Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

M atteo

The whole way home, I'm running through what could be wrong. She was fine when I left this morning. What if it's the flu? I should have had her get a flu shot. Especially if she's going to be walking through the clinic. This is all my fault. She's not going to the clinic anymore. Damn it. I hope like hell Layla doesn't catch it.

I open the door to find Amy sitting on the couch. Her arms are crossed as she stares at the television that isn't on.

"Amy, are you all right?"

Chocolate meets mine. "You lied to me."

Fuck. There's only one thing I've ever lied to her about. How she suddenly knows when she didn't before I left this morning is the only question I have. I'm done lying.

I nod.

"You love me." The words are a whisper.

"Yes." Denying her words would only be another lie. Although I wish like hell I could tell if she was happy, sad, or—something.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Once I made you fall in love with me," I admit.

I make it to the sofa and sit down on the edge. I'm relieved when I take her hand, and she doesn't fight me. Except her eyes won't meet mine.

I'm dying here. She hasn't said a word. "Amy?"

Her eyes come back to me. "What?"

"Are you mad or…"

She shakes her head. "I'm just worried about your skills of detection. Because I think I loved you since the moment you pulled up the chair beside my bed to watch television with me."

It's Layla calling me ‘dada' all over again—Amy loves me. I want to hear it a thousand more times until she's hoarse from saying it. "You love me?"

Her smile is everything. "Yes, I love you, Matteo Castillo?—"

I catch her around the back of her neck and pull her into my arms. She laughs and throws her arms around me as I settle her on my lap. "Say it again."

"I love you. If you were a little more open, I might have said it the day I woke up on top of you. The reason I called Denise was to find out if you really bought her a car."

My joy dies a little. "You thought I lied about the car?"

"Yes, because I figured out you wanted me. But I only thought you wanted me. I didn't dare think you were in love with me. A part of me was wondering if you did everything because of that or… Everything got confusing in my mind. Did you expect something in return?" Her sigh is heavy.

"Unfortunately, the call to Denise made things worse. Aside from bringing me and Layla home with you, you did all the things for her that you were doing for me. It felt like confirmation you just wanted me physically. Like it was only due to us being in the same space. As badly as I wanted you—loved you. I was too afraid it would end badly if you didn't love me. Then Rafe…"

I shake my head, astonished she couldn't tell. And not sure I won't kick Rafe's ass later because he probably only told her as a way of trying to scare her away or something. "I wondered what happened for you to know. Did he do something stupid like try to pay you off or something?"

Her shrug says it all.

"I'm going to kick his ass."

A small hand goes to my chest, pressing softly. "No, don't. If he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have figured it out. He only did it because he loves you. I'm not mad at him. I'm very grateful."

Laying my hand on top of hers, I nod. "I guess I should be glad he outed me. It would have taken a lot more time for me to feel free to admit it to you. When we were in Denver, I came so close to saying something. Until you said something about being relieved we were friends. It felt like you were hinting that you weren't ready for more."

Her mouth drops. "Are you serious? That's what made you pull away? I was babbling because I thought you caught me staring at your ass when you bent over the stroller to pick up Layla."

Now, my mouth is the one that drops.

The blush goes right up to her ears. "You have an amazing ass. I've been kind of unable to stop staring at it every time you bend over."

I can't stop laughing.

She shakes her head. "I can't believe my stupid mouth had us wasting more time. When we came back from Denver, I missed you. It felt like you were beside me…yet not."

"I was battling hard, baby. You were finally growing stronger, and I thought we could try. I hoped like hell I could do everything right and make you fall for me. There's that spark, that crazy connection every time we touch. Only there was no guarantee. I was willing to wait for as long as it took for you to be ready. I thought you needed time to heal from your ex."

Opening her mouth to argue, she sighs and nods. "I think I did need some time to get used to what I felt for you. When Rafe spilled, I was angry at you for not telling me. All I could think was, we've wasted so much time. Then I realized it's only been a month."

Hearing her say it, I'm as surprised as she is. How could it have only been such a short time when it felt like I was waiting forever to admit my love for her?

"It's weird how it feels like I've always loved you. At the same time, I think if you told me that first week, I would have been too scared by… I don't know—everything. Thank you for giving me time to let my heart become ready to let you in."

Her admission pulls my own out of me. "I left oncology because I lost all feeling. Every single one: anger, frustration, sadness, happiness. All of it. I couldn't do what I did without feeling anything. I was sure it would come back, only it never did. Weeks, then months, went by. In the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong. But I was too worried about what it might mean to search for answers. It was all this gray nothing. Until I looked into your eyes—I swear I felt every emotion I should have felt and didn't for months in one moment. I knew you were special. I couldn't let you go."

"I'm glad. I don't want you to let us go."

"No chance," I promise her.

A small, soft hand runs over my cheek. "I want you, this. I'm just—I don't know how to do this…with you."

"Hey, it's okay. There's no rush. We have all the time in the world?—"

She presses her lips to mine. I'm stunned and open my mouth to her tongue darting inside. I attempt to deepen the kiss. Except I can't, all I taste is fear.

