Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

I take my new paints to the back porch. Bo trails behind me with a brand-new easel in his hands. Seeing him so respectful gives me a sick sort of pleasure. I never could've imagined my bully would ever be my errand boy.

I don't mind the access to money. Life had been tough in college, living on what was allocated from the school for my scholarship.

I'd picked up shifts at a local diner to help make the cash stretch, only touching my inheritance during emergencies.

"You're going to paint with everything else going on?" Fell blinks at me.

I scowl.

"The Volva said her talent and desire to paint would bring clarity, and she be encouraged," Bo parrots.

"What else did she say?" Kirk asks. The rest of my mates join us on the back porch.

I open my new supplies and arrange them in glass jars.

"Nothing that made sense, "I mumble.

"That Princess here needs to let go of the past and focus on the future." Bo's voice is cheeky as he relays the conversation to the others.

"She didn't say that." I scowl, and glare at Cadoc's who's lip twitch in a smile, he tries unsuccessfully to hide.

"Close enough," Bo shrugs.

"She wants us to focus on the now." Kirk looks over at Fell who runs his hands over his mouth. Are these assholes laughing at us?

Kirk looks at Cadoc and I scowl.

"I already hate that."

"What?" Kirk asks.

"That silent conversation thing you two have going." I gesture between Kirk and Cadoc.

Cadoc chuckles. "We've all got a patchy history. Coming together as a unit is what matters now."

"We're not pack wolves waiting for your commands. This is life, not a battlefield." I turn and face Fell with my hands on my hips.

"And what about you?"

He raises his hands. "I didn't even say anything."

"Like you had to. You were speaking loud enough for us all to hear you loud and clear."

"I think," Fell pauses. "You should get your frustrations out by painting." He pushes a mixing palette toward me like an olive branch. I accept it reluctantly.

Bo chuckles, and I turn to face him. "You treated me like shit on the bottom of your shoe. I won't just get over that. I don't even like you most of the time." I point my paintbrush at Bo.

"And you aren't off the hook either, Fell." Unable to stop the deluge of emotions I've unlocked, I continue.

"You're the worst of all of them." My voice cracks.

"Things didn't work out for us –"

"You abandoned me, knowing what it would do to me."

A pained expression twists Fell's face into an expression of grief.

"You don't get to do that." I stomp my foot.

"I can't feel?" He barks.

"No. Not if it makes you look like the victim."

Fell bows his head. "I'm sorry?—"

"It's not good enough."

"I don't know what you want me to do." Fell runs a hand down his flushed face.

"From the moment I arrived back here by force, nothing I wanted has mattered."

He steps forward into my space. "Sooner or later, you're going to have to get over it."

"Funny how that gives you an easy out."

"Nothing about this has been easy." Fell explodes.

I rock back, stunned by the abrupt shift. "I didn't want to stay away from you. You've always been my heart. I had to." His voice cracks. "I can't." Turning, he rushes off.

Gaping, I watch him leave, completely floored by his public emotional display.

"Well, that was interesting," Bo whispers.

"Shut up for once," I snap.

"Oh, Princess, you say the sweetest things." Bo blows a kiss.

I growl.

"I think we all need to calm down, Bo. Take a break." Cadoc nods his chin toward the sliding door.

"Gladly." He salutes us with two fingers.

Kirk places a hand on my shoulder. "Hey. It's just us now."

I want to lash out at the healer, but it'd be like kicking a wounded puppy.

It's a known fact, being unable to save the Alpha's mate broke something in him. He turned into a recluse after he leaving his position.

"Things don't always turn out the way we want. Rehashing them is only torturing ourselves." He shakes his head. "It never changes the past."

"And we just what?" I wrap an arm around my waist and grip my thigh to remain grounded.

"Forgive people who don't deserve it or care how they've hurt us?"

"Yes, for ourselves, not them." He pulls me to him and I fight against the feeling of rightness that washes over me.

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you've done that?" I say boldly.

"I never said do as I did." Kirk's right eye twitches.

"You're batting a thousand with hitting people in their trigger points, aren't you?" Cadoc asks.

"Has everyone forgotten I didn't want to be here?" I place my hands on my hips.

