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Sierra

I open and close my mouth, unsure of how I could possibly react to what Julian said before he walked out those doors. Strange and disquieted thoughts begin to race through my mind. Catalina burns a hole on the side of my face while my eyes remain on the exit, like I expect him to come back in and take me caveman style to his bedroom. I had turned my back as he started leaving, it just didn't sit well with me so I made sure to turn back around, to watch his fine ass as he walked out.

Which only unnerves me with the sudden change my body has. Since we came back, I can't help but flinch at someone else's touch as the moments from my past that had once been forgotten blend with the moments during our abduction. To have experienced this as a child, had been different. I escaped in my own safe space and those memories stayed buried deep within the depths of my mind, but as an adult, to endure that again cracked the foundation I once had with everything it had until I became this shadow.

So, although I may have flinched at the proximity of Julian, it wasn't because I felt unsafe or couldn't stand the thought of his hands on me. No, quite the fucking opposite my body felt the burn of his touch and craved it like a fucking addict. And that left me baffled, left me a silent mess as I try to understand why the fuck this is happening. This is Julian, my best friend's brother and the most annoying man I've ever met. It's like he lives to push my buttons and piss me off in the process. I hate him, with a burning passion, and yet I never noticed how captivating his eyes are underneath the whiskey color, or how his dark stubble shadowed his jaw or the way his tattoos peaked over the strong column of his neck… No, no, no, nope. You will not go there, .

I've gone mental, that's all. Maybe it's my body telling me I'm ready to fuck some man, maybe the therapy has helped or the killings. They have helped get my aggression out in some way. Most of the time, that's the only way I can come close to a man, the way my knife slices through their flesh causes a smile on my face, the control and power I feel as I determine their death and just how painfully I want them to suffer before their heart finally gives out.

"." It takes me a moment to register Catalina's voice in the red haze I found myself in, only to realize I've been staring at the exit for longer than I thought possible. I tear my eyes away, and meet the light brown ones of the demon's sister.

"Sorry." Shaking my head, I start clearing the bar of Marcelo's and Julian's empty glasses. "You were saying?" I clear my throat, hoping I hide the emotions that are attempting to break free.

"I said sorry, on behalf of Julian. He just isn't like us he doesn't know when to shut up."

"Stop, don't apologize for that prick. We've been this way since we've met. We hate each other but tolerate it for you. It's okay, babe." I wave my hand around, like it's no big deal. It's not, it's not that big of a deal. The fact that I want him to chase me and turn into a fucking animal because of me, is a huge fucking deal that I don't know how to handle.

"Do you think I can ask Ry for a favor or two?" I shift my attention over to Enzo whose eyes never falter from Catalina; he's obsessed with her, a little more than is healthy. He glances over at me for a moment, and shrugs. "I can give you his number if you want some assistance. Anything I can do?"

"N-no, it's fine. You guys have a wedding to plan, I'll ask Ry," I say confidently enough so he doesn't attempt to ask any further questions. He doesn't seem to care, but Catalina eyes me closely, I know exactly what she's thinking, what are you looking for?

I grab the wipe from underneath the bar, my eyes follow my movements hoping that will stop her from trying to read into my silence. I wasn't planning on asking for help, but I can't keep doing this on my own. Although the killing has felt necessary for my own sanity, I have been reckless, doing everything alone without so much as worrying about getting caught in the middle of a storm. I felt invincible, like there was no way I could get caught in the act, but now that the news has caught word of a few murders in a short span, they already suspect a serial killer. I know I can't tell Ry the truth, but I'm hoping he can at least show me what to do in order to continue successfully ridding the world of scum.

It only takes a few minutes of avoiding Catalina's gaze before she finally backs down, I can feel the weight lifting from my chest as she makes conversation with Enzo. His puppy dog eyes meet hers as they engulf themselves in their own bubble. I can't stop the sting of jealousy that I feel of her, of the fact that those men didn't even touch her. Granted, they would have gone against orders and could have gotten killed in the process besides I don't know if she would have survived it. At least, I took it the same way I did when I was younger. I took it and created a strength where I'll right the wrongs of the law and justice system, one that will protect many more children from their abusers than a court ever could. I may be jealous of her relationship with Enzo, but I'm glad she wasn't tainted the way my soul already is.