I cup her beneath her chin to hold her still. I'm inches from her, our breath mingling. "Talk to me, Amy. We can take this as slow as you need. But if there's something else, did he rape you?"

Eyes wide. "No, he didn't rape me…" Realization hits her. "Not like that. I get now he did in the way he would harass me until I gave in. Or several times when I woke up to him trying to—" Her eyes squeeze closed. "I thought because it didn't really hurt, or he didn't hold me down."

She shakes her head. "I don't want to think of him now. He doesn't get to take this away from us. I'll talk to Hillary about it later. I don't want to take this slow. I'm also not so delicate I'm going to break. The only thing I'm afraid of is being enough for you. I'm bad at this. So bad I had to read books to try to be better and was still bad."

I stop her words with a press of my lips to hers, then pull back. "He was your first."

Shyly, she nods.

Working to contain my rage at the bastard, the shimmering concern in her eyes pulls me out of it. She's right. He doesn't get to take this moment away from us.

Focusing on her, I shake my head. "It's all his fault. It was another way of keeping you under his thumb. Of making you afraid to try with another man. Another way to trap you with him and keep you from searching out pleasure. When you deserve all the pleasure in the world."

Her smile is cock-achingly sexy. "Right now, the only pleasure I want is you."

I take a deep breath and fight for control. "It feels like I've waited for you forever. All the twists and turns in my life were to get me to you. I want to go slow so I don't overwhelm you. You get close, and I don't recognize what you turn me into for you. The last thing I want in this world is to scare you or hurt you in any way. I never want to cause you pain or fear of me. Do you understand?"

Amy

This gorgeous man, how could he think I would fear him? Especially when he says such beautiful things. In his arms, with him all around me—I'm back where I belong.

Those bees are also back. Buzzing angrily beneath my skin, turning it hot, tight, and aching. They're determined to break free to get to him. "Matteo, I don't fear you. I never have. The only thing I'm afraid of is waking up and finding this is all a dream. Again."

A large hand cradles my cheek, running his thumb over my lips. "I dreamed of you every night and woke up hard and aching for you."

Finally, his lips brush against mine. Too light, it's not enough. I open my mouth to him. He sweeps inside, at first delicate tasting, teasing, learning every inch of me. His kiss is the first sip of coffee made perfectly—sweet and bold and shooting straight into my bloodstream. It cuts me free of everything holding me down, sending me soaring off the edge of the world and plunging headlong into him. I want to slip from my skin into his, to crawl inside and get lost in him.

It doesn't matter that my lungs are burning for air. When he lifts his mouth from mine, it feels like he's tearing me in two.

"Tell me you're mine." He demands.

I don't hesitate. "Always, I've always belonged to you."

My reward is his touching deep into my soul and claiming me as his, the same way he gives himself up to me. He tastes of sunlight bright and bold, and every secret wish I ever had come true. All around us, the world is burning. I open my eyes to find it's not the world burning—it's only us. That heat sets us both on fire so that we can melt back together and become one.

Suddenly, we're moving. I wrap my legs around his waist and cling to him as he carries me down the hall to his room. Thank god.

I'm lying on his big bed. I want to cry when he steps back. Until he takes off his jacket and begins tugging down his tie.

I sit up and unzip my dress. Peeling it off, I find he's torn off his own shirt. He's only in a thin, plain white shirt clinging to his wide, muscled chest. Those muscles flex and move impressively as he breathes deep. Gold touches me everywhere.

For two seconds, I'm worried about what he thinks of my body. His jaw is tight as he squeezes his eyes shut. Suddenly, they're open and find mine. If I weren't already on my ass, my legs would give out from under me at the way melting gold turns my bones to dust.

"You are so beautiful. Every dream I had doesn't compare with the real thing." The words are a whisper. He shakes his head. "Every night and half a dozen times during the day, I was hard for you. I've jacked off more since I met you than I did the entire year before. In my mind, I've bent you over everything from the couch to the kitchen sink. You have no idea how many times I wished my dinner was your pussy. My cock ached as I imagined eating you until your pussy drenched the table beneath you."

Sweet and so dirty, I blush at how wet his confession makes me. This stunningly gorgeous man wants me, not only dreamed of me, he touched himself to me . I undo my bra with pride.

Watching his throat work as his hands fist at his side pulls the words from me. "Don't you want to touch—not just look?"

"Are you protected?" Is ground out of him.

I'm not sure why the question twists me up. I shake my head. The words aren't planned, but I mean them. "No, I don't need protection from you. I want all of you. I want your baby."

The awe on his face fills me full of happiness. "You want my baby?"

"Please."

He tears off his shirt and tosses it behind him as two steps bring him to the edge of the bed. "I'm never letting you go. Even if you beg."

It's a warning. That brings a smile to my face. "I don't want you to. I want all of you forever."

I give into need and lay my hand on his chest. The thick hair on his chest is softer than I thought it would be. Muscles ripple and strain beneath my touch. His skin is hot silk over what feels like corrugated metal.

"Forever is a long time, but not long enough when it comes to you." A strong hand catches the back of my neck and brings my mouth to his.