22. Clementine

Clementine

The past few days had been a whirlwind of emotions and decisions and more shit that I still needed to work through. My thoughts circled endlessly around Leyland, the relationship we found ourselves falling into, and inevitably, James.

Breaking up with him had been the right choice—I was sure of that. But knowing something was right didn’t make it easy. Letting go meant leaving part of myself behind. Still, I felt freer now, lighter, like a weight I hadn’t even realized I was carrying was gone.

The doorbell rang, breaking me from my thoughts. I wasn’t expecting anyone and for a moment, debated ignoring it. But the insistent chime sounded again, and I set my mug down with a sigh and headed toward the door.

I should’ve checked to see who it was and pulled it open absentmindedly. Jillian stood on the other side, her expression composed, unlike usual.

She’d never been stuffy like her parents, and I immediately knew this conversation would bother me.

“Jillian,” I greeted, body perched on the door without opening it fully. “What are you doing here?”

She offered a smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes—another difference.

“Hi, Clem. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Just relaxing…” I tipped my head and then pulled the door open. “Come in.”

Jillian stepped inside.

“I won’t stay long,” she said as I shut the door and led her into the kitchen. “I just... need to talk to you about something.”

The way she shifted on her feet made me uneasy.

“What’s going on?”

She hesitated, glancing down at the small clutch bag in her hand before meeting my gaze.

“I’m here about the ring.”

“The ring?” I echoed, looking down at my empty finger.

For some reason, I’d forgotten about the engagement ring, which was a Roker family heirloom.

“James didn’t ask me to do this,” she said quickly. “He doesn’t even know I’m here. But I thought... well, I thought it might be easier this way. For both of you.”

I folded my arms across my chest and leaned against the counter. “Are you sure he didn’t ask you to come for it?”

Her expression softened, and she seemed to relax a little.

“No. That’s not it. Look, I love my brother, and I want him to be happy. But even he knows you two weren’t... right for each other. He’d never admit it out loud, but I can see it. And, Clem, I can see it in you too.”

Yet, he wouldn’t let me go.

“You’re different now,” Jillian continued. “He said so and now that I’m standing in front of you, I see that difference in your eyes. I think you know this is your chance to really be happy. With someone who makes you feel that way all the time.”

She was right—I did feel different. I’d spent so long convincing myself that stability was enough, that James was enough, but now I knew better. And I knew exactly who I wanted to be happy with.

“Thank you for saying that,” I said finally. “But I’ll return the ring to James myself. Despite you trying to make this easier for him, he hasn’t done the same for me and the only way for him to understand I’m finished is if I tell him one last time.”

Jillian nodded, her expression thoughtful.

“I think that’s the right thing to do. Just... don’t let him talk you into anything. He’s persistent, but you’re stronger than that. And frankly, our family doesn’t deserve you, Clem. We never have.”

With that, Jillian gave me a tight hug—one that said she might miss me, but I wasn’t sure—before leaving. As I closed the door behind her, I leaned against it for a moment and took a deep breath. It was time to finish this.

I grabbed my phone and sent a text to James, who was off today as well.

Let’s have that talk.

He responded right away and I could practically feel the hope in it.

I hated knowing I was about to crush it, but it was necessary.

When the doorbell rang less than an hour later, I let James in and dodged the hug he tried to give. He stared down at me for a moment, eyes searching mine, before he stepped back and shut the door.

“Hey,” he greeted softly.

“Hi…” I turned on the soles of my feet and went into the living room. “Come sit down.”

He took up residence in the reclining chair and fixed his gaze on mine. The silence seemed to stretch between us until James finally broke it. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t spoken first, but words were lost on me now that he was here.

“You wanted to talk, right?”

“I wanted to give you this,” I said, reaching for the jewelry box with the engagement ring inside.

James stared at it for a long while before shaking his head.

“You didn’t have to do this, Clem. Tear us apart like you have.”

“Yes, I did. I had to tear us apart in order to put myself together again, James. Why can’t you understand that?”

He leaned forward, brows furrowed in a way that told me he was thinking about what I said.

“Do you really feel that way? Like you had to get away from me to be whole? I know I wasn’t perfect, but…”

I sighed, my heart aching for him even as I stood firm in my decision.

“James, this isn’t about you not being perfect. You’re an amazing person, and you deserve someone who sees that. But it’s not me.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “We’ve been together for years, Clem. We’ve built a life together. You can’t just throw that away.”

“I’m not throwing it away,” I said gently, standing and squatting in front of him. “I’m letting it go because it’s not what either of us needs. You and I... we were comfortable. Safe. But we weren’t happy—not really.”

I placed the ring box in his hands and covered them with mine as he looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

“His presence changed you.”

It was hard to miss the accusation in his tone, but I ignored it.

“I changed when I realized I want more than stability. I want passion, connection, and love that makes me feel alive. And I don’t think either of us ever really had that with each other.”

His shoulders slumped, and for a moment, I thought he might argue again. But he nodded slowly, his gaze holding mine.

“You’re right,” he said, though I knew it was hard for him to admit. “We weren’t happy, not like a couple in love should be. I thought we didn’t need love to make it work, but I was wrong.”

“I know you did. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for how much this hurts and for not realizing I needed more sooner. But it’s better this way—for both of us.”

He lifted his head, his expression resigned but still pained.

“I guess I should take this, then.”

He pulled his hands from mine and stared at the box before slipping it into his pocket.

“Thank you,” I said, relief washing over me as I stood.

He followed, now towering over me slightly.

“I hope he gives you all you desire, Clem. I really do, but if you ever change your mind, I’ll be around.”

I chuckled a little and headed for the front door.

“This isn’t about whether or not Leyland can make me happy,” I told him, pulling the door open and stepping back. “He made me see I wanted more, yes. But I’m not doing this for him. I’m doing it for me, James. Once you realize that, you’ll know you didn’t lose.”

“Feels like I lost,” he mumbled, cutting his eyes at me before stepping outside.

“In my eyes, you won. Because now you’re free to explore and I believe one day, you’ll experience the kind of love you never thought possible. If that happens, I want to hear about it.”

He didn’t respond to that, but I knew he heard me.

“You can keep the house. I’ll have Reevie get the paperwork done to transfer everything solely to your name.”

I didn’t want the house but decided to choose my battles; the final chapter of my relationship with James had officially closed.

As I glanced at my phone on the coffee table when I returned to the living room, my heart sort of thumped as I reached for it. There was only one person I wanted to talk to.

Without hesitating, I hit Leyland’s contact. The phone rang twice before he picked up.

“Tiny, baby,” he greeted softly, the slight strain in his voice throwing me off.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You sound weird.”

“Just a headache. But I’ll be fine after a couple hours in the dark.”

I frowned, deciding right then I wanted to be by his side.

“Can I come over and take care of you?”

“You worried about me?”

I scoffed, shaking my head at the smile I could hear in his voice.

“Yes, because two and a half months ago, you went through a serious brain trauma.”

He hummed and then said, “And because you care about me.”

I halted my movements and laughed a little; even when he wasn’t feeling well, he had to push for the whole truth.

“And because I care for you, yes. Now sit tight. I’ll be there soon.”