiped at his nose. "It's been hard to watch you move on. Harder than I thought it would be."

"I know, M," I sighed gently. "But I think this is for the best. Let's give each other the space we need. Just for a bit. You'll have Rob and when we're both ready, you'll have me again too. As your best friend."

He didn't say anything but I felt him nod against my chest and I felt a little bolt of relief. I didn't want to lose my friendship with Mateo. It had been the defining part of our relationship for so many years and those few months together didn't need to ruin everything else. I knew he agreed with me even if this felt like we were breaking up all over again.

"Okay, Nick," he eventually said, lifting his head from my shoulder and wiping at his eyes. "I'm sorry if I made a mess of things with you and him."

"You didn't," I assured him, holding back the smile that Mateo still couldn't bring himself to say Ajay's name. Mateo pulled himself up to standing and I did the same and we stood facing each other awkwardly on the front porch. "Will you be okay?"

"I'll get there," he said with a little nod. "Good luck. With you and him."

"Thanks."

"Bye, Nick."

"Bye, Mateo," I replied, feeling the full weight of meaning behind these farewells. He watched me a few moments longer, eyes still full of that earlier anguish but slightly more resolute before he turned and walked away from me. I waited until he had closed the door on his car and driven away before I let out the breath I had been holding.

That conversation had been a difficult one but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders as I stepped back inside the house. My heart hurt for Mateo but I knew this was for the best. Hindsight was always a wonderful thing and I knew now we should have given each other space when we broke up instead of carrying on this weird pretence that everything was all right between us.

Dane was in the kitchen when I stepped back into the living room, my eyes instantly searching for Ajay but not finding him.

"What did you do to Ajay?" Dane asked, eyes narrowing on me.

"Nothing," I replied. "Why?"

"He just came in a moment ago looking really upset and then said he was going for a walk down the beach," Dane told me as a sinking feeling headed straight for my gut.

"Shit," I said. So many boy dramas to deal with tonight. All of them of my own making. I puffed out a breath of air and then headed for the back door, knowing I needed to chase my boy down and get whatever was in his head about what he thought he'd seen on the front porch out of there.

"Nick?" Dane called. I paused, hand on the door handle as I swivelled towards my brother, impatient to get to Ajay. "He's my best friend. Don't fuck him up."

"That's the plan," I huffed, pushing open the door and heading out into the cool night air. That sea breeze had picked up again and I felt it snake through my hair as I jogged down onto the soft sand of the beach. Night was in full swing but the moon was bright, shining a silver path on the water. I looked in each direction of the beach but I couldn't see anything. At least, not the boy with the brown curls and those big brown eyes I knew would be filled with sadness.

I hedged my bets, guessing that Ajay would have headed south, away from the more built up stretch of beach to the less populated part where the estuary flowed into the ocean.

I walked, the soft sand cool under my feet as the breeze whipped through my hair and I shuddered. I was not going to give up on this with Ajay even if I had to walk all the way to Sydney. But I knew my boy and my guess proved correct when the moon suddenly shone down to highlight those curls I had grown to love and adore.

Ajay's eyes found me as I walked steadily towards him. He was lying down on the sand, resting on his elbows as he looked out at the ocean. I sank onto the sand in front of him, that sadness I had expected to see in his eyes like a punch to the gut.

"Ajay," I whispered, his name like a prayer. "I'm guessing you saw me and Mateo on the front porch."

He said nothing as his head dropped back on his shoulder. "It's okay, Nick," he replied.

"It's not what you think," I told him, itching to close this distance between us and take him in my arms. "Mateo showed up on my doorstep and we talked. It was just … a final piece of closure really. I told him that he and I were a thing of the past and that I wanted to be with you. We decided to give each other space to move on. You don't need to be jealous of anything, baby."

Ajay sighed, the sound a soft torment to my soul. "I'm not jealous, Nick. I trust you."

"Then what?" I asked, inching closer to him.

"I'm just … sad, I guess," he admitted. "I'll be gone in two days and you'll still be here. And Mateo will still be here too. You both belong here and I don't. And I … I guess that's just making me feel sad."