"You agreed to help save this pack," Cadoc's voice gains more bass, and he stands taller.

"Doesn't make the price to pay any less."

"We will not be your punching bags. You're pissed off and we get it. Doesn't mean you can take the anger and frustration out on us," Cadoc drawls, calmly.

I growl at the massive enforcer as the she-wolf drifts to the surface. Panicked, I try to push her down.

She's been in state of slumber for most of my adolescence.

"Don't fight her," Cadoc insists.

Tears slip down my face as my body grows hot and she surges forward in my mind.

"She wants to take control," I whisper.

"It's okay, let her out. If the wild wolf wants to play. We can play. Catch me if you can, little wolf."

Cadoc shifts into his wolf and I follow suit rushing forward.

Wrestling on the deck, we snap at each other's flanks. It feels good to let out my aggression. Taking the back seat, I'm able to view the world through her eyes. Playfully nipping, I yip.

He's twice my size, my nips are harmless. He bats me around with his giant paw and evades my attacks. I crouch low to the ground waiting for an opening.

Launching forward, my claws dig into his flank. He tosses me away and I slide across the wood with a yelp.

Loping over, he pins me down and places his teeth around my neck. Yielding, I relax on the ground. My fur melts away and my bones shift back. Dazed, I sit on the ground.

"When you need to work out your aggression, you come to me." Panting I nod as I remain on my back trying to catch my breath. Limbs loose, and head clear, I'm ready to tap into my intuition.

Running, playing, and wrestling have their place in our society. I've lacked that during my previous four years.

"Are you okay?" Kirk asks.

"I was out of line earlier. I'm sorry."

Kirk offers a sad smile. "There's a reason I don't practice healing any longer. We're two-souled creatures in some ways. The wolf and the man must be in harmony. Treating our kind requires physical and spiritual assistance. I can't administer that these days."

I sit up. "It's not like you created the disease and unleashed it on us."

"You know how helpless you felt when they forced you back?"

Kirk's haunted expression gives me the chills.

"Yes," I whisper.

"Multiply that by about a hundred." Shoving his hands in his pockets he gets a faraway expression. "I'll leave you to your painting now."

He drifts away like a spirit not bound to our plane. Fascinated by his complexity, I ponder his strange demeanor as he ambles away.

Getting to my feet, I finish my setup and move inside to fill a mason jar with water and drag one of the wooden food trays out to keep things within reach. Mixing my paints, I study the blank canvas.

I grab a large brush and go in with green. A large tree forms. Allowing my subconscious to take over, I glide the paint across the canvas. I pause to swap out brushes and colors, growing hyper-focused.

When my wrists begin to cramp, I pause and become aware of the sun setting. Stunned by the hours that have passed, I shake out my hands.

The rectangle has a drawing of Fenrir. The great wolf with His burning red on-black eyes seem to peer out from the canvas from the great wolf's spot in the crater on the volcanic rock-laden island I'd seen before.

Chained down, he has bright yellow lines that extend to the five people I'd painted on the perimeter of the painting.

"It's us," I whisper. "How are we connected to you?" My arm burns.

I shove the arm of my dress up, revealing a glowing gold triangle.

"Did you just mark me?"

The pain recedes and I feel the rightness of the words. A breeze blows in and caresses my face.

I tilt my head up and hear whispers. Closing my eyes, I concentrate and the voices grow louder.

The answers are in the book. Find the passageway. I remember the hidden section beneath our old home from my dream. Excited, I rush into the house.

"What happened?" Cadoc jumps off the couch instantly ready to charge to the rescue.

"We're going on a field trip as soon as the sun sets boys and girls. I received a message."

"Where are we going?" Bo throws his controller onto the couch.

"We're going to the site of my old home."

"Why?" Fell's brow wrinkles.

"To get something we need to make sense of what's going on."

"And you're sure it's at the old place?" Cadoc asks.

"Yes." I nod seeing Papa in my mind's eyes and hearing the voice on the wind.

"Sounds like we need to dig out our black gear." Kirk marks his book before setting it on the table.

"Are you sure this a good idea? The place has to be dangerous," Fell says.

I narrow my eyes. "Then you can stay."

"That's not what I'm saying." Fell stutters.

