Chapter 9

Sandy

Elffa really was irritating. Sandy bit her cheek, trying to avoid unkind thoughts, but being unable to stop herself from thinking that maybe they would all be better off if she took a long walk off a short pier. But that was her grandmother’s voice, not her own, and she tried not to let her grandmother’s sassy tendencies control her too much.

“Is your mother not like that?” Rane asked, staring at her so earnestly, his dark eyes shining in the lights of the stadium.

She focused back on him, forcing her thoughts from her anger and onto his question. “I don’t really know what my mother was like.”

“No?”

“No. I guess, I can say that she did the best she could for me. Which is to say that she knew she wouldn’t be able to do anything for me, so she dropped me on my grandmother’s porch and ran right after I was born.”

Rane stared at her, aghast, and she laughed.

“Relax. I’m over it. She was right. That was the best thing she could have done for me. I would rather have been raised lovingly by my grandmother than neglected by my mother. On one hand, you could say that she was a terrible mom, but I prefer to think the opposite. Her single act of motherhood was knowing she wouldn’t make a good mother and so she gave me to someone who would. I don’t know her, so I can’t say I hate or love her. I’m grateful she didn’t put me in a dumpster or something instead, but aside from that, I don’t really feel anything towards her.”

“Your grandmother raised you then? Was she good to you?”

“Oh, grandma was amazing!” Sandy declared, tossing her head back, her eyes wanting to cry and her lips wanting to smile.

It was interesting, the pain that ripped through her at the thought of the woman that had meant so much to her. She missed her with all the ache of a throbbing tooth, but at the same time, her memories of her were so good, she couldn’t help but be comforted by them.

“She did her best for me. She raised me all by herself. Grandpa died when I was really little, so I don’t have many memories of him, but grandma loved me enough for an entire family.”

Rane cocked his head, his crest starting to fall. “You sound sad. Did she…?”

“Yeah, she died,” Sandy said, smiling at him reassuringly. “Just before I got scanned, actually. She was really sick. Liver cancer, you know? By the time we caught it, it had already spread, and there was nothing we could do. I stayed with her until the end. Took care of her. Spent as much time as I could with her. And when she passed, I found out about the True Match appointment. She left me a letter. She said she felt bad for making me take care of her in her last few years, but that she wanted me to go out and have adventures. So, here I am.”

She chuckled softly, looking around. She didn’t know if this was exactly what her grandmother had in mind, but it certainly felt adventurous to her. Maybe she wasn’t out there skydiving or climbing mountains, but exploring an alien planet was exciting enough for her.

Crazy mother-in-law-to-be notwithstanding.

“What was her name?” Rane asked, pulling her attention back onto him. He was staring at her with such interest, though she knew her story wasn’t that fascinating.

“Lexi,” she smiled. “We shared the same name.”

“Your name is Sandy though.”

She laughed. “Same name; different nicknames. We’re both Alexandra Tollman. I guess that makes me a junior, but no one ever called me that. She told me if I have kids, I can’t name them after us. But I’m definitely going to, just because I know it would annoy her.”

Rane cocked his head, confusion on his face. “Why? I thought you said you loved her. Why would you then go against her wishes like that?”

Sandy shook her head. “Because that’s just how our relationship was. We teased and pranked each other all the time. She knew I was going to pass our name on. She put that in the letter because she knew I was going to do it, and she wanted to tease me. And I’m going to do it, just because I know that she would have been all like, ‘I told you no!’ But we don’t really mean it.”

Rane just looked more confused.

“You don’t have any siblings, do you?”

“No,” he said back. “My mother is unmated. I’m the result of a long-term relationship that has since ended. My father found his mate and left.”

Sandy’s face fell. “I’m sorry.”

“Do not be. He escaped my mother. I’m envious, truly.” He chuckled, but there wasn’t any humor in the sound.

“That doesn’t give him the right to abandon you.”

“Abandon?” He frowned, his brow pinching. He didn’t have hairy eyebrows like her. His seemed to be made of the same soft, downy feathers that covered telfay female bodies. “He didn’t have a choice.”

“How does he not have a choice? He left you for his new family. Just because your mom wasn’t his mate doesn’t mean you’re not his child.”

Her anger was rising, wondering how he could have two such terrible parents, but understanding dawned across his features.

“I think I see your confusion. No, Sandy. My father truly is blameless. Er, basically, Levtiram is a strict matriarchy. Females rule our planet, and females rule the family. Once my father mated, my mother claimed full rights to me and forbade him from seeing me.”

Sandy’s jaw dropped, stunned. “What?! She can just do that? He gets no rights to you at all? He’s your father!”

“And she is my mother,” he agreed, sounding puzzled at her anger.

“Exactly! She should want the best for you! Oh, look who I’m talking about.” Sandy rolled her eyes, getting more irritated with this female every time she learned something new about her. “This is ridiculous. Why do you even put up with her?”

“She is my mother,” he repeated helplessly.

“So? Blood is mud, you know.”

“What?”

“Just what I said! Those people who are all like, ‘oh, they’re family, so you have to be nice to them’ are full of it.”

“Full of what?”

“Her being your mother doesn’t mean anything if you being her son doesn’t mean anything.”

“How can you say that after telling me that you spent years taking care of your sick grandmother?”

“I didn’t take care of her because we shared blood. If my mother had left me on a random lady’s doorstep and she cared for me like grandma had, I would have loved her just as much. Love has nothing to do with blood. And family has little to do with loyalty. It’s a stepping off point, sure, but that kind of one lane thinking is what makes people think they can take advantage of the people they’re supposed to be closest to. Every asshole has a family; that doesn’t mean they automatically deserve the benefits of one.”

