Reflections

Reflections

15 October 1812 Gracechurch Street

Dearest Jane and Mary,

I must say I enjoy our habit of combined letters that we have established since my journey to the wilds of Derbyshire, as it makes me feel almost as if the three of us are stuffed together in bed chattering away under the covers like we did when we were little girls. The last month or more since Lydia’s wedding have rushed by like a thunderstorm.

Uncle Gardiner and Mr Ellery have been loading me with work practically from dawn to dusk, and I must confess it is the most exciting time of my life. I find that being useful sits well, and I can hardly bear the thought of idleness. In fact, as you well know, pride is my worst character defect, and even though the last year has ground it down practically to nothing, it is now on the mend.

Uncle Gardiner and Mr Ellery are both very happy with my work, and Mr Ellery has even increased my wage. In another bow towards good sense and away from convention, he says he pays for value delivered instead of effort expended or gender. I seem to have a knack for pulling information out of ledgers, manifests, and other business documents that are not obvious to a casual observer, and the business I assist them with is doing very well. I can proudly say I have prevented more than one error that would have been costly if not detected .

In fact, Mr Ellery has even had me act as his agent a few times, and I show some talent in the craft. I believe the gentlemen are doing an experiment to see whether having a woman perform the negotiations makes the results worse because men will not deal with me, or better because they underestimate me. To date, the latter seems to be the primary case, so I am gadding about all over London with a footman for protection.

The footman that usually accompanies me, Mr Samson, is as big and burly as a maple tree, has a frightening looking scar from his right eye running down his cheek that he acquired fighting on the continent, and wears a most disagreeable expression. He is in fact, quite the most frightening looking man I have ever seen; except when his eyes are directed toward his intended. Then he looks like a week-old piglet. They are to wed in a fortnight’s time, and I have the privilege of standing up with his betrothed; mostly because I introduced them (not matchmaking—an introduction does not a match make).

My only pretension to the dark arts I will admit to is that I have, from time to time, asserted on some of my journeys about town that I require a maid, for unspoken and vague female reasons. That is not matchmaking… just thoroughly enjoying the look of two young people in love. Betsy works in Uncle’s household and Mr Samson in Mr Ellery’s, but I am quite certain a change in employment for one or the other will happen after their wedding, as I have seen the two gentlemen looking at them carefully and subtly making plans (as subtle as a bull charging).

I am extremely distressed that Mrs Bennet has forbidden permission for either of you to visit me in town yet again, and as usual disappointed in Mr Bennet’s inability to exert himself to overrule her. Absent doing something so egregious she drives you out of the house like she did me, I can see no recourse. However, I do have a suggestion. I am to travel with Mr Ellery and his wife in a few weeks’ time and will be gone at least a month. Perhaps one or both of you can get the hateful woman to allow you to visit the Gardiners in my absence if you tell her you plan to take Mr Bennet’s hunting rifle and try to bag a husband. I am distressed that I will not be able to see you, but I would so much like to have you out of that poisonous household, at least for a time.

In fact, I have already taken steps to get my employers’ assistance in setting up my own establishment, so I do not plan to return to Gracechurch Street after my next trip. That will allow me to see you, so long as you can stand the small subterfuge of reporting back to Mrs Bennet that I no longer reside at Gracechurch Street. It is not as if you must report the entire population of London.

I believe it is time to put all the hurts of the past year behind us, and being out of Hertfordshire should help, and of course there is nothing in the world better than the soothing balm of our aunt’s presence. She is the only reason I am still sane. You need not even worry about expense. I saved most of my pin money and would not be surprised to see Uncle supplement yours for the visit. Aunt Gardiner is quite frustrated with my lack of interest in the modiste, so I suspect you may be the victims of her desire to dress at least one elder niece well.

As I am certain you must be thinking, today is one year to the day since that fateful assembly in Meryton, when we met the two gentlemen that were to have such a profound effect on us. Jane, I take you at your word that you are well over Mr Bingley’s abrupt departure, and as you know, everything about Mr Darcy is vexingly confusing, but you will notice that I have reapplied the term gentlemen to them, as I believe it can fit for at least one of them.

Mr Darcy’s presence at Lydia’s wedding has forced me to reexamine everything I think I know about him, and I believe that there are better explanations available which I shall relate later; but for the moment, the clock just struck midnight, and I shall be up at dawn, so I must close.

Your provisionally enlightened sister, Lizzy