Chapter Three

Fred Moonscale

My mother-in-law alongside Medwin Moonscale had the reading of the will catered. It was a small event. Her parents, me, the kids, Lee and Blake, and everyone's true-mate who had one. Everyone's true-mate was there except for mine. I swallowed hard. It felt like a ball of fire lodged itself behind my tonsils and refused to go down. The others were at the snack table grazing while we awaited the attorney's arrival.

I sat down in an armchair, front and center. My eyes drifted closed as I thought of her. Lotus. Her name echoed around my skull as her image came into my mind. So much blonde hair and always smiling. I could almost feel her hands drifting over mine. She'd tell me that her mom had them make those fancy steak-style pigs in a blanket that I liked so much. She'd tell me to eat some of them. Only, I wasn't getting up ever again. I'd sit right here and remember her forever or at least as long as they let me. I missed the cigarettes from the balcony. With them I could think with my eyes open. Relik had indeed brought me ‘good' pot, but I hadn't touched it. I didn't want to miss a single moment of laying my little flower to rest. She deserved my full attention now more than ever.

"Hey," Teddy's voice drifted into my ear from the right side as he sat down. "I brought you some of those fancy pigs."

A plate found its way into my hand, and I opened my eyes to stare down at them. He arranged them the way his mother always had with the food surrounding the fancy mustard that I could never remember the name of in the middle.

"It's sesame mustard," Teddy said as if hearing my thoughts.

Hell, maybe he did over the family link. It was hard to tell anything about the links right now. They were weighed down by her passing. No one could believe Lotus was dead. Wasn't she too much of a spitfire to die? If only being stubborn kept you alive. No one on the Moonscale Flight link would ever die.

"Dad, you have to eat," Teddy said.

"Eat up," Duke said, sitting down on the other side of me. "Here."

I glanced at the sports drink he handed me.

"Are we going for a run I don't know about?" I arched a brow.

"You're probably dehydrated," Teddy said.

"Probably," I shrugged and popped one of the fancy pigs into my mouth.

I didn't taste much of what I ate or drank to placate the kids. My appetite wasn't anywhere to be found. My dragon was mostly out cold occasionally lifting his head only to remember Lotus was gone. Then he'd go right back out. Sleep or burning down London. I sighed, hoping London had more luck than I thought I had control over my inner beast.

When the attorney arrived with his spectacles low on his nose making his eyes look wonky everyone gathered around. Duke offered his seat to both Sequin and Daliah in turn, but neither of them took it. They sat behind us grateful not to have Teddy crying on them for a while. I couldn't make sense of the chatter from the back of the room as the attorney set up the video to play. I grabbed Teddy's hand the way I did when he was a little boy. I didn't have the words to tell him that somehow, we'd be okay because that's what she'd have wanted. How could I tell him that he'd ever be okay again?

Duke took my hand, and I swallowed a laugh. Our worry was circling around us. Behind us, next to the other egg brats, Lee and Bane sat hand-in-hand. Blake was back there too on Lee's other side. He'd helped me into my suit this morning after sneaking me out for a cigarette. Rumors had flown for years that Blake and I were still shacking up, but none of it was true. Blake and I had been together one time – exactly enough to unknowingly conceive Duke. Everything after that was co-parenting, but we managed to become friends along the way.

I looked around for Jonah Darnell. I once fought him while Blake was in a vampyric coma. Well, mostly I fought an elf but he got in the way. I hated him for the longest time because Duke took right to him as a kid. Now, I tolerated him pretty well. He wasn't my favorite person, but I'd take a bullet for him for Duke's sake. Bane once shot him with a tranquilizer arrow that was meant for me. I laughed. I couldn't help it. One moment I was remembering and the next I was laughing so hard that everything inside me shook. Lotus would've given me the dirtiest look for laughing about that, but fucking Frost on the mountain.

"We were young," Jonah's voice came from nearby Duke.

He was squatted down on the other side of his chair.

"Someone bring the Howler a Frost-damned chair," I roared, trying to quit laughing.

"Those were the days," Jonah nodded.

"What are you two talking about?" Teddy asked.

"I'll tell you the story later, kiddo," I said, managing to gather the tattered ends of my wits as one of the staff the Cromwells hired to set up brought over another armchair for Jonah.

The wolf opened his mouth to tell me he would've been fine, but I shook my head. My wife was dead. If I wanted someone to have a chair a member of the very well-paid staff could bring a bloody fucking chair.

