Prologue

It wasthe middle of the night, somewhere in Montana. Only a few people were in the old bus station—a ticket agent and a guy mopping the floor, plus a handful of travelers like me who didn't want to pay for a hotel room.

I pulled the cheap phone from the side of my tote. I'd noticed the first sign three weeks ago. Seeing my name on a poster hanging on the "transportation hub" wall stopped me in my tracks. I was too surprised to move as I stared at the message, committing the phone number at the bottom to memory.

Last week, I'd called the number in a moment of weakness. I'd missed Bredon and had given in to the need to hear his voice.

I'd hung up before the beep to leave a message, too afraid that once I started talking, I wouldn't be able to stop.

The lure of connecting with him had been too powerful. I'd found myself holding my phone and staring at it, arguing with myself about calling him.

The first time I found the courage to leave a message, I was in northern Minnesota. The hum of the bus's engine and the tires on the blacktop had not lulled me to sleep. It was almost dawn, and I was so lonely that my chest ached.

I pulled the phone out and tapped in the number. I wouldn't allow myself to save it, as that would make it too easy to call. By tapping in the numbers, I could stop myself at any time.

Bredon's voice sounded a little husky. He'd changed the message two days ago. "Babe, I need to hear your voice. That's all I ask."

Tears burned my eyes. "Breed," I choked on the name. "Hi." I pulled my knees to my chest and bent my head to shield myself from prying gazes. "I…I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you." A loud sob escaped after I hit the End button.

I left messages more often. It felt like I was still connected to him.

At first, I kept my messages short to prove that I was alive and okay. Now, I rambled. Something drove me to stay in contact. I described people I'd met or sights I'd seen, striving to be vague so he couldn't track me.

Or at least, I thought he couldn't.

Pennsylvania was green and hilly. The bus station was warm, and my hair was almost dry after my quick shower. In the large restroom, you could use a shower in an adjacent room for a fee. I chose a seat away from people waiting for their bus. The chair was plastic with no padding, and my shoulder and back hurt as I relaxed against the hardness. After powering on the phone, my index finger tapped the last number called.

Who was I kidding? It was the only number I called. "Hi, it's me." I cleared my throat and looked around to make sure nobody could overhear. "I know what I'm doing is unfair. I should've said goodbye. If I were stronger, I would leave you alone so that you could forget about me."

I paused to watch an older man shuffle by my row of seats. Once he was far enough away, I continued. "I tried, Bredon, but the heart wants what the heart wants." I sighed and drew my legs up so my heels rested on the edge of the seat. "You left me with a stranger. I waited for you to get word to me. I needed to know what to do. I thought you would've arranged for me to be safe." I had to flex my fingers because I held the phone tightly. "When I heard nothing and felt unsafe…the only option was to go. I know you're looking for me. I want to believe that your reasons are good. But…I'm afraid, Breed. I'm not sure who to trust. What is real?"

An arrival was announced overhead loudly. It caused me to pause, and then I lost my train of thought.

"Anyway, I do love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was doing what was best…" I ended the call. I curled to face the wall on my left and allowed the tears to flow.