The Rule-of-Six

The Rule-of-Six

Dinner at Longbourn was as noisy as a fox hunt, but Darcy and Bingley were well accustomed to it by then.

Their arrival two hours before dinner gave the acknowledged couple plenty of time to walk in the garden despite the late November chill. Their conversation was assisted by the unacknowledged couple performing as the worst chaperones in the world (with the possible exception of Lydia or Kitty).

The conversation flowed surprisingly smoothly for two who had been acquainted less than eight hours. It was wide-ranging and enjoyable. Whether it was as productive as the other couple’s was impossible to tell, but such comparisons were far from their minds.

By the time they sat to dinner seated next to each other (Mrs Bennet was still Mrs Bennet after all), they again entered the conversation readily and easily.

Elizabeth found the table had undergone a subtle shift during her absence. Mary was less moralizing and pedantic, perhaps thoughtful, even with her probable-beau to impress. Lydia and Kitty giggled about a quarter as much as before and even occasionally had something sensible to say.

Naturally, they had already canvassed the subject of Mr Wickham and Mr Darcy’s lesson of life it afforded during their walk. She knew more than anyone else in Meryton, as Darcy had confessed both his sister’s near ruin and what he considered his fault in the matter—an assessment Elizabeth heard with some scepticism. Even Mrs Bennet was quieter and more sensible, while Mr Bennet was less sarcastic and condescending.

All in all, Elizabeth thought replacing herself with Mr Darcy for six weeks had improved her family considerably.

Naturally, a leopard does not change its spots, so any table containing three possible couples in various stages of acknowledgement and Mrs Bennet, could not avoid the subject of matrimony for an entire meal.

That said, the lady had become much calmer over the previous month, so she waited until the second course, and her attack was from the flank.

“What think you on the subject of courtships, Mr Darcy? How long should they take?”

“Why ask me?” he replied blithely. “I should think there is only one couple at the table who has run the gauntlet successfully, so you should be as qualified to answer as me, if not more so?”

She laughed, “You shall not escape so easily. You well-know my thoughts on the subject, and even you must admit that nobody really cares about my husband’s opinion.”

Mr Bennet laughed gaily, having almost entirely forgotten what it felt like to be teased by his wife. “Aside from one rather obvious error, you have been right about most everything since your arrival. I would appreciate your thoughts.”

Everyone waited anxiously as Darcy gave the matter due consideration.

“Perhaps, I might suggest the rule-of-six, which I naturally just invented.”

“Do tell,” Mr Bennet encouraged jovially.

“Let us start with the easiest. Bingley and Miss Bennet have been courting for six weeks. That seems like a good time to fish or cut bait.”

The table burst out laughing, and Elizabeth rewarded him for both his humour and his candour by reaching across to squeeze his hand, which had the unfortunate effect of freezing his mind up like a vise.

Jane laughingly said, “A true romantic might be best advised to avoid any and all references to bait in a proposal.”

Bingley blushed, but the none-too-subtle hint that she would likely accept his proposal when they got a private moment if he did not stuff it up too badly, was not an ill omen.

“Well, that is one,” chimed in Mr Bennet. “Carry on, if you might.”

Darcy looked to Mary, feeling very much less comfortable speaking about them.

She returned the look then glanced at Mr Collins. “Pray, proceed, Mr Darcy. You know me as well as anybody at this point.”

“Naturally, I should like to hear your strictures,” Mr Collins added, and then to the amazement of everyone, he stopped talking, leaving Darcy wondering if Miss Mary had kicked him under the table.

Darcy looked to Elizabeth as if seeking a reprieve from duty, but she added, “Pray, continue, sir. I am as fascinated as everyone else.”

He took a deep breath and tried to just get through it in one go.

“I have far less confidence on that subject, so I recommend a large grain of salt, but I should think your situation different from Bingley and Miss Bennet. Neither of you seem particularly romantic in nature, and I believe you both have strong ideas of what you seek in a spouse and a situation.

“I would ordinarily recommend considerably more time, and if you wish that, I will convince my aunt to go along with the scheme. However, if you both feel you know enough to be satisfied with your choice, the six days you have spent together seems barely sufficient to me.

“You are both old enough to make your own decisions, Mr Collins has not exactly been subtle about what he seeks in a wife, and Miss Mary has not shown any discernible lack in capabilities nor objection to the scheme. I believe the idea of some time as a parson’s wife followed by some years as mistress of Longbourn is close to her ideal life plan, according to our earlier discussions .

