60. Nat

Everything hurts. My face, my back, my head. Each time I close my eyes, I see it. The moment when James' car exploded in a fireball. I remember the heat, the ringing sound in my ears, and the pain. After, I recall someone yelling at me. Sirens. Then there's nothing but a blank space in my mind.

When I woke up, I was in this bed, wearing nothing but a surgical gown. I don't know where my phone is or if anyone even knows I'm here. Fuck. Amanda's expecting me to meet her this evening. What time is it?

Blinds cover the windows so I have no clue.

It feels like I've been in here for hours, but my perception of time is possibly skewed.

Is James OK? I asked the nurse when I woke up as she was dressing a wound on my arm, but she said she'd check and then never came back.

I try to sit up but the slightest movement is agony. Probably from where I was blown back by the force of the explosion. My ears are still ringing, too, and everything sounds muffled.

What even happened anyway? It makes no fucking sense. One minute James was walking toward his car while I checked my phone, and the next… BOOM. Something tells me it wasn't a freak accident.

God. If James is badly hurt, I'll never forgive myself. He was only there because of me.

The door opens and a nurse walks in, clipboard in hand. Just as she opens her mouth to say something, Max barrels in, ignoring her. His complete focus is on me.

He's the last person I expected to see. How does he know I'm here?

The way he's examining me like he's checking to make sure I'm still here, fixes a wound I didn't know I had.

"Baby, how are you feeling?" he rasps. The bed dips when he sits on the edge of the mattress and takes my hand.

"Sir, you shouldn't be in here, it's not visiting time!" the nurse reprimands, her lips pursed with displeasure.

Max takes no notice whatsoever. "Are you in pain? Do I need to call a doctor?"

I look at the nurse and cringe a little when I see how she's looking at him. She's fucking pissed.

"I'm…OK…I think."

"Miss Rossi has some superficial wounds as well as damage to her ears, which may lead to long-term hearing loss." The nurse sounds like she's reading a laundry list not telling me I could have permanent hearing loss. Max squeezes my hand tightly when a small whimper escapes at her words, then he turns to acknowledge her presence.

"Get the fuck out, now."

She bristles with anger. "It's my job to be in here!" I can tell things are about to get nasty and I don't have the energy to deal.

"Please, I can't…" My lip wobbles and I close my eyes. Maybe if I keep them shut, all this will go away.

"Malyshka, I'll make sure you see any specialists you need. Please try not to worry." I can tell he's trying to dial it back a bit and I open my eyes again to see him staring at me intently. The nurse has gone. Hopefully not to call security.

"Don't worry about that bitch," he tells me, correctly assessing from the worried expression on my face I'm concerned about what the nurse is going to do. "The doctor is on his way to give you an update."

"What about James?"

Max looks away for a moment, focusing on a painting of a vase of flowers. From the way a vein throbs in his temple, I know he has something bad to tell me.

"Please, I need to know!" My voice breaks.

"I'm sorry, baby, but he didn't make it. He died at the scene."

Shock hits me like a sledgehammer. The pain is so overwhelming I can hardly breathe.

James can't be dead!Oh god. It's all my fault. If I hadn't asked him to do the photos, he'd still be alive. Probably sitting in a bar with a girl, flirting like crazy like always.

The last thing I said to him was to accuse him of flirting inappropriately with the two girls I interviewed. He died thinking I thought he was bad at his job. I don't realize I'm crying until Max half crawls onto the stupidly narrow bed and pulls me into his arms.

"Natalya, it's OK. I got you, baby." He strokes my cheek and slowly my heart rate returns to normal. Nothing soothes the pain though. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for James' death.

How can I?

At some point, a doctor enters the room and Max speaks to him in a low tone while holding me in his arms like he can't bear to not touch me in some way. I don't bother listening to what's said; the ringing in my ears makes it too difficult anyway.

My mind can't cope with hearing any more bad news. I just want to sleep and make everything go away. I must pass out shortly after because when I wake again, the room is light with sunshine filtering in through slatted blinds.

Max is slumped in an armchair next to the bed, one hand holding mine. He's fast asleep but still frowning like his dreams are as tormented as mine.

There are blood spots on the cuff of his shirt and I wonder what happened before he came to the hospital. He doesn't appear injured. At least nothing obvious.

Just as I'm examining him he wakes. Dark eyes focus on my face and he sits up, wincing at the way his large frame is bent at an unnatural angle.

"Malyshka, the doctor says you can leave but you must rest."

I nod, then remember I still haven't seen my phone. "Where's my phone? I was supposed to meet with Amanda."

Max pulls it from his pocket and hands it over. "Don't worry, Kolya let her know what happened."

Thank goodness she wasn't left waiting in a bar by herself. I take my phone and see a billion messages on the lock screen. Messages from the girls, from my editor, and colleagues. Nothing from my parents, but that doesn't surprise me. They probably have no clue I'm even in hospital.

"Let's get you home, baby," Max tells me.

"Home?" I'm not so sure I want to go back to my apartment. The thought of being alone scares me. Maybe Jane will let me stay with her for a bit.

"I'm taking you to my house. Not the apartment. My house outside the city."

My mind snags on what he just told me. Does he have an actual house? I assumed the apartment was his home.

"The apartment is where I stay when I'm in the city. I tend not to use it that much."

Wait…what?! "But you've been there for weeks?"

"Only because of you, Malyshka." He squeezes my hand before reaching down and picking up a bag. "I have some clothes for you to change into, so we can leave. Do you need some help dressing?"

I carefully ease myself out of bed, wincing a bit. The doctor must have given me some strong painkillers because it's not as bad as it was earlier. My body feels stiff rather than agonized.

"I think I can manage."

"OK, good. While you're dressing I'll call Artem to fetch the car."