Chapter 30

Rane

The team was whispering about him.

It wasn’t the first time. It had been happening more and more frequently lately. But he ignored it as he lined up at the bottom of the stadium, looking up at the field.

It was their last practice before the final game. They were playing against a team from Turv – home of the domini – on their home planet. Their stadium was set up with very minimal field obstructions, but the drain at the bottom, which made hazards, produced more than was typical. It made playing on the Turv stadium a bit more complex, since they didn’t know what they’d face at any random time.

But he wasn’t really thinking about the coming game.

Four tendays.

That’s how long it had been since he’d seen Sandy.

After his mother had her dragged away, she’d been taken somewhere, and he didn’t know where. He had only his mother’s word, and the security of his bond, to know she was alright. He couldn’t feel her or something, not the way some other species could, but if she died, he would certainly feel her absence, and he didn’t yet. So, he knew she was alive.

But that was all he knew.

His mother gave him orders, and he obeyed perfectly. Genuinely concerned about what would happen to his mate if he didn’t.

Really, she hadn’t been asking for much. He went to practice. He returned home. He stopped going out completely. She no longer manipulated him into positions wherein he was being dragged from seedy bars in front of cameras.

She didn’t need to. It didn’t matter if he was given his guardianship now. She had Sandy, and had already applied for her guardianship under the basis that they were mated. It had probably already been approved. He didn’t know.

“Rane,” Sal started, coming his way. The rest of the team trailing behind him.

He looked their way. Meeting their gaze evenly.

“You… alright?” Sal asked, voice halting. Cautious.

“Yes,” he said simply.

His mother hadn’t really given him orders in regard to the team. Other than to not tell them what was going on, he was to play at his best and win – because that’s how he got credz for her to spend. She didn’t care if he maintained a good relationship with the team.

Sal’s face contorted with annoyance. “That’s all you can say? Is just, yes ?”

“Is there something wrong?” Rane asked, completely calm.

“Yes. The problem is that I’m done with your ridiculous mood swings!”

“I’m sorry.”

Sal came up short, giving him a stupefied look. But Rane just kept looking back at him.

“You’re sorry?”

“Did you need something else?”

“What?”

“We should practice.”

“No-ugh! Rane!” Sal ran in front of him when he would have jumped into the field sphere. The rest of the team converged at the same moment. Boxing him in. Keeping him from escaping as Sal gave him a dark glare.

“Rane, I am done with this!” Sal snapped. “What is going on with you?!”

“Why are you angry?” Rane asked, genuinely confused.

“ You are why I’m angry!”

“I’m sorry. Have I been playing badly?”

Sal snarled through clenched teeth. “You know you haven’t.”

“Have I been skipping practices or something?”

“No, that’s not an issue.”

“Have I misbehaved outside of the stadium?”

“No. You’ve been perfect.”

“Oh. Then what’s the problem?”

Sal made an incomprehensible noise of rage. Rane genuinely didn’t understand. Now that his mother had Sandy, he was the perfect son. She didn’t need him to perform another role. So, he was also the perfect teammate and player. He didn’t know where Sal’s anger was coming from, but it was rather… discouraging.

Was nothing he did ever going to be good enough for them? Would they never be satisfied with how he behaved?

And if not, did it even matter?

“Rane,” Arus spoke up, turning his gaze onto him. His friend looked uncertain. “We’re just… really worried about you.”

“Why?”

“ Why? ” Arus reeled back, as though stunned. “You’re not seriously asking that, are you?”

“Ugh!” Louve groaned, dropping his head back. “Rane! Just tell us what’s wrong!”

“You tell me,” he countered. “Have I done something?”

“You’re doing it now!” Sal leveled a finger at him. “This… lifeless thing you’re doing. Did you get into a fight with Sandy or something?”

Rane’s jaw tightened at the mention of his mate. It was brief, but his team was looking at him so closely, it was impossible to miss.