"We're all going to be with her. Princess will be fine." Bo scowls.

"That's not her name," Fell snaps.

"It's what I call her." Bo withdraws his gold lighter, and repeatedly flips the cap, open and closed.

"What the hell is going on with you, Fell?" I ask.

"You're not the only one who's changed while you've been gone."

"So you weren't hiding away up on your mountain?" I ask.

His mouth clamps shut. I grind my teeth.

"Nothing to say now?" I taunt.

"Back off." Fell snarls.

"When it's you, it's different. Why?" I push past Cadoc and get into his face. Fell's eyes flash to Amber.

Cadoc shoves him back.

"Step down." Fell's head drops down. My heart pounds in my chest.

"No, let him go for it." I step out from behind Cadoc. "You want a piece of me, Fell?"

Fell's eyes glow and he shakes his head.

"I think we might be missing something," Kirk suggests.

Fell exhales. "I would never hurt you."

"Then why are you acting like a rabid dog?" Bo snaps.

Fell opens his mouth and a growl escapes. "It doesn't matter," his tone his garbled and odd.

"Freaking weirdo," Bo mumbles.

"If your head isn't on straight. I think it's best you stay here," Cadoc studies him.

"No." Fell clears his throat. "I'm good."

Unsure what I've seen I study him. "None of us believe that."

"I'm working through this the same way you are. We have a lot of history and now I'm forced to share you with three other men, one I don't like." Fell speaks through gritted teeth.

"Back at you, blondie," Bo says voice gruff.

How can a man's face be so gorgeous and punchable at the same time?

"That's no reason to act out, pup," Cadoc scolds.

"Yeah." Fell rubs the back of his head. "I get that. Sorry."

This uneasiness goes deeper than anger at a thoughtless ex-boyfriend. I don't trust him. The realization is an icy fist squeezing my heart.

"You guys can go get ready. I want to talk about the layout with Ylva" Cadoc walks over to the smaller table and the others head upstairs to their rooms.

"Where is this room located?" Cadoc asks.

"I'm not sure. It was off the basement, in the far-left corner," I say.

"And how was it accessed?" Cadoc twists his neck, resulting in the sound of bones cracking.

"Through a hidden door."

Cadoc runs his fingers over the stubble on his chin. "Did it have running water or electricity?"

"I'm not sure," I bite my lip. "Does that matter?"

"It might. I'm trying to plan out the best way to locate it in the rubble. We can pull up a blue print to your house easily enough. But getting to the tunnel without anyone else finding out could be difficult if we have to dig through the debris."

"Is it possible it's untouched?" I can't keep the hope out of my voice. I want to know what's in this space.

Cadoc's brow wrinkles. "If it didn't collapse when the house came down, yes. I don't know if the structure was completely connected to the house or just parallel. Everything I say is conjecture and guesswork."

His familiarity with the topic surprises me. "You know about this?"

"I used to work in construction when I was younger. It's a skill the pack always needs," Cadoc says.

I see him a new light. What else is there to learn about him? "I didn't know that."

"There's plenty you don't know about me, Yl. I'm pushing two-hundred years old."

His deep timber makes me shiver. Unlike lore, we aren't immortal, but we do tend to be incredibly long lived.

"And you look really good for your age." I lick my lips.

"Thanks for the confidence boost." He leans across the table. "Watch yourself with Fell. There's something off with him, and I plan to figure out what that is."

"He was never like this before?—"

"Years removed from the pack can do strange things to people. Most need the close familial bonds. Without them wolves can become untethered and unnecessarily aggressive," Cadoc says.

"You think that's what happened?" I crave more information.

"Maybe. He might've had trauma we don't know about too," Cadoc adds.

"Fell? The guy's a marshmallow." A deep throated snort escapes me.

"He might've been then. Not now." Cadoc shakes his head.

"I need to get changed." I stand.

He angers me, I don't want to see him as a broken shell of himself. We're stuck together for the foreseeable future; I have to find a way to meet him in the middle.

I've never been a fan of pushing someone who's standing on the edge. I won't swallow my emotions, but I can stop leading with them. This situation is bigger than one individual and if he's going to break, it's better to know it now than when we're in the thick of things.