"Thanks," Jonah nodded to me instead and wrapped an arm around Duke's shoulders.

The lights went out and what was left of my laughter died in my throat. Despite the attorney emailing me a copy of the video, I hadn't watched it yet. Lotus always spoke her mind and from beyond the door of life and death she'd be no different. Whatever she had to say deserved to be heard without me or anyone else editing it and chopping it up.

Both of my sons tightened their grip on my hands, and I let out a long, slow breath as the screen lit up. Lotus was seated on the swinging chair on our balcony. The one where I smoked. The one where I wished I was still smoking. A light breeze played at the ends of her blonde hair. I wanted to reach out and touch them. Instead, I kept ahold of my kids as if death might steal them away too.

"Hey," Lotus said, squinting on the screen to make sure the camera was recording. "Hey," she said again more certain of herself this time. "I guess if you're watching this I'm not around anymore. I hope that I got to say everything to all of you that I needed to. If things go according to my plans, you'll be in comfy chairs with full bellies as you watch this. I have so much to say, but don't want to make a two-hour movie for sad people to sit through. Is it pompous to think you'll be sad that I'm gone? Maybe. I don't know."

She frowned for a minute and behind me someone sobbed. Lee or Blake, I couldn't tell which one.

"If my plans were followed, none of the press or anyone outside of our family is with you right now. So now talking about how I was the one who ultimately took Grady Moore down. I know that's what so many people think about when they hear my name. I didn't take him down. That was a wolf pack. All I did was help someone who needed it and that someone became a very good friend of mine. That someone became family. Freddie, if it's not already out, don't let them mention that in my obituary, not in the way they always talk about it."

"You heard her," I said, not bothering to glance around the room.

Another sob came from behind me.

"Okay, now that I have that out of the way, thank you for coming here today. Thank you for taking time to sit down and listen to what I have to say. I think I have a lot to say, but we'll see how much will actually come out. I know you all think I'm always put together, but I'm not. I'm terrified right now."

She held up a trembling hand I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the ball of fire still trapped in my throat.

"I'm not afraid of dying. Not the actual dying. I'm afraid of leaving you guys behind. If you're watching this, I've faced my greatest fear and can only hope I did it with dignity. I've been sick since I was born. Vulpine degenerative disease is genetic. It was just waiting for its chance to get me. Thankfully, my egg brats have all tested negative."

She stopped and glanced at her lap. I could see the index card laying there on her purple sundress covered thighs in my mind's eye. She had index cards for everything.

"Before I move onto individual messages, I want to address a rumor that we should've addressed years ago. My husband and mate has never cheated on me. I could explain all the ins and outs of our relationship, but some things are just for us. Early in our relationship we tried ethical nonmonogamy. An open relationship if you will. I wanted to explore the world and we tried it out. Hell, maybe we'd still be doing it if I didn't get sick. Everyone assumed Freddie started staying home to prove his fidelity. He let them believe that because I didn't want every day of my life overshadowed by my disease. We only closed the relationship to come together to face the future of my illness head on. So, I don't want to hear one more word about Freddie running around on me. Not that it was anyone's business to begin with."

I felt Duke's eyes on me. I would've told him eventually. I wasn't sure how much of the rumors he believed to start with, but his scent said he believed a lot of them.

"I'm sorry, Dad," he chimed into my thoughts over the family link.

"Don't use that word. What were you supposed to believe? Can we talk about this after the video? I don't want to miss anything."

"Sure," Duke said.

Lotus was glancing at her lap again when the family link fell quiet.

"Lee Knight-Hemlock, I leave you all my Grim Howler's memorabilia. I would say to share with your brother, but since he's mated to one of them, he can get his own," she smirked at the camera and both brothers laughed behind us. "I also leave verbal and written consent for you to access my medical files from birth to death to an autopsy, if there is one. Anything that will help future research you may have. I've spoken with my father and while he is still alive, I've practically begged him to do the same. I'm sorry, I wouldn't let Relik tell you and Bane that it was me that was sick.

"Remember, even when you think something is impossible, someone will always be there to help. Never lose your faith again, Lee Knight-Hemlock. You're one of the bravest people I've ever known."

