Avoidance

Avoidance

23 July 1812 Lambton, Derbyshire

Dearest Sisters,

No! No! No ! NO ! NO ! Both of your suppositions are entirely unfounded, and you may rest assured Mr Darcy does not hold me in any particular regard. I can understand Jane paying me back for encouraging affection with the colonel at Rosings but cannot imagine why my sweetest sister Mary has joined the fray! Insufferable girls!

It is curious the things I recall out of the blue. Charlotte once overheard Mr Darcy say, ‘A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment.’ He may have been correct in your cases. You both appear to have been in Mrs Bennet’s company far too long.

Jane, I know how you like to think the very best of anyone and everyone, which is very much to your credit. The fact that you can still do so after exposure to Mr Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam demonstrates the full depth of your goodness. However, despite your predilection to think the best of people, I am afraid I only give you leave to think of Mr Darcy as a more pleasant man than I gave him credit for; or perhaps, if you push your luck, you may think he does not dislike me as much as I believed in the spring (or possibly he does not particularly dislike me at all).

Something just occurred to me! I had forgotten the name of Jane’s colonel from Rosings, so I went back to the old letters to reacquaint myself with the man. It appears he is the son of the Earl of Matlock, so my infamous pianoforte escapade was in his parents’ house, and he was the man the housekeeper told me remained unmarried. Of course, with his manners at Rosings, his single state is not much of a mystery anymore. I would be doubly mortified about the Matlock incident all over again but considering his shameless boasting when you were in Kent, I imagine I may consider it just recompense.

Therefore, your suppositions are entirely idle and unwarranted, and I am surprised you can even suggest it after our history. It is true that Mr Darcy now appears to be as Jane and I described Mr Bingley that first night after the assembly. We never disputed that he was handsome and rich. He now appears to have acquired a bit of amiability, so he is in fact all a young man ought to be—at least, when he is in his own county, among his own associates. However, you know as well as I do that even should my inclinations run that way—which they most definitely do not— such a man is not for the likes of us. I find it comforting to fully comprehend his motivations, so without any fear of attachment, I will simply enjoy his company when I encounter him, much like any other indifferent acquaintance., and ignore all the nagging confusion he engenders.

About our mother, I have come to a decision. I find myself reaching my age of majority, and eagerly entering the world of adults, so perhaps it is time I grew up. I have reluctantly thought to spend a week in Longbourn on my way back to Cheapside to try my very best to repair my relationship with her. I sent her a note proposing the scheme and await her reply. I know not whether I will be successful, but the attempt seems to be a childhood task I have left undone too long. Wish me luck.

Now that I have sufficiently quelled your impertinence regarding Mr Darcy, I will relay the news of the day, but I forewarn you both not to waste valuable postage on more unwarranted suppositions .

Mr Darcy was in Lambton today and asked cordially if I would allow him to show me a few favourite paths, and I surprisingly agreed. We did in fact have a very pleasant walk of some duration, and I must say I took some pleasure in his company for the very first time.

During the walk, I believe I may have discovered the true reason for his unexpected predilection for appearing in Lambton every day. It appears that Mr Bingley brought his sisters for a visit to Pemberley, and given that fact, Mr Darcy’s daily absence makes perfect sense. If I resided at Pemberley with the superior sisters (you may both quit laughing now), I should leave every morning before dawn and return after supper.

I find myself reasonably content with his company. He is the best-read man of my acquaintance. I suspect he may even give Papa some competition, and he has the advantage in appearing outside his study with some regularity. He attends operas and plays in town frequently, so we have many things we can converse on. He does not seem to mind conversing on subjects that are usually the province of gentlemen, and he seems to despise the conversation ladies are encouraged to pursue. Aunt Gardiner tells me her acquaintances generally hold him in high regard, so perhaps there is more to him than I have given him credit for.

When we returned to the inn, he quite surprised me by inviting Uncle Gardener to fish with him in his trout stream. You can well know the outcome of that discussion, so against all odds, Uncle is apparently to visit Pemberley.

Mr Darcy also oddly enough asked permission to call on me in the morning, which I assume he finds more practical than waiting idly at the smithy just to avoid his more insufferable guests. I surprisingly enough find I am not as averse to the idea as I would expect.

Jane, I hope you do not feel I am acting disloyal after his showing in Hertfordshire, but I find myself curious to learn what he is all about. You need not fear an attachment, but I would at least like to make myself no longer be afraid of him.

Your more or less brave sister, Elizabeth