Sierra

D ays came and went since I've seen Julian. It's been about a week since we had the best sex of my life, since he took care of me as I broke apart for him. I'm not even sure how I got to that point. I felt as though I laid down my mask that night, leaving myself entirely bare and vulnerable for him. He took care of me, was there for me. Not only did we fuck again that morning but he helped me clear out the mess from the bar. Then he was gone. His comfort disappeared leaving me in a void for a fucking week.

Today so happens to be the welcome party, the start of Catalina's wedding extravaganza at the Casa del Mar Hotel. The only thing that sounds more excruciating than dealing with people is seeing Julian after he ghosted me for a week. I'm not sure what I expected when he said he doesn't do feelings, but my silly little heart thought maybe there was something there.

I scoff loudly while I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a tank top to drive the 30 minutes to get there. Catalina had reserved a room for me tonight, but I plan on sneaking off and go to a different part of town the moment I get a chance. Afterwards, I plan to go back to my place. I have trouble sleeping in other places, mostly because the nightmares come back twice as bad as they do while I'm at home.

Grabbing a duffle bag, I pack up my black pair of leggings, black hoodie, and my white ski mask tucking them in the bottom and then adding an extra pair of jeans and T-shirt before carefully stuffing in my heels and sneakers. Walking over to the closet doors, I grab the beautiful light blue gown that hangs inside a clear bag. It's completely wrinkle free and hopefully it'll stay that way on the way there.

We're closing the bar today for the first time since I've become the owner, and it gives me a mixture of anxiety and relief to not have to worry about strangers in a place I also call my home.

Walking out of the building, I lock the doors making sure that nothing looks out of the ordinary the way I usually do. Walking towards my jeep, I shove the bag on the back seat before climbing in, turning the car on and bringing down the visor mirror. I look at my dull blue eyes in my reflection, just looking at how much the abduction altered my very being. After killing my step-father, the abuse stopped. The men he had sold me to or allowed to use me never came back around, and I started to heal. Life was decent, my mother went into a depression which caused me to grow up even more but at least I was left alone. By the time I was 18 years old, I could finally handle being touched which allowed me to have a sense of control. I could talk about sex without bile trying to escape my lips and I could finally enjoy the pleasure others gave me.

I reach down at the hair tie around my wrists, the burning desire to snap it against my skin has me doing just that.

One. Snap. Two. Snap . Three. Snap, Snap, Snap.

Slowly caressing my irritated skin with my thumb, I move the hair tie enough and bring my wrist up to my mouth, biting down on the elastic. Once it slips off my wrist, I run my fingers through my blonde hair putting it into a ponytail, just like the way I used to wear it. Pulling out of the parking lot, I head down the highway.

Eleven years of freedom. Eleven years of forcing myself to believe it was nothing more than a bad dream, a nightmare that disappeared, only for all the groundwork I put into the carefully built brick wall I created hiding me from my trauma cracked allowing the water to trickle down slowly. Now that the water pressure has risen, the wall is about to crumble as the water continues to fill in the gaps of my memory that I pushed down a long time ago.

I didn't forget. How could I? But I didn't allow it to hurt me. I had moved on. Only to be weak once more. I let out a loud exhale, the silence of the car has me getting lost in my mind. Turning up the radio, I allow the Black Out Days by Phantogram to fill the space as I bring down the windows and allow the wind to blow through my hair.

Arriving at the hotel, the beach is the first thing I see from the parking lot. The sun beams down, warming the sand. I can't help but walk towards the water, slowly meeting the shoreline, the small waves gently making a beautiful melody as the birds fly by. I don't think I've ever seen anything more peaceful. Then again, it reminds me of the one I've conjured up in my mind, my form of paradise. My form of escape.

"aaaa!" Catalina's voice drags my attention back to the beautiful building sitting directly in front of the beach. She runs past the palm trees and into my arms, her grip tightens around my neck as she flings herself on me. Grunting, I stand my ground, making sure we both don't fall over since she's already in a beautiful white gown. The fabric is just as smooth as it appears to be, her dark hair is in a beautiful bun with elegant beads embedded into strands of hair like she allowed a child to bedazzle her hair.

"Caaaaat!" I squeal, faking happiness through gritted teeth. I fling her around in a circle before gently removing my hands off her waist before Enzo comes out of the building and drags her away. He's still a little salty for helping her escape… Twice.

"How's future Mrs. Enzo doing?" I say softly, as she curiously studies my face for a sign of distress? Or depression, maybe?

