Chapter 41

forty-one

LUKE

“You didn’t quite learn your lesson back then, did you?” Mom hands me a set of heating pads and points toward the oven.

Wordlessly, I open it and pull out the fresh apple pie. A combination of steam, apple, and cinnamon blast into my face. She’s been in the kitchen all afternoon, clucking like one of our hens about how all her babies are finally under one roof. Ella is here, Holly is here, all my siblings are here. It might as well be Christmas.

“Which lesson would that be?”

This earns me a whack on the top of my hand with the wooden spoon she’s clutching.

“Don’t smart mouth me, Luke.”

“I’m just asking for clarity reasons. You’re not being very specific.” But we both know the time frame she’s referring to. And no, clearly I’ve learned nothing.

Not only have I inserted myself into a situation I needed to stay out of, I’ve continued to wade in deeper and deeper. I’d do it again if given the option. Ella has carried too much on her own for too long.

“The food will wait. Come here.” Per her typical behavior, she doesn’t wait for a response. She keeps walking, expecting I’m hot on her heels.

She stalks through the house like she’s trying to beat a clock, only stopping when she gets to her closet.

“What are we doing? She’ll be here any minute.”

“Grab that box down off that shelf, would you?” She gestures to a small metal box with a combination on it.

“We really don’t have time for whatever this is,” I say as I stretch to grab it for her.

“Don’t tell me what I do or don’t have time for.”

I haven’t even pulled it halfway down before she snatches it out of midair and starts working the little rolls, aligning the numbers into a mystery code.

My nerves are dancing beneath my skin. Ella coming to dinner isn’t anything out of the ordinary, but today feels different.

Especially when Mom shoves a ring box at me.

“What is this?”

“If you expect people to buy that you two are engaged, you need this.”

“What—I mean—how did you?” I scratch an itch on my beard that doesn’t exist just to have something to do with my hands.

I know exactly how she knows. The question remains of how much ?

“Please. Mothers know everything. I’ve been trying to tell you this for years.” She shoves it into my chest since I’m not making a move to take it from her. “It’s your great-grandmothers.”

“I can’t take this, Mom. ”

“Do you love Ella?”

I take a step back because the ring feels like it’s burning a hole in my chest. Love isn’t supposed to be part of this equation.

Do I care about Ella? Yes.

Do I want her to be happy? Yes.

Would I do just about anything to see that happen? Also yes.

Platonic love can exist. And it doesn’t need a label.

Or a ring.

“If you know everything, you know it isn’t real.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m not sure why you’re trying to call a heart a spade, but that’s on you, I suppose.”

“How do I explain that”—I point a finger at the ring—“to Lucy? I told Ella I wouldn’t lie to her, and I’m not about to start now.”

“Then don’t lie to her, son.” With a huff, she crosses her arms. “You’re clever. I’m sure you can figure something out. But if you two plan on keeping up this shenanigan, then she needs a ring. People in this town talk.”

I catch the ring as she throws the box to me, fumbling with it like the bean bag that represented a hot potato.

“Why are you so calm about this?”

Mom heaves a big breath and adjusts the apron she’s wearing. There are only a few steps between us, but she closes them so she can look me dead in the eye.

“Because I told you a long time ago that she needed someone like you. And you’re finally about to get the picture. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.”

My voice wobbles about like my insides. “It’s for show, Mom.”

“For who, honey?” She takes my face in her hands like I’m a kid again, guiding me lower so we’re more on eye level. “You two are the only people buying into that excuse at this point. Anybody with two eyes can tell you’re not pretending. Now figure out a game plan, because dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes.”

There’s a lot to unpack there.

I clear my throat and turn the velvet box in my hands a couple of times. Things have escalated quickly between us, but this is absurd. Sure, we spent the day yesterday doing things engaged couples do.

And I might’ve seen her in a wedding dress. I had serious feelings seeing her in that wedding dress.

But I haven’t even kissed her. At least not this decade.

We’re barely even dating.

Curious, I crack it open and peer inside. I couldn’t have chosen a ring more perfect for Ella if I’d tried. The metal on each side of the ring twists and wraps around like pumpkin vines, small diamonds nestled into miniscule metal leaves. The stone itself is a pale blue, bluer than a Jarrahdale pumpkin.