"Blake Knight-Hemlock, I leave you every sketch of yours I ever stole from your notebooks because I thought they were cool," she laughed. "I leave you my copy of the family painting from when Duke was seven and we somehow managed to get him to sit still long enough for it. Unfortunately, I also leave you my husband and egg brats to guide through this mess. We've co-parented together for a long time and there's no one else I'd trust with them the way I trust you. I leave you and your brother various other accounts and personal affects, but that will be handled by my lawyer at a later date. Mostly, I leave you both my love and what's left of my courage. Thank you both for sharing with me what you knew about the Other World over the years. You've made this so much easier without ever knowing it."

Another sob came from behind us, and Jonah slipped out of his chair to go to his mate. I tightened my grip on Duke's hand so he knew he wasn't alone even if Jonah wasn't sitting beside him at the moment.

"Zoey Hemlock," Lotus flashed a sad smile on the screen, "you're not there are you? I know you're not. I know you, sis. You're at home screaming, wailing, and howling. I'm so sorry, sis. Someone will get a copy of this to you when you can handle it. I'm so sorry to leave you. I'm so sorry that I'll never be there when you and Xander marry Hattie, because I know you will. I'm so fucking sorry, sis. Save me a seat anyway. Maybe there's some pass I can get in Other World to visit for the wedding."

On screen, Lotus wiped her eyes and I tried again to swallow down the stuck in place fire ball.

"There's other stuff too. So much of it. The attorney will handle that. I love you sis. I love you so much."

She was right. Zoey wasn't here. She was at home, a hot mess, who couldn't pull it together. I didn't blame her one bit. I barely got it together to be here. Earlier in the day, I overheard Jonah saying they hoped to come in for the funeral. I hoped to high Frost she made it because the woman would never forgive herself if she didn't.

"Oh, my babies," Lotus said a second later, her gaze turning intense. "My little egg brats."

A sob ripped from Teddy, and I flinched. When I recovered a second later, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and scooted in close. I missed a few lines of what Lotus said, but we could watch it again later when everything and everyone wasn't so raw.

"It's gonna be okay, kiddo," I whispered to him. "We'll figure this out."

He nodded, still crying. I tried to swallow down the fire ball again. Part of me wanted to stand up and demand whoever had the remote pause the video, but then it stopped. I glanced around to see the remote in my father-in-law's age-marked hand. He leaned heavily on his cane and squinted at the remote.

"How do I rewind?" he asked, his voice sounding so far away.

"I got it," Jonah said. "Let's give everyone a minute."

Jonah sprinted across the room to help the elder Cromwell back to his seat. Duke stood up and rounded to Teddy's other side to hug him. Over my shoulder Sequin and Daliah looked like glass.

"You okay?" I mouthed in their direction.

Daliah didn't move, but Sequin nodded, holding tight to his sister's hand. Even Old Man Cromwell had given up any illusion of poise. He held onto his wife with shaking hands and whispered about how a parent should never have to put a child into the grave.

It took a few minutes for Teddy to gather himself up, but no one tried to rush him. I would've burnt them down to the ground, if they tried. My dragon was dozing, but his fire blazed brighter and hotter with each passing second. Maybe my ancestors scorched villages to the ground because otherwise the fire of grief would've eaten them up from the inside out.

"My babies," Lotus said again. "My little egg brats. Quit giving your eldest brother dirty looks, you two."

Sequin and Daliah squirmed low in their seats behind us, but everyone else chuckled. She knew her kids well.

"You two can be sad too. You're allowed. If you asked me, all this poise and illusion came from when we tried to blend in with human governments. So, as your mother, the last bossy thing I'll say to you, Sequin and Daliah, is to run wild. No more poise. No more grace. No more worrying about what grandparents will think. Run wild and feel everything you can. That's what we're born to do. I'd tell you that, Teddy, but I think like your father, you can't not feel a lot of the times. That's not always a bad thing, either. If more people thought with their hearts than their wallets, things would be better. I keep thinking about all the things I'll miss – true-mate meetings, grandbabies, if you have them, so many things. So, take lots of photos, because I'm coming back. I'm so coming back. I mean it! And you too Duke! Hell, Travis? Millie? Are you there?"

They weren't.

"Someone tell them that's what they can record now," Lotus said on the screen and everyone laughed.

I hugged Teddy and Duke closer to me. Jonah stood at the side of the screen, remote in hand ready to pause for another breakdown in any direction.

"You four – be happy. I love you and the world is so different now than when I was younger. Just be happy. Don't run around trying to make anyone proud. Be happy and we'll be proud of that."

The screen cut and when the picture came back into focus, she was wearing a green sundress.

