17. Casey, Berlin

‘Fuck, Jazzy, she's so beautiful,' I say. ‘Even more than she was, if that's possible.'

Jaz shakes her head, tight curls filling the screen of my laptop. ‘What is it with you and beautiful women? It's like they just look at you and you're gone.'

I extend my leg and tug on a boot. ‘Don't know.'

‘Don't wear anything that's too hard to take off.'

‘We're not having sex. We're just going for dinner.'

Jaz scoffs. ‘You're totally having sex, babe; I can tell.'

‘I haven't broke it off with Eva yet.' I slip on the other boot, then jump up to grab my jacket from the wardrobe, giving it a quick run over with the iron.

‘Look,' Jaz says. ‘All I'm saying is, you might never get this chance again, and you can't call Eva, dump her in two minutes and then get off with another bird.'

I lay my jacket over the ironing board and sit back in front of the screen. ‘Of course I wouldn't do that. But if I call her now, I'll be on the phone for hours. She'll be going out anyway,' I add, reasoning with myself as much as Jaz. ‘I'll call her when I get back tonight.'

Jaz swigs her wine, her dark eyebrows rising. ‘When you get back tonight? With Holly in your bed?'

‘She's not going to be in my bed. We're meeting for dinner and a drink.' I shrug. ‘Couple of drinks, maybe.'

‘Just explain it to Holly tonight and call Eva in the morning.'

I chew my bottom lip.

‘Casey, are you for real?' Jaz says. ‘Don't fuck this up. Be honest with Holly.'

I nod. ‘Totally. I will. I mean, if it comes up, like.'

Jaz rolls her eyes. ‘Are you allergic to having proper discussions with people you're shaggin'?'

‘It's a?—'

‘Gemini thing?' Jaz finishes my sentence.

I grin. ‘Yeah.' My phone beeps and a message from Eva appears on the screen.

Going out with Leila. Call you tomorrow xx

‘That's Eva now. See, I said she'd be going out.' I reply with ‘have fun' but a surge of guilt rises in me.

‘Okay, so you're not breaking it off tonight, then. But that doesn't mean you can't tell Holly,' Jaz says.

‘I don't want to scare her off when I was going to split with Eva anyway. She might disappear again. I don't want to hurt her, you know?'

‘Okay, first of all, she's not the one who disappeared – that was you. And secondly, you don't want to hurt either of them, but someone is going to get hurt. If Holly still likes you after dinner, she won't disappear. You've got each other's phone numbers, yeah? And you know where to find her on Insta now. Hang on, my mum's calling me.' Jaz shouts, ‘What?' A pause. She faces the screen again, picks up her wine and walks through the house to the kitchen. ‘Tea's almost ready.'

‘I need to go anyway,' I say. ‘I don't want to keep Holly waiting.'

‘Have fun,' Jaz singsongs, sitting down at her parents' dining table. ‘Do everything I would do.'

‘Is that my daughter?' my mum says in the background.

I groan. ‘Is my ma at yours?'

Jaz nods and flips the screen. ‘So is Chandice and your dad.'

Mum and Jaz's mum are at the table, food platters spread out in front of them. Chandice is in the background with Jaz's dad, transferring chicken pieces from a pan to a plate, while my dad carries over a tray of fish.

‘Hiya,' I say to everyone. ‘You having a neighbours' feast without me?'

Mum ignores my question and points a fork at the screen. ‘Why is Jazzy telling you to do everything she would? Are you up to no good over there?'

‘No, Ma. Course not.'

‘Why you all dolled up, then?'

My brows furrow and I look down. ‘I've got a T-shirt and jeans on.'

‘No. You're all fresh and done your hair and got a short-sleeve shirt on to show off your tats. I bet you're smelling all nice, too.'

I sigh. ‘I'm just going out for my tea. I'm in a hotel room. I can't cook.'

‘With who?'

‘Never mind. I have to go.'

‘It's Holly,' Chandice says, placing down the plate of chicken and taking a seat.

‘Shut it, Chandice,' I say.

Mum gapes at me. She looks at Chandice, then over the top of the screen to Jaz, then back to me. ‘She better be winding me up.'

I rub the back of my neck and look away.

‘How the fuck has that happened?' Mum's fork clatters onto the table and she throws her hands up. ‘Now you've made me swear at the dinner table. You know I don't like swearing at the dinner table.'

I give an incredulous laugh. ‘I didn't make you do anything. I've got to go, yeah.'

My dad sticks his head in front of Mum's. ‘Hiya, Casey love.'

‘Hiya, Dad. You having early birthday celebrations?'

‘We are.'

‘I'm sorry I'm missing it, but I'll call you Sunday.'

‘Okay, love. Enjoy Berlin,' he says.

‘Oh, she's bloody enjoying it all right,' Mum hisses.

‘I'm having dinner with an old friend. Stop frettin'.'

‘But she's not an old friend, is she? She's an old fling that you never got over. What is she even doing there? I told you not to contact her.'

I throw my head back and groan. ‘I'm not talking about this now. I'm going to be late.'

‘Have you spoke to Eva yet?' Mum asks.

‘Jaz,' I call. ‘I've got to go.'

‘That's a no, then.' Mum shakes her head and stabs a piece of chicken.

‘Leave it out, Wendy,' Dad says. ‘She's a big girl. She can sort out her own mess.'

Mum shoots Dad a look. ‘No, Marvin. I won't leave it out. Someone needs to talk some sense into her.'

‘Fuck's sake, Mum,' I mutter, only partly under my breath.

‘Oi. Mind your language at the dinner table,' Mum says.

I throw my hands up. ‘I ain't at the dinner table!'

‘But we are, so watch that mouth.' She tuts. ‘I don't know why I'm worried about what's coming out of your mouth; I should be worried about what's going in it!'

‘Oh my God, Mum! No need. Jaz!' I call.

Jaz flips the screen around, a mischievous grin on her face.

I hold my hand up in a wave. ‘Later.'

She takes a massive bite of chicken and waggles her eyebrows. ‘Have a good time,' she says through her mouthful.

‘Jasmine!' her mum scolds. ‘Don't encourage her.'

‘I'm off.' I hang up, grab my jacket and leave the hotel, ready to meet the person who became an integral part of me the moment I first saw her.