"I'm good, really good. Happy, and maybe a little nervous to have the entire Italian Mafia here. But Enzo mentioned Eduardo is back and doesn't want to risk it." She fidgets with her hands, unable to look at me as she says the name of the man that had us kidnapped, that ordered those vile men to assault me in front of her. I shake my head at the thoughts that come creeping back in like a fog in a cemetery.

"Hey, we're good, Cat. I promise." I squeeze her shoulder and nod towards the building. "I think we should head back in before Enzo sends a search party."

She nods and we silently walk towards the building to find Enzo walking towards us, already searching for his missing piece. The jealousy that surges through me at the adorable way he stares at his bride makes me want exactly what they have. A love that's borderline obsession. A love that would make you risk everything, even your life. A love for the fucking ages.

"Enzo," I greet, realizing he's way too distracted to say hello before assaulting Cat face with his tongue.

", I'm glad you made it." He smiles, one that is obviously not directed at me while Cat just stares at him with heart eyes.

"Liar." I roll my eyes and decide it may be best to get a drink at the bar.

"Well, I'm going to check in and grab a glass of whiskey." O r two . While I go unnoticed, I back away slowly and start my walk to the front desk.

"Hello and welcome to Casa del Mar! Do you have a reservation?" says Gladys, or at least that's what her name is, according to her name badge. Her upbeat voice makes me want to throw something at her.

"Yes, Garrison. Part of Catalina and Enzo's wedding party," I mumble.

"Alright, you'll be in suite 480. Here is your key card. Breakfast is served at 7a.m., we do have room service. If you'd like, just give us a call at the front desk and we will bring it to you. Anything else, just let me know."

I nod, and silently thank her while I grab the key card and fling my bag over my shoulder. It's not much so I can wait to go upstairs. First, I need a drink. Or more.

As soon as I walk inside the bar area, I'm hit with different masculine scents mixed with the earthy smell of whiskey and a dash of a scent I've come to fantasize about. Julian sits at the bar, an empty glass in his hand. His suit is perfectly tailored to his body, he wears a black suit pants and jacket, with a white blouse underneath. It's his signature look, always in a hot as fuck expensive suit. His blue tie is neatly tucked in and as I look up to his face I watch as his lip lifts in a smirk.

He turns, getting the attention of the cute brunette behind the bar, and then turns back to me nodding me over to order a drink. I slowly walk over, scolding myself for being weak and doing what he said without a command after he disappeared.

"Can I have another tequila, doll?" Julian says to the bartender. The blush that appears on her face has me rolling my eyes. He called her a doll. That's my nickname. It may have started as a way to fuck with me, calling me Mu?eca but that's what he calls me. Doll. He continues to smirk at her and I just want to fucking punch that smirk right off his face.

"Put whatever she's drinking on my tab."

"Whiskey, neat," I say as politely as I can to the bartender, hoping I don't sound as jealous as I feel. He continuously watches me closely, purposely wanting to see my reaction as those words come out of his mouth.

"Are you going to say what you really want to say? Or are you hiding behind that mask again?" He turns to face me, looking me in the eyes as I struggle to find the words.

"There's nothing to say, Demon. It's obvious what you've been up to. Have you gotten checked for STDs yet?"

"Are you jealous, Mu?eca?" His eyes brows raise in amusement. "Actually, Ry had a lead for Eduardo. I was kind of busy torturing the bastard. I should have sent you a message but once I'm in that zone…" He shrugs, and I understand. I'm the same way when it comes to the killings. I know how you can get so trapped in your actions that you can't see anything but the blood dripping from their body.

"Right," I say sarcastically, not sounding entirely convinced but there's only so much I can say to drop this conversation, to remove the feelings that have started to build for this man.

"Don't worry, Demon. You can fuck who you want, just like I'll fuck whoever I want," I declare, looking back at the bartender and winking at him, pulling the invisible mask over my face and gathering every bit of courage I have inside.

He growls, obviously not liking my answer. Good, fuck you.

The bartender places both glasses down in front of us, along with a napkin with what looks like her phone number scribbled down and her name. Seriously ?

I grab my glass of whiskey and rest the glass between my lips; quickly lifting the glass, I swallow every drop of liquor that was inside. Moving my hand down until the glass clinks on the bar, I grab the napkin wiping the remnants of the liquid off my lips along with whatever lipstick I still had on. Crumpling it up, I throw it to the floor by his feet and walk off.

It's time to get in my room and forget the last few interactions with Julian like they never happened. We hate each other. That's all.