“I can confidently assert that Lady Catherine and your parishioners would be well satisfied. If you think you are ready to proceed, I will not be the one to dissuade you—though I still think a longer courtship would not be amiss.”

Ignoring propriety entirely, Elizabeth squeezed his hand and even wrapped her fingers through his, which he supposed indicated approval, though once again, it made it hard to speak or even think.

Mary said, “Thank you, Mr Darcy. You are one of the very few men I know who really listen , and perhaps the first to allow that I may know my own mind. Mr Collins and I will take your words under advisement.”

Darcy smiled, reading the none-too-subtle suggestion that Lady Catherine’s days of ordering the parsonage residents about were numbered. “It is all new, Miss Mary. I confess that, before I came here, I would have been one of those who ignored you—or worse.”

Darcy did not quite feel up to confessing he was such a good listener because it was easier to listen than speak, and the only way to get a decent topic he could speak on when his turn came.

“I can only speak to the man I know, not the hypothetical man he may once have been. The man I know has shown wisdom and kindness, and I look forward to knowing you better.”

“Hear, hear,” Mr Collins said, and once again quit while he was ahead.

Darcy had to grin at the thought of how his aunt would react when she learned his nephew knew the parson’s wife better than his own cousin (and supposed intended), but he kept that thought to himself.

Jane surprised everyone by saying, “That is two of three, Mr Darcy.”

He looked a bit startled, but glanced at Elizabeth, who gently added, “You must admit that, despite the brevity of our acquaintance, we have been subjected to the most intense matchmaking effort in history. Also, your intentions these six weeks have been only slightly less subtle than Mr Collins’s, once we knew the story. I would be comfortable hearing your thoughts.”

He was staring at her intently, wondering if there was any part of his courtship that would proceed in the ordinary way.

“My thoughts are those that should be spoken in private.”

“So are your thoughts about the other two couples… unless, of course, you wish to say we are not a nascent couple.”

“CERTAINLY NOT!” he said with a squeak in his voice, which made her laugh nervously herself. Both knew this was certainly not the way a courtship was supposed to proceed.

She gave him a pensive smile. “Have you a rule-of-six for us?”

He looked at her intently while the rest held their collective breaths.

“I have two… or possibly three.”

“Do tell,” she replied in a whisper.

“The first is that, much to my surprise, and as odd as it sounds for a normally cautious man—I believe I fell in love with you in six minutes.”

She gasped, but made no move to refute him, though her hand beneath the table squeezed his.

That provided sufficient encouragement for him to continue. “Being a somewhat cautious man, I am amazed to find that we were subjected to six months’ worth of acquaintance in six hours.”

That did raise a gasp around the table, but nobody refuted it. Everyone knew that propriety usually prevented couples from saying much of anything of significance in the first months of their acquaintance, and they probably knew as much about each other as Jane and Bingley.

Elizabeth looked at him carefully for some time before replying, “I suppose the question is if it will take six weeks for you to decide whether to declare or desist. ”

“That presupposes that the decision is mine to make,” he replied cautiously.

“You assert you fell in love in six minutes. We had not even left the receiving line by then. You started from nothing at the ball, while I had been reading about you for six weeks. I have the advantage of six weeks on you, and I think I know my own mind at least as well as Mary.”

Darcy chuckled and squeezed her hand under the table.

“Ah, that analysis might be true, except for one thing.”

“Which is?”

“The six minutes were not in the receiving line! They occurred at the assembly. It just took six weeks, and a lot of assistance from our friends and neighbours for this lunkhead to know his own heart. I think it was decided in the six seconds once I finally saw you and spoke to you. Everything just felt right, and the subsequent six minutes, hours, years, decades will not change my heart. It is quite the stubborn creature.”

Elizabeth’s face lit up with a smile that put Jane’s to shame, and the table breathlessly awaited her answer to the oddest proposal in history.

“Papa, I hope you are at your leisure today. I believe you will be busy this afternoon.”

Mr Bennet laughed heartily.

“Come, come, Lizzy. You have been whingeing about my indolence for years, and far be it from me to deny you an ‘I told you so.’ I will gladly sacrifice the small bit of amusement that would ordinarily be my due by granting my consent and blessing thrice right here and now. Gentlemen, I suggest you acquire sufficient privacy and get on with it. Come to me when you have contracts to sign.”

With that, Mr Bennet abruptly stood, helped his wife up, glared at Kitty and Lydia to depart, and the room was vacated, leaving the three couples to do as they might .

It did not take long, and since nothing else had gone as usual, three questions were asked, answered, and celebrated with brandy and sherry within six minutes, without even leaving the table.