I look away from the happy couple, keeping myself busy on cleaning and organizing the bottles of liquor behind my wrap around bar. The Butterfly is the only good thing my mother left me, she left me somewhere to live and a business to run. After 25 years of being an absent mother, she finally did right by me before she died. It's actually really sad that it took her that long to fucking be a mother.

My father had left us before I even got out of diapers, he went out to get milk and never returned. How cliché is that. The oldest lie in the book, and she fell for it. She thought he was it, and that everything would be sunshine and rainbows but it wasn't, it was more like thunderstorms and lightning bolts. He left us and I was stuck with an unfit mother who just wanted to find love any chance she got. Man after man for most of my childhood, some nice and the others not so friendly until she met Frank. A shiver goes down my spine just thinking of the disgusting waste that caused me so much pain. I shake my head, frowning at the bottle of tequila as I wrap my fingers around the neck. Stop going back to the past. Focus. I repeat the words a few more times, reminding myself that I survived and he did not.

"?" Catalina watches me warily before she sits back down on her stool, I look up to see the concern in her eyes.

"I'm alright, Cat. I promise," the lie eases off my tongue without a hint of hesitation. I can tell that she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't push me on it further. Good, because I'm already itching for my next fix and I need to make sure I plan it out carefully before I go through with my plan.

"Already sent," Enzo says, the moment I open my mouth to ask him that very question.

"Thank you," I whisper, forcing my lips to part in a curved, stiff smile. Catalina and Enzo nod in unison before walking towards the exit and disappearing off in the distance. The bar is empty, so now is the perfect time to not only call Ry but to make plans on who my next victim will be.

I dial the number Enzo has texted me as I walk towards the back of my building. The kitchen is fully staffed, the sound of everyone working through their motions fills the space as I quickly make my way inside my office. Closing the door behind me, I click the button on the TV that is connected to the security cameras, to make sure Mika and Darlene are safe and that nothing goes wrong as I wait for the hacker to answer my call.

", to what do I owe the honor?" he greets, his voice hinting at a smile. He's only ever been mentioned by both Enzo and Catalina. I was starting to believe he wasn't real, or that he was some old man hiding in a basement not wanting to be seen. His voice is raspy, making me imagine that he is probably just as handsome as the rest of the men that surround Catalina.

"Why am I not surprised that you already knew I'd call?" I chuckle, trying to hide behind the mask of my sarcasm.

"Ah, I thought you would. Especially with your after dark activities." I open my mouth to object with the first lie that I can think of but he continues.

"Look, I don't care. They obviously had it coming. I know everything that happens in this city, it is quite literally my job. Now, the question is what can I help you with?" he says briefly. "I need a better way to find these pieces of shit, and to make sure I don't get caught. I don't want to get anyone involved, but I can't keep doing it alone without it tying to me," I respond truthfully, shrugging my shoulders like he could see me through the phone.

"I can create an app for your phone, one where you will have access to all the court cases that came up empty, that allowed the perpetrator to walk free. When you select the victim, you will have everything you need in that file. It will be an encrypted app, so no one will be able to trace the contents. I will mail you a very specific chemical, this is of my own creation that will allow any evidence on your body to be washed away. It's about 99% effective, you need to shower with it, and maybe clean your shower afterwards to ensure any residue is washed away. This should help you continue on this path. Just be careful. Anything happens to you, and we both know Catalina will kill me too."

I nod, mentally taking notes of everything he just said. I'm completely taken back on how he could be so okay with it and then I remember he works with the fucking Cartel, so I guess a little murder as a hobby is totally acceptable in their world.

"You won't say anything, right?" I whisper softly, fidgeting with the hair ties on my wrist, snapping them softly against my skin, going from one wrist to the next turning each pink with each snap.

"I won't say a thing. You have my word. But, just so you're aware, Enzo is already looking into the first couple murders. He hasn't suspected anything, but he wants to be sure Catalina is safe in this city. You know how protective he is." He sighs and I can only imagine that he's shaking his head at what he's telling me. "Just don't stay close by, travel, do it further across state lines. Don't get caught and you should be fine. If you need anything, you have my number. I'll do what I can to protect you."

He doesn't wait for me to respond, the phone goes silent as the call disconnects. Well, I guess that's that. I sit there a little longer, tapping on the desk and questioning how my life got to this point. I rub at the red spot still showcased on my wrist with my thumb, debating on snapping the hair tie again just to kill the thoughts that keep racing through my head of me getting caught, or worse. Killed.

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