6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Shane

Fourteen Years Old

I pass off the first sniffle as a fluke. But then I heard another one. I rolled over in bed, unable to see Eli’s face in the pitch black room but I could still tell he was trying to hold back the tears so he didn’t wake me. My heart squeezed in my chest and my eyes stung, feeling his pain like it was my own.

"Eli, what's up?" I whispered, reaching out to pat whatever part of him I could reach in an attempt to comfort him.

"Dad put Molly down, sh-she-" he stuttered, his voice breaking into sobs before he could finish his sentence.

I effortlessly pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry," I said, voice barely above a whisper.

"I know she was old, but why couldn't she live forever?" He cried, his voice thick with emotion. I ran my fingers through his hair, unsure of what to say.

"She was such a good dog!"

I squeezed him tighter. “She was," I said, my own voice trembling .

Eli looked up at me in the dark, his hand brushing away my tears. "I don't want you to cry," he said softly, as if wiping my tears away would fix everything.

"You cry, I cry, Eli. You hurt, I hurt."

"I don't like that, I don't want you to hurt like I do," he hiccupped.

"Well, too bad. We do everything together," I insisted.

He buried his face in my neck and despite everything I couldn't help but smile. "I'm really going to miss her. Who am I going to give my Brussel sprouts to now? I can't eat them," he sniffled, his voice wavering.

I let out a snort. "As much as I loved Mols, I won't miss the Brussel sprout farts."

He chuckled, a wet laugh but for the moment, it felt like things were okay. "They were pretty bad."

Eli nodded, feeling a little better. "Who am I going talk to now? Molly listened to me. My sisters think I'm annoying."

"You’ve got me. I may not have the cute floppy ears, but I can listen," I said, trying to cheer him up.

"I don't know, your ears are pretty cute," he joked. I couldn't help but blush.

I worked my hand under the blanket, pinching his side playfully. He laughed and snuggled a little closer. "Thanks for always making me feel better, Jar," he said quietly.

"Anytime." I held onto him tightly, grateful for our friendship that could get us through anything.

Present

I don't know how many times I blinked to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing: Elias Michaels in a gay club. Elias Michaels crying in a gay club.

My feet were moving before my mind could catch up. I ran after his fleeing body, calling his name and cursing as he ran across a busy road without looking. Horns blared and cars skidded to a halt, barely missing my crazy Eli. I held up my hand in apology, racing after him. “Eli, stop!”

My voice rang out on the quiet street, but he finally slowed to a stop. His shoulders moved up and down with each deep, heaving breath.

“Eli, turn around.”

He shook his head, blond curls flying around him. He normally didn’t let it get that long, but I liked it. Which was all the more reason I’d been avoiding him.

“Eli, look at me.”

He looked down, shoulders slumped as he slowly turned. I had seen Elias Michaels in many forms over the years: awkward, happy, grumpy, and on the rare occasion, ragey… but the look that was on his face as he finally brought his eyes to mine…was a look I’d never seen—and never wanted too again. Dark circles rimmed those beautiful blue eyes. His face was slimmer like he had lost weight. All of it made my stomach somersault. It took everything in me not to close the gap and take him in my arms.

“What are you doing here, Eli?”

He shrugged, looking smaller than his six feet.

“I missed you,” He whispered like he was scared of the admission.

“Eli, it's only been a few weeks.”I told him that, but I knew he felt exactly as I did—that it felt ten times longer. It was like my heart was trying to function with a piece of it missing.

He choked out a laugh—one that made him sound like this scenario was anything but funny. “Why have you been avoiding me? Have I done something wrong?”

I swallowed, my mind wanting to say one thing but my mouth saying another .

“I just needed to be alone for a while, to figure myself out without… you.”

Eli flinched as if I’d actually punched him. “Like being into men? You needed to figure that out without me?”

I sighed. “No Eli. I’ve always been gay.”

He winced and I might as well have been in a boxing ring with him. Tears started to pour from those gorgeous eyes. “And you never thought to tell me? I thought we were best friends. I thought we told each other everything.”

“I didn’t know how to.”

Eli took another step back, slowly retreating from me. “Did you think I would care? Because that hurts. I would never care who you like. Who else knows? Obviously, Cal since you went out with him. Tyler and Hunter? Since they were so hesitant to tell me where you were?”

I nodded, unable to voice the truth at the risk it would hurt him more. But the pain was still there in his eyes.

“So, it was just me you couldn’t be yourself around? It’s just me you want space from…Was that because you couldn’t be yourself?”

“Eli—”

“So, you’re just like everyone else then? Who thinks I need to grow up? That I need to change?”

This time I was the one to rear back, unsure where that came from. He was close to falling apart and I ached to hold him together.

“Who told you that you needed to change?” My voice came out more heated than intended.

“Doesn’t matter. I suppose I was ignorant until now. It seems there is something about me that people want space from.” He spat the last words, shrugging one shoulder.

“Eli…”

He shook his head and turned. I was frozen, torn between wanting to be there for my best friend but knowing it was what I needed. I needed a clean break from him, and he was offering it. This was the only way I was going to be able to move on with my life.