He raised his eyes, looking over to where Kirs was standing. He followed him everywhere. Even practice on a field on a foreign planet. Just in case. He just stared. Always watching. Waiting for the moment that Rane messed up to alert Orza, who was always with Sandy.

“Yeah,” he said, turning from him. “We had a fight.”

With that bitter lie, he shoved his way past Sal and lifted himself up into the sphere. The familiar sense of weightlessness came over him as he flew upward. Yet he still somehow felt inexplicably heavy despite that.

He got into his starting position to do the other half of his warmups – half on the ground under full gravity, half in the sphere under game conditions. Without gravity, he was able to do a few moves that would have otherwise been impossible.

As he was doing that, the rest of the team came up. He fully expected them to go to mob him again, but to his relief they went to their positions to finish their own warmups.

Practice started, and it was brutal.

Sal had to be punishing him – though Rane wasn’t sure what slight he committed against the captain – because nothing Rane did was good enough. He wasn’t making good times, he wasn’t hitting hard enough, his drills were sloppy, his technique was bad. Even when he successfully scored, the ball hadn’t gone through the goal dead center, so it wasn’t good enough.

It came with heaps of verbal abuse, a few cuffs upside his head, and constant demands to do better and stop slacking off.

Though he really didn’t know what Sal was seeing wrong, and what was wrong was all petty, he tried harder. He did more. He didn’t buck Sal’s authority. He tried to live up to whatever standard he was chasing, even as he knew it was something he was destined to fail.

For whatever reason, Sal was angry, and he was taking that out on Rane. And Rane, for his part, didn’t have the desire to fight against him. It was easier to just go along with his impossible demands as practice continued.

“Hey!”

Sal flew towards him after another ball in goal that was off center. He came in hot, fist slamming full against his shoulder. Rane grunted and would have flown back if Sal hadn’t grabbed him by a chest strap and yanked him back.

“Get your head in the game!” Sal yelled through gritted teeth.

“Sorry,” Rane replied calmly.

Sal’s eyes narrowed. He spoke again, expression no less furious, but his tone quieter. “Where is Sandy, Rane?”

He blinked before answering truthfully, “I don’t know.”

Sal’s eyes widened. But he didn’t ask anything else. He shoved him back with a snapped, “Stop being so sloppy! Get it together or you’re running the stairs in the stadium!”

What?

Rane didn’t understand, but he couldn’t question anything, because they were starting the next drill, and he had to focus.

It was a familiar, easy play. One they’d drilled hundreds, if not thousands, of times. He knew it better than he knew the layout of his own house.

Maybe that’s why it was so easy for Tarou to sneak up behind him. That wasn’t where he was supposed to be, and Rane was so focused on playing his part, he didn’t notice the large male until his arm was around his neck, yanking and choking him as he jerked one of his arms back and up, straining the socket of his shoulder.

“Sloppy, Rane!” Sal snapped.

But Rane barely heard him, because Tarou was speaking right in his ear.

“Is Sandy with your mother?”

Rane stopped struggling. Sal was lecturing him, loudly and obviously, as he said quietly, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Tarou put a foot to his back and kicked him forward. When Rane turned back, Tarou was already flying away, going to regroup with the other two beaters.

Rane paused for only a moment before following Sal’s order to get back into formation. The next two plays went without issue – except, of course, Sal finding fault with everything he did. But Rane said nothing back to him and just continued to run drills.

Then, as he was flying the ball towards the goal, he was suddenly intercepted by Arus. The other catcher came up on him and snatched the ball from his hands. But in doing so, he caught their gauntlets on each other. They sparked and shocked along his arm, making him grimace as they fought against each other.

“Rane!” Sal snapped. “What are you doing?! Why aren’t you passing!?”

Rane pulled at their gauntlets, trying to get them apart. As he did, Arus asked-

“Is Sandy with Orza?”

Rane finally broke their gauntlets apart and replied evenly, “Yes.”

Arus pushed away from him, and they went right back to their drills.