"Had to take a break yesterday. Freddie, you came home early. That's always a nice surprise, but now I have to remember where I left off," she laughed. "I just don't want you to know I'm working on this. It feels so final. It is so final, but I have to leave something. I have to try to answer all the questions and give all the love I can. I don't know how long these words will have to last you all. I hope I can say enough. I hope I can give enough. I hope it's all enough when I'm gone. I've read so much about the Other World. We all know it's real. I've read so many accounts of doors showing up. I'm not afraid of what's over there. I'm afraid I didn't leave you all with enough to be okay."

She took a deep breath and the urge to put my hand on the small of her back like I did at social events that overwhelmed or annoyed her passed over me. My dragon twisted to his other side in his sleep, and I tried to dislodge that fire ball again.

"Mom, Dad, I know you're there. Freddie's parents probably aren't. They're assholes. Sorry for the language, but they are. You guys came around, but they never did. Thank you for that. Thank you for coming around to seeing how happy Freddie made me. Thank you for always trying to give me the best you could. Thank you for everything. I love you two so much. Don't anyone hurry up to meet me in the Other World. I can do this. I can figure it out. You guys watch my babies, all four of them. Don't let Freddie live on take out if you can help it. Don't do too much, Dad. Rest. The doctors say you should rest. I'm sorry I went first. It was only a joke I made once. They thought you were done for, and I was scared. So, I told you that you'd outlive me you were so ornery. I'm sorry I'm going first, Daddy."

For a moment, she sounded like a little girl. I squeezed my eyes shut. My heart would've broken for her parents, but it was in too many pieces to shatter any more. Sequin scooted over next to their grandparents and hugged them both. They were such little foxes in their old age.

For a long time, the Lotus on the screen stared at us as if giving us time to memorize her.

"I love you all so much. I could never say enough words to express that. Now, I need a moment with Freddie. You guys go on out. We won't be long. I love you all. I've arranged for you all to receive copies of the video this far in the mail next week. I'm never far away! Teddy, Duke, Sequin, Daliah! I love you all!"

Jonah paused the video, and I nodded my thanks. I expected everyone to stay put and say I could watch that later. Only everyone behind us stood up. Teddy managed to push himself upright in his seat and Duke helped him to his feet.

"Will you be okay?" Teddy asked me.

"Eventually," I nodded. "I won't be long."

Jonah was the last to leave. He handed me the remote silently as he passed by. Any rivalry that ever lived between us was dead now. Just as dead as my little flower. When the door shut behind him, I stared at the paused screen. She was beautiful and for a short time --- too short of time—she was mine.

"Still mine," my dragon grunted into my thoughts.

I didn't have the energy to argue with him. I barely had energy to press the play button. Hell, maybe I should save this part of the video for later. The pain was only going to grow after all, but what if she wanted something else for her funeral or something time sensitive? My thumb slid over the play button, but Lotus didn't move for a long moment.

"If they aren't gone yet, pause me, Freddie," she said, a ghost of a smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

When they were gone, she stood up and pulled the camera closer to her.

"You got this," she whispered. "I know right now you feel like you don't, but you do. You're going to be okay. I know you are. I'll be watching. Nothing can keep us apart forever. I'll be back as soon as I can, baby. I will. I promise. Nothing will keep me away from you forever. I'll fight Frost himself to get back to you. Just hold on. Live your life. Be happy as you can. That's all I want for you and the kids and everyone else. Just be happy again as soon as you can. It breaks something inside me to know how sad all of you are right now. I love you. I love you so much, Freddie. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for ensuring I had fun and got to live even when the doctors were trying to keep me from dying. Thank you for keeping my secret and thank you for just being you, Freddie. Never stop that no matter what your parents say. You're a good man, Freddie. You're a good mate and father. You're a good friend and you're a better son than they ever deserved. I love you. I'm coming back to you. Take care of all the egg brats. Go visit Duke for a while soon. As soon as the trio and you can manage. See your grandbaby. She's fucking gorgeous, Freddie. Be happy as soon as you can."

She wiped tears from her cheeks that I never got the chance to wipe away.

"I love you too," I whispered.

"I love you so much," she whispered again and kissed the camera lens.

The screen faded to black with her lips still pressed against the screen. I was wrong when I thought my heart couldn't shatter more than it had. It shattered again and I patted my pocket looking for the pack of cigarettes I hid from the kids. I smoked inside. They might yell at me later, but it was my Frost-damned house. If I couldn't have my mate, I'd have every bloody cigarette I wanted.