Sandy was heated. She felt passionate about this. Because it was something she’d needed to confront in her own mind in the past. What would she do if her mother ever showed up again? It was a question to meditate and ponder upon for hours. Because she didn’t know her, but so many people gave her that inane argument – ‘but she’s family’ – like that meant anything.

It took a while. A lot of arguing with herself because every story and movie and personal anecdote had that foolish line – ‘they’re family.’

Sandy had come to the conclusion that ‘but we’re family’ was only something said by people who didn’t deserve the benefits of family. If they deserved it, if they gave it, they would never need to make that argument because the other person would have already acted like family.

To have that line applied to her relationship with her grandmother was insulting. She loved her grandmother unconditionally, just as she had been loved in turn. They weathered the worst and best years together and always looked after each other. That was what made them family, not some blood tie that deserved no more weight than that of a stranger.

“Your mother isn’t family. She’s just the person you’re most closely related to,” she finally said, her tone hard and unmoving. “And if you feel any different, then I would ask what she’s done that earned her such loyalty as family. Because from where I’m sitting, all she has done is forcibly separate you from your father and run your life like a tyrant. I don’t know why you let it happen.”

“I don’t have a choice,” he repeated sadly, looking away from her.

Sandy sighed shortly, annoyed, but backed off the subject. The severing of ties like that was something that had to be chosen. She couldn’t force it, regardless of her personal beliefs.

They fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence as she returned to eating. It was nice to be able to stuff her face and belly, and since she didn’t know when she’d get to do so again, she was going to eat until she was right on the verge of throwing up. Rane’s thoughts were elusive to her, but she was busy planning all the ways she could get away from Elffa as she angrily chewed.

“You said your grandmother told you to have adventures,” he said some time later, breaking the silence and changing the dead subject.

“Er, yeah. She did,” Sandy looked back at him. “Grandma and I, we lived a bit of a cloistered life. Kind of on purpose. Grandma had bad hips, and I never really felt the need to go out. So, we spent a lot of time together indoors. She had this stupid thought at the end that doing so meant that I missed out on something. So, when she died, she sold the house and told me to go out and live.”

“And now you’re here,” he said, his voice carefully neutral. Studying her face as if waiting to see if she considered that a good thing or not.

Sandy smiled at him. “Yeah. She’d go crazy with excitement if she found out I just hopped off the planet like that. Though, really, that’s her fault too, since she signed me up for True Match and you just… happened to be my mate.”

She hesitated, her voice trailing off a bit as she looked him over. She had been so focused on everything else, she hadn’t really considered the real ramifications of the idea that this male before her now, staring and hanging off every word like it was gospel, was supposed to be her soulmate. Well, he was according to some magic science she didn’t understand, anyway.

He was cute, she could agree with that. And she didn’t mind talking with him. But it had been so long since her last relationship, she didn’t even think she knew how to flirt anymore. And this guy was gorgeous. And clearly very experienced. She had no idea how to approach him.

“What do you want to do?” He asked, surprising her out of her admiring thoughts.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your grandmother said that she wanted you to go out and live your life the way you wanted to, right? So, what do you want to do?”

The question stumped her.

The answer was easy, in a way. She wanted to get rid of Elffa, she wanted to help Rane, she wanted to find out if she could sew or knit or crochet on this planet. But those first two things weren’t really about her, and the third one was the same old stuff she normally did. Neither of those were what her grandmother meant.

She couldn’t even claim that coming out here was what she wanted. She hadn’t made the True Match appointment, she hadn’t really wanted to mate an alien, she hadn’t even picked the planet she’d go to when she did get to space. All of that was just her following the next steps as part of the matchmating process.

What did she want to do?

She frowned, thinking. Trying to figure out the puzzling question.

Something came to mind, and she found her hand reaching up without thinking. She dropped it immediately though, shaking her head.

“What?” Rane asked, leaning in, surprising her, setting her heart racing.

“Er… Nothing…”

“No, you thought of something. What is it?” He started to smile. “Tell me. I want to know.”

She hesitated again. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“No.”

“It’s not adventurous, really.”

“So? It’s what you want to do. What is it?”

She fought against it just a moment longer before blurting-

“I want to cut my hair!”

He blinked, reeling a bit. Not from her confession, but from the force with which it came out. She grimaced as he chuckled.

“Cut your hair?”

“Sorry, that’s stupid,” she mumbled, shoulders slumping.

“No, it’s not.” He reached for her again, taking her hand in his. “You don’t like the length of your hair now?”

She shook her head. “It’s like, past my waist. My grandmother always said it was pretty long, so I never had the heart to cut it. But I’ve always wondered what it would be like. Every time I’ve thought about it before though, I’d always freak out. It just seems so… I don’t know. Like such a drastic change, I guess.”

A smile was pulling slowly at his lips, the more she blathered on about the silly thought. How was she supposed to do adventurous things when she got palpitations just thinking about cutting her hair? It was pathetic. A lame first ‘adventure’.

“Okay, let’s get your hair cut,” he said, sounding excited. “Do you have a style you’d prefer? Does it need special treatment? How do you cut hair?”

The questions came quickly. She didn’t realize until the last one that he had feathers, not hair. Which definitely didn’t need trimming like human hair did. She chuckled.

“Erm, I guess, to about here,” she put her hand up to her chin. Her belly clenched with nerves at the very thought of making it that short. If the telfay didn’t trim their feathers, then there likely wasn’t a salon she could go to. Not that they were going to be let out for something like that anyway. “We need scissors.”