The next one who approached him was Sal again. Rane threw the ball, but as he did, Zell ran into him from the side. Striking him right over the kidney, making pain burst all through his body, and upsetting his toss. As a result, the ball flew completely wide of the goal.

“Rane!” Sal shouted, his voice completely aggravated. “You missed! What is wrong with you!?”

Rane, groaning, stretched out his back. Gingerly touching the spot that Zell had struck. The pain was worse just because it was a sensitive location – kidney shots always hurt and, usually, in game, were considered a particularly harsh attack.

Then, Sal was there, shoving him in the chest. Snapping at him.

“You’re missing shots now?! Really?! The only thing we pay you to do is score.” He grabbed him with both hands by his chest belts, yanking him up to hiss right in his face. “Is Sandy safe?”

Rane blinked. “…No.”

Sal’s grip tightened. For just a moment.

Then, he shoved him back. Still snarling like he was angry.

“Back to work!”

Rane said nothing as he got into position. Sal kept being critical for the rest of practice, but the team stopped charging him down to ask questions.

By the time they called halt, he was tired and sore. He had to limp into the clinic to get healed up before returning to the locker room. He fully expected to be mobbed by the others, but to his surprise, when he walked in, none of the team was there. Kirs was. He had come to sit just inside the door, keeping an eye on him as he got changed.

Which Rane did without looking his way. He set his equipment back on their charging dock, got dressed, then approached the ratchi male, ready to leave.

Today, there was another charity event. The team had made it to the top five, which meant it was time to make another spectacle of themselves. Rane had to be there. If his mother kept him away, there would be questions.

When he wasn’t at practice, his days were rather boring. He returned to the manor and waited in his room for the next day. And that was it. Since his mother didn’t need to tarnish his name anymore, he never went out.

Instead, he laid in bed and wondered what Sandy was doing.

If she was safe.

If she was taken care of.

Where she even was.

Having something to do besides that should be a relief, but it was a just a burden. One he detested needing to fulfill.

But, at least, when it came to his charity work, it was money his mother was obliged to give up to maintain her public image. In a way, it was like it was being taken from her. He could only appreciate something like that.

And the underprivileged younglings of Levtiram could certainly put his credz to better use.

The rest of his team was already at the event hall when Kirs escorted him back in. He was wearing beige again, because his mother refused to let him out in the clothes Sandy picked for him. She couldn’t do anything about the tattoos on his head, but his head feathers were already starting to grow back in, ruining the effect.

He hated it. He no longer even felt like he was in his own body.

But his mother ordered him to let them grow back, so he did. His wardrobe changes earned some looks from everyone, especially his team. Like they were just as confused about the switch back as they had been by the first changes.

Even now, Sal and the others were staring at him as they waited at the front of the room with Elffa – because, of course, their team manager had to be there as well. His mother gave him a satisfied look as he took his place in the lineup with the others.

Rane didn’t really pay attention to her speech or the monetary amount she and the others were all making. He was incidental to these proceedings. A leashed beast told to pose. And he did it.

His mother finished talking and everyone applauded her. Rane wondered how long she was going to make him stay. He just wanted to go back.

When he slept, he dreamed of Sandy. Of her smile and her laugh. It was the only place he saw her anymore, so he longed to get back.

However, as the team broke up to mingle with the donors, someone let out an excited cry.

“ Tillo Rane!”

He blinked, focusing back on the presence as a familiar, young face and purple baby crest ran into his field of vision. For a moment, he didn’t know why he knew this little boy.

But it all came back to him with a rush of pain.

This was the youngling from the arcade. The one that had asked for his handprint. Back when he still had Sandy. When he still had hope.

“Carler?”

The boy’s dark eyes lit up. “You remembered me!”

There were his parents, approaching him with cautious smiles. Less uncertain of him today than they had been back then. What were they doing here?

“We made a donation!” Carler announced, puffing out his little chest proudly.

“You did?”