Something shifts in my chest. I could see this on her finger. It’s early — too early — for any sane person to consider marriage, but have we done anything so far by the book? We agreed to treat this like a test period.

I snap the box closed, chewing on what I want to say and do. Lucy has to be my priority, so I need to find her before I talk to Ella.

“Thank you, Dolores. I know—me too! I expect we’ll have a wedding sooner than later. Mmm hmm. See you at trivia night.”

“The phone tree,” I mumble.

“It’s been ringing off the hook,” Dad says as he pours himself a fresh glass of sweet tea. “Haven’t seen this much action since that time that Mr. Peterson found that squirrel in his propane heater. ”

“Oh, that’s right. I’d forgotten about that!” Mom goes back to stirring a pumpkin stew on the stove.

Technology has haunted me like a flurry of ghosts ever since Ella showed up. A flurry? What do you call a group of ghosts? Maybe Ella can consult her word-of-the-day calendar and tell me.

She’s crept under my skin and has somehow become part of my every day. It’s barely been a week, but we spend so much time together it feels longer.

What if we stop playing it safe? What if we fully embraced the relationship part and aimed for an actual future together?

Lucy is on the tire swing in the backyard, so I head out the backdoor. Her laughter lifts in the air and she sways back and forth, completely carefree. She’s tipped backwards, her hair dragging back and forth on the ground. Looks like a head to toe shower this evening.

“Hey sport. Can I talk to you?”

“Sure. Wanna know what I learned at school today?”

“I always want to know what you learned at school.”

“A group of crows is called a murder .” Another peel of laughter trickles out of her.

“That’s a random but fascinating fact.”

“Mrs. Ward does Halloween trivia every morning since it’s October.”

I reach out and steady her since the swaying is making me a little seasick to watch, and grasp the rope. There’s a substantial amount of noise coming from the house, so I can only assume we have new arrivals. No time left to beat around the bush.

“What do you think of Ella?”

“She’s pretty great.”

I wind the ropes of the swing round and round, tightening it so when I let them go, she’ll swirl around like a tornado.

“She is pretty great. ”

“I don’t just call anybody my BFF, Dad. You guys have been hanging out a lot lately. Is she your best friend, too?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“You need bracelets. Can I spin now?”

A mental image of matching bracelets loosens the knot in my chest. I release the ropes and step back, grinning as Lucy shrieks with delight as she spins like a tornado.

I’m sure she just meant something like BFF, spelled out with beads. But a slideshow clicks through my brain. Words like fiancé. Wife. Mom is probably just getting into my head, insisting there’s something there beyond electric touches and longing glances.

“Hey Luce,” I say, stepping next to her and crouching next to the swing. “I want to give Ella something that’s sort of like a friendship bracelet, but it’s for her finger.”

Her eyes round. “You want to get married?”

“No. Well…maybe someday. For now, it’s sort like a promise. I want her to know that she lives right here.” I tap my chest, right where my heart is. “And I promise to always be there for her.”

“Do you love her?”

The women in this family are killing me tonight.

“That’s a big subject for a little girl.”

She arches an eyebrow. “I’m eight. That’s practically a grown-up. Besides, I know all about love. It’s when you really care about someone and you think they’re pretty and they make you happy.”

If it were really that simple, love wouldn’t be such a scary leap to make. Love wouldn’t have the power to destroy; it would only have the power to build up.

I know there are different levels of love. There have to be. The way I love Lucy now is infinitely stronger than it was the day I held her in the hospital. There’s a visceral reaction when I’m around Ella, and I never had that with Aubrey.

Maybe I do love her. Those are feelings I’ll have to explore later.

For now, I have to keep the honesty rolling with Lucy.

“Well, based on your incredibly wise definition, then yes. I do.”

“Does she make you happy, Daddy?”

“Yes. Definitely.” It’s the easiest answer I can give, while also being the most honest.

“Then I’m happy, too.” She climbs out of the tire, all awkward legs and elbow jabs as I try to hold it steady for her to get out.

The second her feet hit the dirt, she throws her arms around my neck and squeezes. Just as quickly, she turns and runs toward the house to wash up before dinner.

Now I just need to find Ella and properly fake propose to her, before we sit down around the table.