I said nothing, his words not what I had expected to hear from him but I latched onto them anyway, knowing this was my best chance.

"Well let's talk about that then," I replied, reaching out to take his hand. He let me, his fingers curling into mine, right where they belonged. "Is this just a summer fling to you? Or do you want something more?"

"What do you want?" Ajay asked and I had to smile. Clever boy, making me show my hand before him. Time to play my cards then.

"I don't want this to be over when you go back to Sydney, Ajay," I told him, tightening my grip on his hand. "I'm not anywhere near done with you. I want this to last. I want you to be my boyfriend and I want to be able to tell everyone that you're mine."

"I want that too," Ajay replied quietly. "I want to be your boyfriend. I don't want this to end either."

His words were quiet but they hit me like a freight train, knocking into me and swelling inside me like a ten foot wave.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that," I told him, relief hitting me square in the chest as all the other emotions I'd been feeling towards him came gushing up to the surface. It was time he knew.

"I love you, you know. I'm in love with you. I fell a little bit in love the first time I saw you, walking down onto the sand with your eyes and your curls. I fell a little bit more when I heard you sing. I fell even more when we looked at each other through those sparklers on New Year's Eve, you wearing the glowsticks I'd made for you and looking like the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I fell even more when you kissed me and even more every time we made love. And each small sum eventually added up to this earth shattering, whole of body, complete love that I have for you, Ajay."

"I love you too, Nick," he told me, face sincere, emotions full in his dark eyes. "It took me a while to realise what I was feeling for you, to realise I didn't actually envy you. That it was actually desire and attraction I felt for you. I thought maybe I should be surprised by that, that I'd fall for a guy. But everything about you just calls to me, draws me in like a moth to a flame. And this thing between us just grew and I knew it wasn't just like I was feeling anymore. I don't know when it happened but I fell in love with you too. I'm in love with you, Nicky."

"I want you so much, beautiful boy," I murmured, heart bouncing around in my chest at his amazing words. I couldn't stop myself, needing his touch, needing everything as I leaned in and closed the distance. He fell back on the sand as my mouth pressed to his, my beautiful, amazing, gorgeous boy who I was so in love with as his mouth clashed with mine. His hands were in my hair, running through my long locks while mine clasped his face, angling his jaw so that I could plunder his mouth with my tongue, just the way I wanted it.

We made out under the stars and that bright, silvery moon that gave me just enough light to show me how perfect this boy was, how we fit together, how his body was made for mine and mine for his. I could have kissed him for hours and maybe I did as I lost all track of time, only coming up for air when he shifted our positions and started kissing down my jaw.

"You make my dick so hard," I told him as those kisses moved steadily down my neck and to my collarbone. I felt him smile against my skin as he lifted those big brown eyes up to mine.

"You make my dick hard too," he assured me. "Harder than anyone else ever has."

"You know, when I first saw you on the beach that day, you with your gorgeous brown curls and your pretty face and your big, innocent eyes, I wanted to take you and mess you up a little, maybe corrupt you. But instead, I fell in love with you and now I'm the one who's completely at your mercy."

His eyes glowed as his smile turned soft and then wicked as he continued pressing kisses down my body, all the way to the waistband of my sleep shorts where he stopped and looked up at me.

"I fell in love with you too, Nicky," he told me, making my heart sing. "But let's not pretend you didn't also thoroughly corrupt me."

And with those words, he pulled my shorts down, exposing my hard dick to him as he smiled up at me, the whole pretence of innocence completely gone from his face.

"You going to suck me down out here on the beach?" I rasped, wondering when the power dynamics between us had shifted so thoroughly.

"Yes. I am," he grinned, licking a stripe from the base of my cock to my tip and right through my slit. "And then you're going to take me back to the house and fuck me so hard I won't be able to walk tomorrow."

"Holy fuck," I breathed, head knocking back into the sand. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"I already told you," Ajay said, smug grin on his face as he held my dick steady in his hands. "Tasmania."

And with that, he bent his head, that warm, surprisingly skilful, not-at-all-innocent mouth swallowing me whole as he let me know everything I needed to hear.