“Yeah!” He beamed. “ Monna says that these young don’t have as much as us, and it’s important that we share what we can with them. And then they said you’d be here, and I begged them to let me come! You’ve been playing so awesome! That game was amazing!”

The game?

Oh, right. Their last home game. He almost forgot about that. It seemed so long ago. But he promised to point to the boy’s section for his first goal. Had he done that?

Carler was eagerly talking. Explaining how excited he’d been to see Rane play in person. He even mentioned Rane pointing, so he must have. Though, that game was a blur, so he didn’t really remember doing so.

But Carler was so excited. Rane found himself smiling as he kneeled down so he could converse with the innocent boy face-to-face. All he wanted to talk about was the game. He had no demands of Rane. No threats. No unmet expectations. He was just happy.

“What happened to your crest?” He asked, cocking his head curiously.

“It’s just growing back,” Rane said, running his hand over the emerging pin feathers. They were hard and rigid and very unattractive, but he wasn’t really ashamed of them. Just sad.

“I know what pin feathers are,” Carler said with the exaggerated tone of a youngling mocking an adult. “I mean, why ? It looked so cool before!”

Rane blinked, startled. “You… liked it?”

“Yeah! I asked dad if I could do it to, but he said no.” He made another face, like it was the greatest annoyance that his father would forbid him from making such an extreme change to his appearance at a young age.

But Rane was more surprised that he wanted to emulate him at all. “You really liked my crest?”

“Yeah!” Carler beamed, laughing. “ Monna says I can do that style when I get older if I want.”

“Your monna is a nice lady,” Rane said.

“She’s the best. Not as awesome as you.”

Rane chuckled. “I bet your kappa would have something to say about that.”

The boy’s father chuckled as well, putting an arm around his mate, a loving look in his eyes. “She is the best in my eyes.”

Carler leaned forward to whisper, “ Monna and kappa say that I’m getting a little brother soon. I’m going to show him all your games.”

Rane smiled. “You have to let me know when he’s here. I’ll dedicate a goal to him too.”

Carler gasped excitedly, looking back at his parents, who smiled at him indulgently. Rane stood, inclining his head to them both respectfully.

“It’s good to see you again,” the female said. Her feathers were very pale brown. There was a simple sort of loveliness to her round face.

“Carler has been talking about nothing else,” her mate agreed, stroking his son’s crest. They both were of the same purple color, though, of course, the grown male had a full, proud crest that was half raised with his own excitement.

“I’m looking forward to seeing him again too,” Rane said, and it was true. There was just something so wonderful about this youngling and his innocent joy he shared with Rane.

Even now, as he watched the family walk away, there was joy mixed in with the aching jealousy he felt at their life. That could be him and Sandy and their son if things were different.

But he also adored that boy. He wanted to see him again.

Feeling eyes on him, he turned to find Sal standing just steps from him. Giving him a hooded look. Rane felt his face close off as that brief joy faded. Something that Sal didn’t miss as his captain’s eyes narrowed.

“I spoke with your mother,” he said simply.

Rane was unmoved. That was hardly a surprise.

“I asked her why I haven’t seen Sandy recently,” Sal continued. Before Rane could even wonder what lie his mother had given him, he continued. “She said that Sandy is ashamed to be your mate. That she wants nothing to do with you.”

Oh, now that hurt. Of all the lies his mother could have concocted, she chose that? Though, it did make sense. There was a preponderance of evidence for why Sandy deserved better all recorded for everyone to see on every corner of the subnet.

“That’s right,” Rane said, hating himself, but not fighting with the lie. “She is ashamed of me.”

Sal said nothing for a moment before approaching, putting a hand on his shoulder. Rane tensed, ready for another lecture. Maybe more derision. His mother had weaved her lies again, and Rane couldn’t even speak out his defense. Sal had never trusted in him before, he certainly wouldn’t now.

But all Sal did was pat his shoulder twice before letting go and walking off. Rane watched him go. Feeling so terribly alone in this world.